Pornstar Ch. 08

The American Body Beautiful

The whole thing about Lill's virginity kept on bubbling up and causing suppressed hilarity among our group through the next week. Mandy wanted to start a rumour round the school, and Lill didn't want that mostly because she didn't want people talking about her any more but also because she said there was just no way anyone could have found out without sticking something up her, and nice girls weren't supposed to let that happen. Mandy dreamed up more and more bizarre and implausible ways in which we could have accidentally and innocently established it, and Nancy's response veered erratically between slightly hysterical giggles and vicious snarling.

Nancy had had a horrible weekend. She told me bits and Mandy bits, and from what we could piece together she'd been paraded round in white as this exemplary chaste Christian maiden, and on the Sunday it had been sprung on her that she was expected to get up in front of a whole big place full of Sunday-school kids from all over the state and like exhort them to sign up to this pledge thing. And she'd caved in and done it.

What private time we got together that week was a mixture of rage and self recrimination and blind, furious animal sex, which exhausted her and left her sore but which she didn't seem to enjoy. And that was not good. She also cried a lot, and we spent a lot of time just hugging and being close together, and that was better. We got through the week.

And then it was like the weekend and we were all back up at the barn and Nancy's stuff didn't feel like it was at all resolved.

-----

"OK," said Mandy, her breathing still hoarse and laboured. "Ready."

"Camera one," said Lilith, "Camera two... Camera three..."

"Camera five" said Mrs Price.

"...Camera four..." said Lill, "...sound, and action..."

I ran into shot, grabbed Mandy's pelvis, and shoved in. There was plenty of lube, but she was amazingly tight and the sensation was enormous. She gasped. I pushed further, and found I'd reached an end. She moaned. I pulled out, desperately thinking I'd gone too far.

Mandy said "stop" and Lill said "cut" almost together. I pulled right out and released the bar on the stocks.

"Are you OK?" I asked.

"Look, this is tough and the longer it takes the tougher it is" said Mandy, between gasps. She didn't stand up.

"There's no use me going through that beating if it ends up with a namby pamby screw. You have to use force. You have to concentrate on using force. I promise I'll tell you to stop if I need you to stop. Just perform, will you, and stop trying to be considerate because in this situation it just doesn't help. OK?"

"Hey, like, I was up against your end... I was scared I'd tear something..."

"Hey, I'm tough. I'll stretch."

"But you made this awful moan..."

"I'm acting, man! Like, this is a movie we're doing. You should fucking try it sometime!"

I look down on her tiny battered, striped, bruised backside streaked with ribbons of pink weal and trails of sweat, at the glisten of lube on her delicate, chocolatey pink inner folds, at the tiny tuft of jet black fur appearing between her thighs, and tried to get my head round wanting to hurt something so... precious.

"That's pretty much what I wanted to say, Kyle," said Lill. "You don't look drug crazed or testosterone driven or fierce, you look anxious. It doesn't work. You're raping her. You're out of control and you're raping her. Look" - she reached past me - "grab her hair with your left hand and pull back on that. Like hard. Guide yourself in with your right, and then as soon as you're in grab her hip here - that OK Mandy?"

"Ok. Great. Kyle, try and grab as much hair as you can, will you, so it hurts less? And then sometime during the fuck go for my tit with your right hand, like you're really mangling it, OK?"

"If you're sure..."

"Just fucking do it, OK? And fucking screw me this time. Do it. Ram me. Try and fucking split me open. Make me feel your fucking cock hit the back of my fucking throat, OK? Right, Lill. Ready."

"Still plenty of tape in the cameras? OK... OK, ready and... action!"

I ran in and grabbed a handful of strong, glossy back hair. I stuffed myself into her, grabbed her hip and pushed. God she was tight and it felt glorious. She groaned. She's acting, she's acting...with my head down I pulled out and slammed myself back in hard. Her little body bucked and jerked under the impact and she made a gasping moan. Slam again, and this time I remembered to grunt. She was so tight and hot and the sensation was so intense... I could already feel an orgasm building in me, and I was fighting to hold it down. I could feel her rolling for me, rising on tiptoe to meet my thrust, heels down and back braced to hold the impact.

