Nature's Calling

While Molly soothed Rick's bruised ego, we meandered our way across the clearing, each step bringing me closer and closer to Kieran O'Brien. He was pulling me, as surely as if he was magnetized and I was just a little paper clip too light to resist the pull. It sounded cliché, I knew, but it was impossible to ignore.

Allow me to be frank here while still being Ethan. I was never one to deny my urges. I was usually crude, rude and always in the mood but when your rampant libido was snuffed out to all others but one man, well, you tended to start wanting to curb your natural impulses. So even though the lustful beast inside me wanted to tackle the man and ravish him, the sensible, straight guy knew I needed to avoid temptation at all costs.

Kieran O'Brien was the biggest temptation of all.

I needed to remain vigilant, leery. I needed to keep distance between us so that magnetic pull couldn't draw me inexorably closer.

Of course, it didn't help that I was already swooning like some nancy schoolgirl.

"Kieran!" Molly screeched, dropping everything and flinging herself into her cousin's arms. Kieran caught her, smiling ever so slightly, his firm, totally kissable lips puckering to press a smooch to Molly's forehead.

"Hey, baby doll," he murmured, his gaze going over Molly's shoulder to pinpoint on me. I may have faltered, stumbling under the impact of that intense gaze, and I didn't think it had anything to do with Nature's usual antics.

Kieran and Rick did the perfunctory handshake greeting but I stood back, still caught and completely ensnared by his aquamarine eyes. Jesus, I was supposed to be doing the aloof, unaffected thing, but it wasn't working. Especially not when his seemingly dispassionate yet blatant perusal of my body had me flushing. He took in everything, from my brand new flannel shirt down to my brand new hiking boots. I knew I looked like a miniature lumberjack in these stupid clothes but everything I owned wasn't hiking appropriate. Molly had relished the shopping expedition. I, however, had simply endured it.

A smile twitched at his lips and even those crystalline eyes thawed a little, melting around the edges. "Cute," he remarked.

Cute? My back straightened, indignation singing my cheeks with a furious blush. That was the most condescending word in the English language and he thought I was cute? How very rude of him. I was sexy as sin, thank you very much. Again, no ego check required.

Of course, I really didn't give a shit what he thought of me. Really, I didn't. I didn't.

Okay, you beat it out of me, I did.

That smile that had only been hinted at curved the corners of his sumptuous, sensual mouth. "Learn to take a compliment, Ethan," he advised quietly.

I blinked. "You remember my name?" I asked incredulously.

There was no further reaction on his face, his words very matter-of-fact. "Of course I do." Before I could bask in a ridiculous glow at that, he continued, "You dated my favorite cousin for almost a year. So of course I remember."

Well, what an impression I must've made on him. I'd never even entered his radar, hadn't imprinted myself in his mind as he had done me. Really, that should've been a relief.

So why did I feel so empty and hollow inside? Why did my stupid heart ache?

Damn it, I'd turned pussy in about a heartbeat. Where was my fucking pride at? On second thought, where the hell was my damn masculinity?

Molly accidentally-on-purpose stumbled into me, knocking me into the startled, muscular arms of Kieran. I blushed, my hands clutching at those hard forearms, feeling the impact clear down to the marrow of my bones. My cock gave an excited twitch at the close proximity.

Biting my lip, I peeked up at Kieran through the fringe of my lashes, disconcerted to meet his gaze instantly. He was already staring down at me. His face betrayed nothing but there was something in his eyes... something that intensified as his hand rose, fingers brushing a brief but electric caress across my cheek. I closed my eyes, breath catching, my fingers clutching his wrist, and turned my face into that warm caress against my will.

But in the next instant, I was clutching only air, stumbling forward yet again. My eyes snapped open, seeing Kieran's averted gaze, the muscles of his throat convulsing as he swallowed. He steadied me, putting several paces between us, and I was loath to admit that I felt bereft at that distance. And horrified with myself at my reaction. But I was even more horrified that the moment was now ruined.

"You can stow your bags inside," Kieran mumbled, and I was slightly heartened to hear the sudden huskiness of his voice. He cleared his throat but the words that emerged were still tinged with a rawness that struck a delicious chord inside me, thrumming with vibrations that had all my nerve endings tingling. "We can get started after you're settled."

Why wouldn't he look at me?

Why did I want him to look at me?

