Permission

"You hid out in the bathroom for almost half an hour?"

"The alternative would to have come out and go with Hal to his apartment. Would you rather I have done that?"

By then I was just a little pissed by her attitude. The "would you rather" and all the recent "What's the matter, don't you trust me" she had thrown at me had me a little wound and I snapped:

"Why not? It is what you wanted to do anyway."

Kathy gave me a nasty look and we proceeded home in silence. There was no mad, passionate love making in our house that night.

++++++++++++++++++

That night put an end to Katy's stopping at the lounge and in a couple of days things were back to normal between Kathy and me. Kathy waited a week and then she hit me with her next idea.

"I had fun going to that lounge and teasing guys. I want to do it again, but at some different places only I don't want to risk any more traffic jams. We can go to a place and you go inside and get a seat where you can watch what goes on and then I'll come in and take a seat and we will see what happens. Or I'll go in first and then you come in."

I knew better than to say, "No thanks, I don't think so." Besides, I didn't see where things could go wrong with me being there as Kathy's safety valve. Silly me, right?

The first couple of dozen times there were no problems. Kathy would take a seat at the bar or at a table and then the guys would try to move in on her. She never had to pay for a drink (other giving out a dance or two) and after she had a sufficient number of tongues hanging out she would get up and leave and we would go home and fuck like sex crazed bunnies. Did either one of us think that what she was doing was terribly bad? Hell no! She had her wedding rings on and the guys still came after her any way. They deserved the blue balls they went home with.

But Kathy likes to push the envelope. She began dressing sexier. Low cut blouses that showed plenty of cleavage. Short skirts that showed plenty of leg. Sexy high heeled 'come fuck me' pumps. When the guys asked her to dance she let them get closer. She allowed their hands a liberty or two. I sat and watched and got more and more uneasy about things.

Then on our twenty-sixth time things got out of hand. It started out like a usual night. I went in first and picked out a spot where I could see most of the place. Ten minutes later Kathy came in and took a seat at the bar. Within minutes she had a guy move in and offer to buy her a drink. More guys, more drinks and then she was out on the dance floor. Guys pulled her in close and grinded against her. A hand went to her tit and she pushed it away. Hands went to her ass and pulled her in tight and she didn't push them away.

I was sitting there and getting more and more pissed at what was going on and I was on the edge of my seat on the verge of going out on the dance floor and dragging Kathy out of the place when the band took a break. Kathy got her purse and headed for the ladies room and a second or so later the guy she had been dancing with, the one who had put both of his hands on her ass, got up and followed her. I still to this day don't know what made me do it, but I got up and followed along.

At the end of the hallway that led to the bathrooms there was a storeroom and I got to the hallway just in time to see the guy trying to pull Kathy into that storeroom. I hollered "Hey!" and ran down the hall toward them. Stupid move on my part. The "Hey!" gave the guy enough warning that he was able to set himself up to meet me. By the time the bouncers pulled us apart the guy was missing three teeth and I had a broken nose. Kathy was blubbering and trying to stop my nose from bleeding with a handkerchief and I pushed her hand away and snarled:

"Leave me the fuck alone!"

The ride to the hospital was silent and after my nose was set in the ER the ride home was just as silent. We were in the house before Kathy said:

"Why did you holler at me to leave you alone?"

"Because you were the one who caused it. You just had to let those assholes put their hands on you more and more and you never stopped them and that led up to me having to fight some asshole who was going to rape your teasing ass. You couldn't just let things be. You just had to dress sexier and sexier and go farther and farther to feed your goddamned 'excitement' jones and I get to be the guy who pays the price."

"You also got to be the guy who got all the benefit from it or did you forget that part?"

"Yeah, but is it worth the price I have to pay sitting there watching and seething as you let asshole after asshole take liberties with you? I don't think so. No more Kathy, no more" and I stomped off to bed.

Things were a little chilly around the house for about a week and then on a Saturday I woke up to Kathy sucking on my cock. When I was fully awake Kathy said:

"I'm sorry baby, please forgive me, I'm sorry."

