My Hermaphrodite BossbyMetamorphose©
"She's smoking hot."
"You're a perv." I said.
"Did you even look at her? I mean really look at her?" Jim stretched the R in really. His face had that grin which made him look like Odie on weed. "She's a goddess. She looks like Jasmine Bleeth on a hot Babe Watch episode."
"You're nuts. She's almost seven feet tall, ogre size." I said.
"So, she's a huge Jasmine Bleeth, even better. Them curves. It's like, wow. Have you seen her front? Yesterday I showed her the version-control database. She, like, stood behind me and she bent each time to take a peek at the screen. The lady doesn't know what a bra is."
"She probably should."
Jim lifted his hands to heaven, though I sure hope god wasn't listening. "No she's not, man. Those huge melons defy gravity. It's like a sweet miracle. That woman's a wet dream come true."
"She's not a woman." I said.
"She's more woman than any woman I ever saw."
I picked up the phone, hoping Jim would get the message that some people actually work in here. He didn't.
"You know when they laid off Old Chin and said a woman is coming in his stead. I figured its bye, bye good times. I mean, a group manager and a woman, she must be some tough bitch. I even started looking at my CV. But man, I tell you. We are truly blessed. I would love to work under that woman."
"You'd be squashed."
"Amen to that brother, at least I'll die happy." Jim licked the air. "Yummy." He said.
I looked around. We were the only souls in the room. "She's got a penis, Jim." I said.
"A cock, Jim. A pecker, a Johnson, a trouser snake, a dick. She's a hermaphrodite."
"You're a fucking racist." Jim said.
"Don't tell me it doesn't bother you."
Jim waved his hand in dismissal. "So she's packing some extra equipment. Who cares? She got all the right stuff, super size at no extra charge."
"You're a perv." I said. "Diana saw her yesterday by mistake, in the ladies room. She had her back turned, taking a leak like a man does. And still she could see it peeping from between her legs. The woman is hung like a horse."
"You mean - Diana – like I'm saving myself for my husband – Diana? She's a virgin, man. She can't tell if a penis is big or not. On what is she gonna base her comparison?"
"Who gives a fuck anyways?" I said. "She's the boss. The only thing I care about is whether she's gonna stand for Chin's promise and give me the raise at the evaluation today."
"Today?" Jim looked confused. "She cancelled all the annual evaluation meetings."
"Fuck. She did?"
"Sure, didn't you get the email? She said she wanted to know us better than two weeks. Diana rescheduled everyone."
"Strange." I said as I scrolled through my outlook inbox. "Mine is still on. Maybe I'm not on her list or something." I picked up the phone. "Hi, Diana, it's Ian. I heard you rescheduled everyone's evaluation meetings with the new boss. You forgot me."
"No I didn't. She specifically said she wants to see you."
"What for?" I said. "Is it still going to be an evaluation meeting?"
"I have no idea. And please be on time, she got a perk about being late."
"I will. Thanks."
"Oh you brown nosing, son of a bitch." Jim smirked. "The boss' pet."
"I swear the first time I talked to her was yesterday morning when we bumped into each other on the elevator."
"What did she say?"
"Ah well, good morning."
"Yep, she smiled and she actually seemed like a very nice person."
"I bet ya she's a wild cat in bed."
"You're a fucking hopeless pervert."
Three minutes before the meeting my phone rang. Remembering Diana's warning about the new boss' meticulous nature I hesitated before answering.
"Hello, Ian, It's Jasmine."
My new boss. I cursed silently. "Oh. Hi. I was just on my way to your office."
"Great, I'm really looking forward to see you. I just wanted to ask you to bring your laptop so you can show me the Multiring-MK5 project. Oh, and be a dear and bring with you a cup of cherry herbal tea. I think I saw some in the kitchen."
What the fuck? I have a degree in computer science. I'm not her fucking secretary. "Sugar?" I asked.
I was fuming when I reached her office. Was that her way of showing me who's the boss? Cool down. I told myself. She's new and she's different and probably insecure. Let her play her silly mind games. Once she knows me, she'll see I'm open-minded. I don't give a rats' ass if my boss is a woman or gay or a hermaphrodite or a fucking turtle with wings as long as he's/she's a professional.
