Okay, Yeah I'm Back With Hotel Porn

As you can see I am at it again, watching and reviewing the best and, mostly, the worst hotel porn has to offer. This week I am back in Chesapeake peeking in on the Lodgenet offerings at Holiday Inn again. Sure, I've reviewed from here before but hey, I'm on a quest to find the best of the best for readers at Literotica. While it may seem like (please forgive the cliché) I'm beating a dead horse here, what I am really beating is definitely not dead, just ask my wife. Well, on second though perhaps we should leave her out of this for now.

Fully understanding that there'd be no cum shots, I perused the list of movies running a monotonous gambit of fantasies. Let's see, young virgins just turned 18, older women that are still hot, finely carved almost models, threesomes... guy on girl on guy and girl on guy on girl, hot lesbians, and hey, something I've not seen before, reality sex. Yes, the reality invasion has made its way to hotel porn.

I rolled over three titles promising either amateur or reality sex and picked the cheapest. Hey, you want real I'm going the home grown, Dollar Store route for you. The title of the movie: "Home Grown Reality Sex," though not very original, described just the movie I was looking for so I pushed the order button and prepared to see something real.

Well, yes it was real, as the first scene opened with a rather plain white woman, without make up, having sex with a black man. Now keep in mind we've abandoned all hope of a plot here and sure enough, the movie simply opened with a completely naked woman sucking the black man's cock. Okay, yeah I didn't really need a build up here or even a reason for this to be happening, I wanted sex and here it was.

Shortly into the blow job I became aware of some of the differences from the more glitzy productions. There was no music, there was no sound except for the muted sounds of her mouth on his cock and a squeaking bed. Hey, this was real, just like maybe peeking in a window or something.

Of course the mood was broken in several areas where the cameraman could be heard whispering, "Move your hair out of the way." But I ignored that glitch as the man moved over to eat the woman's pussy. Well, I quickly became aware of another difference in this reality shot... bad camera work. Now certainly it was probably better than any video work I might do, but this scene had several opportunities for some incredibly sexy shots, but somehow the cameraman flubbed every one.

And even worse, by the time the couple changed positions for some fairly hot fucking, the squeaking bed was driving me nuts! So while there were some nice visuals and a few unique camera angles, when the guy finally said "I'm going to cum," I was thankful the screen cut to black and more importantly, silence.

The film then moved to a camera shot entirely from a motionless tripod featuring the most uninspired blow job I have seen since I finally convinced my girlfriend to "Put it in" her mouth so many years ago. The guy wasn't even hard for about the first five minutes and with his lack of motion I wondered if, maybe, he fell asleep. Well, when he pointed the remote control to adjust the zoom a bit I figured out he was, in fact, awake. I'd go into more detail here, but I'd simply bore you. Let's just say he finally got hard, he probably said, "I'm going to cum." Sorry, I left to go take a no-doze and missed the no-cum shot just before the screen went black.

Now the third scene gave me a bit of a plot, with a husband and wife in the shower when the door bell rings. When the wife answers the door wearing only a towel, she meets their new neighbor, a surprisingly attractive young lady, wearing a see through blouse, black bra and tight cut off shorts. After some short, introductory conversation the wife removes her towel and undresses the neighbor.

Oh my, they both have some pubic hair and in just moments tongues are traveling those tight curls and slipping up and down their pussies. After some interesting and exciting cunninglingus, the man comes in and welcomes him neighbor by sliding his cock into her pussy as she eats his wife. Unfortunately the sound goes out and the rest of the scene rolls in silence until the husband probably says, "I'm going to cum," and the camera cuts to black. Overall, this scene was interesting with an attractive neighbor, a fairly good looking wife and husband in a nice assortment of sexual positions.

"Yes, it was getting better," I thought as the next scene began with another attractive, young woman removing her clothes. She is wearing make up and though a little thin, had some nicely shaped breasts and a very feminine curve to her waist and hips. She was alone and remained alone through the scene, which was nice.

As she began playing with her clit and pussy using her fingers, she began moving her hips and you could hear her breath increase in intensity. No fake moans here, it truly seemed like she was getting into it. Sadly, the cameraman could be heard give her some stage directions, shattering, at least for the moment, the solitary feel of the scene.

She moved to a vibrator and its hum could be heard as it passed over her clit and then, the sound changed to a lower pitched, quieter sound as it burrowed into her cunt. Moving onto all fours, she worked the vibrator as if she was being fucked doggie style by it. The camera work was pretty good and the scene continued through her orgasm. Whether it was fake or not only her hairdresser knows for sure.

The final scene started out very awkwardly as two women were playing with each other's breast and giggling. They seemed very uncomfortable in what they were doing and this definitely carried over on screen. This giggling and awkward movement continued, giving me the feeling these girls weren't about to do anything convincing. I was actually about to turn off the TV and give up, when strangely the giggling stopped.

They began to look like maybe they might enjoy this. Their movement was still a bit awkward, but it appeared by the breathing and the slight flush on their faces that they were getting into the sex. It was almost as if they were finding themselves in a totally new, but highly erotic situation.

One slightly overweight, but attractive woman leaned back on the floor and opened her legs to her now very eager partner. This woman, only a little plump, moved between the open legs and dipped her tongue into her lover's cunt. She then moved to up to her clit, obviously aroused by tastes and textures of the pussy as she breathed hard and fast. The camera work was inspired, picking up the action of the tongue rolling over the clit, while showing the woman's face as it responded to the ecstasy.

By all appearances the screen was showing some very real sex and some very real reaction to that sex. Just about the time I thought to myself, "Wow, this scene alone was worth the $13.45 I dropped on this movie," the camera moved behind the woman eating her partner and then moved down as the cameraman shoved his cock into the woman's pussy.

Fuck! This point of view camera work completely ignored the truly hot sex the women were sharing and concentrated on a cock sliding in and out of the woman, with all the jolts and jostling you might expect as the cameraman fucked away. I threw up my hands and watched the botched up scene continue. What a letdown... by the time the guy was ready to say, "Oh my, I'm going to cum," I was considering celibacy as a way of life. It certainly would be more erotic than this scene.

Yes, mark it down... this one's bad from damn near start to finish. I mean if that is real, please, please, please give me back the fantasy. To be honest, this could have been pretty good. I mean the not so beautiful actresses seemed like the everyday women who might put up with a warts and all typical slouchy guy and the use of actual sounds might have been very sexy if they would have just paid attention to what they were doing. That is what was sad about the film, it could have been so much better, instead it was a complete failure in my opinion.

So next time you are staying in a hotel and want to take a peek at some good porn, you'd be well advised to skip over "Home Grown Reality Sex." It's a complete waste of money at any price.