My Hot Pretend Girlfriend

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Unfortunately, the same bullies as before started to pick more and more holes in my story. Why did she never seem to call or even text me? Why do all the photos I have of her seem to be taken on the same day? Why were there no photos of us together? And the big burning question that was on everybody's lips, even those that were too nice to say it, how on earth did I manage to land a girl so clearly out of my league? I also didn't help matters by making a major gaff. When talking about the pool photo, I accidently let slip that it was my uncle's pool she was getting out of. This was immediately jumped upon by the interrogating hordes. What was my girlfriend doing in my uncle's pool? Had I already introduced her to my family after we had only been dating a few weeks?

This all just added up as way too suspicious for a bunch of people who were probably looking for the opportunity to discredit my story anyway, so they could go back to calling me Shrinkwrap. After all, someone in the dorm was going to be the butt of jokes. If it wasn't me anymore it would be someone else, and I think several people secretly worried it would be them. Eventually someone suggested that I probably just downloaded the pictures off the internet or something and, as I couldn't provide any evidence to the contrary, this was widely accepted as the truth.

I was back to square one. No, actually it was worse than that. Before I was just a guy who never got laid, now I was a guy who never got laid and went to great lengths to invent himself a girlfriend, which was significantly more humiliating. Even the people I thought of as friends, who never really cared that I never got laid, started to join in on the jokes at that point. I didn't want to admit that my girlfriend was fictional, but whenever I mentioned her I was met with a chorus of disbelief and ridicule, so instead I decided to just stop talking about her and hope that, over time, people would forget about the whole thing. It was about that time that I received a surprise message from Holly on Facebook.

Hi Steven. Hope you get this message I don't know how often you check facebook. Did the pictures work? Holly xx

I sighed. Holly never usually messaged me and under any other circumstances I would have been happy to hear from her. But I really didn't want to have to tell her what had happened, I didn't want her know that all our drama had all been for nothing. On the other hand, I really didn't want to lie to her again either, that's what got me in trouble last time. I decided to be honest, but succinct, not going into too much detail.

Not really, they still don't believe me. Apparently you're 'out of my league'. Thanks for letting me try though.

I hoped she wouldn't pursue the matter any further, but unfortunately when I checked the following morning she had replied again, this time with a longer message.

Oh dear I'm really sorry to hear that. I realized after you had gone that we should have taken a picture with both of us together I bet that would have helped. I just looked to see if I could find one of us from another time but the only one I have is from thanksgiving two years ago and you have changed a lot since then. Sorry about that if there is anything else I can do to help then let me know. Holly xx

I decided not to reply. I wasn't mad at Holly, of course I wasn't, how could I be? If anything it was slightly annoying how cool and sympathetic she was being about the whole thing. As a kid I had always hoped that once we were both adults, Holly and I could be friends. But it was obvious that she still just saw me as her little cousin that needed mothering and looking after. If she wasn't my cousin I was sure that she wouldn't even give me the time of day. Girls like that never did, they were way out of my league.

Over the next couple of weeks I retreated into my shell a lot. I stopped socialising with my dorm buddies so much and threw myself into my classes instead. Working hard helped me take my mind off everything else as well as allowing me to catch up on a lot of the academic stuff that I had neglected over the rest of the year. It also made me feel a bit better about myself, as I was more comfortable in the world of math, history and chemistry than I was in the mysterious world of college socialising. I didn't want to go back to being a geek, but I started to miss the time when I had hobbies to immerse myself in. Life was much simpler when my biggest dilemma was which weapon to take into the dungeon with my level 23 Halfling Thief.

Hence I was largely uninspired when the news came that got nearly everyone else on the dorm excited. The biggest fraternity on campus, Phi-Alpha-Xi, were hosting a massive party at the end of trimester and everyone from our dorm was invited! Well, I say 'invited', the tickets cost $20 and I suspected the true motive for the mass 'invites' was to get plenty of freshman girls along for the frat boys to prey on. But they were making plenty of effort, hiring a huge marquee and a band, and they were expecting several hundred students to attend. It was also a black tie event which, of course, got the girls giddy with excitement and the boys grumbling about the cost of having to rent a tux.

