One Slip: A Hard Fall

Donna smiled sadly and said, "I know Darlene, I'll have to play it by ear. I want you to know just how much I appreciate what you did to keep him alive for me, I'm not being melodramatic when I say I don't know how I could keep living if he'd died." Donna had to stop before tears started and ruined her make-up.

As she pushed into his little room, past a nurse who was still sputtering, she felt her pride for her husband swell. She'd been afraid that Steve would physically look diminished by all the medical equipment keeping him alive. It was just the opposite. Her husband seemed a giant with everything around him fading into the background. She knew he was awake. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw the pleasure in his eyes at seeing her. As the look of love faded Donna blurted, "Steve, please don't say anything yet, I'm here to take care of you the way I promised when we got married, let me get you well before you..."

Steve held out the hand that wasn't connected to IV and Donna flew into it burying her head on his chest, soaking his sheet, gown and skin with her tears. "Donna," his voice sounded incredibly deep as she heard it through his chest, "I don't think we can fix this, but I've been laying here thinking about what I'd said when I thought I was dying. That's not the kind of man I like to think I am. That was pain talking and even if we don't make it, I wouldn't want you to think that I blame you for my heart attack."

Donna waited until she knew she had control of her voice and said, "Oh Steve, can't we pretend for a little bit that nothing happened? Just until you get better, I won't fight you if you want to kick me out, but I just told Darlene that I want you well enough so that you can kick me the way I deserve." Donna tried to let her face show Steve that she was serious.

Steve sighed sadly, "I don't know Dandy. Every time I think about what I saw, the nurse has to come in and stick me with something to put me to sleep, but I still haven't been able to stop..."

Donna griped his hand in both of hers, pulling it to her breasts. He'd just used her pet name, and her hope soared. "Please just let me care for you, you said you didn't want to die letting me think that I'd killed you. Can't you see I can't live with myself if I can't honor all the other promises I made. Please Steve, you've always been the logical one, I've been the emotional one, please let me help. When you're well, you can scream and order me to crawl out of your house on my belly and I'll do it. I will do absolutely anything to make this easier for you. Momma came by, and gave me one of her talks; she told me that if I was truly sorry I had to make restitution. Well I am so very sorry. Please let me show you that. It'll be better for you long term too, no matter what you do. I love you Steve, please, please let me show you, please? I don't deserve it, but please?"

Looking into his eyes, Donna saw the pain, Steve was the nicest man she'd ever met, but he wasn't going to be able to handle this. She crimped her conscious and felt it pinch, "Please Steve, this is going to be too much for the kids to almost lose you and then have to find out... about me and then lose their family all in the same day. Steve, I have no right to ask, I know that. I swear when you're better I'll come clean and let them hate me, but not just yet, please. I'll do anything you want, anything to make it easier on you, I promise, but not yet please." The only smidgen of pride left Donna was that she didn't cry.

Steve yawned, "Okay Dandy, procrastination has always been easy for me. I can do that, I have to stop thinking about this whole mess for a while anyway, if I'm going to get well. I'll tell myself that 'I'll think about it tomorrow, ' whenever it pops in my mind.' You're right about the kids too. That's the other thing that I've been worrying about. If I'd died I would have set them up to hate you and I wouldn't want that either." He paused and when he resumed his voice was very grave, "I can put off responding to how I feel, but I can't completely pretend it hasn't happened Donna. I'll wear the best mask I can for the kids, but I can't pretend that I'm your loving husband. Donna, it will have to be separate rooms..." His voice trailed off his eyes showing more pain than Donna thought she could bear.

She composed herself, nodded and said, "We can explain that as you needing to recover for now, you won't be sorry, Steve thank you so much for this..." she paused again, too choked up to continue.

Steve met her eyes nodded slightly, then seemed to run down. In a matter of minutes, she heard the snore he'd developed recently. It had been a source of more than minor irritation, but as she heard it now, she swore that if she could ever sleep next to it, she'd never complain again. As she left to locate one of those sleeping-chairs she'd seen in one of the other rooms, she almost bumped into a formidable woman. One who seemed to define the term 'old battle axe.'

