Passion and Lust Lost Ch. 02

"Hey, Ang."

"Hey, Jill, haven't talked to you for a couple of days. I found a new dress shop with fabulous couture knockoffs. I can't wait to take you there."

"That's sounds like fun. Maybe this week? Say, listen, I called because I need to talk. Billy and I are having problems. Some really big problems. I'd like to come over and get some sorority sister advice. Is this afternoon okay? Please say yes, I'm really frantic here."

"Whoa, this sounds serious. Sure, come on over. Hey, I'm out here raking leaves with Doug. Thought we'd get ahead of them this year so we're starting early. Any reason is a good reason to get out of this."

"I'm on the road right now. Be there in 15 minutes."

"That doesn't leave me much time to get cleaned up. I better get started, huh? ["Hey Doug, Jill's coming over. Guess you're on your own."] See'ya in a few."

Angela met Jill at the door with her hair wrapped in a towel. After a hug and a kiss they went to the kitchen. "Hey kids, get your stuff together and move to another room. Aunt Jill is here and she and I need to talk."

"Hi kids. It's alright if they stay. I was hoping we could talk in the den."

"Thanks, Aunt Jill."

Fortified with coffee Jill and Angela closed the den's door and got comfortable. "Okay, what's this all about?" Jill eased into her explanation of events that led to the gangbang. In particular, she explained Billy's one-man gangbang role-play and how it added so much to their sex life. Angela was intrigued and made a mental note to try it.

Then she started laying out the planning and preparation for the gangbang. About halfway through Angela leaned forward and said, "Oh, my God! Please don't tell me this actually happened. I thought those wild days in school worked all of that out of our systems. Geez, do you remember the times we did poor Harry? It was so funny in the beginning. None of us knew what we were doing or how to go about it!"

"Yeah, well, having lived through those wild days is the only reason I didn't dig my heels in and tell Billy no. I still have a lot of fond memories. I don't know. Maybe I miss the excitement." She explained that the gangbang took place in her home a week ago with Billy's friends during the football game.

"I hope we'll get to all the juicy details at some point, but what's the problem with you and Billy?"

"I believe he took me down this path because of self-doubt about his ability to satisfy me. Something like a selfless act of love. Afterwards he had second thoughts and has condemned himself ever since for talking me into it. He can't reconcile what he hoped to get with what he got.

"Right or wrong, he was right. I never had a sexual high like that before. I've always loved sex but now I feel there is a side to it and depth that I never knew existed. Maybe because I'm older now I can better appreciate the intensity of behaving with total abandon. So much so that I'm not sure what I should do next. One thing's for sure, sex will never be the same for me again. But, I'm not the problem. Billy is so depressed and disgusted with himself that he's in a funk that I don't know if he can get out of by himself."

"How about counseling or analysis?"

"Oh, I don't know. I never really bought into that Freudian stuff. If he and I could work it out I would be much happier than if someone nudged us there. What do you think?"

"Well, first I'd give him plenty of time to work it out on his own. All the while you should be loving and nurturing to show that you aren't mad or upset with him. That would also show that you're comfortable with what happened. You are, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"If nothing changes and he's still in a slump or getting worse then I'd confront him head-on. You just said you have little faith in interventions, so be true to yourself and be more direct."

"That's what I thought, too. Maybe I just needed to hear it from someone else."

"Okay, problem solved." [Not really.] "Now, fill me in on the details."

Later

"This is more than I can understand, let alone deal with right now."

"Billy, the reality is that right or wrong, we are at a new place in our marriage. We can try to got back to where we were. I don't think that's possible. That would be like trying to pretend it didn't happen when we both know it did. Or, we could try to go forward recognizing where we've been. That's what I want. Or we could go forward separately. That I don't want. One thing's for sure, we can't continue this way. It's tearing you apart and watching you go through this everyday is killing me. I can't let you drag me down with you."

"Jill, I have a firm grip on reality. What happened happened. Nothing is going to change that. And, I don't want to leave you, or you leave me. But, I didn't plan on it being as bad as it turned out to be for me."

