Now It's My Turn Ch. 03

Edited by Willy B. Advice on the counseling by Writing Dragon the rest is mine. Like it or hate it the buck stops here.

Megan

Closing the door I made my way down to Sylvia's car, my eyes misting over despite my efforts to retain my composure. I just made it to the car before my tears started to flow. Opening the passenger side door I slid into the seat and slammed it shut in sheer frustration.

Shaking myself, I willed the tears to stop and, with an effort, regained control. I was angry, BLOODY ANGRY. I was angry at Jack for not loving me enough to want to save our marriage. I was mad at Sylvia for starting me on this path. Mainly I was angry at myself for putting us in this position.

Not trusting myself to say anything I sat staring out of the window as Sylvia put the car into reverse and backed out of the drive.

Once in the street she turned and asked, "Are you sure you want to go to your parent's place? You know you're more than welcome to crash at my place for as long as you want."

Shaking my head I hissed through pursed lips, "No I need space and time to sort through this mess. Most of all I need a neutral corner to retire to. I'm not giving up on our marriage even if Jack has. If I'm going to win back his trust I'll need to be able to prove to him that I haven't cheated on him again. He trusts mum and dad and if they tell him I haven't dated other men then he'll believe them."

I was hitting out at everyone and everything. I knew I was being unfair to Jack, he had every reason to give up on our marriage. If roles had been reversed I'm not sure that I wouldn't have done the same thing. Still it was a shock to know he hated me enough to want a divorce.

Mum and dad had no idea what had happened so when I arrived unannounced they were surprised. I gave them an abridged version of what had happened telling them I had been unfaithful and Jack was divorcing me.

Dad was confused and wanted answers, "What happened? Why did you cheat on your marriage? I thought you loved Jack."

"Dad I do love him. I can't answer your questions because I don't really understand why myself. Please can we just leave it at that for now?"

Mum, as always, was the calming force in their marriage. "Not now Andrew, there will be time enough later. Can't you see how upset she is? Come on Megs we'll get your things into your old room then sort out a few things."

Taking one of the cases she led the way upstairs. Walking behind her I noticed how much difficulty she was having climbing the stairs.

"What's up Mum, you look as if you are in pain?"

She stopped at the top of the stairs to get her breath, putting the case down.

"Nothing that can't be explained by old age Megs. Your mum isn't getting any younger you know."

Putting my free arm around her shoulder I squeezed her close, "Just leave the bag there I'll get it after I drop this one in the room. Thanks for being here for me."

As I said the last part I felt her tense then relax, I knew she wasn't telling me everything. My own problems had sapped all my energy and I didn't have the strength to ask her about it. I filed it away to follow up later.

Once I had settled into my room I took stock of the past few months of my life. I didn't want to relive the horror of the past weeks but I needed to know why I had done what I had. It wasn't as simple as lust or a need for excitement, it was more but I didn't fully understand what.

It had all started that night at the club when Sylvia had told me she was seeing Steve. She had gone into detail of their lovemaking and kept telling me how great he was in bed. I had heard rumours and stories about Steve from some of the other women at the club and had to admit that I was curious.

I wasn't a virgin when I met Jack but my experience was limited to two other guys both of whom had less experience than me. Jack had been my first steady lover and his patience and thoughtfulness in every aspect of our relationship had won my heart.

Where the other two boys had only wanted release, he wanted to please me, his own needs taking second place. Looking back now I realized that he had always put me and the kids ahead of himself. Up until this horror I had done the same for him, but I had let him down this time.

As the weeks went past and Sylvia told me more about Steve I began to wonder what it would be like to make love to another experienced man like him.

I started to fantasize about Steve during sex with Jack. At first I felt guilty and tried to push it to the back of my mind, but it wouldn't go away. I rationalized that Jack couldn't know what I was thinking so it wouldn't hurt to have these fantasies and he was getting more sex so it was benefiting him. Gradually, without realizing it, my fantasy turned into an obsession which could only be assuaged by my fulfilling it.

Of course I had confided all of this to Sylvia. After all, what are best friends for.

