Never Too Late

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Love means never having to say...
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leapyearguy
leapyearguy
2,221 Followers

"I'm sorting the wedding album, which pictures do you want?"

Like I would really want anything to remind me of my failed marriage with Sherry. I wanted to ask if she had any that showed her kissing my ass but decided against it, goddamned photographs anyway. That had been a lot of the problem between her and me, photographs, not to mention I hate to argue.

Sherry had an internal Rolodex that contained reference to every event that had occurred since the time we met. She had a super database, accessible in microseconds to use against me when we fought. She remembered stuff to throw back at me that I couldn't even recall doing or saying.

It's not that I was afraid to duel with her, I just found it pointless. When Sherry was confronted, she changed the subject so fast and so many times that it would take me a week to sort out what she'd said. If I hesitated, all hope of getting an answer was out the window. When I was lucky enough to stay with her babble, she would break down in tears and accuse me of being hurtful. It always turned into a no-win situation... for me that is.

"Brian, did you hear me, which pictures do you want?" she asked from the other room.

I continued to pack some of my personal things into boxes. This was just another sign of how far our relationship had deteriorated. My refusal to answer her was deeper than not wanting any of the damn pictures. I'd lost trust in Sherry and my head was telling me she was baiting me. She wanted to turn the court ordered division of assets into an excuse to argue.

The judge ordered a fifty, fifty split in the divorce. At the time it all seemed so fair and civil to me. Now that I'm here, well, it's not easy to even think about the ramifications. How do you split the love, can you divide heartache?

I can't deny that I love Sherry, I love her too much if that's possible. She was all that I'd hoped for, and at the same time, exactly the type of woman that I couldn't handle mentally. She drove me crazy, she just could not admit that anything was her fault and I don't think the word sorry is even part of her vocabulary.

After six years, I finally gave up. I got tired of the endless competition and threw in the towel. You probably think Sherry and I fought all the time, but we didn't. Sometimes it was just a few words between us, like "you're over reacting." Those words drove a stake in into the heart of our marriage.

Maybe I was over reacting to the situation at hand, but I was also tired, angry and hurt at the same time. I felt a deep sense of disrespect from Sherry's thoughtlessness.

I guess I should explain; Sherry and I are very different in respect to our personalities. Sherry is extremely outgoing and personable, where as I am reserved and shy. If you'd like to know anything about her, just ask, she's an open book. On the reverse side of the coin, you'll find me. I am very jealous of my privacy and regard my business as exactly that, mine, I don't share secrets.

Some time ago now, probably over a year. Sherry and I had gone out for a very nice evening. It turned out to be especially romantic with wine and a candlelit dinner. We barely made it home before we were all over each other. We made love in spectacular fashion, it was far from typical.

After a few hours of particularly slow foreplay and lovemaking, we lay sated in bed. Prying myself from Sherry's embrace, I went to fetch a bottle of wine for us to share. On my way back to the bedroom, I saw the new digital camera that I had recently bought. My mood was playful, so I took the camera with the wine.

Sherry was all too willing to pose for some very sexual and intimate photos. The more pictures I took, the steamier she became. It wasn't long before the camera was set aside and we were passionately making love again. Later, Sherry was returning from the bathroom, the camera was soon in her hands.

While I was not as willing as she was, I did pose for a few pictures for her. Sherry was, to say the least, extremely turned on by all this photographic foreplay as she called it.

The idea of capturing our passion seemed to drive her absolutely wild. Sherry mounted me like a cowgirl and began a very seductive and slow ride. We were always very compatible in bed, but that night was way beyond anything we had ever dared. To my surprise, she still had the camera in one hand and was snapping candid photos. Sherry rode me like a demon, she got wilder with each click of the camera.

The next morning I found Sherry reviewing the photo evidence of our previous night. We were in the living room at the time and soon ended up in bed as she could barely keep her hands off me. I had never seen her act quite this aggressive before, usually Sherry prefers not to have sex in the morning.

It had been a wild and enjoyable weekend. The sex and closeness were wonderful for both of us. By midweek things had tapered off to our usual loving existence. I had not forgotten about the photos, but gave little thought to what they may eventually come to mean.

