Queen of Pain

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As she moved her legs further apart, her hand brushed down the inside of her thigh. She could feel the unevenness of the scar against the back of her hand, and for a moment, she was once again in the cave. She fought the memory. Oblivion won. The warmth of the bath water, mixed with the heavy scent of lavender, and the glass of wine, produced a heady rush, and she let it flow over her as she closed her eyes again. She traced the scar with her fingertips down her leg, as far as her fingers could reach.

"Don't let go"

Her eyes opened in an instant. Those words . . . those words were etched into her soul.

"I won't" she said out loud. "I need escape right now. I'm not letting go. "

She reached for the bottle of wine on the floor next to the bath, and filled her glass again. She shut her eyes and felt Sam's tongue against hers. She was whispering into her mouth - something neither of them could hear. She created slippery heat with her fingers against her sex, as she remembered Sam's hands on her hips, holding her down. She recalled the playful, yet determined look when she knew what she wanted. Alex could see her face so clearly. Her features . . . dreamy, blue grey eyes, blonde strands of unruly hair and a lazy smile. A face she knew so well.

"Even if I shut my eyes I would still know her by the touch of her hand, the warmth of her body, the energy of her soul." She sighed out of frustration and longing, and abandoned her attempts. Too much pain tonight. She wouldn't allow her body the pleasure it craved.

"I can take it all away," said a voice somewhere in her head.

Alex sat up quickly from her dream state, knocking her book and the glass of wine to the floor.

"Damn it!" She bent over the side of the tub to retrieve her book and to see if the wine glass had shattered. The bookmark of Sam's picture was wedged into a crack in the wooden floor. She pulled it out, and tried to keep the water from dripping onto it. Grabbing quickly, she sliced her finger on a piece of broken glass. She sucked the finger into her mouth, tasting the coppery warmth of her own blood. Tears were running down her face, not only from the pain of the cut, but from the ache she felt deep inside. She refused to mourn Sam, preferring to keep it all inside.

On the floor, the bottle of wine formed a puddle, seeping into the book and touching Sam's picture.

"I can take it all away." This time, she heard the voice more clearly.

"I must be going insane." she said to herself as she wiped her tears with the back of her hand. Suddenly she felt cold. She pulled herself up from the cooling water and wrapped herself in a towel. She stepped out of the tub, avoiding the broken glass. Picking up the picture of Sam, she wiped it between her fingers and held it to her chest. Sobs were hurting her lungs and tears stung her eyes.

As she turned to leave the bathroom, a movement in the mirror caught her eye. She looked into the mirror and then around the room. There was nothing. She started to doubt her level of intoxication, but quickly brushed that thought away. She had had a long day and thoughts of Sam were playing on her mind. Sleep is what she needed - a good night's sleep.

Padding into the bedroom, she still felt cold and slipped into one of Sam's old sweatshirts. She turned off the music and climbed into bed, pulling the sheets and comforter over her tightly to stop the shivering. She felt coldness run through her veins just like it did on the mountain. She turned her mind away from Sam and the cold. Her finger was still throbbing from the cut. All she wanted was for the release of sleep to take over her mind and body.

"I can take it all away." The voice whispered in her ear as she drifted off to sleep. Sam. It had to be Sam talking to her.

She found herself once again in the ice cave.

"Look at her Sam, she's perfect." Alex had removed the cloth that covered the body of a woman. "It's as if she's asleep." She could hear the click of the camera as Sam snapped pictures of the body.

"How did she get here? That's what I want to know." Sam circled the body, snapping more pictures.

"We only found one set of footprints. It's as if she just walked in here, laid down and died," said the voice of a man nearby.

"That can't be. Someone must have put her here."

The man shrugged his shoulders and walked away.

The sound of ice cracking caused Alex to look up for a moment. When she looked back down at the body, it was Sam. Her eyes opened and looked directly at Alex. They were an icy blue, not the dreamy blue – grey of Sam's eyes. A hand grabbed her wrist tightly, and fingers encircled her wrist, hurting her. The woman was speaking to her, but she couldn't make out the words. Alex tried to pull away, but the woman's grip grew tighter. She could hear someone shouting to get out but she couldn't move, her eyes locked with the woman's lying beneath her. Ice and snow started to fall around her. She could hear it smashing against the floor of the cave.

"Don't let go."

Alex looked at the entrance to the cave being covered in snow and ice and started to panic. She looked back at the woman. She was no longer Sam, but the woman they had found - only she was alive and sitting up. She pulled Alex closer to her until her face was almost touching Alex's. Icy breath crept over her cheeks and lips and Alex felt her own breath begin to leave her body. She felt a hand behind her head and the touch of cold lips against hers, whispering into her mouth.

"I can take it all away."

She bolted upright, gasping for breath. It was just a dream. She touched her fingers to her lips. They were freezing. Pulling the comforter around her, she tried to calm herself and think logically about the dream. She was just tired and overworked, that had to be it. The sun was coming up. She would go to work and try to forget about her bad dreams.

