My Lust For Jessica

I want to tell the story...

Her name is Jessica and she is my mother. It's been 3 months since I've seen her and I am in agony. You see, I am a freshmen here at a University 4 states away from her and what happened before I left has been in my mind everyday. It's uncontrollable and constant, this yearning I feel inside. Throughout the day I see her face in every girl that passes or talks to me. In lecture hall, I find myself writing her name over and over in my notebook as the professor's voice suddenly turns into hers. I hear her soft sweet melodious voice telling me she loves me and wants me like she did that night over and over...

I want to tell the story so maybe I can let go of some of this...obsession. I need to. If I don't I fear I will never be able to go on leading a happy, content life away from her...

I am the son of a remarkably beautiful woman. I know how I came into the world, for she has told me more than once when I was younger. My mother was 19 years old when she was seduced by an older man. My father, a 45 year old married businessman from Houston, turned his back on my mom when she told him she was pregnant. He disappeared without a trace and she never saw him again. She kept her pregnancy a secret from her family, for she knew if they found out she was carrying a child - a child born from an adulterous affair nonetheless - they would disown her. When she finally went into labor - the night before her 20th birthday - my grandparents took her to the hospital, dropped her off and went home. She had me at 12:01 am the very next day. (We are exactly 20 years apart and share the same birthday). She has said that the moment the nurses lay me into her arms for the very first time, all fear and uncertainty left her body and soul.

"I instantly fell in love" she has said to me, smiling her coy loving smile that has always made me love her even more. After that day, she never left my side. She had to make it on her own, her family did just as predicted and turned their backs on her, ashamed that they could have such a harlot for a daughter. My mother suffered greatly because of this, yet she has always told me in her story - as she would toussle my hair or lean over to kiss me on the cheek - that I was more than worth it.

We were alone in the world, my mom and I. We didn't have anyone but eachother. There were no relatives to visit during the holidays. There were no cousins or siblings for me to search for easter eggs with or get our pictures taken with Santa. Yet I never felt alone or lonely because she was always there for me. She was worth more than a father, grandparents or siblings to me because she fulfilled all of those roles. The first time I rode a bike, it was her clapping behind me on the sidewalk, shouting encouraging words to me as I peddaled further and further away. It was Jessica who picked me up off of the ground and kissed my knee after I fell off of the swing set for the first time. It was my mom who invited all of the kids in the neighborhood and decorated our small apartment with ballons and streamers and cakes and candy whenever we had our birthday. We always celebrated mine and not hers. Whenever I questioned her about this, she'd smile and tell me I'm the more important one.

Can you begin to see why I love her so much?

My mother, as beautiful as she is, never seriously dated as I grew up. Oh, men persued her believe me, but she wouldn't let them get further than a kiss on the cheek. How do I know this? Everytime a date would drop her off at home, I would sneak into the living room after the babysitter left and hide, listening to what my mom and the strange man would say to eachother. Many times my mother had asked them to leave after they made it clear they wanted more than she was willing or wanting to give them. More often than not they would get angry, and tell her she was a tease, or a waste of their time and hustle out of our front door. My mom would sigh and lock the door behind them. It was at these moments that I wanted to jump into her arms and tell her to forget any of these men, that I was all she wanted and needed. I was just a kid and too innocent and naive to understand that the wants and needs of a grown woman are far more complex than a child could provide.

The actual story of my obsession with Jessica began years ago, when I was 15. That was the year I had my first girlfriend, lost my virginity, and suffered my first heartbreak. My mom knew about Tami, my girlfriend and she knew Tami was 17 and older than me. Sometimes when I'd come home after spending the evening "studying" at Tami's house, my mom would be sitting at our small kitchen table, reading a glamour magazine and sipping a glass of wine, looking lonely and sad. I'd sit with her and she'd ask me about Tami and I - what we did after school, and had we ever "done it".

"Cmon mom - of course not!" I'd say to her smiling nervously. I think she knew I was lying. Then she'd stare at me for a moment, as if she was trying catch the evidence of dishonesty in my eyes.

"You are getting so handsome, Scotty. I know girls want to be with you, but I want you to take it slow. I don't want you having to grow up too fast like I did". Mom would then look down at her drink, or her magazine, pretending to end the conversation, but I always felt she wanted to ask me more.