With no preamble the head nurse began, "You must be the infamous wife I've heard about, that was a dangerous thing you just did, I was prepared to call security if I had to."

Donna looked the woman in the eye, "You wouldn't have had to, but I know my husband, and I knew he wouldn't have wanted it left the way it was standing. He may still kick me out, but he'll never do it without giving me a chance to explain myself. I don't know if I would have thought of it, but I also knew he wouldn't force me to break my other vows. To be fair to him, when he can handle it, I'll let him see the pictures of me again. Then he can work out his anger, if that's what he wants to do. All we've done is put this off until he's well. It also lets him put his mind at ease about the kids. I knew he wouldn't want to have to deal with them now, not until he was able to get up and about. How long will he need to be here?"

The conversation turned professional but occupied only a portion of Donna's mind. She'd bought time, now she had to make sure she used it wisely. Two weeks, maybe three that's how long she had to win her husband into a new relationship. She was determined that if Steve wanted one of the "claim your mate fucks," she would make it one for the record books!

Chapter Three - The Struggle Begins

Donna recognized the odor before she pulled the dirty underwear out of the hamper. It was the second pair that had contained the distinct scent of her husband's semen. She hadn't been certain of the other one, but on this pair, she could see the tiny amount of the evidence. It hurt! Married to Steve for fifteen years Donna knew the amount was too small to be result of a wet dream. He must have used a tissue.

Donna felt the tears try to form, as her vision became bleary. Now she knew that Steve was masturbating rather than making love to her. It hurt! It hurt more than Donna would have thought possible a month ago.

Ever since that day at the hospital, over three weeks ago, her mother had been drowning her with articles and studies about the effects of a cheating spouse on a marriage. The sheer volume was worthy of a professional researcher. However, most were so depressing that Donna had to forcer herself to read them. She refused to believe that the things she'd read could possibly happen to Steven and her.

One of the earliest articles had talked about how the husband frequently lost all interest in the cheating wife sexually. Skeptical, she had made every effort these last three weeks to look her best. She got up in time to put on her makeup and fix her hair before Steve woke up.

Following the advice in one article, she carefully avoided wearing anything too provocative or sexy. She wanted Steve to see her as a loyal wife and mother, not as a sex-starved slut. Yet, she was very aware that Steve wasn't looking at her very much period. When he did, he couldn't, or didn't try, to keep the pain or anger out of his expressions.

Conditions were getting worse. It was like a full bathtub with a slow leak. You couldn't see it or hear it, but over time you couldn't miss that the love was leaking out. Donna was at her wits end trying to figure out some way to staunch the flow. Steve certainly had appreciated the care she gave him the first week or so when he'd been confined to bed. However, the more he was able to get up and around, the less around her he wanted to be!

At the doctor's visit three days ago, on Monday, the doctor had cleared Steve to return to work on a limited basis and "to resume normal activities at home." Donna had blushed but asked if that meant they could resume making love. The doctor said that as long as they didn't hang from the chandeliers it would be fine.

Donna hadn't worn her sexiest sleepwear Monday, but she had made a point of checking on Steve wearing her normal nightgowns without a robe. Steve had shown no interest at all and Donna had hoped that it just meant he wasn't feeling horny yet.

Wadding up the underwear and brushing back tears before they could fall, Donna straightened her shoulders and decided that she couldn't put of "the talk" any longer. She would call her mother about picking up the kids after school on Friday to keep them for the weekend. Since Steve wasn't going in to work on Fridays yet, that would give them three full days to work things out.

Donna felt an icy chill; she could be headed to a divorce lawyer on Monday! She took a deep breath--putting it off wouldn't help--they either had to start putting something back into their relationship or it would drain dry. She was certain that Steve hadn't made up his mind to leave her--yet. Still, it didn't take her fifteen years experience to know that Steve was hurting and his resolve to leave the marriage was growing.

