Reviews & EssaysOn Rape FantasiesI'm fucking tired of women's rape fantasies being discussed by people who don't have them, and in a way that tries to make them rational, safer, dumbed-down.
I do not fantasize about rape because male passion is flattering. In fact, in most of my rape fantasies, the rapist is indifferent to me, physically and emotionally. He's raping me because he can, and it's totally impersonal. The thought of the rapist showing interest in me actually turns me off, because it gives me power, defeating the point of the fantasy, which is to be powerless.
I do not fantasize about rape because it's "not really rape," just rough sex. I can assure you that for the self-character in my fantasy, the sex is nonconsensual and unwanted. Rape is also not just "domination," which can be done with consent. Submission is a choice. In my rape fantasy I don't just submit being dominated, I'm forced. The idea of submission actually turns me off, because it implies consent, and nonconsent is the foundation of my fantasy.
I do not fantasize about rape because I feel guilty about desiring sex, and rape somehow removes the blame. I do not have any sexual guilt issues as a result of a puritan upbringing or social messages about women and sex. I love sharing my sexual fantasies, talking about sex, and having sex.
I do not fantasize about rape because I actually want to be raped. You wouldn't think that anyone needs to be told this, in this day and age, but I've learned not to assume anything when it comes to sex. Also, I do not need to be told that a real rapist would not look like my fantasy rapist, that a real rape would feel different because it would not be wanted on any level. Yes, of course I have ultimate control over the fantasy, yes of course this would be different in a real rape. Hence the word "fantasy."
I do not fantasize about rape because I've been indoctrinated by patriarchy. I do not for a minute conflate my fantasy with a real rape, or believe that rape victims were asking for it. If anything, I see my rape fantasies as evidence that I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to fantasize about whatever the fuck I want. Patriarchy would have women repressing their sexual desires in favour of what's socially acceptable, which rape fantasies are not.
I do not fantasize about rape because I'm trying to work through a past trauma. While studies show that this may be the case for some women (and there's nothing wrong with that), it is not the case for me. I have no history of sexual or physical trauma.
I do not fantasize about rape because I am biologically conditioned to do so. This is an absurd twisting of logic. Maybe women are conditioned to prefer dominant men because of their genes, but there's no logical reason for the sex itself to be unwanted.
I do not fantasize about rape because I like the idea of ultimately conquering my rapist's heart and converting him into a lover. There is obviously something to this idea, or Harlequin-style romances would not sell as well as they do, but this does not apply in my case. There is nothing even remotely romantic about my fantasy, I assure you, and I do not fantasize about being with the rapist forever, not even beyond the one sexual encounter. Romance turns me off.
I fantasize about rape because it's taboo, and taboo is hot. I fantasize about rape by men because in my mind, which is prone to stereotyping, men are physically able to overpower me. I fantasize about rape because the idea of giving up control is hot, because I spend most of my waking life being in control and responsible, and to relinquish that to someone else is to feel free. I fantasize about rape because I'm tired of not living up to the media's bombardment of ass-kicking female superheroes and it's a relief to fantasize about the opposite. I fantasize about rape because being punished for my dirty, taboo thoughts is hot (the opposite of the blame-removal theory).
My rape fantasies are not rational. Plenty of women could overpower me. Being forced into sex is the opposite of freedom. I don't really believe that I should have a female superhero's abilities. I don't really believe that my sexual thoughts are immoral or that I deserve punishment for them. Stop trying to rationalise my fantasy or explain it away, and just let it be transgressive and paradoxical.
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Very well expressed!
.. and well written, I might add. The problem with today's society is that everyone seems to think they're a psychologist or crime-solver. I'm not entirely certain popular culture and TV isn't to blame, but I am certain that it's human nature to want to know the "whys and wherefores" of things.
It's also a natural inclination to make assumptions, but some out there really need to take into account that not everyone has some deeper-seated desire to express more than what's already on the surface: it's hot, it's a turn-on. Not every sexual fantasy has to make sense, and not everyone having one has a desire to see it fulfilled.
Most wouldn't even dare to *attempt* taking their fantasies - of whatever extent, taboo, or social norm - to fruition. That's usually part of - if not fully - the appeal. It's the "something you'd never do or really want" that rests in the back of your mind.
