New Widower Thinks SexbyEgmont0409©
At least four times Jerry White had lost Melba in the mall and once in the car lot when they'd arranged to meet back at the car but he couldn't find it. Melba had a spare set of keys so sat alone until Jerry showed up in a police car. The cops told her Jerry had reported his car had been stolen, with his wife sitting in it.
Now Jerry had lost Melba for the last time and returned home from her funeral and the afternoon tea that followed in the church hall. His three kids then lined him up and went at it.
"Dad, we're selling this house," Diane said. "It's too big for one person."
"You try that Diane and I'll knock your block off. Just because you learned to become a radical at university doesn't mean you'll get away with it with me. I have my old service revolver hidden away. When you arrive with a Realtor I'll plant a bullet through the belly buttons of both of you."
"And then you'll go to jail."
"But then I get out, don't I? You Miss Busybody don't get a second chance with a bullet through your guts."
"Come on dad," yawned Owen. "You know there's no ex-Army revolver hidden around here. Roger and I spent years as teenagers looking for it and found nothing."
Roger the quite one said, "Why do you want to retain the house dad?"
"My new companion will be comfortable in this house."
The family looked at him like imbeciles, mouths hanging open. As to be expected, Miss Bolshie recovered first. "Dad, you're crazy. No one wants a smelly man your age. What are you: sixty or is it seventy?"
"I'm not yet sixty.
"How old am I Roger?"
"You are fifty-seven," said the senior medical student, "and Diane couples have sex into their seventies and even beyond."
"Don't be so fucking disgusting Roger. What the hell do they teach you at med school? Oh god, I'm getting a migraine just thinking about two sixty-year olds banging their wrinkles together."
Owen said nervously, "Come on Roger, tell us you're having us on. Sex is for young people."
Roger said, "I hope this doesn't really give you a migraine Diane, but two weeks ago we visited a home for the elderly to learn about their special needs in health care. The manager said they usually have on average three or four guys in their eighties who molest care-givers including registered nurses and some of the women actually bend over for them."
"Oh god. They can hold an erection at eighty-plus?"
Roger said, "Yes and ejaculate."
That knocked the stuffing out of Diane. She lay on the couch holding her head and moaned.
Jerry asked indignantly, "What the hell have eighty-year olds got to do with me? And for you information I'll take in a younger woman, hopefully a sex-slut."
Owen said, "For fuck sake Diane, stop throwing a Hollywood and sit up. We should be talking about trying to get dad institutionalized as being mentally unbalanced."
"Listen you punk," Jerry said quietly. "You keep changing your jobs and your women, dropped out of university and have being convicted twice for drunk driving. Your judgment about my mental state is as unreliable as your judgment in choosing women. Get off my case, will you. God you lot, you never were successful at holding a family conference even when your mother was here attempting to keep you on track."
Smarting at being called a punk and exposed as a loser, Owen warned, "Talk to me like that again dad and I'll knock some sense into that old head of yours."
"Excuse me for a minute guys," Jerry said. "There's something I want to show you."
When he'd gone Owen said, "Fuck I thought he'd be convinced by us to sell the house. Then we could have hit him for big loans."
"Well count me out on that bid you two," Roger said. "Dad's given us a valid reason for staying on here. As for having him certified Owen, if he counter-claims and have you examined it will be you who'll be put away."
"Very funny," Owen scowled. "Christ why do we have to have parents; they're such a pain?"
"If dad lives with a young teenager he'll be soon joining mom," Diane said. "I really don't want that to happen."
They stopped talking, hearing their father walking back along the passage.
"Now about those threats you are making against me Owen and Diane?" Jerry said, pushing .45 caliber bullets into his ex-Army revolver.
"Oh fuck!" Owen said. "The old man has lost it."
"That's bullshit Owen. Remain calm."
"Thank you Roger. Does anyone else have anything to add?"
"I-I be g-glad for you to s-stay in this h-h-house dad. Oh please, don't shoot Owen."
"Thanks for giving me back my home Diane. Owen, pull out your dick and hold it out, standing sideways to me."
"If I shoot it off you'll be too distracted to punch me in the head."
"I-I'm s-sorry dad. All threats are canceled."
