My Second Nightmare

"When you told her to go away that day you finally saw her, she was utterly devastated. She cried for weeks. I was really worried she'd do something to herself."

I almost thought, wish she had. But I realized that Jenny killing herself would have been the final knife in my back: a lifetime of feeling guilty, even though it was all her fucking fault. So I was glad she had at least spared me that horror.

"She kept thinking that there had to be a way to make you understand, so that you'd give her another chance. We'd talk about it for hours, me just patiently listening to her go over it time after time.

"And then she came up with this idea..." Angie squeezed my hand tighter.

"Nick, you have to really promise me you won't blow up, OK?"

I nodded, my teeth clenched. The last twenty minutes had been TMI, as my teen-age niece likes to say, and I wasn't looking forward to whatever was coming next.

"Jenny thought that if you had an affair too, it would be easier for you to forgive her for what she'd done. But she knew from your mom that you weren't dating at all. So she came to me one night and asked me—no, she begged me—to seduce you."

I dropped Angela's hand and jumped to my feet, staring at her. "So that's what this was all about? All the weeks of hanging out, being buddies, having a good time? And then the tight sweater, candles, bottle of wine routine?"

"No, Nick, please, let me finish!"

"Old Nick hasn't been deceived, cheated on, and fucked over enough, so let's do it to him one more time, is that the idea?" I was pretty much yelling by then.

"Nick, listen!" Angie shouted it at me, tears on her face. "You promised!"

I was furious—livid. But I shut my mouth and sat down in a chair, as far across the room from her as possible. And I waited for her to go on.

"I told her it was a horrible idea. It was unfair to you, to take advantage of your unhappiness. Not to mention that she was asking me to be a whore. And I detested the very idea of lying to you, or playing any sort of game. You are my friend! And I told her that it would never, never work.

"But she begged me. Nick, she begged me! She got down on her knees in front of me, and she cried, and she told me it was her only chance ever to get you back, and I was her best friend and I had to help her, she had no one else to turn to.

"And, Nick—I knew how much you loved her. Or at least, how much you had loved her...before. You were always so crazy about her, and so good to her! And I wondered if it maybe wouldn't be a good thing for you too, finding a way to take her back.

"So I told her I would see. I'd drop in on you, and just hang out a little, and see what happened. But I made her no promises."

Angie's voice got very quiet. "Part of the problem was that I was so attracted to you. I'd never thought of you that way, you know—since the day I met you you were Jenny's guy, and the three of us have always been great friends. But now that you were...apart from each other...I couldn't help wondering, you know, what it would be like.

"So I came to see you, and we started hanging out, and—well, you know, Nick, we had a great time together. Didn't we? And nothing romantic happened. And what I kept telling myself was, I'm doing this for Jenny, but I've gotta go slow, lay the groundwork, not rush it. I don't want to blow this.

"But the truth was—the truth was, I was falling for you." She was speaking even more quietly.

"I just loved being around you. Those casual dinners, or watching TV together or whatever we did—I was just so happy, Nick! And I didn't know what to do, except that I wanted it to continue.

"But Jenny was getting more and more impatient, kept asking me when I was gonna get you into bed. And I felt so guilty! I felt guilty because I wasn't being honest with you, and I wasn't being honest with her either.

"Worst of all, if we DID sleep together, would you actually go back to Jenny? I didn't think so, but I had to face the fact that I didn't want it to happen."

She looked at me, imploringly. "So there I was—Jenny pushing me to seduce you; and there I was—desperately wanting you, but for ME, not to help her; and there you were—being so sweet and fun, such a good friend.

"I started avoiding Jenny, not returning her calls. Because I just couldn't face telling her the truth, that I wanted you for myself! It was easier not to talk to her.

"That night, with the candles and the wine—I'd just decided I was going to get you into bed. I'd worry later about why I did it. But then when...when we were kissing, and you were touching me, and I got so excited..."

"Dammit, Nick, I wanted you to make love to me! I wanted you to be my lover! I still want it! But I'd made this promise to Jenny...and I also knew that I was being dishonest with you...and I suddenly felt like my head was going to explode.

"I just knew it was wrong, even though I wanted you so much—and I just had to stop."

