Everyone wants to be in love don't they?
You get that euphoric warm and fuzzy feeling while your stomach flip-flops when you see or even think about that special someone in your life. Your palms start to sweat, your heart skips a beat, and your blood pressure gets dangerously high. Sound like you're coming down with something doesn't it? You are, and it's called love.
At this point, your fragile mental balance is directly affected by your emotions and physical state, which seems to change by the hour. And if you think it's only women that this happens to, you're terribly wrong. Even the most macho of guys feel at least a few of those symptoms when they're truly in love.
But, with a guy it gets a lot more complicated. There is this inherent primal competitiveness for his selective mate, which is directed by a gene that drives him to mate and reproduce. And I think God, in his infinite wisdom, made it something that even the most primitive of men would enjoy. Think about it, if mating weren't so damn pleasurable, would you want to do it all the time?
I once read an article written by some psychologist who stated that there are three types of love. Sex love which you can basically call 'lust love.' Romantic love the likes of which I wrote about above. And finally, the love in which you have this strong and deep attachment for your partner. To me, this last one sounds like number two, but hell I'm no expert. But what he said is that it all boils down to is, if there isn't sexual satisfaction in a relationship, there isn't going to be a long lasting relationship as one of the two is going to eventually look elsewhere to satisfy his needs or her needs - in one fashion or another. Hell I wasn't worried about that, I'd never had a complaint before and if needed, I could always pop a little blue pill and last the entire night.
No matter, when you're in love, life is wonderful, as you seem to walk on air. It's like one of those commercials where the costs of certain things like dinner, flowers and a card are all added up. But in the end it calls, "the love of your wife PRICELESS!" It's cute and even something like that makes you smile.
Now, let us go to the dark side. The opposite of love is hate or a facsimile there of. They say there is a fine line between love and hate and right now I know what they're talking about. As with love, your blood pressure also goes up and your heart pounds in your chest, but instead of doing flip-flops your stomach tightens up into a ball. Your body temperature rises and you feel the burn, both physically and mentally. At that point however, life is not good and you sure as hell aren't walking on air.
Right now I'm somewhere in the middle. I still love my wife Carol, but I'd still like to put my hands around her throat and choke the life out of her at the same time for what she's put us through. The only logical reason I think she did it was because she thought she could get away with it and if she got caught, well I'd forgive her. And besides, as she put it, we weren't even married yet at the time. I'd like to say she couldn't be that stupid but in fact I think she is. But now I've got the monumental task of trying to make sense of what she did and figure a way to move on or travel down a different path.
Our life together started out like ten thousand other college couples around the country on any given Friday night. A party that we both attended, and one in which the two of us got a little out of control.
My name is Steve Moore and although I've already graduated from college; it never stops me from attending a college party or two. Friday was the day before Home Coming and there must have been fifty parties going on both on and off campus. Two friends of mine, who were on the six-year college plan, invited me over to their place for what they said would be a real blow out. They were renting a four-bedroom house so they said if I got too hammered I'd have a place to crash.
It started somewhere around eight and by ten o'clock I was feeling no pain. I remembered watching the chugging contest, five guys and five girls, and I'm not sure, but somehow I got roped into it. I don't know if I won or lost, because the next thing I knew I was waking up in a strange bed and I wasn't alone.
My body immediately started paying me back for last night so I knew I was still alive but someone must have taken a dump into my open mouth because that's what it tasted like. Even though my head was pounding and it hurt to even open my eyes I had to see who or what was in bed with me. I looked and then thanked dear Jesus for my good fortune. Blonde hair, I assumed blue eyes, and a fantastic body no less was lying naked next to me. When I moved slightly she snuggled in even tighter. It was like having a big warm puppy next to you in bed but much better. I must have raised up the blanket four or five times, memorizing exactly what she looked like. Too bad my cell phone was out of reach because I knew my memory wasn't going to do her justice. Hell, I didn't even mind the little trail of drool coming out the side of her mouth and collecting on my chest.
To this day how I got unconnected from her without waking her I'll never know but I did. She then just grabbed my pillow and hugged it instead of me. I know I'm a guy but I had to take one more look especially at that nice ass of hers. This time my cell did the honors.