"Oh thanks son. Now while I hide this gun away you guys get the drinks out. Diane my neighbors brought in plates of sandwiches this morning. You'll find them in the fridge. I want you to stay and listen how I plan to run my life without interference. Your mother had money of her own and left it all to me but her lawyer will advise you tomorrow the things she has left to each of you. Of the $120,000 cash you mother left me, I aim to give each of you $30,000 of that when you present me a plan how you propose using that money wisely to help push you forward in life."
Jerry walked away unloading the revolver.
"Damn, dad must be really off his head wanting to fire thirty grand to each of you two," Roger said dryly.
"No he's a good guy," Diane said. "Kevin and I will be able to reduce our house mortgage and buy a new freezer. Dad knows the present one leaks. Roger you could reduce your debts and you Owen could buy a plane ticket and leave the country. Dad will go for that like a shot."
"Diane, now you are ganging up on me," Owen whined.
* * *
Jerry's sister-in-law Wendy called. "How are you doing champ?"
"Fair enough, head above water and all that kind of stuff. I miss Melba."
"Of course you do," said the blonde cashier, calling from her father's restaurant. She was having a work break. "But you get on with your life, do you hear. That was a lovely church service today."
"Yeah, just as Melba would have wanted."
"Um, this is a bit delicate and if you tell anyone I'll have your left ball hanging off my car aerial."
"Aw, you're not going to tell me to sell the house."
"What, why would I do that? You'll have another woman lined-up and installed before the month's out?"
"Isn't that too soon?"
"Don't be a wet Jerry. You decide when it's soon enough and no one else. Have the kids gone?"
"They left fifteen minutes ago."
"Good, now don't get mad with me for saying this. While you're getting yourself organize and get the urge, don't jerk off; give me a call."
"I'm your sister-in-law. You can fuck me."
Jerry thought he could hear teeth grinding. He began sweating.
"Oh thank you very much. So I'm not good enough for you. Is that it?"
"Wendy, be reasonable. You coming on to me is a bit of a shock. Christ when you've bent over near me over the years I got the hardest of erections."
"Really? Oh Jerry, I didn't know you cared. My pussy..."
"Wendy, get off my case. Thank you for your very generous offer, not doubt a supreme sacrifice, but I'm not fucking my brother's wife."
"God you are hard-hearted. I'll try to find a juicy divorcee for you."
"Well thanks Wendy, I best say do your best otherwise two rejections and you'll be biting off my ear."
"You were never short of brains Jerry. I'll try to line someone up. Any preferences?"
"Yeah, younger than me, will be compatible with me, has her own car and is financially self-supporting, is a good housekeeper and won't steal from me."
"Is that all?"
"We I was hoping you wouldn't add and likes to fuck. That would be asking too much. Women in that category are unlikely to have many of those other requirements you listed. But then again get a rich housekeeper and you can always fuck me if you become hard up."
A few minutes later Wendy finished the call to get back to work, leaving Jerry pleased she'd pushed him. He now had an idea of what he wanted... a good and trustworthy housekeeper who'd like having sex with him.
Later in the bath Jerry decided to liven up his act a bit. He'd get in painters and decorators, slap in a new stove and have the bathroom remodeled. Younger women spent most of their time in the bathroom. Oh and a new bed. She wouldn't like the idea of sleeping in the deceased Mrs White's bed. Melba's inheritance from her parent's estate would also be used to buy him smarter new clothes and he'd revert to calling himself Gerald.
Er, no he wouldn't. Gerald sounded gay.
Two days later Jerry returned to work, having engaged an old friend Art Beamish, a home alterations builder to make the changes, with Art's wife, a home décor consultant, to choose the colors and bring in the painters and decorators and supervise them. He also told Annie to design a bathroom that would appeal to a younger woman but not to go overboard on expensive fittings.
"Ah, so that's what this is about, you sexy old dog. Um, in the meantime if you a driven crazy by the need give me a call. I still move my ass great, or so I'm told."
Kerry was left wondering if it were Art who told Annie that.
Jerry ran a store selling art supplies with seven personnel working on the premises and a saleswoman who visited schools taking reorders and attempting to drum up extra business. Monique the chief clerk who also acted as Jerry's PA followed into him as he arrived and said, "How are you holding up Jerry? I didn't expect you back so soon."
"I'm fine. I had to get out of the house."
"Look, you're be lonely and there'll be a big void in your home life. I'm not long married but you are welcome to invite me out to dinner and I'll come home with you for coffee and you may seduce me."
