Of Hell and Heaven

When I got to the hotel I checked in and went to my room, which turned out to be a suite. I unpacked, changed and went back down.

As I walked through the lobby looking for a place to sit and wait, I heard the angels sing. "Zachary, Zachary, Zachary Miller?"

I turned around and my eyes gazed once again upon the most beautiful woman in the world. In an instant, I was an eighteen year old high school senior, walking into homeroom for the first time. It was like I hadn't left her class, I felt everything that I felt that first day in senior year of high school

But this time she wasn't wearing a habit. She was wearing a lovely light pink blouse, the top two buttons were open. It wasn't enough to show any cleavage, but it gave a hint of her breasts below. She had on a beige skirt that came just above her knees. Her calves were slim and shapely, she was wearing sandals. Her hair was cut short and was golden red.

I was lost. It was like in those silly romantic movies when everything fades out except for the beautiful woman in front of the hero. I was in a daze as I slowly walked toward her. Then I stopped, gave a little start and looked all around.

Sister Carol looked at me in alarm. "Is everything alright, Zack?"

I looked up at her with a smile and said, "Just checking to see if there were any loaded desks around."

Sister Carol started to laugh and took both of my hands in hers. "Oh Zachary, what a surprise to find you here. A wonderful surprise. What brings you to St. Louis?"

I held on to her hands, never wanting to let go. I looked into her eyes and said, "I'm attending the symposium, giving a talk about an innovation my collogue and I made to keels for racing sailboats."

"I'm scheduled to talk tomorrow in the early afternoon, so they wanted me here tonight. But what are you doing here? The last I heard, you were teaching somewhere in the Mid-west."

She smiled and said, "I'm at the Math Conference and I'm also talking tomorrow, but in the morning. That's why I came in today, the conference people are paying for everything but my meals. So I have to fend for myself. This is the first time that I have ever talked at one of these conferences and I am so nervous."

I gave her hands a little squeeze, "Don't worry, I know that you will do just fine. Everyone will love you, and since you have to get your own meals, you can't turn down my invitation to dinner."

"You don't have to do that, Zack."

"I know, but I want to, I am sure the Order has you on a tight budget, so I have every intention to take up the slack."

I went on, "In fact, this evening I'm having dinner with a couple of Army buddies..."

"Zack," she interrupted, "Certainly, you don't want me along with a bunch of your Army buddies."

"Well, the bunch is two and they have their wives with them. You will fit right in and it will be a lot of laughs. You will think that you are back at St. Steven's"

"That's not much of an inducement, Zack."

I laughed and said, "Yea, I guess not but it won't be that bad. As I said they have their wives with them, but there will be a lot of silliness."

"If you are in the group, I don't doubt that," she giggled.

We found a couple of seats in the lobby and sat and talked. She told me about getting her doctorate and now teaching in a small university just outside of Santa Fe. She said she really enjoyed it.

I talked about work, mostly about the work on the keel and what it did as to the speed of the ship. She understood a lot of it, she asked questions and commented on what I had to say.

We just sat enjoying each other's company for about half an hour when two rather large gentlemen (and I use that word very loosely) walked up to where we were sitting. One was a blonde and the other had dark hair.

I immediately recognized them. But, they seemed to be unaware of us. They were arguing with each other.

The blonde guy (Terry) said, "I'm telling you that's not him."

The dark haired guy (Bobby) said, "Believe me that is him. That's Papa."

Terry: "No it's not. This guy here is fat, out of shape and ugly...really ugly."

Bobby: "Well, Papa was fat, ugly and out of shape. That's Papa Swiss."

Terry: "Now I'll give you, that Papa's ugly, but this guy is the epitome of ugliness. I'm sure that Papa wasn't that ugly."

Bobby: "Let me explain, when you experience extreme and I mean extreme ugliness and then have it removed, like sent back to the States, your mind being so relieved, tends to pretty up the memory of that ugliness, so you don't have to continue to experience it. What your mind has done, over time, is pretty up your memory of Papa Swiss. And I know this because I once took a psychology course in college."

I was sitting and laughing as the farce played out. At first, Sister Carol didn't know what was going on. But she soon figured out that these two were the friends I was waiting for and she sat back and enjoyed.

