PTA Volunteer Ch. 02

Even after all this time, Christine had kept it a secret from all of her friends. She took protecting Kara extremely seriously, even when it meant that she had almost no one to talk to about the situation. Her daughter had come home the other day to find Christine in her room crying. Although Christine had been trying to hide it, Sierra had noticed on other days that her mother looked like she had been weeping but this was the first time she had actually seen it.

Sierra sat down beside Christine and put her arms around her, giving Christine a little hug. She was quiet since she didn't know what to say. Through her tears, Christine smiled at Sierra and returned the hug. Slowly Christine pulled herself back together; hating the feeling of weakness that crying gave her.

Finally Christine said, "It's okay, Pumpkin. I'm okay. I'm just feeling a little sad."

Just seeing her mother crying was enough to almost make Sierra cry. She was a perceptive and bright girl and had a fairly good idea why her mom was upset. She couldn't help but take it personally too. No matter how much she liked Kara, Sierra was starting to resent how she was making her mother feel.

Laying her head against Christine's shoulder Sierra said in a quiet but fierce voice, "I know you love her, Mom, but you deserve to be happy too."

Despite how she was feeling, Christine had to smile at her daughter's natural defensive feelings toward her. She hugged a little tighter as she rested her chin on Sierra's head. "I know I do, Pumpkin. It's one of those complicated grown up things, where we don't do what we tell others to do. It doesn't make sense but it is true still."

Still, Sierra had helped make her feel better. Christine asked her about her day and soon the moment was forgotten.

~ ~ ~

It was with Sierra's words in mind that she had accepted an invitation on the previous Friday to a party from one of her friends in the city. Kara was away for the weekend visiting her parents by herself, so there was no chance that they would have time together anyhow. And Christine was feeling like she deserved a little fun.

Arriving at the party, Christine was delighted that quite a number of friends, whom she hadn't seen in a while, were there. With a glass of red wine in hand, she was quickly catching up with what was going on in their lives. Luckily most of them were happy to talk about themselves and so didn't notice that Christine was almost completely silent about herself.

As the party wound on, Christine was enjoying talking with others and wandering around. The social interaction was something that she definitely missed. It was a mixed crowd of gay and straight people, but one where she only knew about a third of the people. That didn't bother her as she enjoyed getting to know new people.

Late in the evening, she was talking with an attractive woman, roughly her own age, whom she had only met that night. Somehow they had gotten into swapping stories about how they had offended some straights, either intentionally or inadvertently. Christine would tell one story and then Melinda would try to top her. Christine was laughing at a story about Melinda and a girlfriend wearing only string bikinis and while necking accidentally stumbling into a group of born again Christians, in the middle of a baptism, at one of the local rivers. Melinda touched Christine's arm to make sure she fully understood the expression on the face of one of the born-agains. Suddenly Christine realized that Melinda was flirting with her. It had been so long that she had completely missed it.

But even more surprising, and for Christine a little disturbing, was the realization that she was enjoying it. It felt good to be out in the open with someone who accepted her for who she was, and who accepted herself. Despite feeling like she was betraying Kara, Christine found herself flirting back. When Melinda asked her to dance, she hesitated for a moment and then said 'yes'. It wasn't a slow dance so there was nothing too physical. But as they brushed against each other, Christine was, for the first time since the previous fall, getting turned on by someone other than Kara. As that song ended and a slower one started, Melinda moved closer to Christine without asking, clearly expecting to continue dancing.

But now the guilty feelings about Kara were increasing. Shaking her head, Christine moved off the dance floor and retreated into the kitchen. Melinda looked after her in obvious confusion. Finally she followed Christine.

"Christine, did I do something wrong? I thought we were having fun," Melinda said as she caught up.

Shaking her head, Christine replied, "No, it's me. It was fun. It's just ..." She trailed off.

"Oh," Melinda suddenly put one and one together to get two. "You're in a relationship. Trust me to find someone who already has someone." She shook her head. "I could have sworn that I was getting interested vibes though."

"No, you weren't wrong. At least to start with, I didn't even know that I was putting them off," Christine said with a sigh. "And then it kind of felt good. I'm sorry. It wasn't fair to you."

Melinda could sense that something wasn't quite right, but she couldn't quite figure it out. "Did you have a fight or something, is that why you're here alone?"

Unused to talking about her relationship with Kara, Christine's tone became more abrupt. "No, that's not it," she curtly said.

"Hey, I'm not trying to pry. I don't know. You just seem like you aren't in a good spot, Christine."

Realizing that Melinda didn't mean anything and, of course, had no idea what the situation was, Christine reached out and grabbed her hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be like that. I'm not used to talking about it."

"Well if you want someone who is a disinterested observer, well mostly disinterested," she said with a lopsided grin, "then I'm your gal."

Christine smiled back. "Okay, I think I would like that. Why don't we take a glass of wine out onto the balcony where we can get a little more privacy?"

Melinda turned out to be a great person with whom to share her situation. She mostly just listened, occasionally asking a question when Christine trailed off or got lost in her own somewhat dark thoughts. Better still, she had no inclination to try and solve anything. Just being able to open up and let someone else know what she was going through was what Christine needed.

The party was starting to break up when Melinda finally offered just a little bit of advice. "Honey, I don't know what the answer for you is. But it seems to me you are getting to the point of needing to figure that out before the pain you are feeling starts to destroy the love you feel for Kara." She reached out and squeezed Christine's hand.

In the dim light on the balcony, Christine could make out Melinda smiling that lopsided grin. Then Melinda said in a clearly light tone, "I'm just sorry I didn't meet you when you were unattached. But if you ever find yourself unattached, AND you have already had your rebound gal, give me a call!"

Christine recognized the joke in Melinda's words and smiled appropriately. But inside, they struck a nerve. She had held it together and to Melinda seemed more in control than she was, but her joke cut to the heart of her fears.

Christine had been thinking about Kara and their relationship for the last three days since the party. Kara had gotten back from her parents the previous night but they hadn't had a chance to talk. As she finished up at the school, Christine realized she couldn't avoid the answer she had been trying to deny.

Since she couldn't have Kara as part of her life full time, Christine couldn't do it part time any more. There was just no path to happiness, probably for both of them but for sure for her. There was a heaviness in her heart as she made up her mind to talk to Kara. She wouldn't cry at school but she was certain there would be tears at home, and then again when they talked.

Sighing, Christine started working on putting the last box of art supplies into storage bins for the summer. School would be over soon and Sierra would head over to Kara's house. They already had that planned. "Might as well get it over," she thought. And then she sighed again.