Operation: Final Fantasy Ch. 03

Once again, I'd like to thank Wolf Vixen for editing this story. I'd also like to use this submission to pay my respects to all United States Armed Forces veterans, in particular the Greatest Generation; if only I had been able to send this out one week earlier on Memorial Day, it would have been much more fitting. See why as you read below.

Again, the sex in this story is greatly limited. Please enjoy this submission about Ryan's story, his history, and the potential of his future. Feedback is always appreciated.

It wasn't the same since Trixie left.

It was probably unnecessary to lie about the conference, but he wasn't sure how else to spend his time lamenting over Amanda and Adam. That was between him and his family. He thought it would be therapeutic – and maybe it was – but at the end of the day he would end up feeling worse. If anything, the time spent alone confirmed the fact that he'd never see them again, at least not in this life.

When he was with Trixie, however, things were different. Bringing her with him to Hawaii wasn't the greatest idea in retrospect; he never professed his plan to be one of genius. But for a moment, he had hope. He felt on the verge of returning to normal, and he liked it. He didn't think it was possible to feel that way anymore. She must have been very good at what she did – not just the sex, but the companionship. She produced a grand illusion of caring for him; her efforts of pretending to actually want to spend time with him and appearing to enjoy it was nothing short of perfection. At best, all he wanted was for her to make things bearable, and she did so much more than that.

The next couple days in Hawaii dragged on. Ryan considered that maybe it was time to leave the island and move forward with his plan. After Trixie left, he didn't even have the will to leave the room for the next two days. He wasn't sure if it was because he missed her or missed the idea of her; it could have even been because he simply felt alone. He just wasn't sure.

It took everything he had to make himself leave the room. As good as everything was on the five-star menu, he could only order in for so long before getting cabin fever. Ryan took a stroll down Waikiki Beach to find something to eat, promising himself that he'd return to his room right after dinner.

After finding a restaurant and sitting down to a beer and an oversized cheeseburger of which he only ate half, he mentally formed the next stage of his plan. While tuning out the obnoxious music and the annoying partying couples in the background, he carefully wrote down his plan on a napkin with the pen the waitress left after he had added the tip and signed the receipt. It didn't take long until he was completely oblivious to the night life and music around him.

He looked over his list, contemplating each line carefully. "Amanda" and "North Shore" were sequentially crossed out. Underneath he wrote "Arizona". Next he wrote "Return". Finally, he wrote "OFF - Complete".

The plan was similar to before, but for the remainder of the checklist he'd have to exclude Trixie. Folding up the napkin and placing it in his back pocket, he went back to the resort.

---

Neither of them said a word.

She meant to say something, and had rehearsed her lines a thousand times, but her mind was empty.

He simply stood there with the door open and key card still in hand.

There she stood, two days later, as if she had never left. She wore her favorite green dress; it was just short enough to look sexy, but not so short it looked slutty. Her knee high black boots tightly caressed her calf muscles; the string in the back dangled down to her heel. She might have been nervous, but she knew how to dress.

Her heart was racing. She had tried to fix her mascara the best she could, but Ryan came back to the resort sooner than she thought. When she heard him walk up to the door she bolted out of the bathroom, leaving all of her makeup on the counter, and went out to the living room to wait for him just as he was opening the door.

"Hi," she squeaked out carefully, brushing her tiny blond ringlets out of her face.

"What are you doing here? I... I thought you were gone for good. Why did you come back?" He didn't move a muscle.

Trixie stammered, "I...um, I think we need to talk." She had trouble looking him in the eye but tried her hardest to make eye contact.

A strange look crossed Ryan's face. He was about to say something.

"Before you begin," Trixie started, holding her hand up, "I have to apologize."

She took a deep breath. "This isn't easy for me. Normally I'm on the receiving end of the apologies. Whether it's my fault or not," she added with a nervous grin.

Ryan smiled slightly, giving Trixie a little relief. For a moment, she thought that it might have been possible that she was saying the right things after all.

"It didn't hit me until the plane started to leave. I tried to get off but they weren't about to go back to the gate. They might have let me off at a smaller, less busy airport, but not at Honolulu International. At least that's what they told me. And then, they didn't have any flights available until..."

"Trixie," he interrupted.