++++++++++++++

Six months went by without Kathy coming up with any more ideas. Our sex life settled down some to two or three times a week. It was nice easy love making, but there wasn't any of the wild passion that had been there when Kathy played her games.

One night after we had made love Kathy asked me if I had any fantasies of a sexual nature and I told her that I didn't have any. Then I asked her why she had asked.

"I don't know; just curious I guess."

"Do you have any?"

She looked away for several seconds and then said, "One."

"What is it?"

"I'd rather not say."

"If I had said yes when you asked me that question and then tried to duck telling you what it was you would have badgered me until I told you so I'm not letting you get away with stonewalling me. What is it?"

"You couldn't handle it."

"How do you know I can't handle it?"

"I know you Rob. I know that there isn't any way you could handle it."

I wouldn't give up and I kept after her until she finally relented and told me. My jaw hit the floor when she said:

"I want to make love to another man while you watch."

I just stared at her for several seconds and she said, "Well?"

I finally found my voice and said, "Well what?"

"What do you think?"

"I don't know what to say. That was totally unexpected."

"Well at least you didn't sputter and yell out "Hell no."

"What? You expected me to say, "Sounds like a good idea?"

"A girl can hope."

"You are so dissatisfied with me that you want another man?"

"Don't be silly Rob. I am absolutely satisfied with you."

"Then what the hell is with this other man shit?"

"It isn't shit honey. You know I was a virgin when we got married and you know how quickly I took to sex. I've always wondered what I missed by staying pure until I walked down the aisle. I've always wondered what another man would be like. Remember me telling you how badly I wanted to climb into that car when the guy thought I was a hooker? And the time I told you that I really, really wanted to go to that guy's apartment? It isn't a new fantasy sweetheart; I've had it for years and years."

She leaned over and kissed my cheek. "I'm not at all interested in replacing you baby. You will never have to sweat that." She turned and shut off the light and cuddled up next to me and in minutes she was asleep. I was on my back staring up at the ceiling as visions of Kathy climbing into strange men's cars and going into strange men's apartments moved through my mind. It was very unsettling.

The next morning over breakfast I asked, "Could you really make love to another man?"

"It is just a fantasy Rob, not reality."

"I'm curious. Why do you want me watching?"

"So you will feel a part of it. I couldn't do it alone because that would seem too much like cheating. If you were there it would be like you were putting your stamp of approval on it."

"You would expect me to approve of you fucking other men?"

"Not "other" men honey, just one. Just to see what it would be like."

"It doesn't sound like you are talking fantasy now. It sounds like you really want to do it."

She looked away from me and didn't say anything so I let the subject drop. But not talking about it and not thinking about it are two very different breed of cat. I could not get it out of my mind that Kathy wanted to fuck another man. Kathy said that she'd had the fantasy for years and years and I wondered why she had suddenly brought it up. I wasn't stupid. I knew Kathy and I knew that she knew me well enough to know that if she asked me about my fantasies that I would ask her what hers were. And she knew that when she hedged I would stay on it until I got it out of her. The question was why did she want me to know? Why now after all these years? The answer that I came up with – rightly or wrongly – was that she was on the edge of doing it and she wanted me to say it was okay.

Well it wasn't okay!

I didn't want my wife fucking another man. It wasn't my fault that she was a virgin when we got married. That was her choice. If she would have had fifty sexual partners before we got married it wouldn't have mattered at all. I would still have married her. God knows that I spread my share of pollen before we got married. What happened before the engagement and the wedding vows was none of my business or hers. No! No fucking way did I want her sampling another man.

But then I was left with the question of would she do it anyway even if I didn't say that it was okay. The answer that I came up with to that was unsettling to say the least. I did not think that she would deliberately set out to do it, but if the right set of circumstances occurred it could happen even if she hadn't been looking for it. I remembered how she was when we played her game at the bars; how she got progressively more accepting of what her dance partners were doing. If I hadn't been there would she have gotten worked up enough that without even thinking of what she was doing she would let something happen?