Don't come, don't come... the rhythm was building, we were moving faster together... I knew I could not hold back long... the breast, reach down for it, small and tender in my hand, squeeze quickly but not hard... my nose was in the sweat-smell of her, the aphrodisiac pheromone rich armpit smell... I bared my teeth and made a big show of biting into her shoulder, clamping myself to her back. I pulled out slower, and her body pressed against mine sort of shuddered. I took my hand from her breast and reached right under her, between our legs, and flicked her clit with my thumbnail. She bucked, and began a high, hoarse, rhythmic groaning sob. I pushed myself upright, grabbed both hips and drove into her again. Her cunt was a fist, gripping and squeezing and clenching on me, trying to resist my withdrawal...

I knew I was past the point of no return. I knew I had to come out. I desperately didn't want to. I roared, thrust hard into her and pulled right out, and as I did so semen fountained out of me and splattered across her back and into her hair. She was gasping and sobbing. I reached over her, gasping myself, released the pin on the stocks, threw the bar up, jerked her upright by the hair, kissed her savagely and threw her down. I walked out of shot, trying to make it look as if I stepped hard on her face as I went.

"Cut!" said Lill.

"Hold position, Mandy! Hold position!" I said.

"Get your shot, Kyle," said Mrs Price, "but make it quick."

"You do it, Lill, I'm still shaking. I want two shots, one just still camera her whole body for like thirty seconds, and the other one pan up from her feet along her body taking about ten seconds and hold on her face for another ten..."

"OK," said Lill, "action!"

There was silence except for Mandy's hoarse, sobbing breath. I desperately tried to control my breathing to avoid messing the sound. Lill took the shots and said done and I just knelt down and scooped up Mandy in my arms.

"Are you OK?"

"Absolutely bloody fucking brilliant. You are just fucking brilliant... Christ, it hurts..."

"Have I hurt you?"

"Yes, of course, idiot. A bit. It's mostly my butt... but inside a bit as well... but Kyle it felt good... like absolutely the best thing ever... just... the orgasm... just massive..."

"You were both brilliant" said Mrs Price. "That was some performance. Now, Mandy, can you stand?"

"I'd rather not... yeah, probably... I for fucking surely can't sit..."

"OK, I'll sort out hot towels. Lill, go and relieve Nancy on the watch and send her back in, will you? She'll be really worried..."

They went off in different directions, leaving me holding Mandy.

"Hey, was that like really your come on my back?"

I nodded. She reached her free hand round behind her and brought it back glistening. She touched it to her lips, tentatively, licked it with a little triangular tongue, held it up to me. She's my girlfriend's best friend, I thought. I must not fall in love with her. I licked the finger - salty, not unpleasant - it seemed rude not to. I squeezed her and then Nancy was there and asking how it went and Mandy was saying OK, OK, really I'm OK, and Nancy took her out of my arms and laid her on the hot towels Mrs Price had made ready and fussed over her and I got dressed.

Eventually Mandy said "look, let me get up and get a robe on 'cause Lill can't come in till I have and I want to see the rushes."

After we'd watched them (primal; even more fierce looking than we'd imagined) we packed up and draped a coat around Mandy and Nancy carried her down to Mrs Price's car and Mrs Price gave us a lift round to my place and took Lill home and we got Mandy into a bath with lots of relaxing stuff, and then...

And then Nancy and I had a row - sort of not about anything really (but me fucking Mandy came into it) - and like it was really bitter.

-----

During the week that followed the trouble with Nancy's family blew up. She'd tried to get them to invite me over to a Sunday lunch, and all that did was get it completely clear and in the open that I was most definitely not the sort of boyfriend they approved of. The row about the padded bras got mixed in and boiled over.

