Naked Celebrities for Nude Day

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"It was a time just after I made the movie, Twins, with Arnold Schwarzenegger, in 1988, and three years, before I married Johnny in '91," said Kelly. "Arnold was another man, who wouldn't take no for an answer and who fucked me senseless, even though he was married to Maria Shriver at the time," said Kelly rolling her eyes, before putting a practiced hand to her forehead, as if she was a damsel in distress and about to be tied to a train track. "Insatiable for my mouth, he was another man, who always forced me to blow him, too. Oh, the indignity of being on your knees with a hard, hairy cock in your mouth, while wearing a designer gown, and forced to swallow. To be honest, to this day, I never understood one word that Arnold ever said to me, especially when he was sexually excited and cumming in my mouth."

"You poor, poor dear," said Angelina. "Tell us, Kelly. You're among friends. How did Arnold force you to blow him? Did he tie you up?" Suddenly Angelina appeared sexually aroused. "Did he force you to your knees and hold you down?" Her face was flushed and she started breathing heavier. "Did he slap you and tear off your clothes?" She looked as if she was going to have an orgasm. "Did he pull your long hair and, when you opened your mouth to scream, he filled your open mouth with his big, hard, hairy cock and humped your mouth and fucked your face?"

"No," said Kelly. "Not at all."

"Or did he put a heavy hand to the back of your head and fill your mouth with his little, soft cock?" Jennifer glared at Brad, before giving him a look of vengeful victory.

"No," said Kelly.

"Then, I don't understand how Arnold forced you to blow him, Kelly," said Rita.

"He offered me another movie role," she said wiping away nonexistent tears. "How could I say no to that? You all know how difficult it is for an older woman to get a good role."

"Oh," said everyone at the table at once.

"That's happened to all of us, I'm afraid," said Angelina. "We've all been in that position, some more than others," she said looking at Jennifer Aniston. "Did you like the knee pads I sent you for Christmas, Jennifer?"

"Fuck you, bitch," said Jennifer to Angelina. "I only did what I needed to do at the time that I was doing it. You on the other hand, no matter if they're men or women, you're playing your whore role 24/7."

"A rising starlet, I was so young and vulnerable back then," said Kelly. "I had barely fucked a few dozen men, before I met you, Johnny," she said with a plastic smile, while wiping away a nonexistent tear. "Practically still a virgin, I never had anal sex, until you, George. What did I know about anal sex? Surely something that felt so good can't be so bad."

"Tell me this," said John looking at Stacy. "I'm sorry, what's your name again? George goes through women in the way that I go through movie roles. You're very beautiful, by the way."

"Stacy. Stacy Keibler. Thank you," she said already appearing tense by the mood and the hostile conversation at the table. "I've seen all of your films," she said smiling at John Travolta. "You're a wonderful actor. I loved you in Pulp Fiction and Get Shorty, when--"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, anyway, answer me this one question," said John dismissing her with a wave of his breadstick, as if he was a conductor conducting his orchestra with his sesame seed baton. "Does George fuck you up the ass?"

"Fuck me up the ass?" She laughed nervously. "I'd rather not say," she said blushing and noticeably stiffening, while eying George, but still maintaining eye contact with John. "That's rather a crassly personal question but--," said Stacy, no doubt, feeling pressured to answer the question under the star struck stare of John Travolta's celebrity status.

"The reason why I ask you that is because I don't think that Georgie boy, Boy George," said John with a sick laugh. "I don't think he can have normal sex with a woman. Secretly, if he hasn't already with his pal, Brad over there, what he really wants is a man and not a woman. As merely his window dressing for his fans not to suspect him of being the flaming fag that he is, that would explain why he's with so very many, beautiful women. Instead of a pussy, what he really wants is a cock."

"Hey, hey, fuckwad, George and I had sex only that one time," said Brad asserting himself with a point of his finger and a reassuring nod of his head.

"Thank you Brad for broadcasting that tidbit of personal, and I might add, closeted information," said George with a smile, while unbuttoning his collar, loosening his tie, and taking a long sip of his drink.

"We were drunk and curious about gay sex, as every man is," said Brad sitting back in his chair and nodding his head to Angelina with her nodding her head in agreement, while Jennifer had a sick look on her face, as if she was about to vomit.

"Been there, done that, honey," said Angelina patting Brad's hand, baby. "Sometimes you must try both sexes to discover the one that you prefer."

"It's not surprising that you still haven't picked which one to go with yet," said Jennifer with a laugh.

"At least I have sex with others and never with myself, you frigid, little bitch," said Angelina.