"Okay, I had sex with your friends. No big deal! No, it is a big deal but that's all it was, sex. I didn't make love to them!" [Well, that's not completely true. His friends had been so attentive and solicitous of her needs that it would be hard to see the difference she was trying to make. Perhaps the distinction is they were making love to her while she was just having sex with them.]

"To be honest, it was a good experience for me. It was as if my arousal and releases were responses to the cumulative effect of each one, not that any one of them was so much better than the others. But, it did keep getting better and better. By the time Jimmy got me off I was somewhere I've never been before. It was wonderful. I was totally satisfied, beyond satisfied. All my wants and needs were met. I think if I had one more man it would have been one too many. What we did was just right.

"Was it a one-off thing or do I want to continue? I absolutely want to continue reaching for new and different highs, just as I want our marriage to remain strong. Is there anyway we can have it both ways. Is that possible?"

"I was so sure that this was the right thing to do. To do for you. Listening to you now tells me I succeeded. What I didn't count on was my reaction. I don't feel betrayed, how could I? What I feel is that I betrayed you. If you had sex with them on your own for the same reasons I would feel differently. It would be, like you were reaching out for something I didn't or couldn't do. Sure, I'd still blame myself but it would be blame for not having done something instead of blame for having done it. There's a difference that's important to me. I should never have put you in that situation.

"But, I'm closer to being able to deal with it. My problem is that, going in I believed I could live with that, especially if once you found out what you've missed you'd want to continue or go further. Instead, I haven't been able to. Maybe I'm not as self-confident as I thought I was. Maybe I'm not as self-confident as I need to be.

"These are uncharted waters. To help see my way through I have have two requests: we be completely open and honest with each other, and no affairs. If it's got to be sex with others that's all it can be, okay?"

"That's fine. But, this is all so new to me I don't really understand it, either. I agree, I think the best thing to do is continue to be open and talk. Eventually we'll find someplace in our comfort zones that makes the most sense. Let's start by having a romantic evening tonight to get comfortable with each other, again." [Romantic to them was a good meal, wine and a fire, no television.] They spent the evening reminiscing and, when they could, being funny to keep it light.

Bedtime came and with it tension. Would they have sex or not? After all, it had been almost a month. Jill hoped so. Billy didn't want to have sex that night because he felt it would be forced. He wanted the next time they had sex to be a natural expression of their feelings for one another. That night they fell asleep with Jill in his arms. She was disappointed but not overly so. She knew he was the one that had to do the healing. When he was strong enough it would be the right time for them to make love.

Over the next several days Jill reviewed the gangbang in her mind and asked herself, "If I had to do it over again, would I change it?" One thing seemed clear. What she had experienced wasn't a gangbang. To her way of thinking she still wanted the real thing. She started making plans.

By the third night after the start of Billy's reconciliation he had made enough progress that he felt comfortable initiating sex with Jill. Both had wine with dinner and were relaxed. When he leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek she put an arm around his neck holding him close to her and turned giving him a tentative kiss. He responded and held her tight.

They quickly found themselves wrapped in each others' arms. Their movements were hurried, almost frantic trying to remove their clothes while maintaining an embrace. With enough clothing removed to allow sex they were aroused to the point that neither wanted foreplay. She was well lubricated and he was seeping when Jill grabbed his cock and centered it at her entrance. "Oh, Billy. please hurry, I'm in trouble here and need you to make it right." By his second thrust he was seated in her. By his third, Jill was thrusting back. Not long after both were grunting followed shortly by their releases. Both continued to pump to prolong the moment and comfort Jill through her aftershocks. It was pure, raw sex based on need, not love or emotion. When they recovered Billy was still erect and far from done.

"Jill, let's go upstairs and make love in our bed. I want you to enjoy all the pleasure I can give. I hope it's enough."

"Oh, Billy. Billy. You're what I want. Don't ever doubt it." They quickly unwound from each other and kicking off their remaining clothes hurried to their bed. Neither said anything until they were on their sides looking at the other. "Oh, sweetheart, its been too long. We love each other too much not to share it with each other. I want you to make love as if we were the only two people in the world." He slid closer, taking her in his arms and gave her a kiss filled with love and affection before holding her close and burying his head in the nape of her neck as Jill slowly rubbed against him.