And then on the Tuesday evening (perhaps as a result) her father sprang on her that he'd made an appointment for her to see a plastic surgeon about breast implants like the following day. She'd slipped out of her window that evening and went round to Mandy's, and her Dad came round to our place (fortunately while Mom was at work or she'd have been terrified) thinking she'd be with me.

Fortunately Mandy'd phoned so when I saw Nancy's dad's car outside I'd phoned my dad and said come round like now, and dad came round before he'd hit me very much and said get out or I'll get the police. So altogether that was bad shit and the only good bit of it was Mandy's father (who I found out is also Nancy's mother's father) said Nancy could stay there and there was no way he was going to send her home till she was cool to go.

I spent most of Wednesday evening round at Mandy's with Nancy and her, and Nancy was very upset and tearful and really just wanted to curl up quiet in a huddle with me and get comforted and I suppose that was good in a way because it got us over the weekend's row. Lill turned up at one point and spoke to Mandy but she didn't come in and see us.

By that time the story was around - like, not just the school but the whole town - that Nancy was going with me and that both Dan and her Dad had beaten me up, and possibly some other stuff that nobody wanted to tell us, and like that was bad two ways 'cause first we knew it would make her father madder than ever and 'cause second people started taking sides. It was mostly just Bibbies taking sides and a lot of it was old against young - like, most of the kids at school were, like, really OK - but my mother started to get a hard time from customers at work and that's like so unfair 'cause she really isn't up to taking that. So I was having to be strong for my mother as well as for Nancy.

So the rest of that week is kind of a blur between school and Mandy's and home and mostly trying to be strong for people and just not very good.

Obviously we didn't do a sex scene session that Saturday. When I got round to Mandy's sort of late morning I found even worse stuff.

Nancy's dad had come round himself but Mandy's parents wouldn't let him in - they were talking to him on the porch when I got there. Afterwards they wouldn't tell us what had been said but they did say that no way were they sending Nancy home until she wanted to go. Also, Nancy's mother had phoned up like completely drunk and incoherent and no-one seemed really to know who she'd been wanting to talk to or what she'd been wanting to say. By the time I got there Nancy was like curled up in a little ball in the corner of Mandy's bedroom and she like didn't want to go anywhere and she kind of let me hold her but she wasn't really responding any and I thought about how mom gets when she gets ill and thought I really cannot handle this but I knew I could because I knew I had to.

I was anxious about my mom so I made sure I was home before her and spent some time with her and like I'm glad I did 'cause she wasn't as good as she could be. I also picked up all the video tapes we'd made of Nancy and me and all the sketches and story board stuff because I was like scared Nancy's dad might come over again and like search our place. I thought about what to do with them and then phoned Mrs Price and late Sunday morning she came by and picked up the stuff and also gave me a lift back to Mandy's, where she came in and had a chat with Mandy's parents and then with Nancy.

That afternoon I did the OK, about this breast thing speech.

We were all sitting round the table on the porch at Mandy's drinking coffee after lunch and I can't remember how it started but it was like mostly me although I got some helpful noises from Mandy and her mom.

I sort of talked about feminist dialectic and control of body image and reification and infantilism and the iconography of the topography of the American body beautiful but what it came down to was that the real underlying purpose of converting a unique living human being into a stereotyped pneumatic barbie doll was control just like signing people up to pledges before they were old enough to understand the issues was about control. I talked about living in child mode and living in adult mode, and how sometimes mental illness caused people to live in child mode (like my mother sometimes) and how living in child mode maybe caused people to have something like mental illness (like maybe Nancy's mother sometimes - which made Mandy's dad who of course was Nancy's granddad nod thoughtfully). And I talked about how living in child mode was kind of OK when things were desperate but what you sacrificed in order to be protected and comforted was control and seeing I thought what Nancy's issue was was about control (and indeed she herself had said so when she'd been saying about Dan) it was time she took back control and went and confronted her father and if she wanted me to go with her I would.

And, of course, she told me I was a bastard (which I am) and to go away which was kind of predictable and what I had sort of expected (and of course I did) and that was pretty horrible but then like life pretty often is shit and it was still the right thing to say.