Prick

Lisa put down the phone.

"That's disappointing," she said a she turned towards me, her shoulders slumping, a little pout forming on her lips. "Sally can't come, she's got to work."

Bloody disappointing.

Sally, her husband Jack, Lisa and I had planned a big sailing weekend in the tropics. We'd paid a huge deposit, booked flights and everyone had been as excited as school children planning for it.

Jack was the best sailor and his presence allowed us to qualify to hire the boat and take it to some pretty out of the way places. So there would be no crew, just the four of us sailing, sipping and ... well and ... the boat had two doubles beds, one in the pointy bit, the other one down the back. Jack would have said for'ard and aft I suppose.

Any, without him, we would do our deposit cold. So I asked the question I didn't want to.

"What's the story with Jack, then?" I said.

"Sally hasn't told him yet, she thought she'd better let us know first," Lisa said. "She's ringing him now. I guess we just have to wait and see. It's a lot of money ... "

I thought of all the permutations. Money gone, no holiday was high among them.

Maybe I could impersonate Jack and hopefully sail the boat with just Lisa and I.

And if we sank it and drowned ...?

Just as I was thinking all was lost, the phone rang.

It was Sally; she had spoken to Jack and had insisted that he go without her.

I heard Lisa saying stuff like "are you sure Sally?" and "oh that's really nice of you" and other things like that while she looked at me with a huge grin.

I know I was bloody sure. I wanted my holiday, and I didn't want to loose my money.

Lisa put down the phone.

"Sally insists that Jack comes with us so they don't do all their money either, and she feels bad about upsetting our holiday plans," she confirmed matter of factly.

"But apparently the call has come from head office and there's not a lot she can do. She did say at the time this was a possibility.

"Anyway, as far as we're concerned it's still on!"

The formal communication process over, she then let out a huge "yippppeeeeeee!"

And the slumped shoulders were gone and the pout was replaced by a broad grin.

Lisa loves her holidays.

And me!

The big Volvo engine roared into life at the touch of the button Jack asked me to push.

"That was easy enough," said Jack. "We'll wait and see how you go at putting up sails though before we declare you a proper sailor!"

I didn't mind his condescending banter.

Sailing and I had never really crossed paths, but I was game to try. And he's been trying for a while to beat me at tennis.

As we sailed out of the dock, Lisa was down below (see using nautical terms already) mucking around with her luggage.

"Which end of the boat do you want Jack," she said.

"Both bedrooms are pretty much the same size."

"Cabins," roared Jack. "You're on a boat Lisa, they're cabins."

So it was going to be like this for both of us, Jack showing off his nautical knowledge.

But I don't think Lisa cared either that Jack was being a smart arse, because hey without him we wouldn't be here.

And here was turning into a mighty special place.

We were by now leaving the docks and the cityscape far behind, the wind was blowing gently, the big engine purring as it took us out in the wide channel we would follow to our first stop over – Wilson's Bay.

It was secluded, protected on all sides – well according to the bloke from whom we hired, oops chartered, the boat.

"Best place to head to first night," he had said. "Then make up your mind after that. The world is yours!"

Lisa came up to join us.

"Wanna steer," said Jack.

"Sure," she replied. "Not much to run into out here."

"Well she's all yours baby," said Jack

"Of course that means you can't have a drink now, but Ian and I can.

"Ian, get your captain a drink and while you're at it, have one yourself!"

Lisa's pouted.

"Prick," she said.

"We'll all get our turn," said Jack. "And anyway, Wilson's Bay isn't that far away.

"We won't be too many glasses ahead of you by the time we weigh anchor."

I was tempted to say something about why do we need to know how heavy the anchor is, but thought better of it.

Instead I just opened a bottle of chardie that Lisa had put into the fridge, then found two glasses and performed my waiting duties, as requested by the captain.

"Cheers, captain, to your good health," I said.

"Cheers, too," said Jack.

"How much further to Wilson's Bay," said Lisa plaintively?

"Not far now my dear, just over there, see where those other boats are," said Jack.

"Reckon you can steer us there without hitting any of them?"

"Prick," Lisa replied.

"She has a thing about pricks, your wife," said Jack.

"I reckon your end of the boat will be rocking tonight." J

Jack dropped the anchor over the side and the splash was followed by the grrrrr of the chain, then quiet.

