Norman the Dragon

Note: This is part of a larger work featuring a Dragon called Norman. The land (the Kingdom) where he lives is not found on modern maps, and the stories are as passed down by the great story-tellers of history. It was/is written purely for fun. And yes, it is English English.

If you are looking for a story loaded with sexual encounters, look elsewhere. Those who stay the course may find a little gentle amusement. Positive comments are welcome.

© Handley_Page, 2011.

From the annals of "Norman the Dragon".

Introduction

Modern maps do not feature the area that was once inhabited by both man & dragon. Bounded on one side by the sea on the other by high mountains impassable to man at any time, the land had developed its own flora & fauna. It was too far to travel from one end to the other on an unimpeded fast horse in a year. Trees there were aplenty, vast forests of them; wide fields full of crops in season, villages dotted here and there and a general air of tranquillity over the whole population.

The King ruled from his small palace, surrounded by men of all walks of life, base & lord alike. Each man knew his place, but over generations policies altered slightly so that a good man might be raised, by talent or ability alone, to serve his King. Princes were raised in the faith that they had a geas (an obligation), to those below them. Lordlings similarly were mindful of their inferiors and the peasant was mindful of his obligations to his superiors and minded his stock and his crops and his neighbours (but not necessarily in that order).

Life went on that way for many centuries. It was not always like it. The tranquillity of the land was not as it is now; rather, it was still hedged by those who saw things differently, and thus was born such callings as Soldier, Lawyer or Diplomat. Lawyers were chosen from all walks of life with but one qualification; they were mindful of peace, justice and the Law. Diplomats were similarly called; those who felt that there was always a non-military end to any disputes. There was no distinction between origins. Barely out of their teens had they come to the Palace to study, taught by older lawyers bent under their weight of years and understanding of both law and man.

When the Dragons first came down from the mountain ranges and settled on the plains, there was trouble; lots of it and the Soldier had to deal with it. But slowly, a kind of peace descended, thanks to the efforts of both man & dragon. Communication was established, words interchanged until the man-language was soon mixed with dragon tongue and the dragon tongue included man-phrases until a sort of argot, understood by all, was arrived at.

Thus life developed by degrees. Democracy of a sort was arrived at by being generally thought that it was easier and a lot more comfortable than Civil War. His Council who in their turn were guided by elected representatives from all the villages led the King. The Dragons had a more flexible arrangement with an organisation called the Dragons Errant with an elected leader. Accords were reached by the Kings Council and the High Council of the Dragons Errant whereby peace, for the most part, was assured.

Grand Aunt Automata.

Grand Aunt Automata lived in a cave on what was at one time considered to be the fashionably rural part of the town. She was gently born into the superior branch of her family, according to her mother (who had, in her time, been a noted beauty and society hostess), and she had had a succession of tutors who had imparted a knowledge & understanding of both Lore and Law which made her the ideal guest at dinner parties.

In what would today be described as a cul-de-sac, she had divided her huge garden into areas of particular interest, such as the bog, the meadow and the orchard. Careful use of light and shade combined to enable her to grow many strange & exotic flowers and shrubs, most of which were used in the sundry potions she made and sold at a tidy profit (she hated the term "trade"). Apart from the main access path to the entrance, there were stepping stones to all parts of the garden area so that she could collect her leaves and roots, fruits and pods in due season. Her flower-arranging classes (held in the Dragons Errant Club and Institute every autumn), were always a sell-out and her annual contributions to the Harvest Show were often prominent in the list of Winners, particularly her Flame-resistant Turnips (intended to be cooked rather in the same manner as, and simultaneous with, hedgehog).

Automata was a very superior matron as dragons went. Despite her considerable age, she managed to look much younger, a fact which endeared her to many, particularly elder males, who overlooked he slight imperfection of a bent nostril (the result of a skiing accident in her youth), and she entertained several senior males, each of whom entertained thoughts of a more long-term union, for she was not short of a few crowns. The soft down which covered her flanks was always clean, neat and tidy. Her talons were always kept sharp (unkind rumour had it that she bought a machine for the purpose from a Broadsheet advert), and she daily applied the appropriate oils to the pads of her feet, thus ensuring that she walked with the quiet decorum of the true aristocrat.