"Oh Monique, what a tremendous sacrifice that would be for you but I can't although the offer is extremely tempting. You see, I must hold you to your wedding vows and not allow you to slip into adultery."
"Aw come on Jerry. This is an emergency."
"No it isn't. Look, every since I employed you I look as your ass every day, several times a day, and I think your husband is a very, very lucky man."
"Oooh, what a lovely thought. Talking about ass, he hasn't expressed any interest."
"Give him time Monique. Remember most women offer it on their guy's birthday."
"Oh really? Gosh mom never told me that. Adam's birthday is next month."
"Well read up on websites Monique. Give him the birthday present to eclipse all birthdays. He's bound to be aware that other guys get it on their birthday."
"Oh Jerry. Thank you for that support. You are a real darling."
Jerry almost wept as he watched Monique with her lush body leave his office, knowing that body had come within an ace of being his to plunder.
Wendy invited Jerry to dinner on Friday night. Harry greeted him sympathetically, asking how was he holding up, and then slapped Wendy's ass and said, "Isn't that a great ass Jerry?"
Embarrassed, Jerry said, "I'm sure Wendy is not at all..."
Wendy cut in. "I'm very interested in hearing your comment Jerry and Harry wouldn't have raised the matter unless he were interested in you answer."
"Well I really wasn't..."
"Shut up Harry. Answer please Jerry."
"Well with a finely sculptured ass like that Wendy I can't believe you're over fifty. You leave the asses of many, many younger women for dead."
"Oh god," Wendy whimpered, holding on to the table for support.
"Have you a thing about your sister-in-law's ass?" Harry demanded and a honeyed voice said, "Oh excuse me but I'm unable to sit and wait alone why this stimulating conversation is going on."
A blonde in a green suit with excessive make-up, probably she was mid-fifties under the paint, though difficult to tell, but she had a thumper of an ass and her bra appeared to be packing two 20-pounders. What was Wendy playing at, thought Jerry. She knew he liked his women fairly trim.
"Jerry, this is a friend of mine, Anita."
"Wendy should have added that I'm divorced again and looking for a bedmate until I find the next guy to marry."
"Well I hope you find a suitable bedmate Anita. Those heavy hangers would pound the life out of a lean guy like me."
Needless to say the evening failed to recover from the setback Wendy and especially Anita suffered. On the other hand, Harry thought it was hugely funny and told Jerry later when he was leaving that it would have been the mismatch of the century.
Wendy's second and final try was also a mismatch. The woman had a flat chest and Wendy ought to have known he liked two good handfuls. To boot the woman confessed to being a devout churchgoer and with glee Jerry confessed he only went to church for weddings and funerals. "Well I can see we are incompatible," he smirked, and Wendy looked daggers at him as Claudia, shaking so much dropped the salt cellar on to her dinner plate, cracking the plate.
Jerry would later find Wendy had gone off him in a really big way after that night. He'd sent her flowers next day and confirmed she's received him when Harry relayed the message, "Tell your fucking brother thank you for the flowers."
"Wendy must have known I wouldn't see Claudia and myself as being compatible?"
"She did but after she'd tried to recruit a dinner guest for the stated purpose she received nineteen rejections and then up pops Claudia who accepted."
"Gosh that's a lot of rejections. Did Wendy allege I had the clap?"
"Something almost as bad. Everyone of those other women laughed derisively when told your age."
"What did Wendy tell them...that I was seventy?"
"No, fifty-seven and there's your problem. Those younger women believe by that age you are set in your ways."
"Oh crap. That means I'm a goner. I still can't understand why Wendy was so upset with me. She must have known Claudia doesn't have tits."
"It wasn't that Bro. You caused Claudia to crack her dinner plate from our best set and replacements are unprocurable. Wendy has eight people to dinner parties, not seven. No one has seven people to dinner parties. So she now has to limit us to six people at dinner parties and you are to blame."
"Damn. Don't women run complicated lives, piling up the complications."
Harry laughed and said, "I dare you to stand in front of Wendy and repeat what you just said."
Jerry felt bad about this. The only way he was likely to find a bedmate was to pay for one. Yuk.