The next week, I think it was a Thursday. I got home from work at the usual time. I entered the house through the kitchen as usual and heard the chattering and giggling right away. Sherry has friends over quite a lot and I didn't pay much attention to the noise. I opened a beer in the kitchen and wandered toward the den. I thought I would steer clear of the hen party and relax for a while.

At the doorway, my mouth flew open and my beer bottle dropped to my feet. Sherry and two of her friends were huddled around the computer watching a slideshow of my hard cock plunging into Sherry's swollen pussy. I tried to speak but the words caught in my throat. I was angry, but at the time was more embarrassed than I'd been in my entire life.

Sherry being the open person that she is, smiled and waved me over like they were watching a Disney film. I could tell she was not shy in the least about sharing our most private and intimate moments. It took her a few seconds before she read the horror on my face.

After her friends had left, we had a long talk about what had happened. I didn't yell, I kept an even keel, knowing that I had to keep the focus centered on the problem at hand.

Sherry couldn't seem to grasp what was so wrong about what she'd done. She was proud of the pictures and didn't mind one bit showing them to her friends. At this point, you have to remember what a reserved individual that I am to get an idea what I felt. It wasn't so much that she'd done it, but the lack of consideration for my feelings.

I tried to explain it to her several times but I suppose my calm demeanor didn't allow her to fully understand the situation from my point of view. I should have unloaded on her with both barrels but I was resolved to keep this from escalating into one of those convoluted finger pointing matches that never resolve anything.

In the end, she agreed not to show or talk about the photos again. It hadn't gone the way I wanted and I never did get what I needed out of our talk. I needed an apology but we never got even close. Sure, I could have flat out asked her, but think about it, what's the point? That's the same as buying your own Christmas present, it's not from the heart.

For a week or so, I struggled with the way I'd handled the situation. I chickened out, I took the easy road. Sherry had not learned a thing and I wasn't satisfied with the result. I vowed not to let things slide the next time we disagreed and would not let our next misunderstanding go silently into that good night.

Unfortunately, it didn't take long until the final round began. Sherry and I were attending a family gathering at my sister's house. It was a backyard bar-b-cue affair held for my dad's birthday. I had been looking forward to seeing the family and having a few beers with Dad and Ray, my sister's husband.

The party started off well enough and it was shaping up to be a great day. I played with my nephews and had a nice visit with Mom. Sherry was helping my sister, Lindsey, with the food and I could see them talking and laughing.

We all enjoyed a great meal then pitched in to clean up. When the dishes were done, we joined Mom and Dad in the back yard for a drink. The evening was cool and it felt good to sit and talk about old times.

Lindsey over the years, has taken a shine to sipping wine. She over indulges with the grape and tonight seemed to be well on her way. She kept giving me a sly smile once in a while, I could tell there was something boiling in the kettle but couldn't tell what it was just yet. We always were pretty close to each other growing up and I knew the look.

Mom was telling a cute little story about Lindsey's prom night. She went on about how beautiful she was in her dress and how she looked like a princess. I could actually see the red in Lindsey's face as Mom went on about her precious daughter's big night.

I was thinking to myself, "If Mom only knew the whole story and what I'd seen from my bedroom window that night."

I gotten home a bit earlier than Lindsey and was in my room getting ready to jump into bed. I heard a car pull into the drive and went to the window to see who it was.

Lindsey and her date had parked and the lights went off on the car. I was about to forget it and hit the sack when I saw the two of them start making out. From my second floor window, I had a perfect view of them through the windshield.

It all seemed innocent enough at first but right before I turned away, I saw my sister's head dip down below the steering wheel, "What the fuck, Lindsey sucks dick?" I had a perfect view. I continue to watch and it was pretty graphic. She was bobbing her head up and down like this wasn't the first time. She continued for a few more minutes and stopped. I figure the show was about over but then I could see them scrambling into the back seat. I'd lost the view from my angle but soon her feet were sticking out the window. My baby sister was getting plowed and by the way her legs were flailing, she was lovin' it.