And another thing. Something that I hadn't thought of before. When I saw the guy pulling Kathy toward that storeroom I was keyed on him and not her. Was she trying to fight him off? Trying to pull away from him? Was she so into what they had been doing on the dance floor that she was going to let something happen? I had no answers to those questions. There were some answers though. If she did it behind my back and I found out would our marriage continue? No! If she told me she decided to do it and went ahead after I said no would we still have a marriage? Again the answer was no.

Should I ignore it and hope it would go away? How in the hell could I do that? I would always be waiting to hear the other shoe drop. After a week of rolling it over and over in my mind I came to the realization that it was going to happen. Sooner or later Kathy was going to do it. If she did it and I never found out we would be okay. But I would find out. I knew Kathy well enough to know that she couldn't hold it in. She wouldn't be able to live with the guilt. Sooner or later she would confess and then we would be toast.

I loved her and I didn't want to live my life without her in it, but if she cheated on me she was gone. The only way I could see making our marriage last was to allow her to have her fantasy. And it was going to happen. I knew it was almost a certainty. A girl's night out, stopping for drinks after work with the girls she worked with, a party where she had quite a bit to drink, any one of those combined with the right set of circumstances and it would happen. I had to give her my permission because if it happened without it we were through.

I sat on it for a week and thought and re-thought it and finally I bit the bullet. Over dinner one night I flat out asked Kathy:

"Is your fantasy really just a fantasy or do you really want to do it?"

She looked at me for several seconds and then she said, "I want to do it."

"I want you to think long and hard on this Kathy. I don't know how I am going to handle it. Are you willing to risk your marriage just to satisfy a fantasy?"

"It won't hurt us Rob. I'll just be satisfying a curiosity. I won't be looking for any emotional involvement."

"That's what you say now, but what happens if your lover gives you a bigger or better orgasm than I do. What if he is more sexually satisfying? What if you try another man and it is so different for you that you want to try a third and then a fourth to see how much different they can be?"

"I wouldn't do that. Only the one Rob, I swear – only the one."

"I wish to God you had never brought up the subject. I don't want it, but you have put me between a rock and a hard place. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. If I say yes and don't handle it well our marriage might not survive. If I say no and you do it anyway our marriage would be over."

"I would never do it without you knowing."

"You say that now and you could very well mean it, but time changes things. You say that you have had this fantasy for years and years and for those years and years the fantasy kept getting stronger and stronger until it was so strong that you brought it out in the open to see how I would respond. The only reason for doing that is because you have reached the point where you really want to do it. You want my blessing, but the big thing is that you want to do it and you will still want to do it even if I say no fucking way. So three, six or nine months from now something happens that would give you your chance to try it without me ever knowing. How strong would your fantasy have grown by then? Strong enough that you might take the chance?

"Think back to the guy who thought you were a hooker; you really wanted to get in that car with him. Or the guy who wanted you to go to his apartment. You really, really wanted to go to it with him. What if something similar happens a year from now? With your fantasy getting stronger and stronger as the months go by would you back away or would you get into the car or go to the apartment? That's what you have me looking at now Kathy. Say yes and it doesn't go right and we are done. Say no and have you maybe do it anyway and we are done. The only thing I can do is say yes and hope to God I can handle it or hope that you will realize what a huge gamble you would be taking and decide that it wouldn't be worth what you would lose. Take your time Kathy and really think it through and then let me know what you want to do."

"I don't need to take any time Rob. I want to do it and I know that everything will be fine between us. I love you and you know I do and you love me and I know it. There is nothing that can tear us apart. I'm glad you are nervous over it. If you would have said, "Oh sure Kathy; go ahead and have a good time" I would have been hurt that you could care so little about it. I know how unsure you are about it because I've had all the same thoughts myself, but I'm positive that everything will be okay between us. The fact that you will trust me to do it just makes the bond between us all that much stronger."