"Thank you for your support, dear," said Brad to Angelina. "Everyone knows that Angelina is bi-sexual," said Brad tucking a proud thumb beneath his vest. "Much like any man, she enjoys licking a pussy every now and again. Actually, in her case, more now than then," he said with a laugh. "Hey, I like the fact that my wife is a lesbo. She lets me watch," he said whispering to George, Tom, and John. "Sometimes, she allows me to join in on the fun, too."

"Oh, gross. I think I just threw up in my mouth," said Jennifer. "I'm glad I'm rid of you," she said to Brad.

"I'm a man and God knows I've been drunk," said John Travolta, "but I've never been curious enough to have gay sex with another man."

"Now that you mention it," said Stacy looking from John to George and back to John again. "When we have sex, when I'm not on my knees and giving him a blowjob, while sticking my dildo up his ass, it's always and only anal sex that he wants. Never does he mount me to fuck my pussy. He never even touches my pussy or plays with my clit, and never has he ever eaten me. He doesn't even touch my tits and/or finger my nipples," she said with a sudden sadness. "And I have beautiful tits, the best breasts that money can buy," she said pulling down her gown to show everyone at the table her perfect silicone breasts.

"Very nice," said Tom Hanks.

"Don't even go there," said Rita Wilson punching her husband in the shoulder.

"That's too much personal information, sweetie," said George. "Here, have a breadstick," he said handing her a breadstick and lifting up the front of her gown to cover her exposed breasts.

"I'll feel your tits and finger your nipples," said Brad with a big smile, while raising his hands chest high and opening and closing them, as if in readiness of fondling Stacy's magnificent breasts.

"Me too, but in addition to feeling your breasts, I'd finger your clit, while licking your pussy, too," said Angelina. "For sure, definitely, I'd lick your pussy, too. I'd give you an orgasm, you'd never forget," she said slowly licking her full, red lips.

"Thank you, Brad and Angelina, but no. I'm a one man and no woman kind of woman," said Stacy with a confused look on her face, while looking away from Angelina. "Anyway, George told me more than once that he really likes my ass, which is why, I imagine, he loves fucking me up the ass. I mean, I really don't care," she said leaning in closer to John to talk to him in a hushed whisper, "so long as he continues buying me these beautiful clothes, paying all my bills, and taking me on expensive trips," she said with the smile of a gold digger.

"Didn't I tell you he was queer? I told you he was a fag," John said to Kelly, while pounding his fist on the table. "I knew it. I just knew it. Confirmed bachelor my ass. No heterosexual man in their right mind is a confirmed bachelor. Why else, in the footsteps of Cary Grant and Rock Hudson, would any man not marry and have children? It's unnatural. It's un-American. It's abnormal. It's gay."

"Fuck you, Vinnie Barbarino," said George. "You're just an illiterate, ignorant fuck. You're still mad that I had my way with Kelly twenty-five years ago. You're just pissed that she sucked my cock and I fucked her up her ass."

"Vinnie Barbarino? No one has called me that in years," he said with a laugh. "Vinnie Barbarino would kick your ass for disrespecting my wife by buying her a pig, after she sucked your cock and you fucked her up her ass," said John pointing his half eaten breadstick at George, as if it was a jailhouse shiv.

"Go ahead and try and kick my ass and you'll be eating your food through a straw for a month," said George. "And speaking of fags and queers, don't be throwing stones at glass houses?"

"Huh? Throwing stones at glass houses? What the fuck does that even mean?" Suddenly, with his shoulders raised and his palms up, John reverted back to the facial expressions of Vinnie Barbarino.

"What it means, John boy, is, if you have a thing for the towel drops with cabana boys, happy endings with masseurs, and naked romps with room service waiters, don't be pointing your finger of accusation at me and calling me gay, when you're gay, also," said George. "Or do you hide your gayness in the closet by calling yourself bi-sexual," he said with a laugh.

"Gay? I'm not gay," he said looking at everyone around the table with a half-assed smile on his face. "Go fuck yourself, George. You don't know the facts. What you know are just the lies," said John going from the offensive to the defensive. "Those men are lying about me hoping that I'll pay them to make them and their false claims go away. I plan on defending my heterosexual reputation in a court of law."

"C'mon you guys. We're here for the greater good and to help world hunger and not to rehash old, sexual disagreements," said Tom Hanks.

"Tom's right. Let's not forget why we're all here," said Angelina making goo-goo eyes at Stacy. "If only for an evening, let's put all our differences aside for the bigger and much more important issue of world hunger," she said slowly licking her lips again, before pursing them in a kiss, while staring at Stacy.