Everyone looked at each other in celebration of the quiet. The engine killed, there was now just the occasional queerup of some bird, invisible among the thick bank of trees to the south.

And a whisper of a breeze.

But the main noise was no noise.

"This is perfect," said Lisa, by now equipped with a glass of chardonnay and standing on the bow, just idling away time.

At the back of the boat, I lifted up the lid on the marine barbecue.

"How good's this," I said.

"I'm happy to be cook tonight if you two just want to kick back, but I expect my glass to be topped up regularly."

"Done deal," said Lisa.

"Fine by me," said Jack.

The pair of them found a comfortable place to sit on the deck while I set the barbecue ablaze, and went down below to find the salad stuff and the meat.

Lisa had carefully arranged it all in the little fridge. This was too easy. While the barbecue got warmed up, I tossed some lettuce, sliced some tomatoes and made the salad.

Back up on deck, I put the steaks on the barbecue.

As I looked around, Jack and Lisa were chatting away amiably.

"Pity Sally couldn't be here," said Lisa. "This is too good for words.

"And it will only get better," said Jack. "We've got four days of this and places as good as this to stop in at all along the coast."

I reached for my mobile and said: "Let's send Sally a pic, cuddle up you to and I will get the scenery behind you."

Jack and Lisa moved really close together, I clicked the phone camera and then sent the picture to Sally's number.

It didn't take long for the reply.

"Looks beautiful," Sally had written, "but tell that prick of a husband of mine to put your wife down!"

"Seems your wife is as interested in pricks as mine," I laughed. "Sally says to tell that prick to put down my wife."

"Tell her I'll think about it," laughed Jack, squeezing Lisa even tighter and giving her a peck on the lips for good measure.

"Good thing I didn't photograph that," I said. "Or she'd be on the first flight down here."

Lisa smiled impishly.

"Come on, let's tease her, take a photo of Jack and I having a little kiss, it's not our fault she's not here," she said.

I raised the camera and Lisa planted a fairly serious kiss on Jack's lips as I clicked away.

"I like this game," said Jack.

"That's as far as it goes," said Lisa.

"Sending now," said I.

I turned the steaks and waited for the return text message.

And not for long.

"You're all a bunch of pricks," Sally had written, and added a smiley face; to make sure she knew she was kidding.

"Bait taken," I said. "She says we're all pricks!

"I think the steaks are ready!"

We ate around the galley table, opened another bottle of wine and chatted happily about everything and nothing.

Everyone was relaxing into the moment. Through the window, all right porthole, the sun was setting somewhere over behind the trees. There was a pinkie glow on the water and it was nice and cosy in the cabin against the evening's chill.

Then my phone went ... a text message from Sally.

"What are you pricks up to now," she wrote.

"Sally wants to know what we pricks are up to now," I announced.

"Take a photo of the wine bottle and the glasses," Jack said.

"That'll give her the irrits."

I did and sent it to her.

The reply was pretty instant.

"Gee a girl could do with a drink right now right here," she wrote.

Jack explained that even though it was getting late to still be in the office, this was a huge deal and as the chief lawyer, it was her job to see it through, day or night.

"But that doesn't mean we can tease her a bit more," I said.

"What else can we do?"

I reached for another bottle of wine and the three of us meandered on to other subjects.

Another text message.

"Gone quiet down there I hope you're not doing anything with my husband you shouldn't be you two."

I read the message to Jack and Lisa.

"All depends on what 'doing anything we shouldn't be' means," said Lisa.

"We haven't staged a mutiny and made him walk the plank, if only because neither of us can sail the boat."

We laughed.

"So you'd toss me overboard if I wasn't such a good sailor," said Jack.

"But I don't think that's what she means, I reckon she's talking about that photo we sent her earlier of you and me having a pash."

Lisa smiled: "Let send her another one!"

I grabbed the phone and she eased up to Jack on the sofa and gave him another pretty serious sort of kiss.

I clicked and sent.

"That was fun," said Jack, "let's see what the response is. If it's the right one, we might have to give her a bit more to think about!

"Calm down Jackie boy," said Lisa, "don't want you getting too excited with your wife so far away!"

I went to the fridge.

"More wine?!"

Two nods and an air of expectation as we waited for the phone to go.

I filled glasses, looked at the three empty bottles and noted, with just a bit more than a light head, we'd had a few by now, and we began to talk about plans for tomorrow when my phone made the noise that said incoming text.