I followed behind a giddy Molly and a still confused Rick across the drawbridge, swallowing past the constriction of my throat. With every step away from him that I took I expected to feel that inexplicable connection I'd experienced with him for a too brief moment lessen but if anything it just stretched... stretched... a tether that was stretching to capacity and threatening to snap me back to his side.

Cursing myself for my weakness, I glanced back at him, startled to find that he was already staring back. He was staring back. I caught a flash of... longing?... before his calm neutrality reasserted itself and he whipped his head around, glaring down at that sparkling water, his hands clenching the rope once again. Tantalizing veins stood up in his forearms.

Maybe, just maybe, he didn't see me as just his cousin's ex. Maybe, just maybe, he remembered me for a different reason. I squelched the idiotic hope that sprung eternally, forcing myself to turn around and follow Molly and Rick into the cabin.

Man up, Sharp, I chastised myself.

"I see Kieran's made a few modifications since I was last here," Molly said, stopping and gazing around.

I did some gazing of my own, gaping yet again. This place was humongous. A big, open space, the living room boasting a cathedral ceiling, with this brown suede sectional sofa that could double as a very comfy bed. There was a large loft up above, with two bedrooms and a bathroom, and I leaned to the side to peek into the kitchen and connecting dining room. I saw the glint of chrome appliances and it somehow worked with the earthy feel of the place, with the exposed beams and logs.

And so many windows. No matter which way I looked, I got a view into the outdoors, seeing all those giant sequoias and pines, the sun dappling the ground and little critters scurrying about. I thought maybe I saw the plumed, black-tipped tail of a gray fox but it disappeared into the trees before I could get a closer look. There must've been a door or some windows opened because I heard the gentle soughing of the breeze outside, the rustle of leaves and the soft cadence of birds out there. And was that the calm susurration of water? An actual babbling brook?

Now this was luxury camping. Seeing, smelling and hearing, without touching or tasting. That's what I called the ideal nature expedition.

Stowing our bags in one of the upstairs bedrooms, we took our scraggly baby trees and trooped back outside, finding Kieran had already begun digging a hole on the fringes of the property. I averted my gaze from the shirtless man, from the sun-glazed muscles rippling, drool building and building until I was sure there was a steady stream dribbling from my bottom lip.

You are straight, Sharp, I snapped at myself. Start acting like it. Belch, scratch your balls, beat your chest, do something!

That would've been much easier to do had the man not been so... hawt.

"Rick, why don't you and I plant our tree over there?" Molly suggested, indicating a spot far away from where Kieran was digging. "I notice a serious excess of elbowroom among the troops there. Kieran, why don't you help Ethan?"

Subtlety was not Molly's strong suit. I glared after her but I didn't find myself objecting. I was simply taking the path of least resistance. That was it. It had nothing to do with being alone with Kieran O'Brien. No, siree.

"Oh, and Ethan?" she called over her shoulder. "You might wanna help Kieran spread some sunscreen on his back. We Irish have sensitive skin, you know."

I noticed Kieran glance at Molly with the slightest furrow to his brow but he bent back to his task, silently scooping out dirt, the sun caressing that sinfully muscular body and glinting off his shiny black hair. I took a deep, shuddering breath, strengthening my resolve to resist him, before tripping over my own feet to his side. I plopped the tree down beside the fresh mound of excavated dirt and waited for instruction. He was the expert here; I was just a neophyte.

His eyes flicked up at me briefly before returning to the ground. He cleared his throat. "You can place the tree in now," he said. I started to and that smile twitched at his lips again. "You need to take the burlap off first."

Rolling my eyes, I ripped the burlap off, then dropped in the tree. I watched him scoop in dirt around the roots until the hole was filled halfway. Then he poured in some water to, in his words, settle the soil and release any air pockets. I was allowed to shove in the rest of the dirt, crouching and sinking my fingers into the soft soil, patting it smooth around the edges.

Now, if I was gay, wouldn't I be bemoaning the ruin of my manicure? Further proof. I'd never gotten one and had no plans ever to.

I kneeled there on the ground, arm brushing the smooth, warm skin of Kieran's, as he built a soil berm to form a depression around the edge. He filled the depression with water several times but we couldn't complete the whole thing because Molly was bogarting the mulch. I really didn't know why the hell we needed mulch anyway.

