Nighttime Confessions 2nd Thoughts

He was still distracted when he returned home with the kids and he was once again very late coming to bed and for reasons I don't understand, I pretended to be asleep. Don tossed and turned quite a bit before finally dozing off.

He was up and showered when I got up the next morning.

"I'll be late tonight Meg. There's some stuff I just can't fit into a briefcase. There are no practices so you and the kids should be O.K. Don't wait up." he said as he headed out the door.

Don has never acted like this before and later during a break at work I began to wonder why. There was a letter, I'm sure. He was on the phone in the middle of the night. He has been demonstrating new and improved skills in our marital bed. I feel like such a hypocrite! I cheated on him and now I'm upset because he may be doing it to me.

No! Somehow I knew that was not the case!

I love Don. I believe he loves me. I have to get all this out in the open and hope our love for each other can get us back on track. Hopefully on the new and much improved track Don led us to upon my return from the convention.

I'm afraid!

Just like I was when sober second thought helped me realize how much I had risked when I allowed Phil to seduce me at the conference.

It served to renew my determination to tell him.

The next series of events made it clear I had better tell him soon.

I was called to the school office and once there, was asked to return a call to a Peter Sellwood at the State Athletic Association. With my heart in my mouth, I placed the call and was relieved somewhat when he said he was calling to ask if I might reconsider my decision not to serve on the competition committee. My relief was short lived when he went on to say that there had been some sort of issue among some of the current members and that as of this moment there were four vacancies.

My chest felt like someone had wrapped a steel band around it and tightened it. I could hardly breath but I managed to confirm that I would be unavailable and closed the call.

Then things went from bad to worse!

As I was leaving, Frank Morello came out of the Principal's office and he was clearly very angry.

"You're not getting off that easily over this!" he said as he came up behind me in the hallway.

I was distracted and what he had said didn't register until he continued with, "If I have to go down for some extra curricular activity at the conference, then you're going down too. Count on it!"

He stormed out the doors and, before I knew it, he was in his car and out of the parking lot.

I was trying not to panic and as I had no idea what had brought this outburst on, I called my friend Judy Caster who was a clerk in the school office, to see what she knew. It seems that a teacher from one of the northern districts had complained that Frank had harassed her at the conference. When all was said and done, it turned out that their all too public behavior had resulted in rumors following her home and she had confessed to her husband but made it sound as though Frank had pressed her against her will.

The husband called the school to complain and Frank had been reprimanded and, unfortunately, Mrs Rountree, our principal, suggested that I was probably more than ready to become athletic director if Frank couldn't manage to represent our school in a more respectable manner. Little does she know!

No wonder Frank was upset with me. He had already figured something was up with me at the convention. Thursday and Friday after my stupidity with Phil, they had been running back and forth like a bunch of teeny boppers at a school dance and knowing the lines along which Frank's mind worked, he would have guessed there was something sexual going on no matter what, . . . only this time, he was right.

I called Don's dad and told him that I had a problem and I needed some time with Don and without the kids. Amazing man! Much like his son. He didn't ask, he just said he would pick the kids up and keep them overnight. He added that he would get them to school and that he could repeat the process tomorrow and so on until he heard from us.

As advertised, Don was late getting home that night and I sat on the porch waiting for him, knowing this time there would be no interruption, no putting it off. I would tell him what I should have told him long ago.

When he finally drove up our driveway I was horrified to see Frank Morello get out of a car parked just down the street.

He too had been waiting for Don to get home.

"Prescott. I want to talk to you!" Frank yelled out.

"Go away Frank. I'm not interested in talking to you."

"You will be when I tell you what that wife of yours has been up to!"

As terrified as I was to hear what Frank was trying to tell Don, I was even more shocked to hear Don's answer.

"Surprise me Frank! Tell me she was indiscreet with Phil Grant and his crowd at the conference."

Frank must have been equally shocked as he fell suddenly silent only to have Don continue, "Get out of here Frank and don't come back. You're not welcome here." And with that, Frank turned and left.

I followed Don into the house and when he turned to face me, with tears running down my face I said, "I tried to tell you. . . several times. I'm sorry Don. I made a stupid mistake and I am sorry. I hope you believe me when I tell you I love you."

Don too had tears in his eyes.

"How long have you known?" I asked.

"Day before yesterday. I got this.

He handed me a letter written in what I would describe as a neat feminine hand. It was from Lydia Grant who, it turns out had suspected her husband was seeing someone at the conference and who had hired a P.I. to investigate. At sometime, the P.I. had managed to put recorders in all the rooms at the hospitality suite and had passed on all the sordid details to Phil's wife.