The thought left my head in time for me to hear the end of Mom's story about how she'd been awake that night too. Lindsey was flaming red as we'd all gotten a pretty good laugh about her being busted and not knowing it until now. I was glad at the time that Mom hadn't brought up any of my escapades.

My sister took the good-natured ribbing but I had a feeling that she wasn't happy being the butt of all our jokes. You could see it in her eyes, somebody else was going to suffer the embarrassment soon. She gulped another glass of wine and when the conversation lulled, she pulled the pin and dropped the grenade that ended my marriage.

"So Bri, when do we get to see the pictures?" she asked coyly.

"What pictures Sis?" I asked like I didn't know what she meant, because I didn't.

"Oh you know, the ones that Sherry was telling me about," she teased.

I glared at Sherry and could see the smile fade from her face. Goddamn her eyes, I was on my feet and about a second away from hitting a woman for the first time in my life. This time I wasn't even embarrassed, I was foaming at the mouth mad at my wife for breaking our agreement not to ever speak of those damn pictures again. I threw my beer bottle against the fence and watched it shatter like the trust I'd once had in Sherry.

"Brian, it was just a joke," Lindsey tried to calm the situation.

"Stay out of this, you have no idea," I spat.

Sherry was cowering now as my dad stepped in to try and take control before things got worse.

"Come on Son, calm down, you're over reacting."

I immediately saw red, "OVER REACTING! You think so? Well stick around for the rest of the show, cause you ain't seen nothing yet," I seethed.

"I want you all to have a good laugh at this, cause by tomorrow it won't seem so fucking funny. Sherry, I've had it with you and you're give a shit attitude," I fumed.

"Brian please, can't we talk about this in private?" Sherry stammered.

"What for? You don't seem to want to keep any of our life private, come on Baby let's share this part too."

"God Brian, you're making a big deal out of nothing," she was going defensive.

"Yeah you're right, promises mean nothing to you. This is all a big fucking misunderstanding. Well listen to this part closely so you don't misunderstand, we're done, it's over, I want out, I can't take any more, divorce, no more arguments, you win, is that plain enough for all of you?" I said looking around at the stunned faces.

When I got home, the phone was ringing, I let it ring. It only took me ten minutes to pack. A life time of hopes and dreams were hurriedly thrown into a suitcase.

As I walked out of the door, I ran into Sherry.

"Brian please, don't do this," she begged.

"It's already done," I replied coldly.

"Goddamn it, what do you want from me? Just tell me what to do," she pleaded.

"You've already done enough for one day, let's just forget it." I told her as I moved past her.

I felt like shit but I did what I had to do for my own sanity. I never wanted it to end this way, hell, I never wanted our marriage to end at all. I always thought we could grow old together but I suppose that was all wishful thinking.

The fact that Sherry never once said she was sorry screamed at me. How could she be so fucking selfish and unfeeling? Is that denial? If you don't accept blame, you don't have to apologize.

I could have laid it all out for her, I could have told her what she did and what it would take to fix it. But it would it really fix the problem? I think not. She had to see it on her own and admit it to herself first or she would only end up blaming me, and for once I wasn't going to accept that responsibility.

The motel room was cold and impersonal, much like my life was to become. I sat down with a bottle of courage and tried to steel myself while I thought this through. My emotions flowed like the tides, I was right, I was wrong. I missed Sherry terribly but the ball was in her court now.

I'd drawn a line in the sand but was certain that given the right circumstances I would be willing to try and save what was left of our marriage. If Sherry was able to convince me she was truly remorseful and worked toward rebuilding my trust, we could work it out. On the other hand, I was also convinced that given her past track record, we were history as a couple.

You can call it pride or what ever you want, but I wasn't going to be the willow that bent this time. I had to stand up for what was right or I would never be able to look at myself as a man and she wouldn't either. If Sherry thought for an instant that she could walk all over me, she would in no way ever respect me and there in lies the problem. Without respect on her part and trust on mine, we were fucked.

After sitting alone for hours, I looked down to see that I was still nursing the first few ounces of whiskey that I'd poured. I'd planned to get drunk and try to sleep through the horrible loneliness that I knew the first night would bring.

