My Lord My Prince Ch. 02

He was not in the front room where he usually liked to relax. This worried Hammand some more. He stepped into the bedchamber itself and saw the huge man immediately at the desk on the far end of the room. Asgar was hunched over it, a strange position. Like...like he was unhappy or something.

All his euphoria about the day disappeared in an instant and he went closer to his friend. He was unsure what to do; he had never seen Asgar this way before.

"Asgar..." he began tentatively "Are you okay?"

Asgar looked up slowly in surprise, his eyes dark and extremely sad. "You're back. I thought you wouldn't be in for a while..."

"You're sad... what happened? Did something happen... did I do something wrong? I had thought today went so well but..."

No answer.

"Asgar, tell me... please."

"I'm sorry Ham, its just... being with your family made me feel like I'm missing something," he said sadly looking at his hands. "It hit me hard... I mean if I at least had my memories I would have that, you know. But to not even have a little, to have nothing to hold on to, nothing to remember. All I keep getting are little flashes, nothing tangible. I have nothing Ham... nothing at all," he choked, bending over and pressing his face into his hands.

Hammand moved at once, standing in front of him and pulling his head up so it rested on his chest. Thankfully as Asgar was seated this was not difficult to do. The big man crumbled into tears as he breathed in Ham's scent, gripping the small man tight for comfort.

The prince rubbed Asgar's back and hair gently as he was racked with sobs, soothing him as best he could and whispering that he had him, he could be his family, he was here for him. His small hands felt so inadequate on the broad back, he didn't feel like he could do enough despite that he was rubbing as hard as he could. He rubbed his cheek against Asgar's hair, wishing he could absorb some of the sorrow.

He had no idea how much he soothed Asgar, just having him to lean on, to hold him, to listen to him, to help him let go and cry it all out. He had held on to the ache for so long and each day it had gotten worse and worse. Today was just the height and he was thankful Hammand was here for him. He knew he was not alone; Ham was right, he had him.

"I've got all of the advisers researching you, Asgar. Soon we will have something. I'm sure of it, it might take sometime without any leads but I'm sure they will be able to trace something in time... Please be patient. Don't be sad. I'll try and make you happy here, I promise... I promise."

Asgar looked up with so much love in his eyes. "Thank you," and crumbled all over again, the tears making his whole body shake. His head went back to Hammand's chest, burrowing back in.

"Oh Asgar," Hammand whispered as tears stung his eyes too at the sorrow he was witnessing. He tightened his hold on the big frame and tried to still the trembling. "You need to let it out whenever it bothers you. Just tell me about it, anything you think of, anytime. I'm always here. Don't bottle it up or it'll be an even bigger burden. Promise me you'll talk to me whenever that happens. Asgar..."

The large hands around him tightened as well and he was lifted off the ground swiftly onto Asgar's lap. He was straddling Asgar now, and the big man's head shifted into his shoulder, seemingly melting into him as the tears continued to flow, taking away his fright at the way he was now seated.

"I promise..." He heard as he tried to ignore how he was feeling inside, how it felt like Asgar was sucking him in, how their bodies against each other felt like they had molded into one, how it felt so right, fit so right. He was so happy that Asgar had turned to him. He knew by now that the proud man was not one to show any form of weakness and that he could allow himself to break down in his arms confirmed their connection.

His legs went up to the chair at Asgar's back, wrapping round Asgar's waist of their own accord it seemed and then he was rocking the big man back and forth. He had to use all his strength to do this and even then only managed to move the man just a little bit. It however had some effect because slowly and much to Hammand's relief the crying ceased its course, the heaving body calming down until it only moved from his hiccups. He continued to stroke Asgar's hair and let his fingers run through the strands tenderly.

Asgar then took over the rocking, loving that the small man was wrapped around him, moving him until he was settled more comfortably, and tighter around him. He vaguely heard the small man gasp as he was pulled closer but he continued to do this until he felt they were as close as they could possibly be.

Hammand nuzzled into his own neck too and Asgar let his face burrow deeper into the soft neck, now calm enough to breath in deep and register the delicious smell of the prince's soft skin. He smelled so good that Asgar could not resist running his nose gently across the length of the slender neck, not stopping even when the gasps began and the small body tensed and shuddered, limbs tightening around his body.

