Passion and Lust Lost Ch. 04

"Hey, Joe, come on in. Everyone's left except Ronnie. Yes, yes, she's fine. A little worn out maybe, but just fine. To tell you the truth, we had some wine before we started. Yeah, I know it was early in the day but we all wanted something to take the edge off. We've been drinking martinis ever since. Right now I'd say she's feeling no pain, of any kind. Come with me. She's in the family room. Can I get you anything to drink? Beer it is.

"Hey, Ronnie, Joe's here. I'm going to set him up with a beer and then leave you two alone. If you want you can leave without letting us know. Billy and I'll be upstairs. Of course, get us if you need anything. In the mean time, the first floor is yours. Take what you want. Do what you want, for as long as you want."

Joe came into the family room expecting to see his wife disheveled, her hair, make up and clothing in total disarray. Instead he found her as he would on any Sunday afternoon, jeans, shirt and sneakers. There was something different though, she had a glow about her and was sitting in a totally relaxed pose, a leg pulled underneath her on the couch. Leaning back with her drink she had a warm smile on her face that could have been the result of having just fucked six guys all afternoon long, the alcohol, or both.

He had dreaded returning to Billy and Jill's to pick her up. The afternoon would change the dynamics of their marriage or end it. The gangbang was a huge gamble for them but the alternative was worse. They were becoming estranged and unless something changed there would be a separation or divorce. If that happened it would be complicated; kids were involved. To avoid that they were highly motivated to change the direction of their marriage. Certainly, Ronnie being gangbanged would force a change but it would not have been his choice for a catalyst. He acknowledged he was partially to blame for her insisting she do it. He had recently been in two himself. Perhaps she wanted to level the playing field before seeking remedies to their downward spiral.

When Ronnie found out Joe had gangbanged Jill she was mad at him and herself, not for his infidelity and Jill's wantonness, but for him having acted on his fantasy before she acted on hers [she had fantasized being in a gangbang, too]. Her cool reception to his fucking someone else was more the result of her having had a brief affair with Billy than being betrayed. Neither spouse knew about the affair. It was a brief fling two years ago. In fact, no one knew of it. Sparked more by circumstances [both were drunk at the time] than attraction at one of the countless parties the couples attended, their familiarity with each other let curiosity run its course. They had met several times after to explore if there was a relationship in the offing and play out the excitement of having sex with someone other than their spouses. The element of danger from being found out added to the passion and lust they felt. It was rewarding and pleasurable but ultimately not life altering. They remain friends and successfully hid their indiscretion from others ever since.

[Well, that's not completely true. Ronnie had lashed out at Joe during a particularly hurtful row and told him she had slept with one of his friends but refused to say who. Joe was unsure then and now if it was true or an attempt to hurt him during their argument.]

Ronnie had used Jill's gangbangs as leverage to have her own. Joe went along with it [primarily out of guilt] but was made so uncomfortable with the idea that he chose not to join in. As they discussed it [more and more] Joe concluded that her motivation was more a need to pay him back for his infidelity than anything else. [He got it wrong.] This realization more than anything else convinced him to go along with her plans.

So, here he was, sitting across from his wife struggling to find an opening line that wasn't judgmental or threatening. He went with something innocuous, "Hi, sweetheart. Everything okay?"

Taking a sip of her drink to give herself time to frame a response, she said, "Just fine. Thanks for asking." As soon as the words left her mouth she realized they were too formal and didn't convey her true feelings. She tried, again. "I'm sorry, Joe. That's the alcohol talking. It's not what I want to say nor the way I want to say it.

"Physically, I feel fine. I used so much lube and with all the fluids I'm not even raw. My muscles are sore from over work, but it's a good sore. The kind you get after a really hard workout. I'm guess it's the lingering effects of all those endorphins. No one abused me although some were pretty rough, but that's the way I wanted it. But, I am sexually exhausted. I think 'satiated' is the word.