"Please, Ryan. I have to finish."

He nodded for her to continue.

"I went against my better judgment. I know... well, I don't exactly know what happened, with your past I mean, but I know you didn't do anything wrong, and I acted like a cold hearted bitch..." Trixie was trying not to choke as she held back her tears that threatened to fall out again.

"I know we're not exactly dating," she said, "but the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. I do care about you, Ryan."

More than you know,she thought.

Ryan walked up to her, embracing her, "I never thought I'd see you again. That was the part that really bothered me."

Trixie buried her head in his chest as he held her. She sniffed, "Me too. It's my fault. I had to fly all the way back to California and get on the first flight back to Hawaii. And thenthatjet broke. They didn't have anything until the next day..."

She sighed, stepping back and smiling at Ryan, "So, here I am."

Ryan smiled and shook his head, "You shouldn't have done that. You must be exhausted; do you want to lie down?"

Giggling through a few tears, she said, "Of course, but I want to lay down with you. But before we do that, I have to get this off of my chest and beg your forgiveness."

"Sweetie, there is nothing to forgive. Just let me know how much the plane tickets were. I'll pay for them; it's only fair."

Trixie laughed, "No, it's not fair. I certainly won't be making you pay for those, especially when I did something so stupid. That was my fault."

Taking a deep breath, she continued, "Like I was saying before I choked up, I should have never left you. Not under those circumstances anyway. I don't know what happened, or who she was." Ryan winced as she said that. "But I know you were madly in love with her. I thought you cheated on her, and I asked all the wrong questions."

She put her hand on his chest, looking at him while trying to figure out how to form the next part. "Ryan, I've been with men who cheated on their wives before. Many times. It's nothing I'm proud of, but somehow, it was different with you. It almost made me sick. But then I remembered the look in your eyes, how you saw her and not me..."

A look of sorrow crossed his face and he quietly told her, "Trixie, stop."

Putting his hand to his forehead in a contemplative state, he looked up at the ceiling before looking back at her. She knew he was about to tell her something personal; something that he did not want to tell or reveal. The reluctance displayed on his face gave it away.

"Her name was Amanda."

Trixie didn't say anything. She did her best to look calm and supportive – she had a feeling he would need it – but she felt a shiver run down her spine. It was obvious his story wasn't going to be a happy one.

"My son was Adam. They both were killed by a drunk driver eight months ago. Right before I was scheduled to come home from Afghanistan." He talked so calmly as if he rehearsed it, but the water forming in his eyes gave away his true feelings.

"Needless to say, I had to come home early and deal with all of this." Ryan pulled a worn, unprotected photo out of his pocket. A young blond-haired lady with a gorgeous beaming smile sat in a chair holding a boy no older than two years of age in her lap.

"You can see the ocean waves in the background; we took that picture when we were at the coast before I deployed."

"Oh my Lord! Ryan, I...," She stood there speechless.

He smiled wryly, "She looks familiar, doesn't she?" He sighed, "I'm so sorry. I thought you should know the truth."

"Ryan! She could practically be my twin! It's like I'm looking into a mirror!" Trixie couldn't take her eyes off of the photo.

He nodded, "I know. This is why I told you it's more my fault than yours. I lied to you about having conferences for work when there wasn't any. I'm not even sure why I did that. I guess I just needed time to be alone, to reflect on Amanda and Adam. Maybe even to ease my guilt of being with you; I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm betraying her even though I know she's gone."

It was almost like he was piecing together his actions as he poured out his confessions to Trixie, "Also, I used you, and I feel awful doing that. I would take it back if I could. Maybe that's why I didn't tell you; I didn't want you to get hurt. Even a girl in your, um, occupation... well, any girl, doesn't deserve something like that."

He bit his lip. "I...I..." As hard as he tried, Ryan couldn't get a word out.

Trixie leaned forward and held him tightly in her arms. She felt him shake in her arms, even though barely a sound escaped from him.

"I just wanted to be with her again. One last time. God, I miss her. I miss her so much, Trixie. I just can't take the pain." Ryan almost choked on his words, barely completing his sentence. She felt a few of his stray tears fall down on her shoulder.