"As... gar..." Hammand gasped weakly, unsure what was happening.

Asgar's mind cleared when he heard his name and wondered what the hell he thought he was stirring up. Neither of them was ready for anything more, not that they even understood what more was anyway. He needed to stop. He managed to, much to Hammand's relief. He feared his body was getting out of control.

They stayed in companionable silence for a while and Asgar continued to rock them slowly, happy that his mind was full of Hammand rather than of his memory deprivation. It was a tremendous relief for him; the weight of that loss was too much. He knew the relief was temporary but he decided he would do as Hammand had said and talk about his feelings rather than bottle them up.

Hammand was good to him, good for him.

He did not know how long they stayed like that but he heard the slow steady breathing against his neck and knew Hammand had fallen asleep in his arms. He chuckled to himself. He had definitely worn the little beauty out with his crying that was for sure. Goodness, he must have been crying for hours. That was what you got from holding things intoo much and too long.

Standing up gently so as not to wake the prince up, he gently laid him on the bed and undressed him with eyes averted as best he could until he had him in his sleepwear and tucked into bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow beside Hammand's, he was asleep as well.

It had been a long and emotional night.

* * * *

Three months later.

That afternoon, Asgar was in the private royal kitchen with Miriam. Her official name now that Hammand was grown was the Queen's handmaiden even though her attentions were still mainly on Prince Hammand. Prince Hammand has been on his usual checkup at the healer's with his brothers and sisters. No one was allowed to go with them for this so, once every two weeks, Asgar was left without anything to do.

Today, the prince was to be seen afterwards by the head healer since Hammand was next to come of age after his sisters. The head healer, as was tradition, was to confirm that he was truly as the healer said. It would take a whole day to get through after the checks and all its formalities. This would be the first time in ages that he had spent an entire day without Asgar since he had joined their household. He had promised to stop by when the entourage dropped off his brothers and sisters and after the meal they had privately with the King and Queen.

Asgar was chatting with Miriam, not realizing how much he was missing the prince until he heard the horn announcing their arrival. It took all his control not to run out to find him or try to catch a glimpse at least. He knew he had to wait for Hammand to find him for he would be going straight in for the royal meal.

Miriam smiled to herself at his visible stiffening at the horn but she said nothing.

The hour he spent waiting felt like forever and his heart sank when he heard what sounded like the royal carriage moving. He now regretted not going out to the balcony to wave at Ham at least; that would definitely have been better than not seeing him at all for the entire day. He immediately lost his appetite for the food Miriam had just put before him and his shoulders slumped as he pushed the plate away.

He went over to the water drum to get out water and wash his face. He needed to get a hold of himself. He was beginning to feel just how much the prince had gotten under his skin.

"Are you not going to eat, proud one?" Miriam asked quietly, handing him a small cloth to wipe his face. She always called him that and never would say why. He started to shake his head as he took the cloth from her and dried the excess water off.

She still said nothing and he was grateful for it. She did not take away the food though, but simply put a cover on it and placed a jug of water beside it as if he was coming back to it.

"Asgar!" that delicious voice rang in the air like music. His heart leapt and he whipped round, a beatific smile spreading across his face as the small prince flew into his arms. He laughed softly in relieved joy and hoisted him up. Small legs wrapped round his waist at once and he whirled the giggling beauty around.

They forgot the presence of Miriam in the room and were breathless in their joy in each other when Asgar finally stopped turning, their foreheads touching as they catch their breath. "I thought you weren't coming..."

"I had to tell the carriage man I needed to go to the toilet just as we were leaving... he almost didn't agree to stop. I almost died," he giggled breathlessly. "Are you okay... what have you been doing?" He looked around, seeing Miriam for the first time and nodding in greeting.

"Missing you..." Asgar said, pretending to pout but really meaning what he was saying. Prince Hammand giggled shyly at his words and held up his closed hand between them.