"There are so many things I'm feeling right now it's hard to sort them all out but first and foremost you need to know I'm very much in love with you. One of the many reasons I love you is your letting me do this. I kind of forced this on you for spite and for that I'm sorry [That's not the real reason but she chose it knowing it would be well received by Joe.]. But, oh, my God! Having done it I now realize that there is more out there than I could have imagined. Oh, sure, you read about this stuff and listen to others talk about it but never really take it serious. Not longer. For me, it's wonderful and I want it to be a part of my life. The question is, can you live with that? No, wait! Before you answer that there are other things I have to say.

"My greatest fear is to lose my youth and prime without having achieved anything, without having done anything. When I'm in my fifties and older I need to be able to say that I lived life to its fullest with every intent of continuing to do so. This afternoon is a step in that direction. Yeah, I know raising our kids to be good and stable people is a wonderful accomplishment but doing that uses so little of me. Oh, don't get me wrong. Raising a family is hard work but to do it successfully requires using only a small subset if my abilities and satisfies only a small subset of my needs. What about the rest? When I reach late middle age I don't want my life to solely revolve around my family. I need and want more.

"Am I alright? I feel more alive right now than I ever have. Oh, my God, it's like being on a natural high. It's hard, maybe impossible for a woman to convey to a man the feelings and sensations she experiences when having good sex. If you have even the faintest idea of what that means then a woman having sex with a number of men and losing herself in a frenzy of involuntary responses is beyond your understanding. It is so satisfying, so enjoyable and so fulfilling that having now experienced it the only thing that could compare is doing it or something like it, again. I'm not talking an addiction here, nor am I saying that all sex must be this intense and sustained. Honestly, I don't think I have the physical or emotional stamina to fuck like this more than once in a while. But, knowing now what the rewards are I want to feel that intensity, again. And, can you imagine what it would be like with really talented men? Well, of course you can't. I don't even think I can but I'd give anything to find out.

"As important as this is the bigger issue right now is you and our marriage. Can my realization and pursuit of sexual fulfillment co-exist with you in a committed relationship? I don't know. I think it can. I hope it can, but I don't know about you. How do you feel about all this? What do you want?"

Joe didn't know what to say. Clearly, Ronnie was reacting differently to her gangbang than he did to his with Jill. It seems that she would have to given the different levels of involvement and fundamental differences between men and women. If it were a perfect world though, he would want her to say she was glad she had finally had the experience but didn't care to do it again anytime soon, if ever.

Well, it wasn't a perfect world and he was staring at the prospects of this and God knows what all else becoming a staple of their marriage. "What are we talking about here? Are you saying you want an open marriage, you want to become a 'hot wife,' you want us to become swingers, become a slut and fuck anyone and everyone you want whenever you want, become a whore, or do you just want to cuckold me? Just what kind of marriage are you proposing?"

"What I don't want is you cheating on me. Although I understand it, you fucking Jill at her gangbangs without me hearing about it from you was a betrayal. You cheated me from being involved with an important part of you. Of course, maybe you've done it so often that it didn't seem important to you."

"Are you starting an argument or avoiding my question?"

"That's fair. I guess I want it both ways but we should limit this to answering your question. We can save the rest for later. The short answer is, I don't know. Well, that's not entirely true, I have no interest in cuckolding you. That's not who I am. It's not who you are so let's take that off the table. I guess for me it comes down to you fucking someone else and how I feel about that. Are you sure you don't want to answer that for yourself, first?

"No, huh? Well, let me start by saying that because I love you and have kids with you my hope is to remain married to you, but not to the exclusion of everything else. I don't see myself becoming a slut running around after men, either. What I do see is that occasionally a situation may arise that I feel comfortable with that may offer the potential for some really great sex. When it does I want to be able to act on it without having one of these soul-searching discussions about it. In short, I want to be trusted to be discrete and not put myself in positions that could harm you or me."

"At what point do I find out about it and from whom?"

"If it's planned I would tell you beforehand. If it isn't planned I would tell you about it after the fact, before anyone else did."

"Assuming the same holds for me you're talking about us having an open marriage, right?"

"I hadn't really thought about it in those terms but I guess I am. I want us to open our marriage. Can we do that?

"I have to think about it before answering."