Diana put on a smug smile when she saw me with the cup. We actually dated a couple of times until I found out about her "no sex till marriage" policy. After that we weren't on the best of terms. Not that she said anything but I always felt like she was keeping a grudge.
"She's on the phone. Wait here."
"Ok." I pulled out my laptop pretending to be busy though I was too anxious to do any real work.
"Still on the phone?" I asked after fifteen minutes.
"Yep." Diana smiled.
"Maybe I should go and you'll call me when she's done?"
"No, she wouldn't like that. Stay."
I waited for another fifteen minutes. "Maybe she forgot?"
"She didn't, believe me."
"Ok, that's ridiculous." I rose up. "I'll go back to my cubicle, I have tons of work that needs doing. Call me when she's done, I'll be here in three seconds."
At that moment the door opened and my new boss came out. "Hi, Ian." She smiled. "I'm really sorry I've kept you waiting. Just one of those calls, you know."
What the fuck? Another mind game meant to assert supremacy?
"That's ok, but your tea is cold."
She gave me a warm smile. "Never mind that."
So it was nothing about being thirsty and everything about making me feel small.
"If you don't mind we'll make this meeting in the balcony. I need some fresh air." She smiled again. It was a good smile. It put me a little at ease.
"Cool, that's great."
She actually had to bend in order to get through the door. I wondered why someone so tall would need high heels. Probably to emphasize just how great her legs looked in her skirt. She wore a dark navy colored suit that smelled of professionalism but I had to admit she was a looker. Not Jasmine Bleeth, but she came close. She was slim in the right places and she had what it takes to make a man smile in all the other places. If someday someone manages to invent a shrinking machine and take something like 20 percent off her, she could easily become a successful model. Not my type though. I'm five-feet-ten and I'm pretty slim. Years of working out in the gym have made me fit but never had the desired effect of building me some big shoulder muscles. At twenty-nine I still look like I'm seventeen. So I date petite woman. I like the feeling of, well, being the big strong man.
"Wow, I've been with the company for two weeks but I'm still amazed every time when I get out here." She was leaning over the balcony. Her position and the tight skirt left little to imagination concerning her pear-shaped ass. At some point, she unclasped her shiny raven black hair, letting it free in the soft wind. I had to agree with Jim. She was a goddess.
"Yep, that's the office's best feature. We're the only floor in the building with a balcony. We've got an open view all the way to the river. I would be taking my lunch here everyday if the smokers didn't claim this place."
She locked the balcony door to the office. "So we won't be disturbed." She smiled. "I hate smokers too. I think I'm going to rule this place as a non-smoking zone. I'll pass a memo today."
"You'll have mutiny." I laughed. "Or at least it won't make you very popular."
"I think I will anyway." She said. "I'm used to being unpopular."
I bet you are. I sat down on one of the couches, figuring she'll take the opposite sit. To my surprise she chose to put her shapely behind beside me. It only emphasized just how much taller than me she was. Each time she moved, her smell came to my nostrils. She put on something feminine, faint, but it had a nice presence.
"So this is going to be an evaluation?" I edged a little away from her. Pretending I wanted to rest my arm on the armrest.
"Yes and no. Last week I've managed to sit down with almost all the rest of the team leaders. An introduction conversation sort of thing."
"Oh, I was on the east coast. Deployment week at ECI."
"I know. Wow, it sure is hot in here." She took off her jacket. Underneath she had a white blouse with a low neckline. She opened the top button, took a company brochure from the table and used it as a makeshift fan. I simply couldn't resist and sneaked a peek at her cleavage. She didn't wear a bra. Her boobs, or the parts visible, were indeed a wet dream. Like a huge pair of melons. They looked firm and didn't sag an inch. Gravitational miracles, just like Jim claimed. She had a purple rose tattooed between the fellow mounds. I was mesmerized and forgot I shouldn't linger. I raised my eyes in alarm and, holy crap, she caught me. She was looking down on me with a smile. Fuck! What an idiot, there goes my raise. I blushed like a teenager.
"So, Ian. I heard good things about you," she said. "The client is very pleased with the Multiring-MK5 project."
"He should." I breathed out, thinking I was on safe ground again. "No false modesty. Three years ago I took a bad team and a project that was stuck way behind schedule. Not only had we managed to catch up with the Gantt. We also included an algorithm in the mathematical engine that improves performance by 60 percent. And I didn't skimp on quality. We used agile XP methodology, almost 100 percent unit test coverage, full UML documentation. You can check it out. None of the other projects in this firm can boast anything close to that."