"I know mom", I'd casually say and I'd kiss her on the cheek before going to my room to call Tami on the phone.

After Tami dumped me for a college guy a few months later, my world fell apart. I stayed in my room with the door shut and the lights off and sometimes I'd cry long, mournful sobs into my pillow. I felt so weak and pathetic, the pain of a broken heart so new and raw - making me feel worthless and discouraged. My mom doted over me during that time. She'd come into my room and sit on my bed as I lay next to her, staring at the celing. She'd talk softly to me and rub my back or my stomach with her light warm touch, telling me I was too good anyway and I would meet another girl who was better for me. Then my mom would turn my face to hers and tell me how beautiful I was. She would say that I had her family's good looks. We're half Italian, half Swedish. She'd say I had her soft, wavy light brown hair that turned golden blonde in the sunlight. She'd run her fingers through my hair and tell me how silky it felt in her fingers. She'd be staring at me and I at her as she'd run her finger down the side of my face, saying my eyes were like hers as well. She'd remark on my dark eyebrows and long dark lashes that made my crystal blue eyes even more gorgeous and surreal. She'd say I had such a strong jawline that women will fall for me over, and soft full lips. It was like she was in a trance as she stared at me and just as quick as the trance began, she would snap out of it and excuse herself with a kiss on my forehead.

When she would do this, I often would be left with a squemish feeling in the pit of my stomach. At the time I didn't recognize that those feelings were the beginning of a wild infatuation with my mother.

I soon began to get over Tami and dating other girls. I grew taller and more built. My physical appearence took a priority in my life and I worked out ruthlessly. My mother, always petite and voluptuous at the same time, would constantly compliment me whenever I came home from school.

"How's my handsome, gorgeous Scotty? My goodness, look at you. I sometimes have to remind myself that you're my baby and not some stud that just walked out of a magazine". She'd laugh and turn away, leaving me staring at her in a daze. I towered over her now, me standing at 6'1 and she 5'4. Whenever one of these flirtatious complements came from her full, smiling lips, I'd start to see her in a different light. She suddenly became this incredibly beautiful untouchable female that I wanted to grab and ravish with all my might. I was 18 and well educated in the ways of a woman, having several girlfriends and lovers within the last 3 years, most of them older and very experienced. Yet Jessica became the one I wanted and couldn't have. It began to drive me crazy.

I started watching her when she didn't know it. My usual routine was to stand outside of her bedroom doorway just before she turned in at night. I'd stand in our darkened hallway, her door opened about 2 centimeters wide, and I'd watch her. My mother. My beautiful Jessica. She'd lay on her bed, reading one of the glamour magazines she was addicted to, wearing one of her short satin nighties. The shiny fabric would cling to her small frame, her tanned and toned legs jutting out along the bed. God, how I wanted to enter that bedroom. I'd imagine I had the courage to do it, that she'd smile as I came in. She'd open her arms out to me to hug me as she always did, but suddenly, her eyes would travel down my body and she'd stop smiling. She would look at me bare chested and she'd see my tanned smooth chest bearing just enough muscle tone to make her mouth open hungrily. I'd watch her eyes as I'd slowly lower my boxers in front of her. My adult manhood would be revealed to her - pointing directly at her as if to signal that she is the one it wants. She would be awe struck at it's size. She had not seen me naked since I was about 10. She would be in a trance with it, all 8 1/2 inches and her eyes would be glued. She'd suddenly release herself from it's spell and her eyes would again travel up to mine. A soft, weak moan would unwillingly escape from her lips. She wanted me. I knew it. I would slowly begin to walk to the bed as she'd instinctively begin to spead her legs open for me...

At night, after I'd left my place in the hallway outside of her bedroom door and went into my own, I'd pull off my boxers and masturbate with the vision of her beauty and her gorgeous body in front of my half-closed eyes. I wanted her so badly and with every orgasm I yearned to be releasing my fluids inside of her. Still I knew I could never muster the courage to be with her in this manner. I mean, c'mon - she's my mom. People don't do such things. Right?

