No Other Life than This Ch. 02

It was pitch black when Benny woke up. He lay absolutely still for a couple of seconds, fighting a losing battle against nausea as he tried to figure out where the hell he was. The only thing he was really sure of at the moment was that throwing up in a strange bed would not a good thing. He dizzily shoved at the weight lying across his stomach, wondering how sheets and blankets could be that heavy, and how he'd get out from under them quickly enough to locate a bathroom. Or any handy receptacle.

The weight moved on its own, freeing him, and a sudden glare of light made him moan and squeeze his eyes shut. Oh, Jesus, he was never going to make it. Then he was being turned onto his side, and a large hand cupped his head and firmly guided it over the side of the bed.

"It's okay, Ben," he heard someone whisper, and he opened his eyes a slit to find an empty bucket standing on the floor right underneath him.

Once it became obvious that nothing more was going to come up, he started to weakly roll back into bed, and the same someone helped him, until he was lying flat on his back. "Let everything settle down for a bit, then we'll get you some painkillers and water."

Benny tried opening his eyes again, with more success this time. Matt was propped on one elbow, looking down at him. Benny spent a moment stupidly admiring the dusting of freckles on Matt's bare shoulders and pecs, then the synapses in his brain slowly started to fire again.

"What happened?" He surreptitiously felt under the covers and the discovery that he wasn't wearing underwear did not exactly set his mind at ease.

"You tied one on last night. Around midnight, Roger and I helped you upstairs and into bed, and we set up the bucket for you."

"Oh." Benny remembered that part, at least up to being led upstairs, but that didn't answer any of the more worrisome questions, like why Matt was in the same bed with him and why Benny wasn't wearing any underwear and whether Matt was in the same state of undress. "We didn't..." he started, but then found he didn't really want to know.

Matt snorted. "Well, it wasn't for lack of you trying," he said. "Luckily or unluckily, you couldn't quite get it up in your state, and I don't top. I have to admit you're pretty inspired with your fingers and mouth, though. You certainly won't hear me complaining about last night."

Benny listened in mounting horror. "I... I'm not quite sure what to say," he muttered weakly.

Matt looked down at him for a couple of more seconds, then burst out laughing, the loud sound making Benny whimper in pain. "Relax, you idiot. Nothing happened. You were out like a light the moment we got you into bed."

"Then why aren't I wearing any underwear? And what are you doing in the same bed?"

"Well, as to the first, I have no idea. Roger and I certainly had nothing to do with that. You must like hanging free."

"And the second?"

Benny watched in fascination as a rush of color stained Matt's cheeks and throat.

"When I came up you were mumbling and thrashing and nothing I did seemed to get you to calm down, so I climbed in with you." Matt shrugged. "It worked."

As far as Benny was concerned, that was worse than trying to fuck Matt and not being able to get it up in order to do so. "Oh, shit. What was I saying?" he whispered brokenly.

"I couldn't tell," Matt said, then he rolled out of bed and stood up facing Benny. Benny noted with relief that he was wearing boxer briefs, then grew distracted by the way they outlined Matt's junk, which appeared to be in proportion with the rest of him. "I'll go get you that painkiller and water."

To Benny's embarrassment, he took the bucket with him when he left, casually waving away Benny's objections, as well as his thanks when he returned with a bottle of water and a blister pack of painkillers.

"Don't worry about it. I'm used to it."

"Taking care of drunk men?"

Matt grinned. "Some, but mainly sick people. I'm a doctor. Didn't Roger mention it?"

"No."

"Jeez, I'd have thought that would have been the obvious way to a Jewish boy's heart."

"That would be the Jewish boy's parents, not the boy himself. Besides, I'm not Jewish."

"You're not? I thought your last name—"

"No, in my case Siegel comes from German. Something to do with making or using wax seals. But my mom's Catholic Italian, so you can still make your case, if you want to." Benny ordered himself to shut the fuck up and stop trying to flirt. He must still be drunk.

Matt crossed over to his own bed and sat down, propping himself against the headboard, stretching out his long legs and crossing them at the ankles. "Carrie didn't mean any harm, you know," he said quietly. "She also mentioned that you're a lawyer, that you love the Yankees, and that you can quote almost all of Spinal Tap, even down to the accents."