We sat in silence. Angie was crying a little, quietly, and I was clenching my fists so tight I was afraid my nails would draw blood on my palms. I knew what Davis would have said if he'd been there, and it almost made me laugh, hearing his voice in my head: "Jesus H. Christ in a hot-air balloon!"

We probably sat more than five minutes in silence. Then I stood up and said, "quite a story, Angela.

"One more chapter in the annals of Nick Perryman being jerked around by women. What's the expression, 'same shit different day'? That seems to fit pretty well."

"I'm sorry, Nick." Her head was down, and I hardly heard her.

"Me too, Angie." I turned around and went home, carrying my stupid folding chair with me.

***************

Davis said, "I don't know, man. I need a little more information."

We were sitting in my backyard, each of us with a beer.

"Just answer the question, Davis. Is it my third nightmare, or just a continuation of Nightmare #2?"

"I guess it depends, Nick. Tell me this: are you feeling hurt and angry because of the Jenny part of this? Because she found a way, yet again, to mess with your head? Or are you so upset because Angie deceived you?"

"And if I tell you it's both?"

"That's a cop-out. Which one is worse? Which one REALLY hurts?"

I thought for a moment. "I guess it's the Angie part. Believe it or not, the Jenny part isn't quite as bad, because it's just what I'd expect from her. She wants what she wants, and how she gets it doesn't matter to her so much. I've long since stopped thinking highly of her ethical standards." I laughed a little.

"In that case," Davis said, "this is definitely your third nightmare. Because the first two were Jenny's doing, and this is Angie's."

"Glad we cleared that up. You want another beer?"

"Sure," he said. "And after that, let's go get some food."

We had polished off a pizza and a half, and were both leaning back contentedly in our chairs, watching the ass of the pretty waitress as she moved around the restaurant.

"So where does it stand with Angie now? Have you talked to her?"

"Not once. She's left me a handful of messages in the past two weeks—all low-key, just how sorry she is. I just haven't felt like calling her back."

"Why not?"

I thought a little. "I think it's because I don't know what to say to her. Before I call her, I feel like I oughtta know what I'm feeling, what it is I want to happen. And right now I don't know at all.

"I mean, she lied to me, right? She pulled a Jenny. But on the other hand, when she got close to going through with it she pulled back, she stopped herself. That's gotta be worth a few points. And when I made her talk to me, finally, she told me the truth. Even the part that makes her look bad.

"And the thing is, I miss her. I keep thinking about how much fun it was, hanging out with her. Not to mention how unbelievable she looked in that blue sweater, the night we nearly did it. I certainly wouldn't mind finishing what we started.

"Except, can I trust her? Is there any reason to feel I can count on her, any more than my bitch of a wife?"

Davis looked at me and said, "time to go, man. When you start talking around and around in circles, I know it's time to take you home."

***************

Three days later, Jenny came to see me. Just like that, out of the blue, no warning.

Was this Nightmare #4, or just Appendix A to Nightmares #1 or #2? By this time I'd sort of lost count.

It was about 8:30 at night, and I was cleaning up my dinner dishes. The doorbell rang, and when I opened the door there she was. If I hadn't been so totally startled I might have closed it in her face, but I just froze.

"Hello, Nick," she said in a tiny voice, like a little girl. "Can I come in and talk to you?"

I silently stepped back and let her walk into the living room. We sat across from each other, saying nothing. My heart wasn't pounding, my palms weren't clammy. This time I just felt cold, and kind of empty. It was like seeing a person from a painful but distant part of my past. And I realized that I was further along in the process of getting over Jenny than I had realized.

"Do you want a drink, or a cup of coffee?"

"Some water would be great, thanks."

I brought her a glass of water, and one for me. We sat some more. I knew one thing: I wasn't going to say a word. She'd come with something in mind—I was going to wait to see what the hell it was this time.

"Nick, I...I haven't seen you in a long time. Since the day I was here with you and Davis."

I waited.

"I know you've been...been spending time with Angie, because she was telling me about it now and then when we talked."

She looked at me, obviously hoping I'd jump in and help her out, but I just watched her.

"But recently, for some reason Angie doesn't return my calls. I don't know what's bothering her, whether she's mad at me or something."

More silence. Her look got more imploring.