Joe and Ronnie left shortly after that exchange. Returning from running the babysitter home he found his wife making dinner and the kids in the family room watching television. Everything looked and sounded normal. What lay beneath the surface was anything but normal.

Billy and Jill

"Oh, that was great fun. It was also the first time we got it going without all kinds of restrictions. If there is such a thing, it felt more natural. How did you like fluffing the guys and never being able to get off?"

"What do you mean? I got off several times before it ended. It was you guys that couldn't get off. It was more of a terrible tease than anything else. For me, the real fun began afterward."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, apparently Doug and Jimmy saved a little for me because we got it on in our bed afterward; the three of us. It was wonderful. They've had a thing for me for a long time that made it nice for me but better for them. You know, things like, 'Jill, I've looked forward to this for a long time.' And 'At last I'm able to fuck you without being just one among many.' It was sweet."

"Do you have an emotional bond or relationship with them?"

"No, not really. Both are certainly friends, good friends. But, I understand I'm more than just a fuck to them. While I really enjoyed myself, a fuck is all it was to me. You're the only one I make love to."

"Do you want to have an emotional bond or relationship with them?

"What? You mean like a lover?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Oh, shit! Where is this going? We've done this to act out our fantasies and help Ronnie. I've never considered taking on a lover or two as a fantasy or otherwise. Why do you ask? Do you want to take on a lover? I'm almost too afraid to ask. Do you?"

"Yeah, I think I would if I could find the right one."

"Holy shit! Do you have any in mind? Do I want to hear this?"

"Well, I'm very attracted to Ronnie and Angie. I wouldn't mind having either one as a lover. Of course, I have no idea how they would feel about it. [Pause.] Why don't you feel them out?"

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck me? You're the one that dragged me through hell just so you could fuck a bunch of guys. Twice! Now, you're giving me a hard time for wanting to do the same. That's bullshit."

"If you want to fuck them then you ask them. Leave me out of it. Have you thought about how you having a lover would affect our marriage? It's one thing to fuck someone and enjoy the moment, and quite another to be committed to them. I think we need to think this through and be careful before lowering the bar. I can tell you that being married in name only doesn't work for me. We're either married or we're not. I don't want any part of polygamy or a polyamorous lifestyle.

Angie and Doug

"Wow! Do you believe that? That was simply amazing. I can't believe I was in a gangbang and didn't get fucked. Well, at least not more than once or twice."

"Huh? What are you talking about? You were fluffing and not supposed to be fucking anyone. Did you fuck someone? Jesus, Angie, why would you do that?

Angie turned in her seat to face Doug and told him to pull over. She wanted his undivided attention when she said, "You son-of-a-bitch. And just what the fuck were you doing all afternoon with Ronnie and then with Jill in her bedroom after the gangbang was over, catching up on old times, showing her the kids' latest pictures? You fucking hypocrite! Yes, I fucked someone today, two, actually. First Billy and then Charley. Billy, because I've always liked him and we've had a sexual tension thing going on for as long as I can remember. We've never acted on it until today.

[That's not entirely true. Prior to Jill's last gangbang Angie fondled Billy and gave him a brief oral treatment. Taking a shower after the gangbang she let him thoroughly dry her off before dry humping his leg. While they didn't have sex in the traditional sense, they purposely aroused each other and acted on it.]

"Was it good? Did I enjoy myself? You bet your sweet ass I did! I met Charley at Jill's gangbang and was attracted to him. He's a very nice guy, kind of shy. He figured out that I was Mistress Shannon and we had fun reminiscing and laughing at our roll reversals while I fluffed him. After spending the afternoon helping everyone else get off I approached Billy. I needed relief and this was the perfect opportunity to finally fuck him. Boy, am I glad I did. He was wonderful. I'd love to fuck him, again. As a matter of fact, I think I'll call him and set it up. Afterward I approached Charley. He was reluctant but I insisted. He's a very good lover and I enjoyed him immensely. So, how were Ronnie and Jill?"

"You're right. I can't be upset with you. Yes, I fucked Jill after the gangbang. You know I've always had a thing for her. Just like you've had for Billy. And, like you, after the gangbang was over I had a chance to act on it, so I did. I know you wanted to be the one to okay or not allow it but my dick was talking to me and not my head.

