tagHumor & SatireProject Epica

Project Epica

byBigTimmy©

Project "Epica" was initiated by the US government in 2007 with the aim of studying biological variability in the human body, notably with regards to those parameters linked to sexual performance, due to the ongoing decrease in human fertility.

Here is the report submitted by Dr Laura P., in charge of the LA metropolitan area on 3rd March 2011 to the Congressional Subcommittee on project "Epica".

Dear Congressmen,

As part of the national endeavor of project "Epica", I was put in charge of conducting anatomical and physiological observations of a random sample of the adult US population residing in the LA metropolitan area from August 2007 to August 2010.

Our team sampled 28,765 human subjects, randomly chosen in all age, race and gender groups. In accordance with US regulation 342(b)-19, the precision of the results was optimized by computer and robot-assisted measurements which guaranteed anonymity to the subject, helping achieve a recruitment rate of 99.3% in our program, through the use of a financial incentive of 100$ per subject.

It is therefore our beliefs that the results obtained throughout this study are unbiased and represent the true distribution of anatomical variability in human sexual parameters.

As regards to the female group of our sample, two important trends emerged:

1) A correlation between the relative weight of the mammaries to the total body weight and the size of the vagina.

2) A significant increase in the standard deviation of anatomical measures for the lower age group (18-25) sampled.

As regards to the male group of our sample, two important trends emerged:

1) A correlation between the relative weight of the sexual organs to the total body weight and the sperm count/ volume of ejaculate.

2) A significant increase in the standard deviation of anatomical measures for the lower age group (18-25) sampled.

In other words, it appears that the minor age group in the LA area is displaying an abnormally wider distribution of anatomical measures. This variability could result from environmental factors such as food chemical, which deregulate normal organ growth. On the other hand, genetic factors could account for the remarkably high sexual potency we observed in a few subjects, notably subject 8610 and 13884 referred hereafter as Tim D. and Paul V.

While the average size of the erect male penis was measured at 5.4 in for the whole sample, with a standard deviation of 0.7 in, and the average erect girth at 4.1 in with a SD of 0.4 in, Tim D.'s measurements fell far beyond the expected Gaussian distribution. We will therefore focus on Tim D., in order to determine whether his genetic identity can help inverse the dramatic negative trend observed across in the US.

Subject Tim D.:

Age: 18 at time of sample

Height: 6ft2

Weight: 245 Lbs

Body fat index: 3%

Race: white

Subject entered the measurement room and undressed. Erection was achieved in 22s via visual stimulation on a video screen. This compared favorably with the average of 2mn10s observed in our whole sample. Millimetric cameras estimated the erect length and girth of Tim D's penis at 15.2in and 9.3in. Total volume was 1460% of the average of the sample. Combined testicles volume was 1650% of the average. The rigidity meter was positioned around the midshaft and results indicated that the subject was able to maintain 97% rigidity, far above the 81% for the whole sample.

Due to the abnormally large size of Tim D's genitalia, our automated sperm collector was not capable of encircling the glans. Therefore, as an extreme measure, nurse B. was encouraged to manually collect the sperm sample from subject Tim D. Nurse B. was able extract the sperm sample after thorough manual stimulation of subject Tim D's penis, but not to collect it for measurement. I enclose the following audio excerpts from the event for the subcommittee's appreciation.

(voice of nurse B.)

"Oh my God, this is the biggest, most beautiful cock I've ever seen in my life! Jeezus, what a monster! I will need both hands to manually stimulate your teenage bull dong!"

(voice of Tim D.)

"Yeah! Jack my horse-dick nurse, that's ssoo good! Take your blouse off so I can see those big titties of yours."

(At this stage, nurse B disrobes in a totally unprofessional manner, indicating that the power exerted by Tim D.'s enormous genitalia is overwhelming, even for the most professional of our student nurses, who was married at the time of the event)

(voice of nurse B.)

"Fuck, my fingers can't even touch when I hold that beefy log! Yeah, you like that don't you, when I slowly wank your mega-rod? Oooh, look at all that precum that's dripping! Slurp! Yummy! Gimme, gimme more!"

(voice of Tim D.)

"Open your mouth wide nurse! I'm gonna pound your throat! Yeah, that's good! A bit more... Now you have the whole head in, let me give you a reward of precum! AAAH! Fuck yeah, I'm entering your goddamm throat! I'm gonna come! Shit, I'm CCCCOMMING!"