As she looked down at the underwear in her hands, an idea began percolating. When she came in to 'tuck him in' tonight, she could make the offer to 'relieve his tension.' That was the term they'd used during and after her pregnancies. She was one of those women who was uncomfortable with sex about the seventh month. She made up for it by giving Steve oral sex. It only got worse after each delivery. All her children were born vaginally. It was always a month or two until she was physically ready again, even longer for her libido to recover. Being dead tired only made it worse. There were times in those early months when she had been so tired she'd worried she might fall asleep in the middle of a BJ. Still, no matter how tired she was, she had never turned Steven down. She had even made it a point to remember to initiate sex.

Using that term should remind him of that, and it was something that he'd mentioned that he'd always appreciated. Just thinking about the possibilities for tonight got Donna's juices flowing. She decided that as soon as she got the kids in bed tonight she would make him make love--or just plain fuck her. It didn't matter as long as they were intimate. It would be easier to talk through their problems this weekend if she had made certain he was very mellow first.

* * * * * *

Getting all three children into bed at a reasonable hour was a nightmare. Their oldest, Steve Jr., had thrown a fit saying that now that he was almost a teenager he needed to stay up and watch the late news. It was just one more sign that all three children sensed the tension in the house. Donna prayed it would get better and not worse.

Donna was sorely tempted to have a glass of wine to fortify her courage, but she didn't want Steve to know she'd needed liquid courage to approach him. As she entered their bedroom, she was wearing one of her nicest nightgowns, more elegant than sexy. Feeling inhibited about being sexy made her acutely aware of her exile from their bedroom. Steve was propped up using her pillow as a backrest and had his laptop on his legs.

From the start of their marriage, Donna had insisted that Steve not bring work into the bedroom. She had insisted that the bedroom was their space, and if he needed to work late, he could use his home office. They didn't even have a TV in there. Her only concession was to allow reading. The argument had flared again a couple of years ago when he got his laptop. He'd downloaded some books and claimed he just wanted to use the laptop to read. The first time she'd caught him playing a computer game, the laptop had been banished.

Seeing him working touched a nerve. She clenched her jaw and squelched her irritation. However, reminding herself why she couldn't comment caused such emptiness in her heart that she froze mid stride for several painful seconds.

Steve's expression, almost daring her to say something about the laptop, made her glad she hadn't worn anything sexier. This wasn't going to be easy. Steve was right at the edge of his side of their king sized bed, leaving her no place to sit. She briefly considered crawling up on her side, but decided that it would be too aggressive. Instead, she walked over next to him and squatted down. When she did, she realized the position worked to her advantage because it brought her breasts to within inches of his arm.

Steve, still looking defiant, added a suspicious glint. Donna briefly thought about saying the laptop was okay, but decided that it would be better to do so tacitly. "Honey, is thereanything that I can get or do for you?" She'd tried to hit the anything as hard as she could without making it making it too obvious.

Steve's eyes narrowed, he sniffed and Donna knew he smelled his favorite perfume. He looked deep into her eyes and said, "No, I'm sorry but I'm just not interested."

Donna had prepared herself for that, but it was still difficult not to wince. She took a deep breath, she'd hoped it would take longer for him reject her, but Steve had become much more abrupt since he'd come home. "Steve, Mother is going to pick up the kids at school Friday, and we can have our talk then, but I know you might, uh that you're uh, feeling some tension ..." she let her words hang then plunged ahead. "I'm doing your laundry, so I know you're having 'nocturnal emissions.'"

Steve's face flushed and for a second Donna thought she'd embarrassed him. Then she heard the anger in his voice when he said, "No, I'm not having wet dreams, I jacked off. If I had wanted you, I would have called you, but like I said Donna, I'm just not interested."

Donna swallowed hard, "I understand, but I wanted you to know that if you want to 'relieve your tension,' you can use me. You don't have to make love or even talk to me, but I am concerned. Please Steve, I'm still so scared that something might happen to your heart --- please let me help you. Any way you want it, you can close your eyes and I won't say a word."

Donna knew she was playing dirty to trade on his fears. The twinge in Steve's eye told her that masturbating must have scared him a little too. She let her very real concern show. "Honey you had to take a nitro didn't you? Please, let me help you on this."

She saw his face relax a bit, but the pain was unmistakable when he said softly, "I don't think I can, every time I think about you, all I see are those pictures of Gil in your mouth, and in you. Last time I almost didn't make it to the bathroom before I threw up."