It also meant that she could not easily be heard and her abrupt arrival at the scene of some mis-doings caused great consternation amongst the younger members of the family who were doing things of which she would not approve. Other matrons in her 'set' (who regularly called for a cup of tea and a charcoal biscuit in the afternoon 'at homes' which were very popular), sometimes looked askance at her tolerant attitude to so many young, believing that few of the younger element would ever learn "the niceties of polite society".

Her gentle voice could sometimes be heard correcting (one hesitates to use the term 'chastise'), the young dragons often to be seen in the gardens. Those who heard her raise her voice (admittedly, these were not many), could testify as to the loudness, a few having narrowly avoided ear damage as a result. In fact, she had once observed a young Dragon trying to take some fruit from one of her trees. The roar which accompanied her stricture to cease and desist was so penetrating that the local garrison was put on an immediate alert status and all the local pubs closed. It was some while before order was restored and the young dragon taken to the Ear Clinic at the Dragons Errant Hospital for complete rest and silence. His recovery, accompanied by severe ringing in the ears and nasty headaches was not an easy one and the symptoms persisted for many months after the event. He declined to claim compensation, despite lucrative offers by a tabloid Broadsheet.

Opinions of her were divided; the females, particularly those in the family, could not think of one bad thing to say; while the males (particularly outside the family), thought she had tunnel vision; especially in matters associated with the activities of the young adult male, be he human or Dragon (had Aldershot not suffered so much, she'd have prosecuted him herself, even if her views on the Royal Coach had never been heard outside the drawing rooms of her more discrete friends).

When a human miscreant had attempted to pay court to his intended in one of the more secluded parts of the garden, Automata was so incensed that she had burned down the tree under which they sat and trapped the unfortunate pair until help arrived.

It was fortunate that for once her eyesight failed her, the tree was in full leaf and the humans thus discovered were in a state of nature not seen by many since the day they were born. She never admitted that she was not aiming at the tree at the time.

Learning the business. . .

In her youth, she had been a noted sportswoman and a competent aerialist. Her fire control was notable for both the purity of her flame and a chronic, not to say dangerous, lack of accuracy. When asked if she'd like to join the military, she declined with suitable polite humility, much to the relief of Garrison Commander Edinburgh, who still bore the scars from his days as an instructor teaching the younger Automata the finer points of aiming the fire breath.

Behind the Hospital was the Practice Field, where all manner of terrestrial activities were practised. There were permanent targets for Bowmen & Crossbowmen, tree stumps and marks on the ground for Spear-throwers and a track for footrace practice. Much of the modern facilities were of stone owing to its being more resilient to fire than wood. The changing rooms were constructed of hard wood, with a wide veranda on the field side, so those awaiting the start, and those who had just finished, could sit or stand and watch the activities on the field of play. It was not long before her training was done alone, for it was just too dangerous to have other students anywhere near her.

Edinburgh had spent months of his own time on the Practice Field trying to teach Automata the rudiments of accuracy. All she managed to accomplish was the complete incineration of the aids and apparatus used in teaching. Blackboards, despite being placed well away from her direction, disappeared in a puff of smoke, and at the end on one session the only item left untouched was her target, as she had succeeded in turning most of the rest into charred stumps or heaps of wood ash. The undertakers were getting good business at her expense and the only other people to benefit were the research staff of the Hospital who developed a new burns treatment and another for an attack of the vapours amongst the female students.

Edinburgh used to demonstrate his own skill by throwing a turnip into the air, blasting it with heat, and enjoying a well-cooked snack when it landed; a technique much-used by the military. Automata had merely succeeded in over-cooking a couple of passing ducks and the raw turnip landed on Edinburgh's tail, breaking a couple of bones. Despite considerable pain, he managed to eat one of the partly-cooked offerings she made him for he was nothing if not a gentleman.