"Yes, well, very impressive." She said though I could clearly see she didn't have a clue if it was. "We actually gave your project documentation as an example for a prospective client last week as a high-quality project sample."
"Great, so you know I'm not just bragging. If you don't mind, this raises an issue which I would like to discuss."
"Well, Chin, before he left, promised I'd get a 20 percent raise by July. Well, if I could save the project schedule. Which I did. Big time."
"Do you have that on paper?"
"It was a verbal agreement. Maybe we can contact Chin?"
"No need for that." She smiled that warm smile again. "I believe you. But there is a problem."
Oh-oh, there goes my raise, I knew I shouldn't have peeked at her bobs. "A problem?"
"The client is suffering like everyone due to the recession. He's having difficulties in Europe and the firm decided last week that a software project is too much of a luxury."
"They're shutting us down?" My voice was trembling. "All the work we have done, they're crazy. What a waste."
"No they'll take what we've done so far and sell it as it is. They'll simply cancel stages three and four of the project. They'll keep just one programmer for maintenance."
"Wow." I said. "What about my team?"
"We'll try to find other projects you might be assigned to, though most of you will have to go home. It's tough times for our company too, Ian."
"Wait, what do you mean by most of us? I'll be the maintenance guy, right? That's my project, my baby. I know every line of code there."
She let down the brochure. "Nope, Alison will do maintenance."
"Alison? I mean she's smart and a good programmer. But she's fresh from the university, she doesn't have the experience."
"She also costs half as much as you do. We would have preferred you, but the client simply won't pay that much."
"Ow." I said. I knew the meaning of a being sacked during recession. Been there last time, bought the fucking T-shirt. I'll do anything to avoid that again. "Wow. That sucks." I said. "Any chance for me to settle into any of the other projects?"
She sighed "As a project manager, none. As a regular programmer, slim."
"We're talking regular programmer salary, right?" I asked.
"I'm afraid so." She said. "We're gonna make some major cuts by the end of this month. Everyone will be holding onto their assets. That's not a good time for project relocation."
"I'll take whatever you have." I hung my head and rested it on my palms. "Shit, and here I was talking about a raise a moment ago. Wow."
She put a comforting arm around my shoulder. Somehow it felt alright. "Are you OK?" There was real concern in her voice. When she leaned forward I felt her breast brush my shoulder.
"Yeh. Sure. I'm a big boy. I'll go tell the guys now if you don't mind. The sooner they know the better." I tried to get up but she didn't let go. That woman was far stronger than I.
"Hold on a minute, we're not done yet." She said.
Ok lady, I appreciate your concern, but that's weird. Let go. I turned my head and there she was looking down on me with huge green eyes, full of sympathy. Her face was far too close to mine. She touched my temple with her free hand's fingertips, then she moved her fingers slowly across my cheek. Once. Twice. I pulled back. Hoping she wouldn't be offended. "Sorry?" I said.
"There is an option you might consider." Nothing in her voice hinted she was offended or that she considered what had just happened and my response as being odd. "I need a programmer for my personal staff. His job will be to take care of office utilities, for myself, the CFO and our mutual staff."
"What kind of a job is that?"
"Installing new programs, running our batch jobs, writing small programs for database queries, manage new and damaged equipment. We let the IT do it today but there is tons of work and they are always too busy or pretend to be."
"Sounds like an IT kind of job. I'm way over qualified for that." Why wasn't she taking her arm off my shoulder?
"I know. You'll only need to do it part time. I do have some extra budget for R&D and I mean real research, not Google browsing."
"We're always researching to improve our infrastructure algorithms."
"That doesn't sound so bad:"
"That's a mathematician job, so you get to keep your salary and you'll have your own office, instead of a cubicle."
The terrible feeling in my stomach dissolved. "Sounds brilliant."
"You'll take Nasrin's office, the one next to mine. She'll be moving to the east coast branch."
"Oh, I'd rather stay on the same floor with the development teams. Even if it means a cubicle instead of an office."
"That's not an option, really." Her voice became stern.
"Oh." I said. Lady, take your hand off.