"A real Renaissance man," Benny joked feebly, as he wondered why Matt had then opted to mention the two issues that Benny least wanted to talk about. Though to be fair, there were far too many people out there that couldn't wait to start talking about their personal tragedies, real or perceived; that was another reason Benny didn't date. He'd heard way too many sob stories.

Matt didn't smile, but his eyes were warmer than they'd been since Roger had introduced Benny to him at the station. He stretched with a closed-mouth yawn, and Benny watched the play of muscles under the white skin. It was September, and Matt should have had at least the remains of a tan, but it didn't look as if he'd been out in the sun all summer.

Matt scooted down under the covers and thumped his pillow a couple of times, before lying flat. "We should probably aim to get some sleep. G'night, Ben."

Sleep was a good idea. Benny got up and went to the bathroom to rinse his mouth, then returned to bed and turned off the light. He lay staring into the dark for a long time; the silence felt tense and thick with things left unsaid, and he was almost sure that Matt was also still awake.

"Matt?" he checked softly.

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to thank you." For taking care of him so matter-of-factly. For being kind enough to pretend that he'd understood nothing of Benny's mumblings, even though Benny almost always had the same nightmare, and Jordie had told him on two separate occasions exactly what he'd said, most of it a long litany of begging Phil not to leave him and then cursing him because he had.

"You're welcome."

Benny heard the rustling of covers, then, after a while, soft snoring. He remained awake, thinking of how Jordie had never managed to calm him down through one of his nightmares by simply holding him. It had probably only worked for Matt because he was big, more like Phil in size, and because Benny had been drunk enough to be confused. He felt tears prickle at his eyelids. What the hell was wrong with him? He never cried. Fucking ulcer, leaving him weak.

He finally fell asleep as dawn started to lighten the shadows in the room. When he woke to the sound of Roger thumping on the door and bawling "Get Me to the Church on Time," he remembered a confused dream, in which a younger, college-aged version of himself had been running through the woods behind the Dartmouth golf course with Jordie, like they'd done hundreds of times, only whenever he looked around, it wasn't Jordie next to him, but Phil, and right at the end, Matt.

*******************

When Benny stood up to toast the couple, he still hadn't worked out exactly what he wanted to say. He'd thought about it all day, or as much as his lingering hangover and baby-sitting Roger through numerous panic attacks had allowed him to, and even though he'd won cases in court based on his speeches, he couldn't come up with anything special enough for the occasion. Matt had hung out with Carrie for a bit and then left early in Carrie's car to visit with his parents, who had driven down from Boston the previous day, at their hotel; their few interactions had been cordial, if a bit awkward, and Matt couldn't offer Benny any clues as to what Carrie might like to hear.

Benny waited until people noticed him standing with his glass in his hand and the conversation had died down.

"As a few of you may know, I've been in this position once or twice before," he started out, figuring he might as well acknowledge the elephant in the room himself, then waited through the predictable hoots and cat-calls. "Carrie, when I see Roger with you, I know, without him having to say a word, that he's finally met the woman he wants to spend the rest of his days with." He paused and smiled at Roger. "I also know that he can't believe how fucking lucky he is that you've decided to give him that opportunity. So here's to both of you. Long life, love and happiness."

Roger was beaming, his round face pink with joy. "That was so fucking romantic," he said ecstatically, slapping Benny on the back.

Carrie just shook her head, biting back a smile. "Thanks for that unsuitable-for-minors moment on my bleeping wedding video, Benny. Come on, you, we need to do the rounds," she ordered her new husband, and he stood obediently and helped her up.

"Thank you for not rambling on for half an hour like last time, Benjamin. I don't have that many years left and I don't like to waste'em," Roger's father said, clinking his glass against Benny's.

"Why, you're very welcome, Dennis."

"I guess we won't have the opportunity to witness a similar happy occasion for you. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride sort of thing, eh?"

As if Benny needed a reminder of how much he loathed Dennis. "Not while bigots still get to vote, Dennis, but, as you say, you don't have that many years left, so who knows. I might still get my chance."

Dennis cackled. "Hell, from what I'm reading, allowing gay marriage would bring more money into the state coffers, so on that basis alone, I'm all for it. It was more your personality I was thinking of."

