tagHumor & SatirePorno Rider

Porno Rider

byGratefulFred©

"Dad tell me you aren't dying of hemorrhoids?" young Johnny Glaze asked as his dad lay on the bed stomach first exposing a butt that looked like a school project homemade volcano painted in all red.

His dad didn't respond save some drool and beer run off.

"I can save your father's life Johnny", spoke a man who appeared out of 1) thin air, 2) the netherworld or 3) never-land. At any rate he was dressed as a sharp lawyer.

"Well if you take an unsigned post dated personal check I think we can do some business", Johnny responded to the mysterious man with a pitchfork, sharp horns and a tail, which seemed to blend in well with his suit, tie and of course profession.

"No, you misunderstand me. Your father is dying from a rare form of clitoris cancer. Within the next 60, 70 years max, he will surely be dead without intervention. Shortly after his demise he will be, and I do hate to tell you this, but very much impotent" spoke the lawyer as he placed his clawed hand reassuringly on Johnny's shoulder.

"NO!" screamed Johnny as realization sunk in that sex after death might not be that great after all.

"Look Johnny I haven't got all day. Just sign with some blood on this dotted line and I'll save your dad", the so-called lawyer suggested as he shoved some paper in Johnny's hand.

"Do I get a free 30 day Aol subscription too?" Johnny asked as a crafty bargaining ploy.

"That and 1 ½ free email accounts" the lawyer said as a smile crossed his demonic face.

And with that Johnny Glaze gave a few drops of his blood. Moments later the lawyer's cell phone rang and he was off like a bat out of hell.

The next day Johnny's dad came too and felt fit as a fiddle. He got straight out of bed and just as he began to walk he slipped on some blood and got impaled on some pitchfork. Johnny watched his father's death in a state of shock.

Johnny Glaze's life was forever changed by the events of that day. He decided at that moment in time that life was short and the probability of impotency could be in his jeans or the very fabric of his make-up or even his mascara.

Johnny was on a mission. He drove his muscle bike to the closest bar he could find. In no time he was walking out with the first girl he could afford. Moments later he was banging this sleazy biker chick while driving 150 mph on the freeway. He topped that off a few hours later by pulling a 69 at 180 mph. Soon he was doggie styling at the speed of sound. He had become a speed sex addict and his motorcycle seemed pumped up, lubricated and totally accommodating for any and all females possessing that all- important grind-house mentality.

Four hundred "Scores" and six years had passed since his father's death and Johnny suddenly felt some burning sensation coming from his groin. Pulling off his pants he saw his penis expand in length and girth to supernatural size and dimensions. The fact that it had some glowing fire around it was of secondary importance.

"It's time the devil collects" spoke the lawyer of old making an unannounced entrance of new.

"Listen Mr. Lawyer. I now have a 2 foot long boner so I don't really give a fuck if you dial collect or direct" Johnny responded fairly preoccupied with his wonder cock.

"Let me give it to you straight Johnny. We in hell are getting a bit tired of the same old poor quality porn where guys still talk in inches, so it was decided that we need a new porno star giving us some good quality stuff. That's where you come in", the lawyer said as he shoved a bloody contract in Johnny's face.

"Fuck off freak. Just because I am hitting my second puberty doesn't give you the right to claim some kind of credit. Look, I've been taking these penis-enlarging pills since age 4, which I am not sure you realize has some fairly impressive scientific guesswork supporting it, that the odds of seeing growth in the ranges of 50 to 500 inches runs at about 1:1 odds. You may seem to insinuate that now that I have a big cock, you want to suck me off or be my porno agent or something, but that simply is not going to happen. No matter how flattering that idea may be, I will always follow my father's footsteps of banging chicks on hot bikes" Johnny declared as he opened his black book.

"Johnny Glaze, for however long you shall live I will put video cameras on all long stretches of highway. We will get you in our porno movie one day soon. Mark my words" the lawyer said as his expensive clothes burst into flames showing his demonic hide reddish hue skin and a Florida Gators national champs T-shirt underneath.

And with that the legend of the "Porno Rider" began.

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byGratefulFred© 0 comments/ 8496 views/ 0 favorites

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