"Home wrecker," said Jennifer staring her hostility at Angelina.

"Frigid bitch," said Angelina not even turning to look at Jennifer.

"Whore," said Jennifer pounding the table with her fist.

"Thank you," said Angelina. "If you played the part of a whore, instead of a frigid bitch, maybe you'd still have Brad in your bed."

Meanwhile the next table over wasn't fairing so well, either. Tom Cruise and his wife, Katie Holmes, sat with Nicole Kidman and her husband, Keith Urban, Cameron Diaz and her current boyfriend, Alex Rodriguez, and Penelope Cruz with her new boyfriend, Javier Bardem. Katie Holmes was already more than a little drunk and looking for trouble.

"Just tell me one thing, Cameron Dickass," said Katie.

"What?" Playing the part of the innocent virgin, dumb as a rock, Cameron looked at Katie with a wide smile, while batting her false eyelashes.

"Did you fuck my husband?" With her accusation coming from out of nowhere, she looked squarely at Cameron from across the table.

"Katie? What are you doing? Not here and not now," said Tom smiling a nervous laugh, while trying to control his wife. "Sorry, everyone, she's had a little too much to drink, after dieting to fit in that dress. You look beautiful, honey. That dress looks wonderful on you. Here, have a breadstick."

"Me? I certainly did not have sex with your husband," said Cameron leaning back to look at Alex with a nervous laugh, while turning to look to Tom, before looking around the table at the other guests and smiling. "Other than making out in a scene, I'd never fuck Tom. We're friends," she said reaching out to touch Tom's hand and quickly pulling her hand away, when Katie stabbed the table and just missed stabbing her hand with her salad fork.

"Don't you touch my husband, slut," said Katie.

Tom wrestled the fork from his wife's hand and smiled his apology to everyone.

"We made more than one movie together. We're professionals," said Cameron counting her blessing, along with her fingers.

"Oh, you're a professional alright, a professional prostitute, which would explain why someone like you has made so many films. From director to producer to actor, you've sucked and fucked everyone. Now, I'll ask you again, did you suck my husband's cock?" Katie persevered in her interrogation. Picking up a knife and pointing the business end of it at her, as if it was a pointer, she asked her question again. "Did you blow my husband? Did you have Tommy's cock in your mouth? Did you suck him? Did he cum in your mouth? Did you swallow my husband's cum?" Again, Tom wrestled the knife out of his wife's hand.

"Katie, calm down, honey," whispered Tom. "I apologize everyone. She's taking a new medication that doesn't mix well with alcohol. "Knock it off, Katie. You're embarrassing me in front of my friends," he whispered to his wife.

"Okay, okay, I admit. Guilty as charge," she said with a sexy laugh. "I did, I blew him, I did, but I didn't fuck him. I swear," said Cameron looking to her boyfriend, superstar New York Yankees third baseman, Alex Rodriguez, while mouthing the word 'sorry'.

"Typical," said Nicole to Katie, while patting her hand. "Just as he was never faithful to his first wife, Mimi Rogers, cheating on her with me, Tom wasn't faithful to me either, cheating on me with you, Katie."

"Typically? What's typical?" Tom looked at his ex-wife with a face full of controlled rage. "What the Hell did you mean by saying typical? What's so God damn typical about me compared to your fucked up life with Mr. Country Music?"

"You'd have sex with anyone and everyone, if you could," said Nicole with composure, albeit a tone that her Australian accent couldn't conceal. "You had sex with all of your leading ladies," she said looking at Cameron with contempt. "You're such a wicked whore, Cameron," she said with a disregarding shrug, while smiling at her. "You're just another Hollywood, no talent slut, who'd fuck, suck, and lick anyone, anywhere, just for a role," she said to Cameron. "You're no better than Angelina," she said waving at Angelina, while smiling.

"Oh, my God? How can you say that to me? How dare you say that to me? I'm talented," said Cameron not taking offense with anything else but with the no talent part that Nicole Kidman said.

"We'll discuss this later in private," said Tom to Katie with a smile, before directing his anger at Nicole. "Last I checked, Nicole, we're not married anymore," he said looking over at Keith and smiling. "Who I fuck and when I fuck them is not any of your fucking business," he said to Nicole, before focusing his anger on Keith. "Hey buddy," he said with a wide smile, "wanna drink?" He held up his glass, as if toasting him. "Oh, sorry, that's right, you're on the wagon," he said to Keith, while laughing. "Besides, drugs are your demons of choice, huh?"