Trixie ran her fingers through his soft locks of hair in her best effort to calm him down as the revelation slowly hit her. "You wanted me to be her. I thought you wanted me toreplaceher, but you actually wanted me tobeher."

Ryan said, "Crazy idea, huh? I really thought it would work, especially after the first few days."

"No, it's not crazy, Ryan." Trixie looked up at him meekly, still running her fingers gently through his hair, "But I'm not her. I'm sorry; I wish I was for your sake. I can't imagine being loved by anyone, the way that you loved her." Her lips curved upward into a small smile, "I can tell you had intense passion for her. I'm even a little jealous.

"But, I'm not her."

He nodded, "I know, Trix. I know."

Trixie gently placed her hand on the side of his face, "I can try to be, but I'm worried it will only cause you more pain. Even if that's why you hired me, I'm not even sure I would know how to be her, anyway."

Ryan smiled, "You are so much like her, in so many ways. Not just the way you look. But, I've also come to realize you're different, too. Not worse or better, just different." He shrugged, "No matter how I tried to mold this insane fantasy of mine, you're still a wonderful, unique girl."

"How on earth did you put this plan together," She asked.

A light shade of red crept up on his face, "I, uh..., I saw you in the supermarket one day. Maybe a month or two ago. You definitely stood out." His boyish smile stood out.

"It was incredible; you looked just like her. It was like I saw Amanda reborn."

Trixie listened intently, trying to recall the moment, but Ryan said, "You never noticed me, of course. If you did notice me staring, you probably would have called the cops on me. I don't know how long I was simply just standing there, staring at you."

She giggled, "I'll take that as a compliment."

"After that, I decided to do a little research. I found out your first name was Trixie and that you worked at a modeling agency. That led me to Madeline, which led me to the fact that you didn't exactly work for a modeling agency."

The light shade of red on his face morphed into a full-blown cherry red. He snickered nervously and said, "And, that gave me an opportunity I couldn't pass up. And here we are now." He winced as if he expected her to slap him.

Trixie smiled at that, "You poor thing. You're a good man. You don't deserve this." She felt uncomfortable. Guilty, even. She wasn't so sure if she was helping him; in fact, she wondered if she was making things worse. It was like she was a willing participant in screwing with his mind, even if it was his own idea. It occurred to her that being with him for the week might only make things worse. Besides, Amanda sounded absolutely lovely, and she must have been based on the way Ryan looked at her. How could she compare to someone like that?

Ryan broke the silence, "Tell you what. Just... just be yourself. I can't make promises, but I'll really try not to mold you into Amanda. I know it's not fair to you." Ryan added, somewhat darkly, "Besides, she's gone. And nothing will bring her back."

Maintaining a neutral face, Ryan calmly said, "Like it or not, life goes on."

But she could see through his eyes. Despite his calmness, his eyes held unimaginable pain; she wasn't sure if he believed what he said.

VII

"Do you know what today is," Ryan asked while cleaning up after their breakfast in bed, despite Trixie's protests.

Trixie replied, "Come back to bed! I'll clean that up." Ryan gave her a wink as he stacked the last plate on the tray on the counter. "Too late."

Trixie stuck her tongue out at him, "Today is Friday. Normally that's a good thing, but we have to pack up and leave tomorrow." She patted the bed for Ryan to come back, making a sad face.

Ryan smiled and sat down next to her, "Well, yes, it's Friday. But do you know what date it is?"

She had to think for a moment, "Normally people on vacation don't think about specific dates, but I've learned you have a reason for doing and asking everything. Let's see. The sixth? Seventh?"

He nodded, "Seventh of December. A date of infamy. In fact, it was the main reason I chose this week to come out here."

It took her a while to think about what he was getting at, "Oh, that's the date Pearl Harbor was attacked!"

Again, he nodded, "Very good. Today's the seventy-first anniversary of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. I wanted to come out for the seventieth last year, but I was deployed."

She smiled, rubbing his arm, "A patriot, through and through. That shouldn't surprise me."

Ryan fidgeted a little, "Well, thank you, but it's more than that." It seemed like he didn't want to say anymore to her. Much to her relief, he continued, "My grandfather was on the USS Arizona. Like most of the others on board, he didn't make it."

Trixie scooted closer to him, tucking her legs behind her and putting her arms around his chest, "Ryan, I'm so sorry to hear that."