The spent the next three weekends visiting stores specializing in crockery replaces and finally, seventy-eight miles up country, found three plates that matched Wendy's dinner set, purchased them and delivered them to Wendy. She kissed him and next day a bottle of French champagne arrived by courier for him, the sender had signed just 'W' but the address was Wendy's.
Jerry sat looking across his desk at the two red-faced women who had been bickering. They were both upset and he let them have it out and was quite surprised how easily they called each other a bitch. He thought women hated the word.
A major arts supplier was sponsoring a two-day sales seminar for sales principals and a separate seminar on modern business practice with a line up of notable speakers. Jerry had decided to go to the business sessions and bring himself up-to-date and to take Jessie his field salesperson whose sales figures were awesome for an individual. Then his sales manager Alison thought she should be going rather than Jessie.
Alison almost started a fight with Jessie in the lunchroom so Jerry called them into his office to try to sort it out. After the two woman ran out of words in making their submissions to him and engaging in attempting be belittle one another, he said, "Why don't I take both of you?"
Well, what a reaction! The two women hugged each other, apologized and then apologized to Jerry and left the room the best of friends again. He called in Monique to make the extra booking.
"Single or double accommodation?"
"Single, fighting could break out again."
"That's unlikely. Usually those two get along very well. I'll try to get Alison into a connecting room with you. I'm aware she's married but I have heard a whisper she puts it around."
"No thank you. Put Jessie in that room if you can arrange it."
"Jessie? Although she's a divorcee with two kids she won't have anything to do with you sexually. She's only forty-nine."
"Well don't bother then. God why did I bother with these seminars."
"To upgrade our systems and techniques... that's why."
"Oh yes, of course. Oh, bend over my desk and let me at you."
"I beg your pardon."
"I find you sexy."
Monique turned scarlet. "Mr White I know after suffering the loss of your wife I did rather rashly make an offer to you but you rejected me. I'm not in the habit of making repeat offers and anyway, you are far too old for me."
"Well thank you Monique. You handled that rather well. I really do feel how a repulsive bug must feel when being squashed."
"Mr White... I mean Jerry... I wasn't attempting to make a cruel rejection."
"Hush, it's okay. I was out of line. I can't find a good woman who wants me."
"Oh Jerry," Monique began to sob. "I'll tell my husband I have to work late tonight. You can take me to early dinner and then have your way with me."
"It's not the answer Monique, is it?"
She looked at the floor and then looked at him. "No."
"I have to find a woman around my age."
"Yes. My mom is a widow and may be prepared to take you on. She'll probably be too sexy for you but there always has to be a downside within any relationship."
"That's very profound of you Monique but look leave it. I'll have to think about paying a woman to live with me."
"Well you could get a young woman if you pay enough and don't mind tattoos, drugs, the clap and deception."
Jerry frowned, thinking that comment also was profound. "Oh why did my wife have to die?"
Monique burst into tears.
* * *
Jerry was unpacking his bag in the hotel room when there was a knock on the connecting door to the next room. He opened it and Jessie said, "Hi."
"Hi. Come in and pour yourself a wine while I finish unpacking."
"You pour the wine. I unpack for you."
"You might find a gun."
"Or condoms. I'm a big girl Jerry."
Jerry poured the wine and said he truthfully could say he had no idea who was in that connecting room.
"Actually it was Alison's room. She almost had a fit when she saw the connecting door. We knew you were in that room. She said if her husband found out there would be a big row because he was such a jealous swine."
"She used that term?"
"So you two swapped rooms at her insistence?"
"No, I made the offer."
"She's a friend and I didn't want her to get offside with her husband."
Jerry asked carefully, "And there is no other reason."
Jessie blushed and said, "I haven't had sex for quite some time."
Without hesitation Jerry said, "Yes, I'm interested. It was very brave of you to say that."
"Brave or foolish. It's a matter of perspective. Do you enjoy sex?"
"Yes, I love it."
"Are you good at it?"
"I believe so."
"Oooh, aren't I landing on my feet. Do you want to kiss me now?"
"What is the arrangement you have with Alison?"
"She's gone shopping. I said I wanted to rest and she suggested we should call when we wanted to make contact and reminded me you'd said we should meet at the bar at 7:00 for a pre-dinner drink and then go to dinner together unless any of us had other preferences."
"That's a business-like arrangement. Before I kiss you there is something I must say. I'm eight years older than you."