Fantasy is exactly that: a moment in time where, in the safety of one's own mind, a person can play out any and every thought that the moral dictates and trappings of "regular life" and the conscious mind won't allow for. It's the "what if..?" a person won't - or may not even want to - know in reality.
Occasionally, it really is just a random, in-the-moment bit of "fuck, that's hot!" that comes (pun intended) and goes as it pleases, and it rarely has anything to do with what a person's conscious mind truly wants or acts upon. Although that does also happen; despite how publicized occurrences of that can be, it's actually a very small percentage compared to the whole. Nearly *every* person has fantasies they don't or would never act out.
People often forget that human beings are actually a form of animal - a hot blooded mammal with just as many instincts and desires as any other, but with the capability to use and express higher thought and self- or socially- imposed morality. Fantasy is what allows a person to follow their desires without the real-world implications of fear and/or consequence. It's never truly meant to be logical. It's meant to exist in spite of logic, and is thusly perfectly logical by fulfilling that course of nature.
"Transgressive and paradoxical" is absolutely perfect phrasing to use. Bravo! to this author for this piece, I say.more...
what about the other side?
Okay, you and many other women have rape fantasies. You go, girl. But please also acknowledge that while SOME or MANY women have these fantasies-it is not WOMEN (implied all) have these fantasies. I have no need to slam your inner world. However, I do not want it assumed that because I am a women I must also have rape fantasies. Like many who profess these fantasies, I am a strong person with a great many responsibilities, personal and professional. I willingly raise my hand to subbie tendancies. However, daily life is more than dark enough for me. My fantasy world tends toward being a shiny happy place. Even reading a realistic rape story would be a psychological asault to me. So, I don't read em. I read this to try to understand. Still don't. I have had people (male and female)insist that I must have them. I'm lying, evading or not honest with my true self. Nope. And I don't want to try a role play with you to see what I am missing
So in closing: don't judge folks who have rape fantasies and don't assume everyone does have them.more...
WHAT ABOUT US MEN HAVING RAPE FANTASIES
Rape is a heinous crime. I wanted to get that out of the way. I am a hetrosexual male and sometimes I fantasise about taking a woman forcefully. In reality I could never commit such a crime. In my fantasies I join in gang rape, my partners in crime hold her down while I do the business, I impregnate women. I hypnotise them and fuck them. I have used every form of mind control to get my evil way. I chat with a woman who just loves to be dominated during our cyber sex chats and comes back for more and more. In my opening chat line I may tell her to "get your fucking legs open I need a fuck." afterwards the fuck is finished I contemptously laugh and leave.
She enjoys the fantasy and so do I. We meet regulary for real sex. It is always tender and loving. We are not the people in our shared fantasy nor could we be. After sex she lays in my arms, head on my chest and we talk.
In reality I love to seduce a woman but that never happens in my fantasies. There is so much more satisfaction in the slow art of seduction. Hence my pen name.
So we men have rape and dominance fantasies too but it does not make us rapists.
Thanks for a brilliant analysis.more...
Fuck the thought-police
I am a female in a very happy and loving relationship and i regularly have rape fantasies. I am also very dominant and if i am honest, have a compulsion to try and control every aspect of my life. Does this stem from some childhood trauma? Possibly, but does that really matter if i am not harming anyone and it makes me happy and fufilled. I feel that rape fantasy appeals to me because it is one of the only areas of my life that i do not have control over and i find it refreshing. I hate that the thought-police try to tell me how to think and feel, and try to pigeon-hole me. Not everybody has rape fantasies for the same reasons. A close friend of mine has them because she is an adrenaline junkie and gets a thrill from fantasizing about being in a situation that is potentially dangerous. That does not mean either of us want to be raped. My sister was a victim of rape, and it was horrific to see the pain and phsycological trauma it caused her. It absolutely broke my heart and i felt so completely helpless when all i wanted to do was make it better for her. These fantasies are in no way connected to actual real life rape and i am well aware of the horrors of rape, that does not mean i should censor my own thoughts and fantasies. Just as a side note i have also had fantasies about flying, being a ninja, killing someone and being a dolphin - but do not worry i will not be jumping off buildings, playing with nunchucks, murdering or growing fins anytime soon.more...
Its a pity that so many people dont get this,and if they got hands on this it would be really educational for them.
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