He nodded and ran his fingers through her hair as she lay against his chest, "One thousand, one hundred and seventy-seven men went down on the Arizona. That's out of one thousand, four hundred men. Did you know one of the bombs hit the forward magazines, causing her to explode?"

Looking down at her, he gave her a forced smile, "Sorry to be a buzz kill. I..."

She cut him off with a finger to his lips. Crawling on top of his legs and straddling him, she leaned forward to kiss his forehead.

"You're fine, tiger. Let me get dressed and we'll be off."

---

Wind raced through her hair as the boat left the dock. It was eerily quiet; no one on the boat said a word. Trixie held Ryan's hand. She lifted her sunglasses for a moment and looked at him, trying to gage his disposition. He appeared to be calm and focused, but stoic.

After they debarked the boat at the USS Arizona Memorial, Ryan walked with her hand in hand, looking at the enormous battleship sitting in the shallow waters below. He put his hands around her shoulders; both were taking in the somber reality of what had happened seventy-one years ago on American soil.

Trixie pointed at something she spotted in the water, "Oh my Lord, do you see the oil on the surface of the water? Is that really from the Arizona, after all these years?"

"They call them the tears of the Arizona."

They both remained quiet for several minutes.

"Hey, do you see that battleship way over there? It's hard to see from here. That's the USS Missouri. It was retired in 1999. The bow of the Missouri faces the Arizona, as if to watch over her and give those resting inside an eternal peace. To pay its respects."

Trixie softly said, "He was a hero. They all were."

Ryan nodded, "Yes, they were."

Walking into the shrine at the end of the memorial, hand in hand, the first thing they noticed was that the entire wall on the opposite end was covered with names. In front of the wall was a velvet rope, protecting it from human contact.

He quietly said to no one in particular, "One thousand, one hundred and seventy-seven names on that marble wall." Trixie glanced over at Ryan; he was searching for his grandfather's name.

"There," he said, pointing to one of the names, "That was him."

He seemed so calm, Trixie noticed. Even though they had only been together less than a week, she was slowly starting to understand him. He was the type of man that was calm and could rationally think and act under pressure, but on the inside, he was anything but calm. Gently, she put her arm around his waist.

There was a place on the marble wall where the inscription read,"To the Memory of the Gallant Men Here Entombed and their shipmates who gave their lives in action on December 7, 1941, on the U.S.S. Arizona".

"Have you ever thought about death? I mean, what it would be like to die?"

The question wasn't exactly out of the blue, but Trixie wasn't ready for it.

She thought about the question before answering, "Well, I suppose everyone thinks about it at some point, even though no one likes to.

"For me?" She thought for a moment, "I guess like everyone else, when I go I'd like it to be when I'm old. Peaceful and in my sleep."

Ryan said, "I can't even imagine drowning. They must have really suffered. It makes me sick just thinking about it.

"I don't mind dying. I mean, I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, and I believe in heaven. And there are a lot of people up there that I want to catch up with. It's just the process of dying that scares me."

He cleared his throat, continuing to stare at the wall. "When I was in Afghanistan," he quietly whispered, "I remember riding in a hummer with the Army guys; I was sitting shotgun. We were number two. There were a few more behind us in the caravan. We were halfway between our base and our destination when the ground erupted."

Ryan tried to explain it the best he could, "I swear, it looked like a concrete volcano erupting from the ground. Or like a mountain suddenly rising from the road. I've never seen anything like it.

"It must have been within ten yards of us, easy. The explosion went up forty, maybe fifty feet. It happened so quickly. Our driver had to swerve to avoid running into it. If those bastards had waited a split second longer to detonate it, I wouldn't be here."

Trixie was completely astounded. There was nothing she could say. She wasn't sure what she could do, but knew he was pouring his heart out in a rare moment that might never happen again. All she could think of was taking his hand and squeezing it to let him know she was there for him.

"I used to think I was the luckiest guy in the world for surviving that." He shook his head and gave a low, dismayed laugh, "Then I found out what happened to Amanda and Adam two months later. I survived Afghanistan, but they died in the country I was serving and trying to defend. How's that for ironic? Thinking back on it, I wish, I just wish...," he trailed off.