My Fake Friend

I remember that I had many true friends during primary and high school days. At that time I couldn't understand their love. Even though I ignored them completely. It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. One reason behind this was, I couldn't see my need for anyone at that time and I was lacking maturity. I was too absorbed in my family problems. Now I feel that it was a mistake.

In 11th standard I felt the need of good friend. I wanted to gain love and care which I think my parents never gave me. I can say, I had the thirst of love (still unquenchable). I remember that I was attracted to a classmate. His name was Bein. Whenever I saw him, my love fountain started to sprinkle. I felt that we had a friendship from many lives. I tried to make him my friend till 12th, but...

I remember the starting day of 11th standard. He and his friends abused me on a public road. Later he told me some slang words also. But I didn't care about that because I internally loved him and was spellbound by his charm. I had a faith in my heart that, one day he would become my best friend. By God's grace, day by day his behaviour changed and he became friendly towards me. One day he proclaimed, "You're my best friend." The pleasure of that time I can't express in words. I thanked God many times for giving me this friend. I was studying in science stream, but the whole day I thought about him. I always pondered how I could reduce the distance between us. If I was on a road, I wished that he would meet me and we would exchange a smile. During the night I would wish that, in an embracing position, we could sleep together without any clothes on our body and enjoy sex! I wished that he would kiss me the whole night until I became wet! I wanted to see him naked and discover what types of briefs that he wore! I wanted to take bathe with him and rinse each other's body! I wished that we could cut each other's public hair!!! I wished that we would enjoy life till the last breath of our life! I never wanted to part with him. But it never became true. I hadn't enough courage to propose to him to live with each other. I thought that God might communicate my thoughts to him and he would offer the same to me one day. But according to my knowledge, he was not completely homosexual. He was interested in girls and their breasts only. When he was talking to our female classmates, he tried to ignore me. If a girl smiled towards him, he forgot about me completely.

During the chemistry practicals, he came near me sometimes. I felt that because our intimacy, he came. Actually it was my wrong belief. He came near me because my neighbour in practical was an attractive girl and by using me, he flirted with her. As I learned this, I became really disappointed. He had another close friend also. He loved him greater than me. They met at each other's home and also enjoyed parties at their homes, but he never invited me to his house. Sometime I felt that he was playing with my sentiments. However I couldn't see anything except him. When the teacher studied us, I always stared at him to get a smile. But he never cared about me. I couldn't concentrate in my study. My whole mind obsessed about him day and night. I watched myself with him in dreams for twenty four hours.

I prayed; "God, please give me one chance to prove myself that I am his true friend," but it never happened. I always imagined that he met with an accident and that he had to deal with scoundrels with whom the accident happened. Then they tried to thrash my friend. But at the time that I reached him, we both thrashed those scoundrels and our love increased.

In annual exam, I failed in all the subjects. I desired that I get a good percentage and we would get admission in the same college and hostels. Then we would thoroughly enjoy our life. As I failed, I tried to forget him. By God's grace I succeeded.

I am still seeking a person who loves me, who cares about me and who never will desert me. I am twenty five years old, so has maturity come, but my hunger of love is not satisfied. If one loves me then I promise to pass my whole life with him. I'm not interested in age. It may be twenty or sixty years. My sole interest is indescribable love. I desire to attain the love which I fear I will never get and also give love to my companion.

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My dear readers, it is fact, not fiction. Each sentence is real. After twelfths result, my health became unsteady. I vomited every fifteen days. I went to all the abdominal doctors, but in vain. Then I contacted a psychiatrist. At my astonishment, I was suffering from severe depression as was the doctor's belief. I had the habit of masturbating at least ten times in a day and I cried so many days, both of which were my two clear symptoms. My treatment is still going on and I am living a good life.

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I'm always thankful to meathead96 for editing it