Now THAT'S a Spicy Cliché

I called Becky and asked if she would say that I was there in the morning, but had forgotten my laptop. She asked why, and I told her the short version of what had happened. She laughed her ass off, and promised to be my alibi. She said she'd get Sari in on it too. I thanked her, then went and talked to the detective who had just shown up.

"Are you Mr. Baxter?" He asked.

"Yes, sir." I nodded.

He proceeded to question me about my whereabouts, and I told him that I had gone into work at my salsa shop, but had forgotten my laptop. When I returned, I heard the screaming, and caught my wife and her lover in the shower, screaming for some unknown reason. I admitted to losing my temper and assaulting the man who was trespassing on my property, and the detective said he would worry about that later.

The female EMT FINALLY managed to get Cindy's ass and pussy cooled down enough with some aloe cream that she would be coherent enough to question. She went and grabbed the tube of KY from the nightstand, and handed it to the detective, who bagged it as evidence. I told the detective that my wife and I used it sometimes for the extra sensations during lovemaking, which was true... or had been. So my prints on it wouldn't draw suspicion.

The car was a different matter. But as Mrs. Kendall had been watching since I pulled back up in my car AFTER defacing Asshole's ride, she was more than willing to sign a written statement to be my alibi. I always liked the old busybody!

I swore that I didn't know who wrote those things in his doors, but promised to shake the guy's hand if I ever met him. "He" did me a favor. When Cindy and Asshole were transported to the hospital for observation and a few tests, I went in and collected my evidence. I got the camcorder from behind the DVDs, then collected the voice recorder from under the bed. I stopped both recording, and went to my Den to download the memory sticks to my laptop. I cut out the video after I walked in and caught them, so me replacing the tube of KY wasn't on there. I also cut the same amount of time from the voice recording.

Detective Crawford came into my den as I was finishing my creative deletions. He told me that even if I defaced the man's car, he would make sure that no charges were filed. He also would say nothing in his report about the Asshole's destroyed testicles. I asked why.

"Let's just say you aren't the only man with a cheating slut for a wife. My ex did the same to me. Score one for us cucked hubbies." He shook my hand, and I showed him the footage I'd recorded from the bedroom. He laughed his ass off along with me when they started screaming in midstroke after he pulled out of her cunt and shoved his cock up her ass. He'd lubed his cock with the doctored KY before fucking her pussy for a bit and then fucking her ass. PERFECT!

After we'd wiped the tears of laughter from our eyes and he told me they would tow Asshole's car at owner's expense, he shook my hand again and left, still chuckling at the keystone cops style comedy of the two falling all over themselves and each other trying to get into the shower and the cold water.

But at least the "Why?" part of my question had been answered. the guy had 3 inches on me, and was a bit wider. I had never figured Cindy for a size queen, but shit! She wanted something bigger, and it had just begun to cost her.

I called Paul and had him to send the Process Servers to Santa Barbara General, where Cindy and Asshole had been taken. I then emailed him the evidence of the affair, and told him to get a copy of Mrs. Kendall's statement from the cops. He told me he would, and I sat back and waited on Brian to get home.

Now the real moral quandary. What do I say to my 9 year old son about why his mommy is in the hospital? I sighed, and came up with a plan that wouldn't vilify her TOO badly... I settled on telling him that mommy had a problem with wanting other men besides me, and that wasn't ok. I would drive that home in my son's head, so he wouldn't end up thinking it was ok for women to sleep around on their husbands.

I then thought back to when I overheard their conversation the previous morning, and started laughing again. It had just occurred to me that she had given me the idea on how to wreak my vengeance! "I want you to light my ass on fire with that big fuckstick, baby!" Yes, those were her words. Well, she got her wish!

It was an hour later when I got a call from the hospital on my cell.

"Hello?" I said.

"Marty!" That would be my Loving Wife, AKA Cindy the Slut! She sounded angry.

"Oh, hi." I said. "I suppose the process servers found you and your asshole? Oh, and Asshole too?" I grinned.

"Fuck you! I don't know what you did to me, but by God I'm going to press charges on your little dicked ass!" She screamed.

"What the fuck are you talking about, you two timing slut?!" I shouted back, going on the offensive. "I came home to pick up my laptop, and find you in the shower with some Asshole who had obviously been fucking you! I don't know what the fuck you think I might have done, but I just found out about that this morning! Oh, and since when is MY dick little? You just got used to Mr. Big Red Cock there? No wonder your cunt's been so loose lately! That's what happens to size queen sluts! Pre-nup is in effect, bitch! Don't come home! Brian is going to live with me, and you won't get SHIT in the divorce after my evidence gets admitted in Court! You're lucky I'm giving you visitation, but I WILL NOT let you get him to thinking that a cheating bitch wife is ok!"

That took the wind out of her sails. "You... you wouldn't! You wouldn't tell him what I did, would you?"

"Damn right I will! Why not? He deserves to know what the fuck his mother is!" I shouted at her some more. "A fucking slut! A cock juggling thunder cunt! Shall I go on?! How many have there been? Is Brian even my son? If not, you WILL tell me who the father is, and I will sue him for back child support for raising his bastard!"

"No, Brian is our son." She said in a small voice.

"Well, you'll pardon me if I get a DNA test on that." I said, not bothering to hide my malice.

Then she started really crying, and each sob was music to my ears. Wow, I was turning into a real bastard! But then, I had cause. Just cause. I was NOT going to be a laughing stock anymore. That honor would go to Mr. John "Big Cock" Lawson... or was that Mr. John "Nutless Wonder" Lawson, now? Whichever. He was still an Asshole.

When Brian got home, I softened a bit, and only gave him the bare minimum of information that he needed. I turned it into an object lesson on infidelity, telling him that bad things happened to adulterers. Mommy would be fine eventually, but she wouldn't be living with us anymore.

He hugged me, and said that he loved us both, but he didn't want to live with an "adult rater". I smiled in spite of myself at his mispronunciation.

Well, not much else to tell, except that the divorce went through without a hitch. I talked to Cindy's father about what happened, and confided in him what I had done. He laughed so hard, I thought the old guy was going to have a heart attack. Cindy did eventually make a full recovery, but she never ate salsa again, nor did she ever take it in the ass again, that I know of, at least.

John "Assholio" Lawson ended up having both of his ruined testicles removed. The official police report said that it had been accidental as he had slipped in the shower, and racked his balls on a bar of soap. I smirked at that one. Good ol' Detective Crawford. Good man, there. Last I heard, Asshole had left town for parts unknown. Well, serves him right for fucking another man's wife.

When I finally got the truth from Cindy about what had happened to start the affair, she admitted that he had come onto her at one of her social events while I was out of town securing a pepper contract. She'd had too much wine, and once she felt his big cock in her, she knew she wanted it all the time. She said she still loved me, and that it was only sex. And I bet you thought the clichés were over? NOT A CHANCE!

She begged me to take her back (cliché). She said that she would never stray again (cliché). I told her to fuck off (cliché). And onward and so forth.

Becky and I have started dating, and she assured me that she is NOT a size queen. Especially after the first time we fucked, and she came all over my cock as I shot up inside her.

We're getting married in a month, and our baby is due next Spring. Brian is excited that he's getting a little brother or sister.

The last time I talked to Cindy after her visitation with Brian, we got to talking.

"I never should have cheated on you, Marty." She said with a resigned sigh.

"Why not? I was an idiot, and he lit your ass on fire." I grinned, and the shock on her face made my entire century.

Life is full of clichés. But sometimes, life is also pretty fuckin' good.

The End.