I reached over for the water bucket, my shoulder pressing against his, our hands colliding. There was eye contact for the briefest moment, breath held suspended in my throat, and I watched that strong hand tremble infinitesimally before he clenched his jaw resolutely and steadied it.

Would he ever let loose? Did I even want him to?

Cursing under my breath, I stood up and surveyed our handiwork.

My tree was lopsided but it was in there. A sense of pride unfurled inside me. I glanced up at the clear blue sky, seeing a lone cloud skitter across the sun. Shit, with me out here, that cloud would be joined by others, darker and bigger ones, and rain would pelt us and ruin the whole weekend. As much as I didn't want to be out here in the wilderness I also didn't want this torturous experience exacerbated by rain.

There, I helped replenish your ranks, I thought. Or maybe I was beseeching. How about a temporary reprieve here?

In answer, that lone cloud soared away, becoming thin and wispy before entirely dissipating. Huh. Maybe Mother Nature had heeded my call, after all. Who knew you could bargain with the vengeful bitch?

Grinning, I returned my gaze to Kieran, finding he was watching me again. My breath caught, grin slowly slipping away. Those damn eyes, so blue, so intense, penetrated deep and gripped my soul in a crushing, bruising fist. His lips parted and I expected words to emerge but instead he shook his head and glanced down again. I hid my disappointment well.

Stupid disappointment.

We worked in silence, packing up the small shovel and scattering the leftover dirt around the trees, and each quick brush of our bodies was ratcheting up my awareness of the man. Ratcheting up my arousal, my horror and even my curiosity. I was on the damn brink. Of what, an orgasm or a fucking existential crisis, I couldn't tell you. All I knew was that my throbbing, aching dick was weeping for a touch and I didn't think my own would appease it.

After another of those tantalizing brushes of our fingers as we were both reaching for the burlap to dispose of, I finally had to ask, "Are you gay?"

His eyes flicked over but he remained infuriatingly neutral. "Are you?" he countered quietly.

I opened my mouth but swallowed the instant refusal I'd had formulated. It was garbled up in my throat, anyway. Somehow, any evasions or outright lies that worked on Molly and even myself wouldn't work on Kieran. I met his impenetrable, icy eyes and the dreaded admission slipped free of its own accord. "I don't know," I whispered brokenly.

Fuck. That right there was really the crux of all my problems, wasn't it?

******

My confession, however lame it was, hung over me the rest of the day. A dark, abysmal cloud threatening great bouts of rain far worse than any the sky could unleash. But every once in a while, my eyes would meet Kieran's and no matter the distance, the constriction around my chest would lessen.

After a while I stopped looking over at him. Better to suffocate myself than allow him to relieve this self-doubt or insecurity or whatever the hell this was.

As full night descended, a chill settled over us, too, and Kieran quickly and efficiently built a fire. We huddled around and Molly made a bag of marshmallows materialize out of thin air, distributing them and some twigs. I attempted to roast my marshmallows but after losing six of them to the greedy flames I finally conceded defeat and flung my twig into the fiery trenches.

Just as I did that, this horrendous screech startled the silent night, save for the crackling of the logs and the chirping of nearby bugs. It sounded like a woman screaming bloody fucking murder.

I jerked upright, whipping my head from side to side, and I didn't need a mirror to know my face had blanched and my eyes were as big as saucers.

"Coyotes," Kieran explained softly.

Funny, his explanation didn't settle my nerves. I remained tense, wary, my gaze skittering around the dark surroundings, the trees only silhouettes and somehow foreboding, their branches like skeletal appendages swaying eerily in the breeze. Reaching for me. Grasping.

I was beyond relieved when Molly announced it was time to turn in.

"Make sure you get rid of all the food out here," Kieran said. "We don't need bears sniffing around."

My eyes widened. "B-bears?"

"Yeah, black bears," Molly told me. "They have a keen sense of smell and a heightened memory for food. They'll break into cars if anything even resembling food is inside. They can even recognize the shape of coolers."

Um, gulp.

My gaze skittered around again, peering into the darkness, and when some leaves rustled it was like a fire was lit under my ass. I jumped up, shooting for the cabin in giant, leaping bounds, falling through the door. I do believe I broke some world records there. Cowardly Lion Syndrome in all its glory.

Kieran, Molly and Rick straggled behind me, and before I could get swept up staring at Kieran, I called first dibs on the shower. Snatching up my bag, I skedaddled up the stairs to the loft, enclosing myself inside the bathroom. There was a pretty rustic feel to the bathroom, a lot of earth tones, with a glass shower stall sporting about six showerheads. Pulsating jets and all. I nearly drooled.