It was our birthday, and 2 weeks before I would be packing my stuff and heading off to college when my greatest wish came true. Mom had spent the majority of that summer extremely emotional at the prospect of me leaving her. She'd hold me just a little longer and tighter when she'd hug me, and she wanted to spend as much time with me as possible. I didn't mind. It would be the first time in 19 years that she'd go one day without me there with her and I didn't want her to feel lonely. Plus, by this time I was secretly in love with her, having spent almost every night for the last year masturbating with fantasies that I was making love to her. We had just finished breakfast and were clearing dishes in our small kitchen. She had gotten up extra early to make my favorite breakfast, apple pancakes from scratch. She had crept into my room when breakfast was ready and jumped on me to wake me up. This was something she used to do since I was a kid, jump on top of me, straddling me and start tickling my sides until I pleaded with her to stop. She hadn't done it in at least 2 years and I woke up startled and suprised when I saw her there. The previous night I had practiced my common ritual of cumming with the thought of fucking her, so I was naked - only a thin sheet up to my hips separated her from seeing me. Fortunately, she didn't realize this.

"Wake up Wake up my sweet birthday boy. Your birthday can't start without mommy's famous tickle torture!" She started tickling my stomach and of course I started laughing. Normally this would continue only for a few seconds, I hated getting tickled and she always knew when to stop. Right now, feeling her weight on me in this position I'd fantasized we'd be in over & over again, I just wanted her to stay. Even if she was tickling me, I wanted her to remain on top of me touching my skin. She kind of stopped on her own, though. She looked at me, the slightest glimpse of confusion in her eyes. Was it because I hadn't pleaded with her to stop, or was it because she could feel my hardening cock start to press against her bottom? She blinked and then smiled at me suddenly and bent over to quickly kiss me on the lips. With her face only inches from mine, she whispered to me.

"Happy birthday Scott. I can't believe your 19 today. I'm gonna miss you so much sweetie". Her eyes lingered on mine for only a moment longer, then she lifted herself off of me and I shifted on my side, trying to hide the huge erection forming beneath my covers.

"Honey, get up and shower quick. I made your favorite breakfast and I want us to spend the day together, okay?"

"Okay mom." I responded, not sure what else to say. She left my room and shut the door behind her. I practically melted into my sheets, suffering from a mixture of embarassment and lust. Remembering her straddling me like that, her pussy so close to my cock... Before I got out of bed I grabbed my hard cock and jerked off more frantically than I ever had. My cum shot out in quick, violent spurts. I writhered in my bed, almost wanting to cry out at how much I wanted to fuck her. I couldn't stand it anymore. Little did I know that before the night was over, I would receive more than I ever wanted to...

After breakfast, we washed the dishes together with her washing and me rinsing and drying. We stood next to eachother in silence, performing this chore as we did every night since I was 12. This time, it was a bit uncomfortable. There was a tension between us that had never really been there before. Suddenly I was acutely aware everytime her arm rubbed up against mine, or her fingers touched my hand as she passed me a dish. Mom's mind seemed to be in other places, not here with me and the dishes because twice she carelessly passed me a dish without washing it. Everytime it happened, I'd take it and look at her, puzzled.

"Mom, are you gonna wash this one?" I'd ask her. She'd suddenly look at the dish as if she had no idea what it was.

"Oh yeah", she'd say and take it from me, blushing at her mistake.

We went to the movies that afternoon. It was a double feature, two horror movies that I let her pick out. I honestly can say that I barely paid attention to either one of them. My thoughts were on her and only her. She wore a light blue strappless sundress with matching sandles that day. The dress accentuated her small body and full breasts. She looked so gorgeous that I found it difficult to keep from staring at her. She seemed happy, though. Afterwards we went out for ice cream and walked through the park. She linked her arm in mine and we walked for a long time in silence. Her hair was down and fell in soft waves loosely on her back. She spoke seldomly. When she did, it was about me leaving for college in 2 weeks. She told me she didn't want me to worry about her, that she was going to be fine. She only wanted me to focus on getting good grades and meeting new people. I told her that it was impossible, that I'd always worry about her because she was the most important woman in the world to me. And the most beautiful. When I told her that she stopped. We stared at eachother, her arm still linked in mine.