"All right then Kathy, go ahead, but one thing. I'll be in the house somewhere, but I will not watch. That would be just too humiliating for me."

"But you have to be there Rob. I can't do it if you aren't there."

"Then I guess you aren't going to do it."

"Please Rob. That's the only way I can do it and really know that it is okay with you."

"No Kathy. No way! I'm not going to stand there while another man uses you and smirks at me while thinking, "Can't take care of your wife? Watch how a real man does it."

"Please Rob. Do it for me, please?"

"No Kathy. I'll be in the house – in the next room even – but I will not watch and at no time will I let whomever you pick see me or will I see him. Listening will be bad enough and that is as far as I'm willing to go."

She was silent for several seconds and then she asked, "When can I do it?"

"That's up to you Kathy. I'll let it happen, but I won't have anything else to do with it."

"I think I'd like to do it next Friday. I'm not insensitive to the way you feel and I think we will need to do some serious hand holding after it is over. If we do it Friday that will give us the weekend alone."

"Next Friday? Isn't that kind of quick? Or do you already have someone picked out?"

"No I don't, but I need to get this out of the way before you back out on me. I'm a fairly good looking girl. If I can't come up with someone within an hour of my walking into whatever place I go to it will be a serious blow to my ego." She leaned over and kissed me. "Thank you lover. Thank you for loving me enough to trust me on this and thank you for being mine."

+++++++++++++++++++++

The week passed by quickly and all too soon it was Friday. Work sucked all day. I couldn't get what Kathy would be doing that night out of my mind and I couldn't blame anyone but myself for my mood. I was the one who said yes. I thought back to the night when Kathy said:

"Thank you for loving me enough to trust me."

The reason I agreed to go along with it was that I didn't trust her. I didn't trust that someday her fantasy and circumstances would come into perfect alignment and she would get carried away and do it. That she would feel guilty after I didn't doubt, but it still would have been cheating and when I found out our marriage would be over.

So there I was. Sitting at my desk at work and trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I'd told my wife she could have sex with another man in the hopes of keeping her and saving my marriage and just how weird was that?

I was a nervous mess when I got home from work. I tried to find projects around the house that would maybe keep me busy and keep my mind off of what was going to happen later. The plan was that Kathy would get off work, hit a bar or lounge, pick up a suitable sex partner and then call me when she was on the way home. Kathy got off work around five-thirty and the call came at five after six. That sure didn't take long I thought. Her ego sure wouldn't be suffering any.

It was a hot August day and I was working in the basement. Because of the heat I had the windows open and I was standing by the one that faced the front yard and was just to the left of the front porch. I heard a car door slam and two people talking as they came up the walk. The voices became clearer as they got closer and as they were walking up the front steps I heard:

"Are you sure that he isn't in there waiting for me with a baseball bat?"

"Don't worry about it. I told you; he is all right with this."

"I have to admit that when you told me two months ago you could get him to go for this I thought you were nuts. I hope you were worth the wait."

"Oh I am sweetie. I can promise you that you won't be disappointed."

I stood there stunned.

She told him two months ago she could get me to do it? Two months ago? And then something else registered. I knew that voice. I couldn't picture who it was, but I'd heard that voice. I wiped my hands on a rag and headed upstairs. Kathy and her stud were already in the bedroom and undressing when I walked in the bedroom door and I saw why the voice was familiar. It was apartment guy. Kathy saw me and smiled thinking I'd changed my mind and was going to watch. The smile disappeared when I said:

"Pull your pants back up sport. You might get to fuck the bitch, but it ain't going to be tonight and it ain't going to be here. Maybe in that apartment you were so eager to get her to. Right now you need to saddle up and move out before I get that baseball bat you were worried about."

"Rob? What are you doing? You said th..."

"Shut up Kathy."

"You said it wa..."

"I said shut up Kathy. One more word out of you and I'll push you out the door right behind him and you can follow him to that apartment that you really, really wanted to go to."