Sylvia's smirk told me what she was about to say, "Megan you should go for it. What Jack doesn't know can't hurt him and he won't know unless you are going to tell him. Besides he owes you this after everything you have given up for him and the kids."

It was pure bullshit but it was what I wanted to hear so it all made sense. I hadn't realized that she was setting me up so that she could seduce Jack.

In retrospect I could see what it was all about. She was still trying to get back at that bastard of a husband who had dumped her for a younger model. To her, all men were there only to be used then tossed aside the way she had been used and tossed aside. If I had only known this then I might have been able to stop things before they got out of hand.

The plan was the simplest part of all. I had been watching some reruns of an old TV series where they convinced a guy that he had to do something illegal because they had his daughter. It was all in his head because his daughter was safe at home.

I remember thinking that if Jack thought he was going to lose me then he would do anything to save our marriage, including letting me fuck someone else. That was it, the plan was in place. I talked about it with Sylvia and she suggested that she try to get Jack into bed with her. That hadn't worked so we decided that all he had to do was think that he had cheated.

I have to admit, the thought of him having sex with Sylvia made me jealous and I almost gave up but the fantasy had too strong a hold on me.

The thought of what I was about to do, the wrongness of it and the excitement of the plotting and scheming had me in a near sexual frenzy the last two weeks before the party. I was afraid that Jack would start asking questions about why I wanted to screw all the time. I needn't have worried, he was his normal trusting, caring self.

When he came home that morning after the party, his face a mask of pain I couldn't look at him. It hit me how much I was hurting him and that there was worse to come. I wanted to stop it all there but I couldn't tell him, instead I went through with the deceit.

To be honest the sex with Steve was disappointing. It was like being back in school with my two boyfriends. Sex with Steve was all about him pleasing him, I took second place. I did get off twice but it still left me with a feeling of emptiness and of being unfulfilled. It took me a while to understand why.

Steve was on an ego trip and tried to make Jack out to be some sort of a wimp. At first I went along with it but his attitude grated and eventually I couldn't take it any more.

"Steve," I yelled at him. "We both know that Jack had no say in this and that doesn't make him a wimp. He thinks he is saving our marriage, what we are doing is hurting him. If you want to continue lay off the comments about my husband."

Steve blinked in shock then mumbled an apology. We continued, but the fun had gone out of the whole thing.

Later that night I awoke to an empty bed, Steve had dressed and left without saying thanks or goodbye. I felt like a whore. Had he left some money on the bedside table? Looking back it was nothing more than I deserved but at the time it made me feel used.

I needed to take a shower and afterwards decided to talk to Jack and tell him that was it and we could get back to normal again. He wasn't there and I panicked. I thought he had left me but his clothes and things were still there in the closet. I called his cell phone but it was switched off so I rang Sylvia just to talk. Her advice was to keep it going for a few more days otherwise he might be suspicious.

Like a lamb to the slaughter I allowed myself to be led further into this disaster. Then that Friday when it all came to a crashing end, he knew everything. The divorce papers and his wedding band, these were the surprises he had planned. And Mary of course. Mary, my competition for Jack, it seemed that she had finally won.

I wanted to blame Sylvia, Steve , Jack anyone other than me but I couldn't. This was my fault, I had brought it on myself and only I could fix it. Was it fixable? I didn't know but I was going to do my best to turn things around.

During that long night I came to several major decisions. The first being that Sylvia and I had come to a parting of the ways. We had been friends for a long time but real friends didn't do this. I had been there for her and supported her through some bad times and she had always been there for me but after this I had to question her friendship.

It wasn't all her fault I had allowed it to happen. I'd gone into it with my eyes mostly open. Still she hadn't held up her end of the friendship and so it was best we each went our own way.

I tried to call Sylvia to let her know that our friendship was over but couldn't contact her. She didn't answer her phone, her cell phone was switched off and she had taken leave from her work. After two weeks I gave up.