"To answer your question, Ronnie is an extraordinarily attractive woman. Fucking her in a gangbang was a real treat. By the time I got to her she was loose and well lubricated. Even so, she was so aroused and into it that it didn't take her long to get me going. I lasted about as long as everyone else. If I can guess she enjoyed it, too. Either she's very good at faking it or she got off, as well. The second time was even better because the awkwardness of fucking someone you don't know was past and we were like old friends. It was great and I'm so glad I came today.

"The Jill fuck was also a first for me. Besides fucking someone I've always wanted to fuck I fucked her along with Jimmy. Yeah, that's right. I was in my first ménage a trios. It was different. It was fun and I'd like to do it, again. But, what I'd like to do even more is to fuck Jill one-on-one so I can experience all of her in the privacy of a bedroom, or wherever.

"Now that I've confessed all my sins, tell me, what did you mean when you said you're calling Billy to set up another fuck with him? What's going on? That's not anything we've talked about. Is this a one-time thing or are you saying you want to change our marriage? Your answer is important because I'm not sure what's going on and I'm not sure I can agree with you fucking around. A gangbang is one thing and an affair is something else."

"I don't know what I want. All I know is that after this afternoon we can't take anything for granted, our own or each other's behavior."

Bits and Pieces

Several hotels and convention centers nearby were interested in hosting a private party that included sexual activity. The hotels and centers wanted liaisons to take place in hotel rooms that they could rent but had to be persuaded to allow guest activities in a common, banquet room. No commitments were made but pricing was established.

Jill asked Ronnie and Angie if their homes were available to host future gangbangs only to run into reluctance and equivocation from both. That left using commercial facilities and the question left open if the participants would be willing to cover the hall rental cost.

Billy invited several of the neighbors to watch the following Sunday's football game at their house. Including wives it would be crowded. For the first time, wives of the game day regulars were invited. As predicted, the men coalesced in the family room to watch the game while the women gathered in the kitchen and front room. Several women noticed the charms Jill and Ronnie wore and commented on them. The explanation offered was that they were gifts from their husbands. Jill became evasive and offered no explanation when asked about the '2' that accompanied her charm.

Joe's absence was conspicuous to the regulars. Privately, Ronnie told Jill they were having a trial separation. It had been Joe's wish. He hadn't reconciled Ronnie's gangbang with what he wanted from their marriage.

When Jill wasn't being the hostess Jimmy and Doug spent time sounding her out about an encore of last Sunday's tryst. While flattered Jill begged off saying if the situation were right she might consider it. She didn't want to discourage them with an out and out refusal. Later, each separately pursued her wanting a private 'game day' celebration or weekday evening liaison. Both sensed a willingness on her part to meet with them but she refused to set firm dates or times. Each came away knowing that she wanted to meet them and it just remained to settle the details of where and when.

Billy played the gracious host well, attending to everyone's needs. In particular, he sought out Ronnie and Angie to see if there was interest on their parts to continue the prior game day's activity. Angie suggested that they include someone else in their plans in order to have a ménage a trios. After finding out that Doug fucked Jill with Jimmy she was eager to have one herself. To her surprise, Billy suggested they include another woman. A little while later he returned to say that Ronnie was interested in joining them. He thought they should find an opportunity to get together before their 'game day.' Apparently Billy didn't remember they had spent quite a bit of time together with Jill before Ronnie's gangbang and afterward.

Surprised and curious at Billy's idea Angie left the kitchen to find Ronnie only to run into her coming out of the front room looking for her. Both laughed and started giggling like schoolgirls before finding privacy in the den. They emerged later acting like best friends sharing a secret. Both headed for the bar and instead of refilling their wine glasses they made stiff martinis. Encouraged by their example, several wives switched as well. The first was Jill. Noticing Ronnie and Angie's conspiratorial behavior she joined them to find out what was going on. Everyone turned to see what was happening after they heard a loud "Oh, my God" erupt from the small cluster of women. Each was shushing the other but the martinis were taking their toll. Their only salvation was to remove themselves to the den closing the door behind them.