I decided pretty early on that I wasn't going to go. I didn't really have an excuse not to, as all my exams would be finished by then and I had enough money left to pay for my ticket and outfit. It's just that I was losing interest in parties and I didn't want to spend a whole night with guys coming up to me saying "hey Shrinkwrap did you bring your girlfriend?" Still, with most of the dorm discussing the party, at least it meant I could fly under the radar and continue my new routine of sleeping, studying and playing video games without being harassed too much.

Then suddenly, out of the blue, I received a phone call which turned everything upside-down.

"Hello?"

"Hi Steven, it's me, Holly."

"Holly?"

"Yes! Sorry, I hope you don't mind, I got your number from your mum."

"Oh I see. How are you?"

"I'm fine thanks, although studying is such a drag. I wish I was smart like you."

"Well I wish I was popular like you. Want to swap some time?" I said, laughing.

"Yes sure, providing it's around exam time," she replied, also laughing

"So what's up?" I said, wondering why Holly had gone to the trouble of getting my number.

"Well nothing much," she admitted. "It's just my college finishes a week earlier than yours, and my summer holiday plans have fallen through, so I was wondering if I could come up and see you?"

"Yes that would be great," I said. "My exams will have finished, and I don't really have anything else planned."

"Excellent, it's settled then!"

"There's not much to do up here though I'm afraid. I mean there's good shopping and a few museums I suppose..."

"Oh come on, there must be a bunch of end of year parties and stuff. Don't tell me you don't have those."

"Well sure," I said. "I just didn't think you would really be interested in spending a night with a bunch of college kids."

"Hey, I'm still a college kid remember!" she said with mock indignation. "Well, I am for another three weeks anyway. Surely I deserve one last college party before I get packed off to the scary adult world."

"Well okay, if that's what you want to do," I said, not admitting that it wasn't really what I wanted to do.

"Besides, I want to meet your friends," she said.

When she said that, something clicked inside my brain. If Holly came here and met my friends then everyone would recognize her from the photos I had shown, completely proving beyond doubt that my 'girlfriend' was in fact just random pictures of my cousin. Surely she must realize that? Come to think of it, why did Holly want to come and see me at college at all? I could just about buy that she wanted to spend some time with me, but why not just wait a week until I came back home? I knew I wasn't a very good liar, but it seemed Holly wasn't that great either.

"Why do you really want to come here Holly?" I said, hoping to break whatever unspoken game we had been playing until this point.

There was a long pause from the other end of the line. "I want to help you Steven."

"Help me?" I said. "But if you come here everyone will recognize you and know that I..."

"Yes I know," she interrupted. Her voice was different now, more serious and on edge. "When I come I... thought you could introduce me as your girlfriend."

I fell silent for several seconds as the full implication of what Holly was proposing hit me. She was going to come up here as the living, breathing embodiment of the girl in the pictures. Not my hot cousin Holly, but as my hot girlfriend Holly. For some reason she must feel bad about what had happened with the photos and wanted to somehow 'put it right'. Maybe she still remembered when we were younger and she would try and fix all my problems. But that was a long time ago now, it wasn't her job to put things right.

"Look Holly, you have no idea how much I appreciate the offer, but you really don't have to do this."

"I know I don't have to, I want to," she replied. "And besides, I like parties. You go to a bigger college than me; I bet you have some awesome ones."

"Well there is a frat party in the last week of term that everyone is going to..." I said, still doubtful.

"I love frat parties," she said. "I promise, I'm not just doing this for you, I'll have fun too!"

"You'll have fun going as the girlfriend of the biggest loser at the party?"

"You're not a loser Steven!" she said, almost angrily. "Sure you've done some stupid things and... okay I'll admit you're a bit goofy, but you're not a loser. You're smart, you're nice, you're, er... not too offensive to look at," she said, successfully navigating her way out of the awkward verbal cul-de-sac she had wandered into.

"Well the people here think I'm a loser."