The next morning was the first time in a long time that they weren't walking around on eggshells. Their old ways of being comfortable and familiar with one another were returning. Jill was happy to have made this much progress [It wasn't much, really.] and thought it best to find out if greater reconciliation was in the offing or this was as far as it would go. Weeks went by and things were almost back to normal. Giving Angela daily progress reports she soon realized that they had reached a point where discussing the gangbang wouldn't push Billy back into his funk. She planned to raise it that evening.

"Billy, I especially enjoyed your one-man gangbang last night. Want to do it again tonight?"

"Hey, as much as I enjoy watching you squirm it really takes it out of me. Let me beg off a few days, okay? Of course, that doesn't mean I can't drink of your pleasures this evening, does it?"

"Oh, I'll be the one draining you dry. Don't worry about me. But, I still want to talk about a real gangbang. You know how much I enjoyed it the last time. How about we do it again only this time it not be about me but you and the guys. Except when I was in high school, I've never had sex where I was totally used. It's like a fantasy. Some women fantasize being raped, or a whore or a prostitute. I just want to experience that but without the drama. By the way, high school doesn't count."

"I can't say that I'm happy talking about this. I don't want to go through it again. At least, not yet. What do you mean, it not being about you? If we had another gangbang it would be all about you."

"I mean, instead of being with them one-on-one, I'd like to take them on all at once. And, just to make it as crude and as nasty as I can I'd be swearing and talking dirty to them all the while. Maybe, even surprise you. It's like an alter ego kind of thing. If you and they can get in the swing of things then you all would abuse me verbally as with your cocks. Maybe more as long as it didn't get out of hand. Everyone would be, kind of role-playing. What do you think?"

"What, treat you like a whore?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, Jill. Why do we have to do this?"

"It's just a fantasy and acting it out is something I want to do. Need to do."

Planning

"No way I'm going to have anything to do with this."

"Ang, your involvement will only be to supervise the gangbang, not fuck or fluff anyone. Before you say no, again, hear me out. I've got a plan to get Billy to be one of the bangers."

"Why would you want to do that? He's still fucked up from the last one when he wasn't one of the bangers. Now, all of a sudden, he's going to forget that and line up to fuck you with his buddies. I don't think so."

"Maybe. What if they were anonymous? I know that's not really possible but what if they role-played being anonymous by using different identities? They might be able to hide behind that and use the role-play to do something they wouldn't otherwise do?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Remember I told you about Billy's crazy, one-man gangbang role-playing where he takes on different identities so I can fantasize being gangbanged by them? What if we got his friends to take on identities and act them out during the gangbang. That might be enough shelter and cover for him to join in the bang. He could pretend to be someone else."

"I don't know. It sounds too contrived. I mean, after all, you'd have to convince all of them, including Billy to give it a shot. I gotta believe that some would feel too foolish doing that to agree. What would you do if only a few were willing to go through with it?"

"Well, that could happen but I've got a plan. I'm going to talk to each of them and explain what I'm trying to do with this gangbang. If they know its for Billy they might be more willing to go along."

"So, what are you going to do, fuck all of them to get them to agree? Jesus, Jill, you're turning into a slut."

"No, I'm not going to fuck anyone to get them to agree. You watch. They'll want to do it. And, no, I'm not turning into a slut. If what I want to do is enough to make me a slut then I guess it makes you one, too. After all, we did a lot of crazy shit together in school. No, I don't feel like a slut. I'm just having fun with people I know and can trust to fill a need. Haven't you ever had a sexual need that you had to fill? I know you have."

"Oh, goddamn you. I knew you would throw that in my face. Before I get all hypocritical with you, tell me what my roll would be, you bitch. There, do you like that better?"