"Nick, are you and she...dating? Are you a couple, or are you just hanging out together, you know, like friends?" Her tone was a little pleading.

I said, very slowly, "I don't really think that's your business, Jenny. You and I aren't together any more, and what's going on in my social life is private."

She looked hurt, but she nodded her head. "Yes—I see that."

Then she took a deep breath, and plunged ahead. "You know why I'm asking, don't you? I still love you, Nick—more than I ever realized. After my—my horrible mistake, with Alec, I've had lots of time to think about everything I threw away.

"Baby, all I want is you again! I'll do anything to make up for the hurt I caused you. God, I was such an idiot! But I know that now, honest I do!"

I wondered why my heart wasn't pounding, why I felt kind of dull rather than wired. "Jenny, I'm—I'm just not getting back together with you.

"You say you've been thinking about your 'mistake'—but I don't think you have any idea of how totally you destroyed me."

Impulsively, I made a decision. I stood up. "Come with me, OK? I want to show you something."

Looking puzzled, she followed me as I went up the stairs. Soon we were standing in front of the closed door of what had been our bedroom.

"In the first couple of weeks after you left I went kind of crazy. I moved into the guest room, but I kept going back into our bedroom and...doing things to it. Venting my feelings.

"Then I got sick of it, and I just stopped. I haven't been back in this room since about three weeks after you moved out. But I think when you see it, you'll have some idea of how your betrayal made me feel."

I opened the door and flipped on the light, then stood aside to let her walk in ahead of me. I heard her gasp, "Oh my God," as she gazed around at what had been the bedroom for all of our married life.

The bed's sheets had been pulled part way down and were covered in dried cum, the results of the 8-10 times I'd jerked off onto them. The whole room still smelled like stale sex.

Pinned up on one wall was Jenny's sexiest red nightie (actually, it was a copy I'd bought, since she'd taken the original with her when she moved out). Right where her heart would be if she'd been in it, a steak knife was plunged deeply through the nightie and into the wall.

The candles that had stood on the bedside the night I found her with Alec were broken into pieces, lying randomly on the floor. Waxy stains marked the spots where I'd repeatedly hurled them against the walls.

Pieces of our wedding album lay everywhere. I'd torn it apart, page by page, then torn the pages and the photographs into pieces and scattered them randomly.

At about ankle height there were several deep gashes in the walls, where I'd kicked hard with my shoes. And on one wall, written in huge letters in red lipstick, were the words "DIE CUNT BITCH".

I watched as Jenny looked at the room, taking in the ugliness and the destruction. When she turned to me, shock evident on her face, I said, "bet you didn't know I could get that angry, did you? I didn't either.

"They say that in times of stress you find out new things about yourself. Well, I found out how much hate and rage I had inside me, ready to be released by sufficient provocation. And you provided it, Jenny."

Her face wore a look of sadness I'd never seen before. I sensed that maybe she was starting to get it, starting to understand just how badly she had hurt me.

In an empty voice she said, "oh, Nick—I am so sorry. So very sorry."

She moved slowly towards me, wanting to take me in her arms. But I said, "no, Jenny, I don't think so." Without another word I turned away from her and went back down the stairs.

It was nearly ten minutes before she came down and sat with me in the living room.

"It's really, really over, isn't it?"

I nodded to her. "You killed it, and it's not coming back to life."

She started to cry, looking at me, her shoulders shaking. Then after a couple of minutes she rose, still crying, and walked out of the house.

***************

"I really want you here, Davis—are you my friend or not?"

He gave me an exasperated look. "Do you think I'd have put up with your bullshit all these years if I wasn't your friend? Spare me!" he said with a snort.

"I just don't see why I need to be around while you talk to Angela."

"For luck, maybe," I said. "Remember when Jenny came to the house? It was your idea to be here with me, and thank God you were. I really needed you.

"So call it a silly superstition, man; just don't go, OK? At least hang around for the first few minutes."

He sighed with elaborate resignation, but I knew he'd stay. We watched another half-inning, and then when the doorbell rang I turned off the TV and went to answer the door.

"Hi, Angie".

"Hi Nick," she said shyly. She looked so beautiful I just wanted to grab her, but I didn't. She was wearing a white skirt and a sleeveless knit top, with just a little hint of cleavage. Very attractive, but not at all provocative or slutty. And her hair was shiny and gorgeous. I knew she wasn't a beauty in the same class as Jenny, but I didn't care—she looked lovely.