Stripping, I powered up the jets, stepping beneath the scalding spray. Steam quickly fogged up the room, my skin nearly blistering, but I preferred my showers on the verge of giving me third degree burns. I didn't feel clean otherwise. Interpret that however you wanted.

I bowed my head, dripping strands of brown hair hanging in my face and droplets clinging to my eyelashes, allowing the pounding jets to soothe all the kinks and knots bunching up my muscles. I felt the tension drain out of me, letting it gurgle down the drain with the water. The sweat, the tension, it all washed away. If only I could get rid of that stupid, unflagging erection doing an impressive ten-hut.

Groaning, I quickly lathered and rinsed, shutting off the water and toweling dry. Cinching the towel around my hips, I wiped off the steam on the mirror, meeting the blurry, distorted reflection of my own face. There was an unnatural flush to my cheeks from the water, my brown eyes impossibly wide. And was that an expectant gleam there? They fucking shined.

Shit, I was actually excited about returning downstairs, to Kieran. What the hell was going on with me here?

I was clearly divided on the issue. My mind was insisting one thing, that it was beyond wrong to want that man, but my dick had other ideas and it was infecting other parts of my body, too. Emotional parts. It was horrifying but it was pulling me inexorably for the stairs. I barely had enough time to throw on some loose basketball shorts and a Nike tee before my bare feet were padding down the smooth wood of the stairs.

To Kieran. Damn it.

The living room was dim and gloomy, lit only by the bluish glow of the 55' Plasma HDTV, and Kieran was sprawled on that big suede couch watching Limitless. Flickering shadows leapt and quivered on the walls and across his face but I saw no sign of Molly and Rick.

I skidded to a halt. "Uh, where's Molly and the Cro-Magnon?"

Silently, Kieran hooked a thumb over his shoulder. I followed the direction he indicated and glanced out the huge windows behind him, seeing that a tent had been erected in the yard. The flickering glow of a lantern provided silhouettes of the happy couple and they were, well, gyrating. I still considered busting up their little outdoor tryst, to prevent me from making a fool out of myself in here, but before I could I heard a dreamily sighed, "Oh, Rick." Those damn windows or that damn door was still opened.

Shit, as much as I didn't want to be alone with Kieran, I wanted even less to interrupt that.

I was stuck with the lesser of two evils. A very hot, very tempting evil.

Clearing my throat, I perched my ass on the very edge of the couch, in the farthest spot from Kieran I could manage. Clasping my hands between my knees, my shoulders hunched, I stared intently at the television to avoid glancing at him. But I didn't need to glance at him. I could feel him, his presence radiating with enough magnetism that I felt my body leaning unconsciously to the side.

I caught myself before I ended up sprawled across his lap. Stiffening my spine, I sat ramrod straight, body clenched to avoid anymore leaning.

The silence, that damned silence, was getting to be a little awkward.

Apparently, Kieran thought so, too. In my periphery, I saw him pluck up a small remote. One press of a button and I heard a gentle whirring of gears, the wood ceiling up above sliding away, revealing a sheet of Plexiglass that protected the interior of the cabin from the elements and gave us an unobstructed view of the velvety, starry night sky. My lips parted, a sigh escaping. That was amazing.

Almost in a trance, I laid back on the couch, staring transfixed at the flickering pinpoints of brightness in the sky. In LA, I never got the opportunity to do much stargazing, and I'd forgotten just how beautiful the sky could look. And, yes, I was aware that sounded sissified.

The couch shifted and suddenly Kieran's head was beside my own, the top of his brushing against my shoulder. Silky strands of midnight black hair tickled the side of my face but I didn't find myself scooting away. It felt... nice. Ridiculously so.

His pale arm rose, indicating a cluster of stars. "That's Cassiopeia," he told me softly.

I tried to see it but I couldn't. I thought maybe I recognized the Milky Way but I could've been mistaken. Constellations hadn't ever been my forte; I just thought the sky was beautiful like this. It always ended up reminding me that the universe was a gigantic place and I was just a small blip among billions. That might've been disappointing to some but to me it was comforting. Comforting to know that whatever mistakes I made, someone else had made the same mistakes. If I loved, hated or grieved, someone else was doing the same.