"Keith," I softly yelled at my friend who also was entertaining some young thing in his bed.
"Hey man, what time is it?"
"I don't have a clue. All I want to know, is who is the girl in bed with me?"
"You got a girl?" He was a big help. I told him to go back to sleep.
I hit the bathroom and even rinsed my mouth with the mouthwash I found in the bathroom. I was starting to feel human again. I snuck back in, climbed back under the covers, moved in close, wrapped myself back around her and waited. She was soft, warm and her nipples were reacting to my touch as I lightly raked my fingertips over her left one.
She stirred and then started to come awake. I faked being asleep
"Holly shit," I heard her whisper to herself as she looked around and found out she wasn't in Kansas anymore. She raised up the blanket and must have noticed she was naked with one of my legs wedged in between hers. I was laughing on the inside but I kept my eyes shut, only grabbing a peek every once in a while. Lying on her back, she tried to pull her legs away from mine but I wasn't done having fun just yet. I snorted and rolled over almost back on top of her, making sure I had my arm around her waist. I was enjoying this immensely. I let it go on for a few more seconds before moving my right hand up to her left breast. I couldn't hold it back anymore as I heard mouthed, "oh my God."
I don't know if she heard me snicker or felt me start to laugh but I did feel a punch to my side and the word ass spoken.
"How long have you been awake?"
"Probably about twenty minutes," I replied.
"And you've been feeling me up all this time?"
"Nope, just watching you sleep. Do you know you drool when you sleep?"
"I do not!" she said indignantly. "I do not drool!"
"Do you want to see the pictures?"
"You better not have taken any pictures of me or so help me I'll..." she started yelling.
"Don't worry, what kind of asshole do you think I am?"
"The kind that takes advantage of a drunken girl, that's what kind."
"Look, the first time I saw you was about a half hour ago. You were the one hanging on to me. How we ended up in the same bed together is still a little sketchy. To tell you the truth though, I don't remember much past ten thirty last night. Besides, as drunk as I was last night, I don't think I was even capable of doing what we're both are wondering at this very moment. And if we did, I don't remember but I'm sure I wasn't wearing a condom." She wasn't looking too happy at the moment.
"Look, my name is Steve Moore for what it's worth. And you are?"
"Carol, and that's all you need to know right now. I don't know how this happened? I was with two of my girl friends last night and I know they wouldn't have just left me here." She was getting more than a little worried.
"Does one of your friends have short red hair?"
"Yes," she said a little hesitantly.
"Put something on and follow me."
Three minutes later we found the first of her two other friends, in Keith's bed."
"Connie, what the hell are you going?" she said pulling on her friend's arm who wasn't moving.
"Leave me alone," she started to say but before she could finish she jumped up and ran for the bathroom. I swear I think she hocked up a lung or kidney by the sound of it. She was still in there when we left to find friend number two.
Rachel wasn't asleep or drunk and she and Tom were enjoying the moment so to speak when we walked in on them. She was riding him and giving him instructions, which if I were him I'd be following because she had a set of knocker that were as nice as any I'd ever seen.
"Rachel? What the hell are you doing? Do you know that he's not wearing a condom?" Isn't it funny what girls seem to notice? Me? Well I couldn't take my eyes off her breasts.
"Carol I'm on the pill and if you don't mind, can you give us a little privacy?" We took the hint.
"My friends are sluts," she said leaning up against the wall. I snickered. "Steve, I'm not a slut and I can almost tell you for certain that we didn't do it."
"I think you gave me a blowjob though and I know for sure I went down on you," I replied looking at her.
"And how do you know that? You said you don't remember a thing from last night?"
"I didn't say I remembered, I just know that I did."
"And how pray tell?"
"Because I woke up with a distinctive taste in my mouth and it wasn't from all the alcohol I drank. There were no pubic hairs and the reason I guess is because you are as bare as a baby's bottom."
"You've got to be shitting me?"