"I see the captain has a wench for the night while his good wife is safely at home in port," Sally had written.

Then came another text message shortly afterwards.

"You're all pricks!"

I read them both out.

"I'm not," said Lisa. "I don't have one."

As she spoke, there was just a hint she might have had a bit more to drink than usual.

Mind you, neither Jack nor I was innocent of that. A bottle and a glass each, but who was counting, we were on holidays.

"But I do," said Jack. "Let's send her a photo of it. That will get her going."

"You're kidding," Lisa said.

"Never been more serioussss," and the way he said serious confirmed he was slipping deeper into happy inebriation.

"Ian, as your captain, I commend you to take a photo of my prick!"

I looked at Lisa; she looked at me and while all the looking was going on there was the unmistakeable sound of zip being undone.

"Put it away Jack before you do yourself an injury," laughed Lisa.

"If I injured it your captain would need a nurse to take care of it," Jack said and grinned at Lisa.

The wine was talking. He'd crossed over and it looked like it was going to be time to take him in hand, well not take him in hand actually, rather to put him to bed.

"Come on Jack," I said. "Beddy byes!"

"No way," he declared. "Not until you have sent my wife a picture of my prick."

As he said that, he was reaching inside his fly and trying to extricate his prick from his boxers.

"Come on Ian," he commanded, pulling his penis through the fabric and dangling it in the night air.

"Not bad eh?" he said, looking at Lisa.

"Bet he hasn't got one that big?"

Again Lisa and I looked at each other, then at the naked prick.

"Bet he has," said Lisa, well knowing what I had stuck inside my pants, and what Jack just had to say next.

"Prove it!"

Now you think about it. Where does that leave me?

Yeah, put him to bed.

Or prove it. And this would be better than beating him at tennis. And heck I'd put up with his cheap shots about my sailing inabilities all day. I took a long sip on my wine glass and notice Lisa was doing the same.

"Well, Ian, why not," I heard her say, she too apparently up for a little belittling of Jack and no doubt just a bit loosened by the wine?

"And who's doing the measuring here," said Jack, "rules people, rules, on the slack versus stiff, or what?"

"Well it's pretty obvious Lisa has to be the judge," I said.

"Fair enough, but on the slack or fully stiff," insisted Jack.

"Oh don't be silly, we'll do both," said Lisa.

"And who's going to get me stiff then," said Jack, smiling at his own cleverness. My wife is miles and miles away."

Lisa didn't miss a trick.

"Ever heard of masturbating you wanker," she said?

"Are we going to do this or just going to argue about it all night, because if you're not serious, let's just all head off to bed."

Jack looked down at his flaccid prick, then up at me. "Well, you heard your wife," he said.

I undid my fly and reached into my trousers and pulled out his handsomeness.

As big as Jack was, it was pretty obvious who had won this argument but the formalities had to be followed.

"Both of you stand together," Lisa said.

"Mmmmm, sorry Jack, from where I am standing it's pretty obviously Ian."

Jack grimaced but then said: "But we've still got to measure them stiff."

"Oh I suppose so," said Lisa.

"Okay boys, masturbate away and let's get this over with!"

I started to rub my cock into action, wishing it were Lisa's hand where mine was.

And thinking about what might happen when the two of us finally did to bed.

His handsomeness responded fairly quickly.

Jack too was rubbing away and to my amazement, his penis just grew and grew. It was bigger than it was on the slack, or so it seemed.

"Waddya reckon now, eh?" he said. "Just thinking about your wife looking at me did that, proud of yourself Lisa."

She smiled: "I am sure Sally would have had the same effect if she was here."

But you could tell she was, well impressed.

"Well," said Jack, "which is bigger now, eh?"

"It's a bit hard to tell," said Lisa.

"It's meant to be hard," said Jack, "come on, on with the judging."

Lisa grabbed her wine glass, as if seeking courage, or at least time to think.

"Umm, well my hand span is seven inches, I guess I can see who exceeds that the most and declare them the winner," she said.

"I am first," said Jack and walked towards Lisa.

She gingerly got close to him and bent over to place her outstretched hand as closely as she could to Jack's prick.

As her hand got closer, I swore it grew another inch.

"Did I do that?" Lisa said.

"That would be telling," said Jack.