(At this stage, nurse B's cheeks balloon out as torrents of Tim D.'s teenage spunk fill her mouth to overflowing. Removing his convulsing rod from nurse B.'s mouth, the subject continues to unload giant wad after giant wad of hot batter onto nurse B's face, hair and mammaries. It is quite clear that the boy has an extraordinary supply of sperm in his giant eggs, although it was impossible to properly measure it due to nurse B's unprofessional attitude. Fortunately, it became immediately apparent that, despite the monumental volume discharged by Tim D. over the course of his orgasm, his enormous horsecock remained rock-hard and ready for further stimulation. Therefore, I took it upon myself to personally take charge of the proceedings, as it was absolutely crucial, from a purely scientific viewpoint, to obtain a proper estimate of Tim D.'s potency.

Here follows my personal account:

"So, Tim, I see you have here an amazing specimen of manhood. Let me examine your giant pussy-pleaser closer. Yes, I see, you have maintained an absolutely rock-hard erection despite the unprecedented volume of goo you just blasted over poor nurse Betty's countenance. What a naughty boy you are! Do you like to cover girls from head to toe with giant blasts of cum? It is my duty to get a sample from you so we can study in more details the genetic background of your amazing virility. So tell me, what would make you unload another massive load of your hot spunk?"

"Well doctor, I guess you could start by showing me that trimmed pussy of yours and we'll take it from there!"

"OOh, what dirty thoughts are you having? Fine, in the interest of science, I will show you my pussy, which is indeed trimmed and ready to be impaled by your behemoth of a dong, so that it can stimulate it enough to make it release a second giant load. But be careful, and let me know when you plan to cum so we don't lose a single drop of your sweet teenage nectar!"

"Yeah, I promise I won't dump my load in your pussy doc. It's too small anyway to hold all of it, it would probably overflow after my first wad! Fuck yeah, that's a nice pussy! Nurse, why don't you lick my balls while I pound her, that would be great and make me cum faster!"

(At this stage, subject positioned the apple-sized head of his colossal cock to my pussy entrance. I spread my thighs wide and relaxed my vaginal muscles, a technique I learnt at medical school and which helps in the insertion of large objects into a female pussy. Tim D's lunged forward and powerfully plunged his massive tool deeper than anything into my cockhole. He then proceeded to repeatedly pound over twelve inches of his incredibly large log in and out of me. While this merciless fucking provided me with immense pleasure, I maintained utmost professionalism throughout the ordeal.)

"OOOH, Fuck, you bull-stud! You've gonna make come AGGGGAIN! Damn it boy, your cock is so fucking HUGE and sooo powerful! Yeah, that's it, pound my nasty slut pussy while nurse licks your giant gonads and make them churn up as much red-hot slimy gunk as possible!"

"Yeah, I'm getting close! That tight pussy of yours feels so good around my shaft doc! Shit, I'm gonna come again! AAAH!"

(At this stage, I had the presence of mind to quickly dislodge myself from the giant flaring cockhead deeply embedded within my vagina, but the size of its rim proved to be too difficult an obstacle. In other words, Tim D.'s titanium-hard pole was stuck. The cum-cannon unloaded once, and I felt the tidal wave of warm teenage spunk fill my cavern, all the way up to my womb. Fortunately, the sliminess of the viscous substance acted as a lubricant on my pussy walls and I was finally able to unmount the bucking beast, after it had plastered my inner sanctum with at least three long, finger-thick ropes of sperm. By then, Nurse B. had gathered a large measuring jar and quickly placed it over TIm D.'s discharging rod, coaxing plentiful blasts of his cum, while I recuperated from the brutal pounding my battered pussy had received. Nurse B. somehow managed to count the number of wads ejaculated by the subject into the jar as 17, which added to the three initial salvoes meant that he was able to produce twenty bursts of cum. From the total volume of cum and using an extrapolating mathematical analysis, we estimate that Tim D. produced the equivalent of 90 combined average orgasms from a normal human being. Bearing in mind that this constituted his second discharge in a row, it is clear that the virility of this young man is truly astounding. )

While I will not bore the subcommittee with details of the remainder of the session, I would like to mention that throughout its course, which lasted four hours, and was of course conducted in the most rigorous manner in the name of science, the subject was able to explode 9 times in a row, and the total volume of ejaculate produced by his final eruption amounted to 75 ml, or roughly 30 times the average human amount for a single orgasm.

Further analysis from a blood sample of the subject uncovered several genetic loci which could constitute the basis for his extraordinary sexual powers. These are listed in Appendix A.

Allow me to turn to the second subject, Paul V., who we analyzed a few weeks after our encounter with subject Tim D.