"Fuck them!" said Holly, building up a head of steam. "You've got three more years of college and I'm determined you're going to enjoy them; starting with this frat party. I'm going to show you a really good time!"

It felt a bit weird Holly doing this massive favor for me, so I insisted that I pay for her train, her ticket to the party, all her drinks and also a new dress for the occasion, whatever she wanted. She was more than happy to agree to my 'terms'. I was so psyched I immediately dropped what I was doing and went and purchased two tickets for the party. It was still a few weeks away yet and I had a whole bunch of other stuff to think about in the meantime, like coursework and exams and choosing a major. But Holly's phone call and amazing offer had put me firmly on Cloud Nine. The thought of introducing Holly as my girlfriend to anybody was exciting enough, but it would be doubly-amazing introducing her to the guys that had teased me so mercilessly for the last few weeks. I couldn't wait to watch their jaws hit the floor when they would be forced to conclude that not only had I been telling the truth, but my girl was gorgeous!

Things got a lot better for me in the next couple of weeks. I didn't let on about Holly's visit, but most people were preoccupied with exams and other end-of-year activities and so had less time to go out of their way to torment me. And, when it did happen, the teasing didn't bother me so much now anyway. It's amazing what the impending prospect of payback can do for your tolerance of such things. Part of me wanted to tell them that Holly was coming to the party just to shut them up completely, but in the back of my mind I was worried that she would cancel at the last minute and I would be left looking like an idiot. Besides, revenge would be all the more sweet if it came completely out of the blue.

_______

The next few weeks went by in a blur. I crammed hard for my exams, making up for an entire year of skiving off and skipping lectures. Fortunately I did well enough to pass all my classes with a bit to spare. Not the straight-As I was used to getting at school, and I certainly wasn't making the honor-roll any time soon, but I did well enough that I didn't need to come back over the summer. This meant I wouldn't get any grief from my parents and I could look forward to next year a bit more. After the exams were over, you could feel the collective stress of thirty thousand students suddenly lift from all over campus. Students that had been walking around for the last month with concerned frowns, now walked around with broad smiles. Instead of lugging textbooks around, people walked with a spring in their step. Some students (mostly studious ones or those short of money) went home, but most stayed around for the week of partying and relaxing that was to follow.

By the time the day of the party came around, all the students in our dorm were extremely excited. Everyone had gone out and bought or rented an outfit, and there was a fair bit of 'dorm drama' as people tried to get dates at the last minute. Some of you who have been to college may be reading this wondering why we were making such a big deal out of what was essentially just a trumped-up frat party. You have a good point, but what you have to remember is that our dorm was full of freshmen who were used to having a prom at the end of the school year. And dressing up in formal clothes and going to a big party like this felt just like a prom -- our freshman prom! Except it would be better that our high-school proms because this time there would be no teachers checking that nobody was drinking alcohol and no curfews and no parents picking us up at half past twelve on the dot. In fact, nobody would even know if we didn't go back to our own bed at all! In short, it would be like a prom only without all the sucky bits!

The atmosphere in the dorm was great that day. The RA was strangely absent, and the guys were running around, high-fiving each other and handing out beers. The girls were giggling and whispering to each other and constantly going in and out of each other's rooms to see their respective dresses. Even the guys who usually bullied me were mostly being nice. At one point a particularly nasty guy called Jay, who had been one of my main tormentors all trimester, started asking me if my girlfriend was coming to the party. But before he could even finish the sentence he was interrupted by Dale, who told him to shut the hell up as he was ruining the vibe. Dale was two hundred and seventy pounds, impossibly hairy and had the IQ of ketchup. But he was a backup guard on the football team and therefore the de facto coolest person in the dorm.

Jay shut the hell up.

I had butterflies along with everybody else, although for a different reason. Every five minutes I was checking my phone or my email, waiting to hear from Holly. Eventually she sent me a message letting me know she was on the train and it became clear she was actually coming and wasn't going to back out. It finally hit home that this was actually happening! I was so nervous that I left campus half an hour earlier than I needed to in order to pick her up. This left me plenty of time just sitting in my car at the station, alone with my thoughts. I started running through everything that might happen that night, mostly dwelling on the things that could go wrong.