Terry was acting like he wasn't convinced. Bobby then said, "Here, I will prove it to you."

He reached down and grabbed my arm, pulling me up. He said, "Excuse me Sir. Will you please stand up?"

I got up and Bobby stood me in front of him. He took a really big breath and blew at my chest. Terry who was standing behind me, mimed like he was being plummeted by a gale force wind.

When Bobby stopped blowing, Terry shouted, "Christ, it is you Papa." He grabbed me in a big bear hug and then dropped me and Bobby hugged me. As we stood there laughing, hugging and pounding each other on the back, Rachel and Miriam came up.

Rachel started to push Bobby and her husband away from me and said, "Leave Zack alone, you two. He's ours now."

The two women then wrapped their arms around me and began to kiss me all over my face. Their husbands just stood watching and Bobby said, "Uh Terry, do you think we should worry about this?"

Terry just laughed and said, "You're talking about Papa. What's to worry about?"

At this point Terry seemed to discover Sister Carol, sitting and taking everything in.

"Okay, Papa, enough. Now tell me, just who is this lovely creature," he said is a very greasy voice as he took her hand.

Bobby waked over and said, "Wow Papa, she is beautiful...too bad she has no taste in men."

Before I could say anything, Sister Carol stood and shaking Terry's hand said, "I'm Carol Williams, Zack and I go back a long time. We just ran into each other this evening."

Both Terry and Bobby took her hands and Bobby said, "By the way, I'm Robert Goldberg and he is Terrance Matson. And I know that I can speak for Terry when I say we are very pleased to meet you."

Terry and Bobby continued holding her hands and Terry was saying, "You can do so much better than Papa. A vision of loveliness like you should have her pick of real men and not settle for a broken down old fart like that."

Bobby added, "I have to agree, a woman as beautiful as you deserves something better than that patched up old soldier. Hell, he is being held together with bailing wire and duct tape."

Carol (she didn't introduce her self as Sister, so I wasn't going to say anything) smiled at them and said, "Gentlemen, I think that you should return to your wives. That is, if they still want you."

Terry roared and said, "Damn, I haven't been put down so hard, since I first asked Rachel out."

Rachel and Miriam squealed with glee, and Rachel giggled, "You two deserved it." Then she turned to Carol and said, "Carol, I'm Rachel and this is Miriam. I have the misfortune to be married to that Neanderthal (pointing at Terry)."

Miriam then piped up and said, "And I'm married to that other one. You have to understand that we didn't meet Zack until after we married these Bozos."

Bobby grabbed his heart and fell back onto the chair and sighed, "Cut to the quick."

Terry tried to reach behind him and said, "Stabbed in the back by the love of my life."

This is basically how the whole evening went, although not as boisterous. But it was all teasing, joking and laughter. We left the hotel for a restaurant Terry knew. It was within walking distance of the hotel.

There was some time during dinner when Terry, Bobby and I talked business, they were telling me about things in the unit and we discussed some of the problems. This was when Carol, Rachel and Miriam had some time to themselves.

They told Carol how I got the nickname, and gave an explanation of the blowing at my chest. The holes in my body channeled the wind into a gale force.

At one point Miriam got all teary eyed (something that happens quite often, especially when she has had a drink or two) and said in a halting voice, "You have to understand, we love Zack more than you could know."

Carol gave her a questioning look. Rachel finished Miriam's thought. "If it wasn't for Zack, we would both be widows."

Miriam picked it up and said, "Bobby had a real hard time when Zack was cashiered because of the knee..."

"The knee?" Carol asked.

"Yea, he lost it carrying Bobby back. Bobby felt so guilty that he ruined Zack's careered."

Rachel looked at Carol in surprise and said, "You didn't know why Zack is out?"

Carol smiled, "Zack and I haven't seen each other in years. And tonight we didn't have much time to catch up."

Miriam went, "When we came in to the hotel lobby and saw the way that you were sitting and talking, we naturally assumed that you two were more than just friends or acquaintances."

Carols eyes went wide, "Really?" she asked.

Rachel smiled, "Let me tell you something, girl, the way that Zack was looking at you, and I have to say the way you were looking back..."

"We all thought that you were lovers," Miriam interrupted.