A few weeks later I had another surprise, this one almost as unpleasant. Steve had managed to track me down and showed up at my parent's place one Saturday afternoon asking for me. Mum answered the door. Not knowing who he was she called me. When I saw him my whole body shook with anger. My mother told me later that I went as white as a ghost.

"What do you want?" my voice trembling with the rage I felt.

"I heard that he kicked you out, my bitch of a wife did the same to me. I thought that if you didn't have anything else on," his voice took on a suggestive tone, " we might get together. If you know what I mean?"

The smirk on his face brought back memories of that night, none of them good.

"Steve I have no interest in seeing you ever again. If you were the last man alive on earth I would put as many miles as I could between us. Now I am asking you nicely to leave and never contact me again."

His face clouded over and his expression changed from fun to fury, "You cheap, stuck up slut. You got me into this mess and now you're too good to fuck me. You haven't heard the last of this. I'll make sure every one at the club hears about how easy you are." His voice trailed off before he completed what he had been about to say.

"You heard what my daughter said, now go. If you follow through on your threat then you will have me to deal with."

Turning I saw Dad standing behind me in his police uniform, his right hand resting on his holstered pistol.

Steve blanched then turned and almost ran down the path to his car.

"Dad you didn't have to do that I could have handled him."

He smiled, "I know, but I wanted him to realize that when he took on you he had the family to deal with."

"Thanks Dad, for everything."

"Now don't go getting all teary on me, the tears will stain the uniform and the guys at the station will give me hell. Speaking of which, I have to go. See you in the morning Megs. If that bastard comes back call and I'll have a car here in no time."

Over the next few months my life was simple. Work, home and visit the kids every second Sunday. On the days that I visited the kids Jack would make himself scarce in the workshop or lock himself in the den. He was avoiding having any contact with me and I couldn't blame him.

Ten weeks into the separation and I hadn't spoken to Jack since that first Sunday. How could I make things right if he wouldn't see me? I was desperate, my marriage was slipping away and I was powerless to stop it. Desperate times call for desperate measures and when an opportunity presented itself I grabbed at it with both hands.

I arrived home from work one Tuesday evening to find mum laying on the kitchen floor in agony. Her back and right hip had been paining her for months but she hadn't wanted to tell anyone, now it had finally reached a point where she couldn't keep it hidden.

I rushed over to her, "Mum what happened? Oh my god! Did you fall? What is it?"

Through gritted teeth she managed to answer, "Just help me up and onto the sofa Megs. Then I think you had better call an ambulance and Dad."

Worried as hell I managed to get her comfortable and called our doctor who arranged an ambulance to get her to the hospital. He was going to meet us there. Mum had never been one to admit she was ill so I was really concerned it must be serious.

I should have made her tell me that day I arrived, another thing to add to my growing pile of guilt.

We spent the next twenty minutes talking while we waited for my father and the ambulance.

"Mum why didn't you tell us about this? Do you know what's wrong? How long have you been like this?"

She held up her hand to slow me down, "Just slow down a bit girl and give me a chance to answer your questions. How long, about four or five months. I don't know what is wrong I just thought it was old age catching up on me. I've been taking pain killers but they haven't been working these last few weeks. I couldn't tell you, you have your own problems and you know what a worrywart your dad is so I couldn't tell him. Besides it's probably nothing."

Mum grimaced with pain and I fluffed a pillow and helped her move into a more comfortable position.

"Well this is a hell of a way to find out Mum. It would have been easier all around if you had told us. Now just lie still until the ambulance arrives."

Dad and the ambulance arrived almost together. I explained the best I could to dad whilst the medics treated mum and readied her for transport.

As they loaded her onto the gurney dad leaned over and kissed her lightly on the cheek.

"Don't you worry now I'll be there for you." His voice caught, "I'll always be there for you."

Mum winked at him through the pain, "I know my love and I'll be there for you."

The hospital was 30 minutes away through the busiest part of town but we made it in 23 minutes. Each intersection had a police car holding back the traffic as we approached. Dad told me later that almost every car the station had was used. He is one of the most respected sergeants in the station. Once the others found out, via my phone call to him, that his wife was being transported they had pulled out all stops for him. I had this vision of Moses parting the Red Sea, you think of the weirdest thinks when you're under stress.

