Now or Never: Escape to Freedom

Six hours later when he reached the North Carolina border and decided to get out at the welcome center and stretch his legs. As he stepped out of the car he lit a cigarette and the smell of fresh air after a good rain greeted him. He soaked in the fresh aroma as he walked toward the main building and for a moment forgot that he was running away from an abusive, crazy boyfriend.

Austin decided to buy a guide for I-95 from the magazine rack and figure out what he wanted to do for dinner. He finished up his cigarette and made his way back to the car to head back off down the high way.

The exit he decided for the best restaurant was less than twenty miles away. He pulled off the exit ramp and on to the main road he took on the abundance of places to eat. There was everything from Lone Star to McDonalds. He finally decided to try a place called Hardee's, he'd never heard of them. He took his food over to a corner booth. Unbidden Eric came to mind; he pictured his reaction when he came home and found that he had run away. Guilt crashed into him. Eric was the only person he could rely on; he had taken care of him and sacrificed so much for him over the years. Austin brought his hand to his split lip that burned from the salt of the ketchup touching it. They had been good once, but all of the good was gone, he reminded himself.

He finished his meal; dusk was starting to set in. Georgia was his new goal before he had to stop; the more miles between he and Eric the better. He had only been driving an hour when he ran into one of the negatives of the deep south; a powerful thunderstorm. He dropped his speed and accepted he would have to stop before he reached Georgia.

The further he drove the worse the rain got and the more his nerves frayed. He rounded a bend and saw flashing lights. When he got closer it was a highway patrol car detouring people off of the highway due to an accident. Austin pulled off in a panic; he had no clue where to go. He figured that if he made a left and simply stayed south that he would see signs to get back on I-95. Unfortunately he saw no signs and soon Austin became horribly lost. He tried to turn around, but all the roads looked the same in the dark. Austin was on the verge of a panic attack when he saw a sign for Levy six miles ahead. When he saw the lights of the local bar called the Watering Hole he felt himself relax a bit. He decided it was a great place to stop, he needed a drink.

He pulled up, it was an old country bar. Completely unlike like the ones he was used to in Philadelphia, but he needed to find his way back to the highway. When he entered the bar it was nearly empty. There were two guys off to the right playing pool in the pool room and about five others sitting at the bar. When Austin walked in everyone looked at him. He got the feeling that this was the type of town where everyone knew everyone and strangers were recognized immediately as such. He took a seat at the bar and the bartender walked over to him and smiled.

"Hey there, I haven't seen you here before. What can I get for you?" Austin put the woman in her thirties; she was clad in a tee shirt and jeans.

"I need to know how to get back to I-95 south." Austin replied trying to keep his voice down so as not to draw attention.

"Well hunny, you'll make a left outta the parkin lot and then a left on Levy Road, that'll take you back to I-95." She said with a full wattage smile and a melodic southern accent. Her familiarity with him wasn't jarring; the bartender oozed an easy, comforting companionship.

"Thank you very much." Austin hated how stilted he sounded given her friendly manner.

"You're welcome hun. Do you want anything else before you go?"

"Sure I'll take a Bud Lite, please."

"Comin' right up." She located the bottle and twisted the cap off, placing the bottle down with a wink.

Austin sat back, and soaked in the atmosphere of this little country bar. The few patrons conversed with one another and he listened as they spoke about their lives. It was easy to lose himself at the fringe of their world, feeling unfettered as he did, he was able to enjoy his beer for the first time in a very long time. When he looked up from the bar at the clock it was almost mid-night. He figured that he would ask the bar tender if she knew of any motels around.

"Excuse me ma'am, I hate to bother you, but do you know of any motels around?"

"Aw hun you're not botherin' me and by the way it's Shelly not ma'am. The only place around here is the local motel on Levy road. It's literally right around the corner. Would you like me to call them for you?" Shelly offered.

"No you don't have to do that I'll just head right over there." Austin said as he got up from the bar stool, handing her the money for his beer and a tip.

"Okay well you have a good night." Shelly said as she turned back to the other customers.