"Nope, and since I had no pussy juice on my dick, I guess I can only assume you gave me a blow job in return or before. Which ever it was, it doesn't make any difference at this point other than we probably didn't do it." I could tell that was load off her mind and I guess mine.
"Good, because I'm not on the pill and I hate to tell you, but I'm menstruating so it couldn't have been all that enjoyable for you." Now it was my turn to want to puke, but thankfully I didn't. I wouldn't want to see what would come out and what color if you know what I mean.
"Why don't we go grab breakfast? It's a cinch your friends aren't going to be ready to leave for at least an hour or so and I could really use something in my stomach." By the look in her eye she debated for a second or two and then told me what the hell.
We were full into breakfast when I made my actual move on her.
"Since we're almost intimate, why don't you let me take you to dinner this weekend?"
"Look, you seem like a nice guy, but I don't go out with frat boys or jocks."
"Great, neither do I!" I replied in a smart-ass tone of voice. "By my five foot ten, one hundred and eighty pound build, you have to know I'm no jock and I graduated two years ago. Tom and Keith are just good friends of mine but are basically lifetime students. Me, I didn't have any rich parents to pay my way. I did two years in the service before going to college and the G.I. Bill paid for about half my tuition and the rest? Well I'm paying that off a month at a time. So, since I'm neither, you don't have any legitimate reason not to go out with me on Saturday do you?" Her mind was going a mile a minute.
"Okay, one date and we see how it goes. And don't think that just because I'm going out with you that I'm going to sleep with you."
"Never entered my mind." I lied.
Dinner was great. The food was good but the conversation was better. Carol was a second semester junior majoring in international marketing. She had a two-year-older brother, a year and a half younger sister and came from an upper middle class family. By the end of the night I could tell she was a daddy's girl who got basically whatever she wanted. I gave her the ten cents version of what it was like coming from a family of seven and let it go at that. All in all we had a pretty good first date.
When I pulled up to her house I watched the drapes open a bit, then close - nothing like having an audience. I went around, opened her door and did the gentlemanly thing of walking her to her door. I kissed her once, then twice more before she stopped me.
"My dad's watching us," she whispered.
"You want to give him a show?"
"What are you nuts? That's my dad you're talking about." I guess that meant no.
"You want to go out again or was this my first and only shot?"
"We can go out but remember I'm still in school and that comes first. Also, I do plan on going out with other guys so if you can handle that yes I'll go out with you again." Be still my heart I thought as Carol laid out the ground rules.
"Well let me know when you're free and available and I'll figure out something fun to do," I said handing her my phone number.
"You want me to call you?" said a shocked Carol.
"Well it's your schedule we have to work around, not mine, so you'll have to let me know when you can fit me in." She handed me back my number.
"Friday, eight thirty and dress nice."
"Friday it is and you're sure you don't want to give your dad even a little show?" I kissed her again. That's when she pushed me away and said she'd see me Friday. The girl was hot.
After Friday we started dating for real. I met her parents and she met my family and neither of us were surprised when both families liked the other. Like I told her, I was a real catch.
Okay, I wasn't the greatest catch in the world but at least you didn't have to beat me away with an ugly stick either. I was good looking, had a full head of light brown hair, and a body with tight abs which I was kind of proud of. I was a graduate mechanical engineer working for B & H Enterprises and was making twice what my friends were, even the ones that actually had a real job. I was going places and wanted someone special by my side.
She on the other hand was a catch if for no other reason than she had a killer body and for a blonde was as smart as they come. She was carrying a full class load and had a 3.5 G.P.A.
Everything for the next four and a half months went great. I didn't see her as much as I'd like, but we made up for it when we were together. The first time we made love, sober, was something out of a porn movie. We did it all but anal and that I was told, that was not on the menu. I was falling head over heels for my blonde headed minx. And then things went to shit.
Carol said she was busy Friday so Keith and I headed out to a sports bar and then to dinner at an out of the way restaurant. I was checking out this place to take Carol the following weekend. It was something like a bed and breakfast with an intimate restaurant attached. The restaurant had only ten tables and was connected to an old Victorian house with only five guest bedrooms.