Over the next few days she underwent a whole battery of tests all of which involved her being poked, prodded and taking blood. Each one adding to her discomfort and our anguish. On Friday I visited finding her very quiet.

"Hi Mum what's up? Did you get some bad news?"

My mother, evasive as always turned the conversation away from her ailments. "You know Megs your dad and I haven't seen the kids since you and Jack separated. Do you think you could talk him into letting them visit us sometime soon?"

"Not unless you are willing to tell me what's wrong."

With a resigned shrug she surrendered, "OK. Well it seems that I have some sort of growth on my spine and hip."

Mum grasped my hand in hers and I realized how frail she had become.

"The doctors won't know until they operate whether they are benign or aggressive. Either way when they remove them there is a big chance that it will affect the nerves and I will be partially paralyzed. They can't say how much I'll be affected at this stage."

"Does dad know?"

"Yes, and he's taking it very badly, he blames himself for not knowing earlier and making me see a doctor. God knows it's not his fault but he won't listen. He's gone for a walk to calm down."

"Don't worry about him Mum I'll look after him till you get better. Now rest and I'll go look for him. I'm sure Jack will let the kids come visit you, I'll ask him as soon as I can." Kissing her on the cheek I walked to the door looking back to see her almost swallowed in that big hospital bed. The pale blue blanket highlighting the washed out look of her face.

As I searched for dad I knew that he was blaming himself, but how much of this was my fault. I'd destroyed my marriage and then brought my problems home to my parents. The stress must have had some thing to do with her condition. Well if she wanted to see the kids I would just have to get Jack to agree to bring them to see her.

I couldn't find Dad so I rang home and left him a message then headed over to Jack's place. It was late when I got there but the lights were on and music was coming from the lounge. Knocking I waited for him to come to the door. This always seemed so weird to me knocking on my own door. Of course it wasn't my door any more but it still seemed strange.

The door opened to reveal Kelli the young girl from two houses down who babysat the kids for us. Her surprise at seeing me was obvious in her voice, "Hi Mrs. Wright what do.. I mean how can I help you? The kids are in bed asleep." She didn't know how to react, should she let me in or not.

"Hi Kelli, I'm here to see Jack, Mr. Wright."

"I'm sorry Mrs. Wright he's not here he's on a ..ah he had to go out."

It didn't take a genius to see what she was embarrassed to tell me. Jack had gone out on a date.

First the news from mum and now this, it was all too much and I turned and ran, not wanting Kelli to see me crying.

I don't know how I made it home that night. Blinded by tears I had a number of near misses. Not that I cared, I almost wished that I could die. The pain was so intense I just wanted to curl up in a small ball and hide from the world.

For the next few days I alternated between anger and self pity. I cried myself to sleep night after night, always with the same questions on my lips. Why had he done this? How could he do this to me?

During the day I put on a brave face for mum and dad, though I doubt they would have noticed as they had enough to worry about. It was always the nights that were the worst. When I was finally alone in my room I had time to think, to remember.

One night I woke from a nightmare where I was reliving that night in the restaurant and Jack had just walked out with Mary. In my dream he had kept repeating to me, "You hurt me so much it's like you've ripped my heart out."

It was then I realized that the pain I was feeling was the same pain I had put him through. I came as a shock for me to finally understand how much I had really hurt him. Up till that point I hadn't really understood, now I did. I understood now only because I could feel it myself. No wonder he didn't want anything to do with me.

The next day, Thursday, I took off from work a little early so that I could beat him home. I wanted to be waiting for him when he arrived.

He was a little surprised to see me sitting on his porch when he and the kids arrived home. Amber and Jack junior ran and jumped into my arms as soon as the got out of the car. Jack was less happy to see me.

"Mummy, Mummy what are you doing here, are you coming home? Please say you're coming home."

"Hi kids, no I'm not coming home, at least not just yet. I have to talk to your dad so off to your rooms and I'll see you in a few minutes." I looked at Jack for confirmation.