Caught wrong-footed, Benny considered replying that Dennis was living proof that even assholes found someone in life that would put up with them, but he'd liked Roger's mother too much to drag her into this. Still, he hated not having the last word in an argument with Dennis. He was fruitlessly searching for a retort, all too aware that critical minutes were slipping by, weakening any come-back, when a hand wrapped itself around his wrist and yanked him away from the table.

"Come on, we've got to take care of the car," Matt whispered, dragging him towards the ballroom doors, where Curtis and Tom, friends of Roger's and Benny's since kindergarten, were waiting. Benny couldn't remember the last time he'd seen them giggling.

"Aren't we a little old for this?" he complained, digging his heels in and trying to twist his wrist out of Matt's grasp.

"Absolutely," Matt crowed, easily overcoming Benny's resistance. They caught up with the other two behind Roger's BMW and Matt shoved a can of shaving foam into Benny's hand. "Here. Get creative."

Benny had never been very creative, but he figured "Just Married" blazoned across the front and back windshields was always tasteful and appropriate. After he was done, he looked over to see Matt drawing something that looked like a squashed balloon with a bunch of pipes growing out of the top of it.

"What the hell is that?"

Matt grinned. "It's a heart. See, this is the aorta, right here."

"Ah. Not only romantic, but educational, as well. Lovely."

In the meantime, Tom and Curtis had dragged a large garbage bag over from Tom's car, and Tom pulled out what seemed like a couple of hundred soda cans strung together.

"Wow. That looks like a lot of man-hours."

"I bribed my kids to do it," Tom said, squatting down to tie the cans on the back bumper. "Thank God for greedy teenagers."

When Tom leaned his bulk against the bumper to stand up again, the car alarm went off, making the four men jump. They all looked guiltily at each other, then burst out laughing. Somebody in the distance called something, and they ran for cover.

"Serpentine, Shelly! Serpentine!" Curtis suddenly yelled, and Benny and Tom both ran back to the BMW and then zig-zagged their way back to where the other two were now standing behind a Lexus SUV. Benny bent over and braced his hands on his knees, wheezing for breath. He was going to puke again, and he wasn't even drunk this time.

"What was that all about?" Matt asked, and the other three looked at him in amazement.

"What do you mean? You've never seen 'The In-Laws'?"

"What, the movie with Michael Douglas and Albert Brooks? Yeah, but I don't remember that scene."

"It's that generation gap we were always warned about, finally rearing its ugly head," Curtis lamented. "Hell, no. The original version, with Peter Falk and Alan Arkin. You must have seen it."

Matt shook his head smilingly.

"Well, when you get back home, you have to look for it."

"Where's home, anyway?" Tom asked.

"I just moved back to New York a week ago. I was in Los Angeles before."

Benny shushed them, and they watched as one of the valets walked over, then stopped short and stared at the car. He looked around suspiciously, and the men quickly ducked.

"There's no reason to shoot me, I'm a dentist," Curtis quoted sotto-voce, and he, Tom and Benny started giggling again, while Matt stared at them, a smile tugging at his lips.

Once they'd ascertained that the valet had no intention of undoing their good work and had only reset the car alarm, they went back inside to re-join the party. Curtis and Tom both headed toward their table, where their wives were sitting. Rather than returning to his seat next to Dennis, Benny aimed for the open bar, Matt trailing behind him.

"So, 'The In-Laws', huh?"

"A classic," Benny responded solemnly. After the last 36 hours, he was seriously starting to run out of steam; he wondered if there was any way he could graciously duck out of the rest of the event. He asked the waiter for a glass of water, then started to look for a seat that wasn't in the middle of everything.

"Everything okay?" Matt asked him in a gentle voice.

"Fine," Benny said hurriedly, pasting a smile on his face and squaring his shoulders.

The DJ was playing a slow song that Benny didn't recognize. Carrie and Roger were among the couples on the dance floor, and Benny stood watching them, momentarily forgetting his tiredness.

"Don't you wish you could do that?" Matt asked.

"Do what? Get married?"

"Dance."

"What's so difficult about it?"

"Don't be obtuse. I mean dance at an event like this with someone you actually want to dance with, without scandalizing everybody or causing a big stink. Sometimes it feels like family events are the place where you can least be yourself."

Benny set his empty glass on a table.

"Would you want to dance with me, if I asked you?"

"Are you serious? What, now?"

"Yes, I'm serious, and yes, now."