Austin was in shock at how nice she had been to him. Mrs. Steinbach and now Shelly, two people looked at him and made him feel seen. He decided things were looking up, but when he got in his car and tried to start it nothing happened. No lights no dinging no nothing, so much for looking up; he didn't know this town or anyone around here. The only thing he could do was to go back inside and ask Shelly if there was an auto shop around.

"Hey hun back so soon?" Shelly greeted him.

"Yeah, I'm sorry but my car won't start and I was wondering if you knew of an auto shop around?" Austin asked.

"Mike's garage is right across the street but he doesn't open till eight."

"Okay thanks again, you said the hotel is right around the corner?"

"Sure is. Would you like me to call there? I'm sure they could come and get you." Shelly said as she started wiping down the bar.

"No thank you. I only have one suitcase and it's doesn't sound like a far walk." Austin said as he walked out the door.

He grabbed his suitcase from the trunk and the pack of smokes from the glove box and started toward Levy Road. Shelly was right the motel was right around the corner.

It was a rustic motel with a neon green vacancy sign. From the outside it didn't look like anything special. It was a single level motel with what looked like a house in the middle, where he guessed the owners lived. He approached the office it looked as if the place was closed, but as he walked to the glass double doors the light inside came on and an elderly woman appeared.

"Good evening young man, how can I help you?"

"Evening ma'am, I would like one room please."

"Okay. That'll be thirty five dollars and check out time is three." The woman said as she turned toward the key board. "Would you like a receipt?" she asked as she handed him a key to room 5.

"No thank you ma'am." Austin said as he put the key in his pocket.

"If you need anything feel free to ring this bell."

"Thank you very much and have a good night." Austin said as he turned and exited the office.

When he opened the door to his room he noticed that it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. There was a queen sized bed on the wall and a table with two chairs by the plate glass window. After he set his suitcase down he took a long shower remaining under the spray for nearly an hour. He did not have to rush; there was no list of Eric's demands to complete. He was proud of himself for getting so far; he had faced his fears and not turned back. He climbed into bed tired but still to wound up to sleep. He turned on the TV and channel surfed until he came on a marathon of his favorite show, Three's Company. Austin watched a few episodes before sleep finally took over him.

He did not have a peaceful night's sleep. He was wracked with one nightmare after another. The worst one came right before dawn, he dreamt that Eric had found him, beaten him and had taken him back to New Jersey to live the rest of his life as his personal slave. Austin heard a knocking, in his dream he was pounding the walls begging for freedom, but the sounds eventually drew him out of slumber. He got out of bed and stumbled over to the door, for a moment he forgot he was in a motel.

"Who is it?" Austin asked as fear started to set in.

"It's Mrs. Miller from the office."

"Okay just a second please." Austin said as he scrambled to put on a t-shirt. "Good morning Mrs. Miller, how are you?" Austin said as he opened the door.

"I'm doing just fine, thanks for asking. I wanted you to know that Shelly called and said that Mike is looking at your car first thing this morning. You can go over and see him in an hour or so."

"Oh thank you. She didn't have to do that for me." Austin said shock evident in his voice.

"That's how Shelly is. Takes things right into her heart, it's a wonder it's not filled up with all she carries with her. I'm going to head back to my daily chores, but is there anything you need before I go." Mrs. Miller said.

"I'm good, thank you." Austin said.

"If you need clean sheets or towels just let me know. I don't go into a guest's room unless they ask me to." She said as she turned and headed back toward the office.

"Oh do you know where I can get a cup of coffee?" Austin asked her.

"Sure do. There'll be a fresh pot in the office in about 10 minutes you get dressed and I'll have a cup with you." Mrs. Miller smiled.

When Austin went into the bathroom he got a good look at his face for the first time. The swelling in his lip and eye had gone down but they were purple and red, Austin got dressed and grabbed a fresh pack of Maverick menthol smokes from his bag and headed toward the office. When he arrived at the office Mrs. Miller had a jumbo cup with cream and sugar waiting for him. He poured himself some coffee and put in his cream and sugar. He noticed a nice picnic table out front of the office and thought that would be a nice place to have a morning smoke and coffee. He sat at the table and took that first mornings drag, he felt the warm southern sun shining down on him, and he loved it. The sky was a bright blue and the clouds looked like jumbo cotton balls.

"Here ya go, I hope you're hungry." Mrs. Miller said as she set down a huge plate of food.