Not wanting his lover to get off easy, she had the P.I. track me down and had sent a letter to my husband, apparently taking a chance that I might intercept it. In the letter she had invited Don to call her at any hour of the day or night which he had finally done in the middle of the night.

"I made a very bad, very stupid mistake and I'm sorry. If it makes any difference, I swear I've learned my lesson and I will never make that mistake again. I knew I was wrong to have let Phil seduce me and as soon as I came to my senses, I declined the invitation to return to his bed. I really did try to tell you. . . several times but you have made my life so wonderful with your renewed passion for me that I found myself putting off telling you. I do love you. I'm sorry for having hurt you!"

Don was openly crying and the pain displayed on his face made me feel even more terrible. "I don't know how to explain how I feel Meg. Angry, hurt, humiliated, sad! All of the above I suppose. I love you and I don't want to lose what we have. I'm not going to make any rash decisions but I know I need some time and some space to get my head around all this."

After noticing the kids weren't home and finding they were with his mom and dad he seemed a bit better. I offered to sleep in the guest room but Don said no. The kids would be home tomorrow and either we were going to try to continue this marriage or not and if we were, we would sleep together.

Although things were tense the following few days I was grateful that I hadn't entirely screwed up our marriage, at least I thought I hadn't. Friday night was sort of a family night and we all went out for dinner and by some sort of good fortune Don suggested a movie that everyone said they would like,

That was a first!

After the movie we drove to our favorite ice cream shop and had a late dessert, then home.

Saturday both kids were off to gym and soccer and Don and I were left alone.

He took the initiative.

The tears were gone but clearly the pain was still there as Don began, "I know you've said you're sorry Meg and that you love me. I want to believe that but I'd like to hear from you what led you to break your wedding vows to me. Please understand that I don't want a description of the events. I am already on "information overload" in that department."

"May I ask you a question first?" I said.

"Yes."

"Do you believe me when I tell you that I did intend to tell you earlier, as early as the night I got home and that I began it again the next day when I found you at home after leaving Sarah at the gym?"

"I do remember you said we had to talk and that I assumed it was about my sexual aggressiveness the night before. Was that it?"

"Yes Don, it was. I swear it was! But there were other times when I was on the verge too."

"When we were still in bed the day the kids came home?"

"Yes."

"I believe you!"

"Thank you! Now to an explanation. Basically, I screwed up! I have learned that it is not enough that I wasn't looking to be unfaithful. We have to be consciously aware of how easy it is to slip up and do something you may end up regretting for the rest of your life, even when you start out without intending to. I should have kept constantly in mind what I have and don't want to lose and consciously act in a manner that would protect my intentions and those that I love.

I failed to do that that evening with Phil Grant. I let myself get caught up in the pleasure of the moment without thinking of the ones I love and the long range consequences. I will never get over regretting that lapse and I will never make a mistake like that again regardless of what you decide to do about our marriage."

Don's face showed a hint of a smile as he answered, "Believe it or not, thanks to Lydia Grant's P.I., there is a transcript of virtually everything that was said and done in that hospitality suite since mid afternoon on the first day of the conference. I know you let me . . . no, us, down on the Wednesday night and I know your realized your mistake and made sure you didn't compound it in the days that followed. I'm grateful for at least that much."

"I love you Meg and I have no intention of ending this marriage. One of the things that has helped me deal with this is, that night at Barb Collins place, I know how close I came to making the same mistake. I'll never really know if I backed out because I knew I should or because I was almost caught. I do know I'm happy that I did back out and disappointed in myself that it got that far. I'm disappointed in you too Meg but give me some time and space and I'll get past it."

Things were uneasy around our house for the rest of the weekend and through the following week but we slept together and although there was no love-making, Don did hold me each and every night. The following weekend Sarah's practice was light in view of the upcoming state competition. Brad took her there and afterwards both of them joined me in watching Brad's team play in the county wide tournament. He played well but was disappointed that his team didn't fare better as they lost the semi-final game. Afterwards we went out for dinner as a family and had a wonderful time.

That night Don made love with me for the first time since it all came out. I don't recall whether the sex was wonderful or not because I was so thrilled just to once again experience the feeling of having him so close.

Things improved rapidly after that and we were soon doing some more exploring of our sexual likes and dislikes and once again the improvement in our own lives seemed to show on the kids and our family life too.

I have made a vow to myself that I will always keep, first and foremost in my mind, my commitment to Don and our marriage and that I will actively bring to mind the lessons I have learned over all this. I intend to keep appreciating all that I have, I will keep in mind how fortunate I am to be married to such a strong, confident man who had it in his heart to forgive my transgression and I will be diligent in not allowing myself to slip again.

I cheated on my husband but I know exactly what I'm going to do!