Matt looked around nervously and licked his lips. "Look, Ben, I don't think—"

"Will it bother Carrie or your parents?" Benny interrupted him.

"No, of course not."

"Well, it won't bother Roger, either, and they're the only ones who even remotely have a right to raise a stink. Other than you."

"What about Tom and Curtis?"

"What are they, your new best friends? Why do you care? And for the record, they don't give a shit." Benny waited, but Matt still seemed unable to make up his mind. "We're going to run out of slow dancing music, and I'm not up to anything quick," Benny warned, and Matt suddenly nodded jerkily.

"Okay." He gave a breathless little laugh, at odds with the self-assured image he'd projected since Benny had first seen him in the train. "Who's gonna lead?"

"Lead? Matt, this isn't ballroom dancing," Benny murmured, sliding his arms around Matt's waist under his jacket, and pulling him against him, so that they swayed together, their feet barely moving.

At first Matt was stiff as a board, his hands on Benny's shoulders, his torso angled away. Benny didn't say anything, simply smoothed his hands up and down Matt's broad back in a slow caress, until Matt relaxed, wrapped one arm around Benny's shoulders and cupped Benny's nape with his other hand, his thumb rubbing small circles behind Benny's ear. He bent his head to lean his forehead against Benny's.

"This feels weird," he whispered, as if somebody was close enough to hear them.

"Yeah? It feels pretty good to me," Benny answered, pulling Matt a little closer, so that their thighs occasionally brushed together. He felt the sudden urge to kiss each one of the freckles dusting Matt's nose and cheekbones. It would take hours.

"Good," Matt conceded. "Still weird, though." He closed his eyes and wet his lips, and Benny felt that same coiling heat in his belly that he'd felt yesterday on the train. He wanted to lower his hands to Matt's ass and pull his hips closer, wanted to press his stiffening dick against Matt's groin and find out if Matt was also responding to their closeness.

"You know what the worst part is, don't you?" Benny whispered.

Matt opened his eyes and smiled. "The fact that Roger and Carrie will tell us that they told us so, and that they'll never listen to us again when we tell them we don't want to be set up with every gay man they happen to run across?"

Benny laughed. "Exactly."

"Well then, we might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb," Matt said, his voice a little deeper than before, and he pushed his leg between Benny's. Benny instinctively almost humped against Matt's thigh, then, realizing what he was about to do, tried to back away.

"Listen, I know I said Roger is okay with this, but I think dirty dancing would be testing his limits," he said unsteadily.

"Yeah, I don't think my parents would be that cool either, and my mom's a card-carrying member of PFLAG. I don't feel much like dancing any more anyway." Matt bent his head further down, and pecked Benny on the lips. "Not standing up, at any rate."

Benny was finding it hard to breathe. "We need to wait for the cake." He hoped it was clear from his voice that he could easily be convinced otherwise, but unfortunately Matt didn't know him well enough to pick up on his cue.

"You're right," he said. His big hand slid from around Benny's neck to cup his cheek. "I'm not waiting for you to eat your slice, though. It's either me or the cake."

"I bet the cake tastes better than latex."

"I'm clean, but you don't have to blow me it it's a problem," Matt laughed, stepping away from Benny as the slow tune ended and was replaced by a quicker beat. "I'm sure we can come up with any number of alternatives, if we put our heads together."

Benny actually blushed.

*******************

In the end, they stayed long enough to wave goodbye to the couple as they drove off, tin cans bouncing merrily behind the car for about a hundred feet, until the string broke.

"Well, shit," Tom said, a little crestfallen. "You just can't trust a boy to do a man's work."

The rest of the guests headed back inside, while Benny stalled, looking for Matt. He felt a quick moment of panic, then finally spotted him standing a little to the side, next to a tall ashtray. He'd taken off his bow tie and undone the top studs of his shirt, and Benny thought he hadn't seen anybody sexier in a long, long time. He moved a little closer.

"Ready to go?" Matt asked, drawing on his cigarette one last time, then stubbing it out, and Benny nodded.

Neither Carrie nor Roger had been able to take time off from work, so they'd decided to spend a couple of nights at the Plaza in Manhattan. Matt still had Carrie's car; the plan was for them to return to Roger and Carrie's home for their things, change, and then catch a cab to the station, either the same night if they could make the last train into Manhattan, or the next morning.