"You didn't have to make this for me." Austin said as he looked at the great helping of scrambled eggs, toast, grits and sausage.

"I know but you look way to thin when you opened the door. The least I can do is give you some filling food and put a little meat on your bones." Mrs. Miller said as she sat down across from him. "Where are you coming from?"

"I'm heading down to Florida from New Jersey to visit my grandparents." Austin said as he took a bite of the sausage.

"Florida is nice this time of year. How long are you going for?" She asked as she took a sip of her coffee.

"I'm not really sure. I'm kinda trying to start over." Austin said as he finished his toast. He was hesitant to tell her more, he been isolated for so long even if freedom felt nice it was still unfamiliar. Before she could ask him anything more Shelly came into view jogging down the road.

"Mornin' Shelly, how are you doing? Cup of coffee?" Mrs. Miller offered.

"Thank you Miss Maddie, you know exactly what I need." Shelly replied.

"No problem, suppose caffeine isn't much of a vice, give me a few minutes and I'll bring it out to you." Mrs. Miller said as she headed back toward the office.

"Mornin' Austin, how're you doing?" Shelly asked as she took a seat at the table.

"I'm doing fine. Thanks again for your help last night." Austin said as he lit a smoke.

She waved her hand as if shooing him, "I only told you where the motel was I didn't perform a miracle."

"You kinda did. I didn't know where I was or what I was going to do when my car wouldn't start." Austin said as he took a drag. The woman had no idea how much her kindness meant to him.

"It was the least I could do; any decent body would've done the same. Did you see Mike at the garage yet?"

"No I haven't gotten over there yet. I was going to head there after I was done here."

"So what brings you to Levy? The only time people come here is when they're either lost or on the run." Shelly winked impishly. He noted her large brown eyes were kind, but appeared to study him.

"Um, I got lost coming off of the interstate. I'm on my way to Florida to see my grandparents." Austin said in a low voice.

"Sounds like a nice vacation, I'm sure you grandparents can't wait to see you."

"They don't know I'm coming... it's more of a restart on life than a vacation." He confessed.

"You're runnin' away from someone." Shelly said as she took a sip of coffee that Mrs. Miller had brought out.

"I never said I was running away from anyone." Austin said, berating himself for trusting this stranger. His heart began to pound in his chest.

Shelly's brown eyes bore into his emerald eyes. "Hun, you didn't have to say so, the black eye and busted lip tell me everythin'."

Austin lowered his head and tears began to form in his eyes.

"Look hun, I'm sorry for pryin'. It's just that you certainly aren't the type to get into bar fights. You struck me as alone and lost. I worried for you last night, I guess I figured I could help if you were hurtin' or in pain. My family's told me I gotta learn to keep my mouth shut." Shelly explained, upset she had caused Austin's distress.

Austin brought his head up, meeting her concerned gaze. "You don't need to apologize. You're right I am running away from someone. I'm so scared he'll find me."

"I know that you don't know me from Adam, but how about we walk and talk on over to Mike's. I'm a great listener. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger than someone you know." Shelly suggested.

"I don't want to bother..." He began to protest.

"You're not botherin' me. I offered to be a sounding board." She said with a smile.

"As long as you don't mind."

"I'll take these mugs in the office and we can be on our way." She said as she got up from the table.

Austin wondered if talking to her was a wise thing, but then again he was only going to be there a little longer then it was off to Florida. He had no identity anyone would want to assume, and if they were going to harvest his organs they would have drugged him and taken them already. When Shelly came back the two of them headed down the road towards the bar.

They walked in silence at first then she looked up at him, "Tell me about the him who put those cuts and bruises on you."

Austin took a deep breath and words poured out of him like a waterfall.

"The him is my boyfriend Eric. We've been together since high school, things where great then. He treated me like I was a king and I worshipped the ground he walked on. Eric was a star athlete, and he chose me. We were a god and a king on campus, things were perfect. His parents where never really too fond of the whole 'gay thing', but he's always been strong willed and they found a way to live with it. It was high school, but we were really happy."