"I saved you something," he whispered conspiratorially, "Remember those fruits I told you about, the special ones I told you mother hoards and we only eat once in a month if at all..." Asgar nodded, more mesmerized by the pouty lips before him than any fruits. The prince opened his palm and in it lay two chunky red glistening fruits shaped like hearts. Two hearts.

How aptAsgar thought, opening his mouth slowly, eyes trained on the prince's face and not the fruit.

Hammand was a bit surprised at this, shy at having to feed the big man. He could see that was what Asgar wanted. His eyes flickered nervously for a split second and then he was drawn to that open mouth, dazedly slipping the soft squishy fruit into it. He gasped as Asgar's mouth grasped his fingers along with the fruit and sucked them in, a jolt of pleasure dancing down his spine.

He was red with embarrassment but Asgar set him on the worktop and took the other fruit out of his still open palm, holding it to his lips. He shook his head, "It's for you. I've already had some..."

"No my prince, I'm sharing it with you... open up. No no no, say ah." He nudged the fruit against Prince Ham's lips, crushing the soft fruit against the sulking mouth so the small man was forced to open up when the juice started to dribble down his chin. Asgar squeezed the fruit into the prince's mouth. Ham was gasping and trying to catch it all when Asgar, just as he was removing his fingers from Ham's mouth, bent over and licked at the dribbling liquid on his prince's chin.

More gasps with a full mouth led to more dribbling and more licking. When Prince Hammand had finally managed to eat the fruit, he was spluttering and glaring at Asgar who was smiling mischievously at him.

"It was for you!" he groaned, bubbling with an intense, but unknown, excitement.

"I know my prince," Asgar tilted his head to the side slightly, hooded eyes twinkling, "I think I have tasted it before. It's as delicious as you said it would be. But is it bad that I wanted to share it with you, just like you wanted to share yours with me?"

Prince Hammand relented, "I guess..." Asgar kept staring at him in that hypnotic way he had so he looked away shyly, playfully punching the broad powerful chest. "Okay, okay. It's not bad!" The big man laughed and grabbed the prince's upper arms, wrapping them round his neck. He swung him off the worktop and onto him again.

The prince loved being with the huge man, he made him feel so much. He was always such a bundle of nerves because he never knew what Asgar would do next.

"You have to go my prince." Asgar murmured into the ear of the man he held snugly in his arms. "The carriage is waiting."

"I know..." came the sulky murmur. "I hate these stupid tests! They are horrible!"

"Don't worry, it'll stop soon remember? Then you won't ever have to do them any longer. Just a few more to go..." Asgar set him down slowly, still coaxing, "I'll see you in a few hours, okay."

Prince Hammand nodded in resignation.

Then unexpectedly, he leaned up on tiptoe and kissed Asgar's cheek. Leaving the huge man wide eyed in surprise and God knows what else, he started to rush off. He was caught from behind before he could get far by large arms that went round his waist and pressed him back and up against that powerful chest. Asgar returned the kiss in his own way, burying his face in the small man's neck and grating his teeth over the tender skin. Prince Hammand's toes curled in the air and he moaned in dazed shock at the fiery sensations that swept through him.

He was trembling so much that when Asgar set him back down he had to hold him steady for a while. He turned the little man to face him to see if he was okay; he knew he had gotten a bit carried away there. The prince nodded shyly to say he was okay and Asgar kissed his forehead and let him go. His eyes remained on Hammand as the small beauty rushed out, a tad shakily, to the waiting carriage.

Running a hand over his face, he walked back to the table and sat down heavily. Things were getting more heated between them with each passing day, he knew that. He also knew he would have to control himself more, Hammand was a prince; not just anyone to be toyed with. A voice broke through his thoughts. Miriam.

"Are you ready to eat now, proud one?" He nodded sheepishly, realizing she had probably seen their antics. His food was put before him again. "Thank you." He said as he began to eat quietly.

"You know you cannot do more than touch him right?" Miriam said, amused as Asgar spluttered in surprised embarrassment and came very close to choking on his food. "I see a lot of things, proud one. I can see you are drawn to him."

Asgar frowned "I am, very much..." he stared at his food as acceptance dawned on him.

"I know... but you can't do more than touch him... not yet anyway."

"Touch him? Why would I want to–" Her raised hand cut him off in mid-sentence.