Eventually, when I was nearly sick with anticipation, I saw Holly walking out of the station. She was wearing a tank top, a pair of thigh-length shorts and sunglasses and carried a large bag over her shoulder. Her hair was tied back in a neat pony tail. This was a slight anti-climax for me as, for some reason, I had imagined her sweeping out of the station all made up in her evening wear, but I quickly realized the absurdity of that. Obviously she would bring her clothes and makeup with her and get ready later. It didn't really matter anyway. Even in casual summer clothes and with no make-up on, Holly was more attractive than 90% of women on their best day. Her long legs were tanned and toned and made her look taller than she actually was. Her calm and confident expression exuded a balance of authority and mystery that men found irresistible. For a few seconds I almost forgot she was my cousin and just admired her for the perfect physical specimen that she was. Then I remembered who she was and why she was there and felt momentarily embarrassed for thinking about my cousin that way. I got out of my car and called over to Holly. She looked up and saw me and gave me a broad smile.

"Steven!" she said and gave me a warm hug. I did the gentlemanly thing and took her bag while she got in the car. We exchanged the usual pleasantries; she asked me how my exams had gone and I asked her the same and also how her trip had been. Then we talked about the nice weather and how my mum and dad and Uncle Frank and Auntie Sheena were getting on; basically anything except the reason that had bought her here. It's like we were playing a game of verbal chicken, with neither of us wanting to be the first to bring up the topic of our strange boyfriend/girlfriend arrangement. It was Holly who eventually cracked.

"So what have you told people about me?" she said.

"Not a lot, why?"

"Well if you want people to believe I'm your girlfriend, we'll need to have a consistent story. If I say my name is Charlotte, but you've told people my name is Leila or whatever then they're going to suspect something is up"

"Yes, you're right, I hadn't even thought of that," I said, thankful for Holly's forward thinking. "I haven't said much, just that your name is Holly, you're a sophomore at college, you're into sports and we met in a bar back home."

Holly laughed. "Is that the best you could do? No wonder nobody believed you! Let's fill in the details, we'll say I'm a math major and I'm on the athletics and field hockey teams. And our first date was a picnic in the woods and..." Holly stopped talking because I had started to laugh.

"A math major? I thought you hated math. And why can't you just tell the truth, that you're on the swim team and you're a psychology major?"

"Because it's fun! If I'm going to pretend to be your girlfriend, I should get to pretend to be other things too," said Holly, playfully teasing me. "Can I be president of my college's amateur dramatics society?"

"Sure, if you like. I'll tell everyone you were an amazing Titania"

"Who?"

"You know, in Midsummer Night's Dream?

"Never seen it."

And so the conversation continued, all the way back to college. We discussed Holly's fake family and fake background and everything about our fake relationship. We even made up a few amusing anecdotes that we could share at appropriate points. It was a great ice-breaker and made me feel much more relaxed about the whole thing. I guessed this was Holly's way of dealing with the upcoming night -- treating it as a kind of game. By the end of the half-hour drive I felt I knew so much about fake Holly that it was almost like I did have a girlfriend.

I parked the car and took Holly in the back door. Not that I particularly minded if anybody saw us at this point, but I thought it would be a greater spectacle if I introduced her to everybody at once. I took her to my room and we just sat there chatting for a while, drinking a couple of beers that I had. I told her about everything that had happened since the pool party and she listened sympathetically. Slowly the beers helped me relax and we moved onto other topics and before we knew it an hour had passed. The party was starting in two hours and we hadn't even started getting ready, so I went and took a shower while Holly unpacked her bags. When I got back, Holly decided that she would take a shower too, so once again I was alone with my thoughts. Everything was going perfectly so far. There wasn't much noise coming from the dorm as most people were back in their rooms getting ready. Occasionally I would hear phrases like "Has anybody got an iron?" or "Is anyone good at sewing buttons?" exchanged back and forth down the corridor.