He paused and Donna fought tears welling up. Every time she thought she understood just how much she had hurt him, something like this would happen and she'd realize the pain was even deeper.

She took a deep breath. "Pretend I'm someone else in the dark. Just call me, or come into the guest room and wake me. Any thing that would make it easier for you I'll do. I'll just bend over and you can shove it up my ass if that would make it easier." She'd tried to say it lightly, but she also wanted him to know that she was willing to be used anally. He'd asked for that many times. The last time she'd been rather heated in her rejection. She heard his breathing quicken. He'd understood the offer and it appealed to him.

He cleared his throat. "I'll think about it." He paused again. "With the lights out, if you don't say anything, maybe." His voice trailed off.

Donna emotion roiled. Part of her was triumphant at her progress, part of her was appalled at what she'd just offered. Still, the biggest part was heartsick that her husband was so hurt by her that he had had to think about taking her anal virginity.

Donna made her last gambit. "Do you want to hurt me? If you do, I won't use any KY when you take my last virginity." She wanted to make it plain that she hadn't let Gil do what she'd denied him, but she also hoped for an immediate denial on any desire to punish her with sexual pain.

After the longest pause Steve said slowly, "No, no, I don't think hurting you would help me, and in a way that would make it too personal. No, I don't think that would work Dandy. Let's just forget about this whole thing."

Donna flushed at the use of the pet name, grabbed his hand and pulled it to her breast, "Look, I'm going to go into the guest room and get ready. Give me five minutes and you'll find me naked, bent over the foot of the bed. You can use me any way and every way you want and I won't make a sound."

She thought she felt him respond, although the laptop was on the covers, hiding any possible 'tenting.' Without another word, she stood and left the room. If nothing else, she was sure he wouldn't leave her kneeling like that for long. Even if he decided not to use her, he'd come tell her, and the sight of her in that position...

Donna made a quick stop in the guest bathroom. Using warm water, she soaped a washrag. Hitching up her long nightgown, she lowered her panties and washed her bottom, paying particular attention to her anus. She shivered in distaste at what she was about to do. She decided it would be easier on her to apply the KY in the dark and she took it with her into the guest bedroom.

She turned off the light and removed both her nightgown and her panties. Then, she knelt at the end of the bed. Bending over the end of the bed, her bottom facing the door, she inserted the tip of the applicator and squeezed the jelly into her anus. Putting a bit on her finger, she applied some to her anal opening. Then, determined to finish the distasteful task she pushed her finger inside to make it ready. She wiped her hands on the small towel she'd brought with her.

She noted the time on the small bedside clock and waited for Steve. As she knelt there, she became hyper-aware of just how open and available she was. She bit her lip as her breathing picked up. From out of nowhere the memory of the first time she felt this way overwhelmed her. Clutching that wonderful memory she thought, 'I hope this time doesn't hurt any more than that one did.'

It was their first time together, when she'd given Steve her virginity.

Donna was in her senior year in college. She was a member of the varsity field hockey team, and hockey hadn't left much time for dating. She'd met Steven almost by accident; he had finished his degree in Architecture and was supervising the construction of a building on campus. The building overlooked their practice field and she literally tripped over him one day after practice. She was hot and sweaty and had been surprised at how strong his hands were when he caught her to keep her from falling.

Flustered by his good looks, she said in a self-deprecating tone, "Ah the reflexes of a trained athlete, give me a few more years and I can walk and chew gum at the same time."

He hadn't laughed; he'd just stared into her soul with those eyes of his and said, "I've never see a more beautiful sight in my life. I'm not going to let you go until you agree to have coffee with me."

It had taken years to convince her that he actually had been overcome by her beauty. She'd never had a man react like that to her, and her normally formidable defenses crumbled. It took her over three months to get into his bed. He repeatedly refused to give her the fig leaf of seduction. He told her that he wouldn't take her to bed until she was prepared. He said she would have to go on the pill and then, give him a week's notice so he could be ready with a romantic evening. She'd been ready their first date, but it had taken her almost two months to work up the courage to get the pill and another four weeks after that to work up the courage to tell him.