"Of course you are not the only one we're considering for this job. It all depends on your willingness to perform some special tasks and your aptitude."
"What special tasks?"
"It's complicated. But I'm certain you're up to it." She rubbed my shoulder and smiled again. "The job includes lots of details which I don't have the time to go through right now." She looked at her watch. "I have a board meeting in ten minutes."
I rose up from the couch. I think she tried to grab me and then reconsidered. Maybe I was imagining things. "Ok, so when will be a good time?"
"As soon as possible. After the meeting I'm off to see a client and won't be coming back to the office."
"So, tomorrow morning?"
She looked at her palm pilot and typed a little. "I'd rather we do it today. Can you come by my house, say like nine o'clock?"
Things started to look too weird for my taste. Her place? Was she trying to seduce me? What would a seven-foot tall hermaphrodite want with me, anyway? This doesn't make any sense. On the other hand her behavior, the way she put her hand on me. Any girl that would touch me like that, I'd say she wants me. But she wasn't a girl, was she? Maybe she was just overly friendly and I was misinterpreting things? Maybe that's just how all of her kind behave.
"Won't you prefer the office tomorrow? I mean, nine p.m.? Would that be convenient for you?" I said.
She laughed. "Sure, I do it all the time, I'm a workaholic."
"But in your own house?"
"There's a nice quiet place on my street called Marsha's. We can sit there and also grab something to bite."
Ok, that sounded less suspicious. She wouldn't do anything in public. "Fine by me."
"Great, I'm looking forward to seeing you. Be there on time. You know, this can be an excellent opportunity for you if you play your cards right."
I was more at ease that night when I stood by her door, a penthouse in one of the richest parts of town. I had to cancel a date with Sue, my girlfriend. We quarreled because of it so I've told her everything that happened in the office, leaving out the embarrassing details. I Googled all through the afternoon searching data about hermaphrodites. There wasn't much. Thirty six years ago an introduction of a new drug called Venatritol was supposed to herald a new era of safe pregnancy. It was supposed to be a wonder drug that would solve blood pressure, urine protein and pregnancy toxemia. It actually did. However when the first babies were born with both male and female genitalia it was already too late. Almost ten thousand Venatritol hermaphrodites were conceived. They all had two complete sets of reproductive organs. They all looked feminine and were very tall and strong. They formed a race of their own. Wikipedia stated they were a tight group that kept mostly to themselves. They weren't attracted to either males or females and usually chose to take mates amongst themselves. One in three kids born to hermaphrodite couple would be a hermaphrodite himself. The other two would be regular female girls, albeit much taller and stronger than the average girl. It made my mind at ease because apparently Jasmine wasn't attracted to me. She just reacted to my obvious distress when I heard the bad news.
I rang the bell.
The door opened but no one stood on the doorstep. Creepy. "Come in." Said a voice from the intercom. It was one of those automatic doors that opened with a remote. I entered one of the yuppiest apartments I've ever seen. Jasmine must be a slave to interior decorators. She had an original Susan Rothenberg on the wall.
"I'll be right with you, I'm just drying my hair." She said from somewhere beyond the living room. "Take anything you like from the bar. There's beer in the refrigerator if you don't find anything you like."
Of course she had a bar. She was right though, I'm a beer kind of guy. I sat there on one of the black couches that must have cost something around two of my salaries. I had a beer in my hand and a warm feeling in my gut. So that's how rich people lived. I wouldn't mind a slice of that cake.
"Anything you like?"
I turned around and the warm feeling went out of the window along with my feeling of ease. "S... Sorry, I didn't know you weren't dressed yet." I quickly lowered my eyes to the green carpet. She wore a blue satin baby doll nightgown and panties. With her long shapely legs and tremendous jugs she looked like a commercial for Jessica Rabbit. I felt her sit beside me on the couch. "Hi Ian, glad you made it on time."
I raised my head, if she didn't care, why should I care? She wore that same warm smile she had in the office. There was excitement in her eyes, expectation. Her lovely chest rose slowly, the dark nipples were clearly visible through the gown's thin material.
"Aren't you going to get dressed?" My voice came out strange through my dry throat.
"You wanted to have dinner, no? Marsha's or something like that."
"Oh, I've already eaten."
"Though, I wouldn't mind having dessert." She slowly tasted her upper lip with her tongue.