Another attempt had, despite Edinburgh standing well to the rear, resulted in a severe blow-back which badly damaged his polished breastplate, singed his eye-lashes and nearly blinded him. Despite these set-backs, Edinburgh continued trying to teach Automata the basics of Firepower.

None of his students had ever failed to achieve the minimum standards laid down, and "no bloody fire-throwing female" was going to beat him.

Eventually, however, he'd been forced to give up trying to teach Automata. With a completely clear field, and standing behind several feet thickness of earthworks and several feet down in a trench, he indicated to her a target a good distance away and told her to get on with it. Drawing herself to her full height, she concentrated on the target and blew a very hot flame. It was unfortunate that the wind chose that very moment to blow across the field, and the flame went adrift towards the barn.

The resulting conflagration would have caused little damage, but for the fact that it was full of something highly inflammable. The blast blew the roof off which sailed high into the air; the wind caught it and it landed on the top of Edinburgh's hide. It was fortunate for him that a team of First Aid students were practising their Lifesaving by the Canal and were able to release him. He was taken to the hospital where he eventually recovered from his burns, broken bones and heatstroke. It was a good while before he returned to his full military duties. His report to the King was considered to be a model of restraint by all who read it. The supporting evidence was not so polite.

Automata was so incensed that her best efforts had been thwarted by the Fates that she left the Practice Field in serious bad humour. As she passed Edinburgh's hide, smoke got up her nostril and she sneezed. The resultant flame was hotter by far than anything she had yet produced but she was unable to control the direction. The Changing Rooms abruptly vanished, leaving a few tendrils of smoke and a scorched earth foundation. The Dragon's Errant Court produced a report for the Court of Enquiry, as did the Hospital, the First Aid Team and Edinburgh himself. All things considered, she was lucky to get away with a modest fine and restrictions on her use of fire.

By way of compensation, she was ordered to supply a good quantity of potions and salves to both the Hospital and the First Aid Teams. She was further ordered to pay for a new suite of changing rooms "built from good stone" and also equipped with a large water tank in the roof space. The Guild of Plumbers elected her "Patron of the Year". The Stonemasons Union elected her an Honorary Patron and named the building after her. For several years, she also received calendars and invitations to the Undertakers' Annual Meeting and get-together, which she always politely declined.

and plastic surgery

The Dragon's Errant Hospital had hitherto limited its works to the mitigation of damage to a Dragon (or, in extremis, human). Most damage was bent limbs or burns although the Ear Clinic was quite well supported. But making improvements to the visage or other features were not regarded as being particularly important; scars were merely cosmetic. The Hospital was set in a slight depression in a secluded part of the town; the wing for humankind was separated by earthwork banking and a screen of trees from the main section and was a good bit smaller. Signs for the information of patients were in both Dragon and Human languages, although Dragons tended not to write much and consequently most information was lost on them. Griswold, the Chief Administrator, ensured that those patients who were able, but not quite in a fit condition to be discharged, took to walking the grounds directing patients to wheresoever they needed. This combined the assurance of good relations between all and a bit of healthy exercise and fresh air for the injured.

It was as a result of Automata's visit with more lotions and potions that the Griswold suggested that she think about having the slight imperfection in her nostril attended to. Griswold gently stressed that there were new techniques and a good rate of success. She said nothing to Griswold, but she reported this to the other members of her set. Taking their tone from Automata, they were commendably disinterested and almost amused. Of course, nothing was considered practical, but it was nice to know that the facility to correct the odd injury was available; it was so good for the Troops.