"Yes. I haven't worked out all the details yet but in broad strokes your role is to be a dominatrix and the guys would be your submissives and I'd be their sub. In addition, they'd have masks on to add to their roles as subs and hide behind as they pretend to be someone else. Of course, they would all know who each other is but the masks would provide the psychological edge needed for them to take on a different identity in a role play.

"We would open by you having them tie me to a bed or bench face down. I'll fuck each of them in front of the others and then suck them clean as they rotate fucking me. After each has fucked me I want to be untied. I'll serve you and them something to drink while they recover and then take them on a second time but on my back. The idea is for me to go from a reluctant sub to one that is enjoying her punishment. If it works out the way I want each will have gotten off two times. If any really have it in them, they'll get off a third time while I suck them. Well, what do you think?"

"Holy shit! Are you kidding me? That sounds really sick. And, just exactly what would a dominatrix do while all this is going on? Do you want me naked? Do you want me to touch any of them? And, don't forget, I'll be seeing Billy naked and him fucking you. I've got to believe that will fundamentally change our relationship. I mean, will he still be Uncle Billy to my kids? Will we still have family and friends parties and get togethers? Or, will we see less of each other and our friendship wither away?"

"I hope none of that happens. You know I love you more than I do my sister. Please work with me on this. Who knows, maybe you'll enjoy yourself. Think of it as a way of getting back at me for all the shit I've pulled on you. Remember Fast Eddie?"

"I haven't thought about him for a long time. Thanks for reminding me. As I recall, I swore I would make you pay. Maybe the bill has come due? Okay, let's get started on this. I may want to put my own twist on things, okay."

"Sure."

Commitments

"Hi, Jimmy. It's Jill. Got a minute to talk?"

"Hi, Jill. Sure, what's on your mind?"

"I want to have another party but different this time. I want Billy more involved."

"Boy, that's going to be tough. How are you going to do that?"

Jill laid out her plan including using a dominatrix to control the 'party.' "To make this work I'll need the cooperation and involvement of everyone. I plan to get it by offering more of what happened last time and talking to everyone individually beforehand so there are no surprises and things go as planned. Are you in?"

"Jesus, there's no stopping you once you get your mind set on something, is

there? Sure, sign me up. I can't pass up an opportunity like this, can I?"

"I'll make it worth your while. Okay, once we set a date we'll use the preceding game day to talk it through as a group. It won't be a rehearsal. It's just that I don't want any questions on 'game day.' On that day I want each of you to slip into role as you walk in the door and stay that way until you leave."

"Just let me know when, okay?"

"You bet, bye."

"Bye."

"Jimmy, who was that?"

"Jill. Billy's wife."

"What did she want?"

"She's planning a surprise party for Billy and wanted to know if I'd come."

"I guess you're going, aren't you? It could be fun. Maybe I should do that for you sometime. Will any of the wives be there or is it a 'guy' thing?"

"Of course, I'm going. I wouldn't miss it. It's just the guys. I don't know, maybe you doing one for me could be a lot of fun."

Jill talked to the rest of the 'guys' and got commitments from all. With the exception of Joe, each was eager for the idea. Joe tentatively agreed but only after some initial reluctance. He and Jill worked it out but not before getting her agreement to discuss it further at the next game day. All that remained was to get Billy to agree to be one of the bangers.

Billy

"So, that's my idea. What do you think?"

"Under different circumstances it would probably be as exciting and as much fun as you say. It certainly is different and I think that has a lot to do with its attraction. But, here we go, again. Worse, this time I'd have to watch you fucking. You're asking so much I don't know if I can give it to you."

"Well, not exactly. This time I want you to be one of the bangers. In my own perverted way I think by participating it will be a healing experience for you. No! No! Hear me out.

"Of course, I'd be doing it for myself but you could get something out of it as well. Here's how I think this will help. By role-playing someone else you could join in anonymously. Well, almost. Everyone will know its you but they'll be role-playing as well. That will give them cover. After all, they'll be embarrassed, too, fucking their friend's wife and watching you fuck her. In addition, role-playing will allow them to be less inhibited with me and less inhibited in front of you and their friends. That way everyone can enjoy themselves without having to be self-conscious."

"How does that help me?"