"I don't care if you're buying me dinner or not, I'm not sleeping with you and that's that," Keith said with a laugh, looking at his menu. "Not a lot of selections and everything seems to be a little pricy. Maybe you should take her somewhere else," was his final comment before ordering. He picked out a steak while I chose the salmon. We were tipping back a few with our meal when he stopped eating and just stared out into space and then at me.
"Steve, I think Carol is here," he said almost questioning his own eyes.
"In the far right corner in the back." I turned around and although it was pretty dark I could make out a blonde girl, but her back was to us.
"How can you tell from this distance especially since she's got her back to us."
"She was turned side ways and was doing some major kissing on that guy."
"Change places with me," I asked moving our food around.
I spent the next fifteen minutes staring at her. If I'd had the balls I would have walked over and found out for sure but right now I didn't really want a reality check. If I just stayed here and wasn't really sure I was happy. Then I saw the kissing.
"Fuck," it was her. I lost my appetite and Keith could tell from the look on my face he had been right.
"Let's get the hell out of here," he said starting to stand up.
"Sit your ass down, we're going nowhere. The bitch sure as hell isn't driving me away from this expensive fucking meal so eat up and then we'll leave." Keith could tell from my tone not to push the issue.
I nibbled on my food and waited. For twenty fucking minutes I waited and then I got my break, they finished and got up to leave. The exit was behind us so they had to pass by our table whether they wanted to or not. I took a deep breath and waited.
I sure as hell knew I was the last person she expected to see and I was surprised she handled it as well as she did. As she approached our table our eyes met and I saw a little bit of a shudder and maybe a little fear. I said nothing; I just followed her with my eyes. She never turned around.
The guy she was with was black, in great shape and good looking as hell. If I were a woman I'd probably give him at least a double take or maybe even a tumble. I told Keith to sit tight as I got up and followed them out. I watched them walk out the front door and go next door to the bed and breakfast. At least I now knew what she was busy doing tonight. We finished our meal, had another drink and left.
"I thought she was your girl?"
"So did I. Guess I was wrong."
"You want to go back and fuck up the dude?"
"You saw him, he'd probably kick both of our asses. Besides, there's not a girl around worth that much pain." Keith drove home.
Our date that Saturday didn't happen. I didn't call or show up. I did think about going, but I figured I'd probably make a scene and get my ass in some kind of trouble, so I stayed in and felt sorry for myself.
I did like her - up until last night anyway and I would have used the love word - but not tonight. What's that phrase? Assuming everything is perfect can sometimes make an ass out of you and me? Well I was feeling more than a little shitty.
I've got to hand it to her Carol was cool about it. Her e-mail asked why I stood her up Saturday night and never even mentioned me seeing her Friday. Her final question was to ask if I wanted to do something either Friday or Saturday next week.
All right it was ugly and probably over the top but I was angry and feeling a little humiliated. "Will I have to strap a two by four to my back now?" She wasn't dumb and would know what it meant. I hit enter.
I'd always had a thing for red heads and Friday night I was lucky enough to find two. The first one was nice looking but had a bit of an attitude. I dumped her after only one dance. The next one was a tad bit chunky but had flaming long red hair, a milky white complexion and a set of knockers so big I almost thought about calling her mommy. After leaving the club, we ended up spending Friday night and most of Saturday at my place.
Since Carol was on the pill and neither one of us were sleeping with anyone else, I had had no reason to buy condoms any more. A quick check of my night table produced two but they were both long gone by one o'clock in the morning. After that we took a sleep break.
Somewhere around four I felt her get out of bed and make her way to my bathroom. I heard her flush and then gargle with my mouthwash. Looks like she was done sleeping. I got up myself, drained my kidneys, took a slug of mouth wash and made my way back where she was waiting for me.
Oral and plenty of it happened over the next couple of hours. She wasn't bad, not as good as Carol, which made me now think about how Carol got to be that good. The one thing I wasn't used to was a full, and I do mean full bush. I could have used a weed whacker but after a minute or so I found what I was looking for. It was long, pink and awful damn sensitive to the touch, especially when it got hard. Without any more condoms we had to improvise, and we did.