Austin paused; it felt like a lifetime had passed between now and then. "Everything changed years ago after the accident. My parents and I were on our way home from a night out and the weather had taken a turn for the worse. We knew that storms where going to move through our area but we didn't think much of it. We were on our way home from dinner and the sky opened up. Visibility just disappeared; it was like we were suddenly driving under water. I was watching water cascading down the window of the Explorer then the lights of a semi-truck heading right for us. My dad swerved out of the way but lost traction, we rolled off the road and down a drop off. I remember bits and pieces; being in the dark, calling for my mom and dad and no one answering. I couldn't move. The car they said rolled six times; I was trapped, and eventually passed out. I woke up in the hospital a week later. My mom and dad didn't make it; they were probably dead when I was calling for them. After that night I was alone."

Shelly didn't interrupt, but he could see her eyes glisten with tears for him.

"I still had four months of school left but I was already eighteen, the state didn't have to try and help me out. I wanted to finish at my school, where I'd been happy, so I told my grandparents I wanted to stay if I could. That's when Eric stepped in and saved me. He told me that I was going to move in with him and he was going to take care of me. Those last few months of school I was a zombie, it didn't help that I was in physical therapy four times a week. All I did was sleep, go to physical therapy, school and that was it. Eric was by my side every minute. He waited on me hand and foot; missing out on a lot of things like graduation parties, hanging with his friends and stuff."

Austin pulled out a cigarette, grateful for Shelly's companionable silence. "Most of the money from the life insurance paid off my medical bills. Then with the rest we put down on our apartment and he took a job at the prison. The abuse didn't really start till after we moved out of his parent's home. At first it was little things like a shove or a raised voice but it quickly got a lot worse. He beats me, but my every weakness he uses against me. Every hour of the day he needs to control, he wants to own my very soul. But you see I found out what he did for me. His parents they wanted me out. They gave him a choice either he leave this phase and me behind or he would be cut off no money or help for college. He chose me and lost so much... an entirely different life, I think he hates me for it now." He took a long calming drag.

Shelly's eyebrows knitted together. "Austin, hun I'm sorry someone so young has known your kind of sorrows. When it rains it sure can pour, but you've been getting' drenched for years now. Eric may believe he lost a lot but there is no reason to hurt someone. Especially someone he loves. He made that choice for a reason, for you. Instead of bein' eaten up by what he missed out on he should've been cherishin' what he had."

"I know he did it because he loved me, but after the accident I changed. I didn't want to but something inside of me changed that I couldn't control. I tried my best to be a good boyfriend and at first he understood but after a while he got impatient and short tempered."

"Austin how old are you?" Shelly asked.

"I just turned twenty-two two weeks ago."

"Hun, you've been livin' with him hurtin' you for four years now?"

"Yeah I guess it's been that long. It's my fault things turned out the way they did. I shouldn't have been such a weakling."

"Austin how many different reasons are you gonna give for him makin' a punchin' bag of you?"

Austin heard her words, but still felt the need to explain that Eric had valid reasons to be angry. "But I shouldn't have let Eric postpone going to college to take care of me. He never wanted to work in a prison he was going for structural engineering."

"Well hell hun, we all make decisions. Do you think my dream was to be in Levy tendin' bar? But I made choices that lead me here, and I can't blame anyone for that. Our choices and livin' with them is called life. If he was a decent man he would have learned to live with his choices. It's not your fault what happened to you. You shouldn't blame yourself for somethin' that you had no control over."

"I know, logically I agree with everything you said but I just can't help it." Austin struggled to reconcile his conflicted feelings. "I don't know my own mind, it's like only right now I'm waking up after four years."

Shelly pursed her lips. She had many opinions about how accurate that statement was. "Well I think you did the right thing by leavin' him. I want you to think on some things, just from an outsider's perspective. When y'all started datin' did your friends become y'alls friends or did you only hang out with his friends after that? Was he a really good student or did he struggle? He could do night school or online school, even with a full time job if he wanted to be an engineer, he would be over half way there. If he was that great of an athlete there were scholarship options for him and housin' arrangements y'all could've made. What stopped you from takin' your money and going to Florida after graduation? Did Eric decided on an apartment or did y'all decide it together? I could go on, but you need to ask and answer some of these things for yourself. Maybe then you can let yourself off the hook. I mean even if you go back, go back with a clear head."