"Blow me," said Keith to Tom.

"Blow you? Keith Urban just asked me, Tom Cruise, to blow him," he said to everyone at the table. "Sorry, but Tom Cruise doesn't suck cock," said Tom referring to himself in the third person. "You're sitting at the wrong table, if you looking for a blowjob from a man. I won't blow you but, from what I'm hearing from the next table over, maybe George Clooney, Brad Pitt, or John Travolta would suck your cock. Maybe you and your nasty, lesbian wife should sit over there."

"We're no longer married because you couldn't keep it in your pants," said Nicole to Tom with victorious vindication and vindictive validation.

"Finally," said Tom banging his fist on the table. "You get it! That was our whole problem in a nutshell, Nicole. Just as in the movie we made together with Stanley Kubrick, Eyes Wide Shut, my eyes were wide shut with you. You wanted me to keep my cock in my pants, while you had your sordid, secret, lesbian affairs with women. Did you know your wife is a dyke, Keith? Oh, yeah, she loves licking pussy more than I do," said Tom sticking out his tongue and licking the air, as if licking a pussy. "Only, she's the dominant one and not the submissive one. Definitely, she's the butch dyke in any lesbian relationship. Matter of fact, she should be sitting the next table over with Oprah, her lover, Gayle, Whoopi, and Rosie O'Donnell," he said with a laugh.

"I'm sorry for you, Katie. He's still the same little prick. I see you haven't changed him," said Nicole. "How's that phony church of Scientology working out for you, Tom? Are they still asking you for seven figure donations? Are they still sucking you dry, while pretending they're doing you some good and have your best interests at heart and in mind?"

The next table over was just as provocative with Howard Sterns sitting with Rosie O'Donnell, Whoopi Goldberg, Suzie Orman, and Oprah Winfrey, her lover, sorry, I mean, her best friend, Gayle King, Jodie Foster, and Ellen Degeneres.

"What? Couldn't Melissa Etheridge, Wanda Sykes, and Jane Lynch make it for the Nude Day Hunger Around the World celebrity dinner tonight or weren't they big enough lesbian stars to be sitting at this table?" Howard looked around at his captive lesbian audience, no doubt, waiting for someone to take his bait and waiting to take offense. As if he was Henny Youngman, Rodney Dangerfield, or Don Rickles with his poisonous one liners, persevering in his attack of lesbians and lesbianism, he continued his insults. "Is this a lesbian convention? I've never seen so many lesbians in one room." Howard looked around the table again, this time with a big grin.

"I can see why they put you at this table, Howard," said Oprah acknowledging his comment with a laugh. "To stir up some shit stew."

"So tell me, Suze," said Howard to Suze Orman, "from one Jew to another."

"Yes, Howard," said Suzie Orman rolling her eyes, while smiling.

"Do you do financial planning just for lesbians or do you help normal people, too."

"Normal people? You hold him, Gayle," said Rosie O'Donnell with a laugh, "while I beat the piss out of him with my dinner roll."

"Truly, I don't understand," said Howard moving his hand back and front of his mouth, as if giving a blowjob. "Don't you women miss having a cock in your hand, in your mouth, in your pussy, up your ass, and in your life?"

"The only experiences that I've had with men have all been violent and bad," said Oprah with eyes that confessed her pain.

"I wouldn't miss something I've never had," said Jodie Foster with a forced smile and a shrug of disinterest.

"I'm with Jodie," said Ellen raising her hand, as if in school. "Besides, much like a man having forced sex in prison, most lesbians would rather die than to have sex with a man."

"Why am I sitting at this table as the token male? There are other tables, where I'd rather be sitting. That table with Lindsay Lohan looks like fun," said Howard looking over to Lindsay and making eyes at her.

"Lindsay Lohan? She's lesbian, Howard," said Whoopi with a laugh. "Besides, they stuck you with us because we lesbians will kick your ass, if you get out of line."

The next table over sat Taylor Swift with Kanye West, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Fergie, Miley Cyrus, Adele, and Cristina Aguilera.

"I'm surprised they put you here with us, Kanye," said Taylor Swift. "I figured they'd seat you with the love of your life, Beyonce or with your current girlfriend Kim Kardashian," she said with a smile that barely concealed the hostility she had towards him.

"How many times must I apologize to you, Taylor, before you forgive me for grabbing the award and the microphone from your hand at the Grammys? I'm sorry, but I just couldn't believe you won over Beyonce. She's much more talented than you."