Carol gave them a small smile and said, "No that's one thing we are not."

"Well then you should be," Rachel laughed. "You two make a beautiful couple."

"It's a bit complicated..." Carol said.

"You're not married are you?" Miriam asked.

"No, I'm not...I'm a nun."

"Oh my god, please forgive me..." Rachel said in a soft voice.

Carols smiled, "There is nothing to forgive. It is wonderful that you have such concern for him. I realized that he had a crush on me when was in high school, I Was his home room theacher and I will say that I am rather fond of him. I'm sorry if I misled you."

"We just made assumptions and you know what they say about people who make assumptions," Miriam laughed. "But, it's just like Zack to want the unobtainable."

At this point we guys interrupted the conversation and the silliness started again. After dinner we went to a club for a nightcap and a little dancing.

I asked Carol to dance, it was a fast dance and right after that a slow song started. I looked at her and we stepped closer. I put my arm around her and took her hand in mine. When we started to dance we were a bit apart but by the end our bodies were close.

I could feel her warmth as I held her close. As we moved with the music I became very comfortable holding this wonderful woman in my arms. The smile on her face and the way she was holding me, I don't think I was wrong in thinking she felt the same way.

It was a little after mid-night when Carol and I said good-bye to the others. There were a lot of hugs, kisses and tears. As they were getting into the car, Rachel gave Carol one last hug. She looked at her and said, "I still think you make a beautiful couple...and I know that I will hate myself in the morning...think about it...what will make you happy." Carol just smiled at her.

We stood and watched as thy started to drive away. Carol smiled as we waved and said, "They are wonderful people. They love you very much."

As we started to walk away, I turned to look at the car one last time and I stumbled over my own feet. Carol caught me and prevented me from falling. We laughed and she took hold of my hand.

"I better hold on to you, I can't have you falling and not being able to give your talk." Then she looked at me and asked with a slight giggle, "Tell me Zack, is it me or do you always fall over things."

I gave her hand a little squeeze and said, "It's you."

We walked back to the hotel hand in hand, through the lobby and into the elevator. Carol was on the seventh floor and I was on the thirtieth. We were the only people in the elevator. When it arrived at the seventh floor the door opened, Carol smiled at me. She put her hand on my cheek and moved toward me. She lifted her face and I lowered mine. Our lips met. The kiss was soft and loving.

She then pulled back. At first I thought that I saw fear in her eyes. But, then I looked at her and she was smiling. Her eyes showed something, but I wasn't sure what it was.

"Good night Zack, thank you for a fantastic evening. I don't know when I have had so much fun or when I have spent an evening with someone so wonderful."

She turned and walked out of the elevator. I watched her walk down the hall until the doors closed and the elevator took me to the thirtieth floor. The doors opened and I walked to my room in a fog.

It was like I was on autopilot. I was just going through the motions, completely taken by what just happened. I had kissed Carol. I had been kissed by the most beautiful woman in the world. I lay back on the bed and I know that I fell asleep, because in an instant daylight was filling the room.

I looked at the clock it was only eight thirty. I had about two hours before Carol gave her talk. I wasn't about to miss that. I was going to be there if I had to break the doors down.

I showered, dressed and went down to the restaurant to get a light breakfast. As I went into the restaurant I was met by a group of the symposium organizers. They wanted me to join them for breakfast. Of course I did.

Then I saw Carol come in with a group of people. They were talking and it was obvious that they were conference officials. She saw me and when our eyes met she smiled and waved. We had breakfast with our separate groups.

After breakfast, I went and found Carol in the lobby. I went over to her and we lightly hugged. She giggled, "I'm so nervous about giving this talk. It's not like being in the classroom, here I'm speaking to my peers. They know as much about my subject if not more than I do."

I smiled at her and said, "You will do great. I am sure that you are prepared and you do know your stuff."

She came close to me and put her head on my chest and in an almost whisper said, "Zack, do you think you..."

I gave her a slight hug and said, "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Oh, thank you, Zack now there will be at least one friendly face in the audience."

I gave a little laugh and said, "You will do just fine and everyone will love you."

"You too?"

"Me, most of all," I said as I gave her a slight hug.