"But if you actually touched me, and it grew some more, than you would know the answer anyway."

Lisa looked at me, we were both enthralled by this amazing penis that somehow just kept growing.

She reached towards Jack's penis again, this time putting her thumb against the base of it and her little finger as far as it would go towards the tip.

God help us, it grew again.

"Oh my," said Lisa, realising that one, she had done it, and two, right now she had hold of another man's prick while her husband was watching.

And probably, but only realising it fully some time in the future, sensing that as she touched that man's prick, her husband didn't protest.

Back in the present, Jack's prick was clearly longer than her seven-inch hand span, and bloody well still growing.

"How much bigger does it get?" said Lisa.

"That's a matter that's in your hands," said Jack, triumphantly.

"But I bet you can't get Ian to even start to match this.

"You've got a hand span of seven inches, well I reckon you can add two to that!"

I had been a patient, careful spectator to all this. And probably an amazed one, for a reason.

I was amazed that I had had no violent reaction to Lisa touching Jack's prick.

I was amazed that this thing of his seemed to have a life of its own.

That average on the slack prick of Jack's was transmogrifying into a monster.

"I think Ian deserves his chance," said Lisa.

As she took her hand away from Jack's penis, it shrank.

As she came close to mine, I felt the engorgement. Then she pushed her thumb against the base and ran it along the side of my penis, which was now doing its own amazing growing act.

I watched as it stretched beyond her hand span.

Lisa watched too.

So did Jack.

"Growing, growing, growing," he said.

"But not enough eh?"

"I don't know," said Lisa. "There's not much in it!"

And then he said it.

"A bit like your fanny at the moment, nothing in it, but we could change that couldn't we," said Jack, looking at me, then at Lisa, with a silly grin on his face.

"You prick," said Lisa.

"We've already done that, Lisa, we know you're a prick girl" laughed Jack," now come on we've got a tie here – Ian's bigger on the slack, I will wear that, I'm bigger hard, how about a tie break, the one that fills you up the most is the winner."

"No way," said Lisa. "No way at all." It seemed that finally, Jack had gone too far for even the liberal amounts of wine to accept.

"But Lisa, surely you'd love to be really filled up, if your hand did what it did to me, imagine what your fanny would do.

"We might get to 10 inches."

"Excuse me," I said, "I am here too. I think it's time to we all got back to our senses.

"We've all had a bit too much to drink and some of us might have a bad case of the ' oh no's' in the morning.

"It was a bit of fun, got a bit out of control."

I finished my sermon and looked at Lisa for support.

She had a look on her face I had never seen before. She looked at Jack's erect penis, then at mine, then back at me.

"Can we," she whispered, the words barely coming out of her mouth?

"What," I said.

"Can we," she repeated a little louder this time. "Please can we?"

This was dangerous, this was wrong but this was going to happen and hang the consequences in the morning, because there were already consequences aplenty.

A Rubicon had been crossed, first way back by Jack's drunken schoolboy banter, but then, with no escape route, by Lisa's breathless whisper: Please can we?

By telling me she wanted it to happen, Lisa had taken us to a distant and dangerous shore. She wanted to have sex with another man. She had told her husband she wanted to have sex with another man. She wanted to have sex with that man while having sex with her husband. And this man had a wife who was our friend.

It was an act of betrayal at many levels, yet it was still going to happen. Why was it going to happen?

Because I had gone across that Rubicon, not with Jack, but with Lisa, when she said those words, I had felt a frisson.

And that frisson, a mixture of emotions so tumultuous that they can't all be articulated or measured even in the soberest of moments, was all conquering.

The betrayal of Sally, the logic that said a husband should stop all this madness from his wife, the jealous rages that should have been aimed at Jack, they were powerless against this magical frisson.

I suddenly felt greatly empowered. Jack didn't have penis envy, but he did have Lisa envy. I had something he wanted. My wife.

There were no words now, no silly banter, no whispered pleas of please from Lisa.

In this place of sweet silences there was the most confronting silence of them all. The one that asked: What's next then?

Lisa held out her hands, one towards Jack, one towards me.

"I love you both," she said, breaking the silence.

"Jack I will love you in a special way tonight, but the love I have for my husband is infinite.

"Where we are right now is a place to which we might never be able to return, so please, let's make it right. I am accepting full responsibility for my actions, our actions.