"You think I'm pretty, Scotty?" She asked me. She looked nervous and uncertain. Her eyes pleaded with me to be kind.

"Mom, I think you are the most beautiful, sexy, amazing, wonderful woman in the entire world. No woman could ever compare to you or come before you in my life". I answered, my voice full of conviction and bold honesty. She smiled and a glimmer of tears welded into her clear blue eyes. She looked so unbelievabley beautiful just then. She placed a hand against my cheek.

"My handsome Scotty. Some girl is going to be so lucky one day. She'll have such a strong, handsome and sensitive man to love her. I'll be so jealous..." She let her words trail off, as if she was frightened to say more. I responded by wrapping my arms around her. She held on to me, clinging to me and we stood like that in the middle of the park with children running about and adults skurrying along after them.

"I love you so much Mom. God, how I love you". I whispered softly to her.

"Scott, lets go home. Please take me home". She whispered back directly into my ear. My heart began to pound in my chest because I knew just from her tone how this moment would continue once we got there.

Once inside the house, she kissed me. She kissed me with so much passion and wanting she almost knocked me off of my feet. She backed me against the wall and locked her lips onto mine. I immediately responded to it. Our tounges found eachothers and danced wildly together. She was breathing heavily, her hands underneath my shirt, touching my skin... burning it. Suddenly and without warning, she broke our kiss.

"Oh Scotty. I'm so sorry. Do you think I'm terrible? I can't believe I just did that. I'm so sorry baby." She said, already crying.

"No mom. Your not terrible. I wanted you to do it. I was hoping you would." I answered softly.

"Really? Are you sure"? She cried, wiping the tears from under her eyes.

I responded by picking her up as switly as a feather and carrying her to her bedroom. I lay her gently onto the bed and stood before her. She watched me intently as I lifted my shirt over my head and tossed it aside. She gasped with her eyes opened wide in astonishment.

"God Scotty you are so gorgeous", she whispered breathlessly, her eyes fixed on my chest and torso. I smiled at her and removed my jeans. I didn't take off my boxers, though. I didn't want her to change her mind and, I have to admit, I was terrified.

She removed her dress with one graceful tug and lowered it to the floor. She wasn't wearing a bra and her full breasts were still perky and firm. I couldn't believe the sight before me. My mom, my gorgeous Jessica lay there, looking at me with such lustful desire. I couldn't believe that all of those fantasies I had conjoured up in my head for so long were about to happen. She got under the covers and removed her small lacy panties and lay them onto the floor as well.

"Come to me, Scotty", she commanded. I quickly did as I was told.

I lay atop her with her small, naked curvaceous body now underneath mine. We kissed slowly and passionately. I tensed up and suddenly a wave of uncertainty came over me. I broke our kiss as I suddenly felt like as much as I wanted to, I couldn't do this. It was too much.

I stared down at her into her loving lust filled eyes. Jessica, my mother - so fantastically gorgeous to me. She looked at me with those crystal blue eyes that were identical to my own. I lay there frozen on top of her afraid to move - afraid not to.

"Scotty, don't look so scared, sweetie". She whispered. I closed my eyes then, trying to muster up enough courage for what we were about to do. I wanted to fuck her so badly. I needed to. But the fact that she was my mom - that we were about to endulge in a forbidden act, kept me from continuing as I wanted. My chest heaved against hers - my body trembling visibly.

"Baby, your shaking. I can feel your heart beating so fast. Mine is too. Can you feel it"? She softly said to me. I nodded, opening my eyes to look into her remarkable face. Her soft full lips were now turned into an upward smile.

"I want this Scotty. I want you. I want you so much right now. Please baby..." she cried, her voice weeping with want.

"I'm..I'm just scared, Mom". I began, my voice low and quivering. She quickly silenced me by placing her finger against my lips.

"Don't be scared, baby. We both want this, right? Your mom wants you to fuck her, to feel you inside of her. It's okay. It's been so long since I've been made love to. Take off your boxers, baby." She whispered softly. I gently lifted myself off of her and removed my boxers, giving her full view of my huge, pulsating cock. She inhaled deeply at the sight of it.