"There's no need to deny it to me. I see both of you together and I can see what is growing. I have no issues with two men being together... just not yet."

"What do you mean?" Asgar had given up the denial stance.

"Don't you know what these checks are? I used to take Prince Hammand for them myself before he got old enough to go by himself."

"Not really, the prince says they are to make sure all the royal children remain in perfect health at all times..."

"Yes, partly. But that is all the children are told. The checks are to make sure they remain virgins until they come of age or are married off, whichever comes first and depending on what position the child is in hierarchy. If they are found deflowered, the closest to them would be slaughtered immediately, no questions asked, in the presumption that it is that person who did the deflowering. In the Prince Hammand's case, that would obviously be you."

Asgar was shocked at this information and was about to ask if Hammand knew of this when Miriam stopped him. "The royals do not and are not to know about this. You can never tell Prince Hammand and you can never have sexual relations with him. Not until after he officially comes of age. For the prince that will be when he turns 24."

* * * *

They were silent for a while as Asgar ate. He was deep in thought, wondering if he could broach the deeply personal subject with her. He hoped he was right and braced himself for whatever reaction was to come. He just needed to know.

Clearing his throat, he began tentatively. "About that... what you just told me." Miriam inclined her head in his direction. "I was wondering if you knew any other people like... us."

"Yes, I do know a few. Why do you ask?"

"I think I might need help... direction... in that. I know for sure I have been with a woman before or at least I have a good idea what it entails. But with a man... I have no idea... at all."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

More silence.

"I'm sorry to bring this up and I'm not asking so that I'll act on it now. I just want an idea so that when the time comes. If it ever comes that is... I'll know... you know, with the prince. He is so innocent, I cannot expect–"

Miriam smiled at his rambling, watching as his face reddened.That was a first."You know this is an extremely sensitive issue." Asgar nodded slowly, gulping in embarrassment but willing her to continue. "So even though I do know a few people that might be able in a position to show you how such 'relations' is done, we cannot take that chance. Tongues wag a lot and if it concerns the prince I reckon it would spread like wildfire."

"So there's no chance then?" She watched as his shoulders slumped.

"There is one..."

Asgar sat up straight with interest. "We can ask the spirits." His eyes widened in disbelief. Miriam nodded at his unasked question.

"Yes, the spirits. Has the prince not told you what I do? I am not only his second mother or handmaiden to the Queen, you know. Before all this I was first the and foremost, the priestess of Akin Ra."

"Akin Ra? Bringer and protector of life." Asgar whispered instinctively, tensing in surprise as he spoke the words he had no idea he knew.Where did that come from?

"You know of Akin Ra?"

"I am surprised at myself," the big man muttered to himself. He shook his head as if to clear it. "It just came out of nowhere. My memory is all over the place... as usual."

"Don't apologize Asgar. I am happy that you at least know of Akin Ra even if it is at a subconscious level. That, in itself, is a good sign. You might be able to draw out some sight since you acknowledge the existence." Asgar nodded silently, though still at a loss.

She watched his reaction as she cleared away his dishes. "Do you think you're up for it?"

"Yes. Yes, I am," Asgar took a deep but shaky breath. "How does it work? Is that sight like a vision?"

Miriam nodded. "You are spending tomorrow with me aren't you?"

"Yes, Ham is going to see the Ciz advisers with the Crown Prince."

"Okay, we will do it tomorrow then. Be sure not to mention it to Prince Hammand."

Asgar nodded but frowned a bit, uncomfortable with this idea. "Why?" he asked, "I don't exactly keep anything from him Miriam."

"I am sorry to ask this of you. But you cannot tell him because it may lead to him wanting to try it out too soon and that could lead to questions as to why you can't bond with him now..."

"I see what you mean." She was right about that even though he could not really see his innocent prince questioning him like that.

"Okay?"

Asgar nodded, hoping that keeping this secret from Prince Hammand wouldn't be difficult.

By the next morning, after seeing the reluctant prince off, Asgar and Miriam left for the temple itself. They went by foot and it was a long way indeed. It was a good thing the prince was to be gone the whole day for the temple appeared to be deep in the forest.