"Hi, Davis," she said, giving him a smile as she came into the living room. He rose and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Hey, Angie."

"I asked Davis to stay while we talked—at least for a little while."

"Nick, I don't care who's here to listen to me apologize, I'm going to do it anyway. I am just so sorry..."

"Shh," I interrupted her. "I know you're sorry. You said so when we talked at your place—and you've said so in how many phone messages since then?" I smiled at her.

"So let's talk about what comes after 'sorry'. Me first, then, you, OK?"

Angie nodded.

"Okay. Number One is—again!—Jenny and I are done. Finished. Over. I don't even hate her quite so much as I used to, but I'm never getting back together with her. Got it?"

Angie nodded again, with a little bit of a smile peeking through.

"So, Number Two is, anything that you and I decide we want is about just the two of us—all promises to Jenny are null and void. She is out of the picture. Can you agree to that?"

"Yes, Nick," she said, sounding a little meek.

"Now, to Number Three. You really hurt me, Angie. After what Jenny did, just about the last thing I needed was to fall for somebody else who was going to deceive me, do you understand that?"

"Of course I do Nick, and I am so ashamed of...

"Wait a minute. Did you say, 'fall for'?" She looked at me, a smile starting to break out.

"Yeah," I replied, smiling back at her. "You got a problem with that?"

"No, baby, I don't have a problem with that."

I looked over at Davis and gave him a wink. He looked at Angie and me a moment longer, enjoying our smiles at one another; then he waved a hand to me and headed for the door.

I went over to Angela and gently pulled her to her feet. "In that case, I think you owe me for a rather painfully interrupted evening." I kissed her, and she threw her arms around my neck and pulled me tightly against her.

You know the drill now, right? Hard to do justice to in words. Kisses, tongues, clothes come flying off, she drags me to the couch....

I'm not saying it wasn't great. In fact, I'm saying it WAS great. It was fantastic, especially for the first time. I hadn't been so excited since I was 16, touching Arlene Arnold's rather small tits for the very first time in her rec room.

Well, actually, I was probably this excited the first time I had Jenny too, but I sure wasn't thinking about that at the moment. In any case, Angie and I were on the couch naked in a matter of two minutes; and I was inside her within thirty seconds after that; and we were fucking hard, kissing each other, whispering to each other, and there were tears on her cheeks; and she was saying "yes, baby, yes, baby" over and over; and when I came it felt like utter heaven.

It's actually the second time I want to tell you about. When we'd finished making love the first time—and damned if it didn't feel like making love, too, not just like fucking—we lay together and giggled a little. Then we got up, leaving our clothes on the floor, and I led her by the hand into the kitchen.

We got out some salami and bread and cheese, and a bottle of champagne I'd had in the fridge forever, since long before Jenny left, and we headed upstairs to my real bedroom, the one I actually slept in. And we got into bed and ate and drank and giggled some more, and enjoyed the tipsy feeling that a shared bottle of champagne can give you.

And then we did it a second time, and that was the magic one.

Angie lay on her tummy and I massaged and stroked her all over, long smooth strokes, from the top of her neck down her back, and from the bottom of her feet up to her beautiful ass. I took my time, letting her relax and enjoy it, with an occasional "mmm" or a sigh of pleasure.

And then I had her turn over and I did the front, avoiding her lovely breasts and her pussy until last, just running my hands up and down her arms, around her chest and belly, then her legs and thighs. I knew she was loving it, both from the smile on her face and the smell of arousal that got stronger and stronger.

Then I made love to her breasts, with my fingers and lips, until she was breathing hard and ready to orgasm. And I left my hands up there while I slid my mouth down into her wet pussy—I kissed it and licked it and teased it, and then finally I sucked her clit into my mouth and tongued it while still pinching her nipples, and her whole body rose to an explosive climax and her hips bucked up at me and...

Wait a minute, that was kind of a run-on sentence, wasn't it? Shit. Well, I'll try to do better.

After she relaxed from her orgasm, Angie looked at me with dreamy eyes and said, "get up here, you". She pulled me gently up her body, and without waiting any longer I slid right into her.