Then one of the conference organizers came over and said they were ready for her. She asked if I would like to sit in and I replied, "Nothing would make me happier. Now I won't have to sneak in."

I went into the auditorium and found a seat. A few moments later, the woman who took Carol, came out and introduced her. She introduced her as Dr. Carol Williams, OSB.

Carol stood at the dais and looked around the crowd for a moment. She spotted me and smiled. Then she started talking. I could understand some of it, but then she started to speak Greek. Actually, discussing set theory and transfinite numbers...it was all Greek to me. But I didn't care, I was in heaven watching and listening to her.

This was not like AP Calc, I didn't understand much at all, but this was not so with others in the audience. Carol was about a half hour into her talk, when a woman jumped up really excited and shouted, "Do you mean...(Greek)..."

Carol smiled and said, "Not quite, but rather...(Greek)...am I making myself clear?"

The woman screamed, "Oh my god, I see what you mean, you have made it so cle..." She then looked around and said in an embarrassed voice, "I'm sorry, I just get so excited sometimes... forgive me." And she sat down.

Carol laughed and said, "Believe me, I know what you mean."

It seems that these people were in Carol's AP Calc class.

A short time later Carol's talk ended. She received a standing ovation. Then the questions started. For the next half hour she answered all of the questions asked.

After everything was over, Carol came over to me and looking up into my eyes asked, "Do you think that I did okay."

I looked at her and laughed, "They all loved you...not as much as I do." Carol looked at me and I laughed, "No one loves you as much as I do"

"Zack you are crazy"

"Yea, I know, I'm crazy about you."

She looked at me giggled, "Zack, what am I going to do with you?"

"Love Me?"

"That goes with out saying."

We went out for a light lunch, as neither of us had much of an appetite. She was coming down from her excitement and I was starting to get nervous. Carol was telling me that I would do well and that they would love me. She was doing for me what I had been doing for her.

We went back to the hotel and went in to the auditorium. I met with the organizers and about a half hour later, I was walking to the podium. I spied Carol sitting near the back and everything was fine.

After I finished talking and answering the numerous questions, the crown thinned out, going to various meeting rooms. I was alone in the auditorium. Carol walked over to me and we hugged.

"You were wonderful, I am so proud of you," Carol whispered to me.

We looked into each other's eyes, our lips came together and we kissed. This was not a light, easy kiss, it was filled with love and passion. I held on to her tightly and she was pushing her body into mine. Then a door slammed open and we jumped apart, both feeling a little awkward. I took her hand in mine and we walked out to the lobby.

As neither of us were interested in any of the breakout sessions that afternoon we walked hand in hand around down town St. Louis. Even though it was mid-April weather was prefect, cool and dry. We found a small park and sat and talked. I told her a sanitized version of the training, the times I was overseas and a very tame version of the times that I had been wounded and finally about the knee.

She told me about being sent to Butte Montana for two years after getting her Masters. Then to UCLA for her Doctorate. Finally, she was sent to a small university outside of Santa Fe, where she is now.

We ended up going to Busch Stadium, the home of the Cardinal's and got tickets for that night's game. They were playing Cincinnati, Carol's hometown and she was a big fan of the Reds.

After a fantastic dinner, I have no idea if the food was any good, I don't even remember what I ordered, we made our way back to the ball field. The game was close, but the Reds were able to pull it out, much to Carol's delight. We were back at the hotel around 11:00 pm.

When we got into the elevator, a crowd followed us on. It was jammed, in fact two people had to get off as it was over weight and the doors wouldn't close. Carol and I were pressed together and I put my arms around her. She rested her head on my chest and held me.

Many of the people on the elevator had been enjoying the convention and some were a bit drunk. When we got to the seventh floor, I had to push my way out of the elevator. As I did someone grabbed my ass and gave it a squeeze. I jumped and there was a lot of giggling, especially from Carol.

We got off the elevator and stood there looking at each other. I took her in my arms and pulled her close. She smiled up at me as I lowered my face and kissed her. It was a hard and lustful kiss. I felt her tongue slip across my lips and I opened my mouth allowing her to enter.

I caressed her tongue with mine and we explored each other's mouth. They danced, wrestled and embraced. We made love with our tongues. She pressed her body into mine, as I did the same to her.