Subject Paul V.:

Age: 62 at time of sample

Height: 6ft4

Weight: 255 Lbs

Body fat index: 6%

Race: white

Subject entered the measurement room and undressed. Erection was achieved in 35s via visual stimulation on a video screen. This compared favorably with the average of 2mn10s observed in our whole sample. Millimetric cameras estimated the erect length and girth of Paul V.'s penis at 14.6in and 9.0in. The rigidity meter was positioned around the midshaft and results indicated that the subject was able to maintain 95% rigidity, despite the average for his age group being only 64%.

Once again, the abnormally large size of the subject's genitalia meant that sperm collection had to be performed manually. In light of the totally unprofessional conduct of nurse B. with regards to the sampling session with subject Tim D., I decided to pursue the examination personally.

Here follows my personal account:

"Hello Mr V., my name is Dr. Laura P., and I will assist you in stimulating your enormous penis so that we can proceed to the collection of a huge dose of your virile sperm for further genetic analysis. I must point out that you are an incredible hunk of a man for your age. Do you work out a lot?"

"Yes, I do. I need to maintain my fitness level so that enough blood continues to fill my cock and make it as hard as you see it now."

(While jacking off his steel-hard rod with both hands, I questioned subject Paul V. with respect to his sexual abilities in order to determine how he could help us in reducing human infertility in the US.)

"That's nice. Were you already a strong muscular boy when you were young Mr V.? And did your massive penis already totally shame all your contemporaries when you were a kid?"

"As far as I can recall, yes. I had a six-pack by age 13. AAAH, your hands feel ssso good on my shaft doc, keep tugging at my beast and I'll drown you in a gallon of cum in no time! I started fucking when I was 12 when my cock was like three times the length of the other boys at school , and by 15, I had dipped my superior cock into half the women in town. I guess you could say I was the local teenage stud."

"Indeed one could say that Mr V. I am not at all surprised that women in your town would be begging to get fucked by your gigantic pud, especially one attached to such a muscular, and dare I say handsome stud. Now pray tell me, did you knock up any of these cock-sluts?"

"I wouldn't know. I usually fucked a girl and moved on to the next. That until I met my wife. She was different, so fucking toned and hot with huge firm boobs... Yeah, thinking about her makes me want to fucking cover your pretty face in my cream doc!"

"Please concentrate on the questions Mr V. There will be plenty of time for you to dump as many loads as you wish anywhere on, or indeed, in my body. Now tell me if you have any children and grandchildren?"

"Yes, I have four daughters and eight granddaughters, only one grandson."

"That's interesting. Would your grandson be called Tim by any chance?"

"Yeah, Tim, from my last daughter Angela. He's eighteen now, nice kid, big and strong like his granddad, but not like his puny pencil-dick father was! OOh, Shit doc, I'm about to let loose!"

(Since I was extremely shocked to discover that Paul V. was none other than the grandfather of subject Tim D., I failed to respond in time to the exploding jets of scalding cum erupting from Paul V.'s convulsing sperm-cannon. Despite my attempts to quickly engulf the huge helmet in my mouth in order to momentarily store the flood of cum, too much salty, mature sticky goo filled my oral cavity for me to properly perform that operation. I was left with no other alternative but to repeatedly swallow mouthfuls of Paul V.'s offerings. Half of his voluminous discharge ended up covering my face and mammaries, which were conveniently exposed for the occasion.)

I would like to point out that I was finally able to properly register one of the subject's discharges, since he retained his rock-hardness after this incident and subsequently performed admirably and was able to remove his colossal cum-geyser from my pussy before exploding jet after jet of his second load into the measuring jar. The total amount came to about 90ml, or roughly 36 times the amount for a normal human discharge.

After tracking down the mother of Tim D. and performing a genetic cross-analysis for all three members of the family, we were able to confirm the following facts:

1) Tim D. is not only the grandson of Paul V. but also his son.

2) It appears that the mating of Paul V. with a normal woman inevitable results in a female offspring. Only through his incestuous relationship with his daughter Angela was he able to produce a male offspring.

3) We are yet unaware whether this genetic abnormality has been passed on to Tim D. and whether he will be able to produce any male offspring.

Following this study, I would like to make the following recommendations to the Congressional

Subcommittee:

1) Subject Tim D. must be put into contact with as many age bearing women in the country as possible in order to breed them.

2) If the resulting offsprings fail to be male, it will be crucial to let Tim D. have incestuous intercourse with his

mother, aunts and cousins, in order to produce a sufficient number of male offsprings to repopulate our country with genetically-superior workers.

In summary, I believe we may have found a cure to the abominable epidemic of puny, pencil-dicked men dragging our mighty country down with their low sperm count, and I urge Congress to act quickly and let women who so wish have unprotected sexual intercourse with this teenage super-stud.

Dr Laura P.

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