The idea of corrective action lay dormant for a while and the spring turned into Summer. Grand Aunt Leticia was a spirited Matron and was always organising good works for the injured, particularly the Military, and often indulged in some attempts to make a few crowns for her Fund. These took the form of almost everything from cross-country flying to active participation in the annual Dragons' Errant Hospital Cheesecake makers festival. For the last few years she had also run prodigious distances, flown over strange routes and generally raised the public profile of the Fund which actively helped both Military, Hospital and the Poor.

Of course, Automata and her closest associates tended to look down upon anyone, human or dragon, who did not act with suitable decorum at all times. It was a clear mark of breeding as well as good taste and civilised behaviour. Leticia, who was as slim as she was spirited, took little heed of this view and had said on more than one occasion, as she daintily sipped a cup of Automata's special brew tea, that as long as the Fund continued to grow as it was needed, she would do all in her power to aid it.

To this end she was going to attempt the long distance Dragon-board record. There was a discrete, not to say, stunned, silence at this point and her friends looked at one another in some disbelief. Even they, who relied on reports rather than participation, knew that the Dragon-board was not an activity for the mature adult, but one for the insane or very young and then only those bred high in the snow-line. The silence was broken by Automata herself who asked if there was anything she could do apart from a modest contribution. There was indeed.

Automata was quite angry later at being led so easily into using her own contacts for such an outrageous, even demented, enterprise, but she was nothing if not polite and soon a combined Committee of the Woodworkers Union, the Undertakers Association and Military representatives met in session and hammered out a scheme to make a Board for Leticia. The Undertakers reckoned that it would have to be made in the Guild Hall, it was so big, but the Woodworkers Union said that there were trees to be harvested at or near the chosen site and construction could proceed up there, thus depriving the Broadsheets of a story. Human workers could be ferried by the Military and thus security was assured. That Leticia herself announced the forthcoming event in those same Broadsheets did not strike them as significant.

Up high on the snow line of the Northern Mountains a series of cabins had been set up for Forestry. The watercourse which led to the river had been altered slightly so as to enable large logs to be ferried down the water to the Towns and villages in the spring. As winter progressed, more cabins and a Signal Tower were erected and all the signs of a growing township were soon visible to all who saw it. Military Barracks were set up and the security of the area became something of a thorn in the side of the Loggers and Woodworkers who had not hitherto regarded passes and permits with anything other than derision or scorn.

The Main Hall was huge, with offices and workrooms on three sides and it was within that the Board was to be made. The Loggers' Union did sterling service in locating and felling suitable trees for the Board and the Woodworkers were well pleased although the Undertakers were a trifle miffed that they could not be seen to do more at the time. The Undertakers' tame Thaumatageur was seen advising on stresses and strains for the Board, ensuring that it was tapered in the right places.

Eventually, however, the Woodworkers' representative announced that they had gone as far as they could and the wood board should be left for a time to air off and dry. They felt that green wood would not take the strain and a compromise was reached in that all teams would cease work and they should all go to their homes and families for a while during the mid-winter holiday.

As the weather started to be less cold, the Undertakers went to work. They planed and finished the wood to a smooth gloss exactly as per the instructions that Leticia had issued. There were those who thought that the traditional black placed upon the Board by the Undertakers was a macabre touch that intruded upon the positive attitude that the project engendered. It was with great reluctance that the Undertakers were persuaded to remove the black trim, although they insisted upon a violet edge as a type of trade mark. Leticia was informed and she visited the site, declaring that the Board was a good example of Getting Things Done.

Members of the Court and the Dragons' Errant Council were invited to inspect the Board. The Association of Astrologers, Thaumatageurs and Spellcasters were asked to cast their runes or whatever and they eventually announced to Leticia and the world that the auguries were good for Friday week. Dragon Mutual refused any cover save those Members of the Court and Council who attended and then only when they viewed "from a safe distance".

Leticia had forgotten one 'minor' thing. She assumed that the Board would behave as she wanted. Had she asked almost any surviving former Board experts she'd have discovered just how difficult a Dragon Board is to control, unless one cheated and used wings and fire-power.