It would have been so easy to run home to my wife but what would I have gained in the long run? A week, a month, maybe even a year and then sooner or later it would happen again.

You see, the lack of trust was already gaining momentum. Each time that I thought of how stupid this all was, I realized that I'd taken the first step off of the cliff and it really wasn't up to me how I landed. My only choice was to wait for the magical parachute to open or crash face first into reality.

The next day I was tired. No sleep and worry had almost brought me to my knees. I checked my cell for messages and my mailbox was full. The only one I returned was one from Mom and Dad.

"Look, Dad, I'm sorry for putting you and Mom through all that last night."

"I don't want to hear that right now Son, all that's important is that you're ok," he sounded worried.

"I'm fine and tell Mom not to worry," I assured him, "I really don't want to get into it right now but I'll come by in a few days and try to explain it."

"Alright Brian, we'll see you then. Your sister's here, she wants a few words..."

"Dad... No!"

Lindsey was on the line before I could stop him.

"Brian, where the hell are you? Sherry is going crazy without you."

She went on and on about how sorry she was. I didn't have much to say other than asking her nicely to mind her own fucking business but that had no effect at all. She begged and pleaded until I couldn't take any more and agreed to meet her.

Now that we were face to face, I still had very little to talk about, that is until she said those Goddamned words again.

"Brian listen to me, you're over reacting. Aren't you just making a mountain out of a mole hill?"

"First of all, it's my mole hill and just what the hell makes you think that this is no big deal? Huh, tell me Sis... tell me... Sherry broke a promise to me, it's not what she told you, it's the fact that she did tell you. We had an agreement never to speak of those pictures ever again," I vented.

"Jeezus Brian, I'm your sister, it's not like she put them on the Internet. Christ Bri, do you think it's worth loosing the best thing that ever happened to you over your stupid little secret?" she pressed, "Just think for a second, let me help you two work this out," she pleaded.

"Just stay out of it, you really don't have a clue..."

"Yes I do, Sherry told me something that she wasn't supposed to, and now you're all bent out of shape. Goddamn it, it's no big deal, so what, one little secret and you think your life is over?"

"So let me get this straight... You can't see how one tennie tiny little secret shared between family matters at all, does that about sum it up?"

"Yeah that's exactly what I'm trying to say."

"Ok, but just so I'm perfectly clear on this. For instance, if Sherry told me something about Mom or Dad or maybe even you, it wouldn't be a big problem if that information were kinda sorta leaked out to one of the family?"

"Exactly, sure it may cause a little embarrassment but it wouldn't be as big of problem as you're making this into."

"So if I told your husband, Ray, that you had an accidental affair and your last born might not be his... Well ok, I think I understand what you're saying now." I nodded.

It was the only time in my entire life that I'd seen Lindsey at a loss for words. Her face went ashen as my words cut clear to the bone. Lindsey didn't merely start to cry, she went to stage three without ever stopping at the first two. I felt bad but how else was she going to learn not to butt into my life.

As you might have guessed, it took me hours to sew up the wounds that I'd inflicted on Lindsey. I assured her that if Ray ever found out about her affair that it wouldn't be me that told him. I also made it clear that I was disappointed in her but would not be judgmental. The path was simple, it was none of my business. What she did was between her and Ray even if I didn't condone it. She saw what I was doing now as clear as crystal and never interfered again.

Mom and Dad and Sherry's parents were a whole other story tough. They seemed to hound me night and day to get over my mad. Each and every one of them apologized for Sherry at least a hundred times.

When I'd given Sherry enough time to stew, I went to see her. She tried to cover the tired worn look but it showed just the same.

Now, I could relay our conversation but frankly, you'd only get confused. It started with, "Brian please, haven't you punished me enough," and continued with, "Aren't you over reacting," and finished with, "Brian, please Baby don't leave me."

The whole convoluted mess took over an hour. There were harsh words spoken and tears shed on both sides but not once did I ever hear her admit to being wrong or say that she was sorry. I walked away deflated but more sure than ever that I still loved her and wanted her in my life. For all her faults, and yes everyone has them, even me, I could come up with many more qualities to love.

leapyearguy
leapyearguy
2,221 Followers
12