~ ~ ~

Alex slipped into her jacket and entered the climate controlled room where they kept the body. She picked up her tape recorder and the clip board with her notes. It had taken months for them to get the body to the private laboratory. Between customs disputes and international red tape, she thought she might never see the woman again.

She reached over to pull down the cover that hid the woman's face. Hesitating for a moment, she thought back to her dream. What if it was. . . She didn't dare finish the thought. Reminding herself that she was a scientist, she took a deep breath, and pulled the sheet down firmly, revealing the face she had seen so many months back in the ice cave.

She pushed the record button on her small recorder, and spoke her name, the date and time before beginning.

"The body appears to be intact, with no visible signs of decomposition. Female, possibly between the ages of 30 to 40. There appears to be no visible markings, tattoos or any other sign of tribal significance. She is dressed in full costume, possibly silk and fur, origin unknown at this time. I shall remove and preserve the clothing for further forensic study."

Placing latex gloves on her hands she lifted the woman's head carefully, searching for closures or clasps. She was surprised at how flexible the body was. She had expected it to be more rigid. The skin was cold to the touch but elastic. Curiously she placed the head back down and lifted one of the eyelids. They weren't sewn shut by an embalmer. The eye itself was a clear blue colour. No filming or degeneration had occurred. She then took her fingers and stretched the lips open, revealing a set of perfect white teeth; the gums were still red and pliable.

"This can't be right." Alex mumbled. "There should be some decomp - even frostbite damage, moisture, ice crystals, or something!"

She moved down to the arms. They were stiff, but still movable - as were the wrists and fingers. Silver rings inlaid with precious stones adorned her fingers. The only objects removed from the time they found the body, were the amulet and a scroll of parchment that was found on the woman's chest. She held the hand in her own and began to examine the rings more closely. Reaching into her pocket for her recorder, she felt the fingers of the woman's hand close around her own. Quickly, as if she had touched a flame, she pulled her hand away. The fingers relaxed back into position against the table.

"Okay Alex, get a hold of yourself. It's just a muscle reaction or something. Maybe the skin retracting back into position."

She could feel herself breathing hard and stopped to deliberately take a few deep breaths. "You're going to make yourself crazy. Look . . . you're already talking to yourself." She let out a small laugh and began to record her findings.

"The skin is unusually pliable. I am able to move the joints with only minor restriction. The eyes are clear. The mouth is also clear, showing no signs of deterioration or discoloration."

Once again she returned to the task of removing the clothing and jewellery, cataloguing each piece carefully. With the jewellery she made crude drawings of what each ring and bracelet looked like and took detailed notes of the clothing. She was puzzled over the light layers of silk the woman wore. How could she have survived the cold temperatures of the mountain, unless she was already dead when she was placed in the cave? She thought back to André, the first one to enter the cave. He had told her there were only one set of footprints in the snow. She made a note to herself to examine the pictures from the early stages of the find.

Grabbing a sheet out of one of the drawers, she placed it over the body and then proceeded to gather her surgical tools to open the body for autopsy. She adjusted the overhead light, changed into a fresh pair of gloves and placed a mask over her face. Pulling the tray closer to the examining table she pulled the sheet down, past the woman's breasts to her hips and reached for a syringe to take a blood sample. She was surprised to see how red the blood appeared and how easily it flowed.

After labelling the sample, she reached for her scalpel and touched the blade to the flesh to start the "Y" incision. As the blade sank effortlessly through layers of tissue, there was a soft gasp. Alex looked instinctively at the face of the woman before her. "Must have pressed harder than I thought," she breathed. "Amazing. Releasing a pocket of air still trapped in her lungs after all of this time." Alex returned the focus to her task. When she looked back at the woman's chest, the gasp was her own. Rivulets of blood were coming from the small incision. Her eyes darted back to the woman's face, where they met a pair of eyes staring back at her.

"Dr. Crane! Dr. Crane!" a far off voice called to her. "Can you hear me Dr. Crane? Alex . . . open your eyes!

She could feel a hand tapping the side of her face. The fuzzy feeling in her head started to dissipate and the blackness around her went away. She could see a face standing over her and behind her, the ceiling of the lab. It was her assistant Lena.

"What happened?"

Lena kneeled down besides Alex, holding her up and in her thick Romanian accent, recalled what she saw.

"I was putting my jacket on to help you . . . I hear loud scream, so come inside to see ….BOOM!...you go down on floor" She held a cool towel over Alex's forehead.

"I got scared because there was blood"

"Blood?" Alex tried to think back to what had happened. She remembered starting to make the incision.

"The woman - is she okay?"

"She's fine. She's dead, not much to happen there."

Alex tried to sit up. She was still a little light headed.

"Did she say anything to you?"

Lena looked at her quite puzzled. "How can a dead woman speak? Dr. Crane, maybe when you went BOOM, you bumped head, no?"

"Yes. I mean, no! I didn't bump my head, Lena."

She slowly walked over to the body still on the table the way she left it. A small cut was now coagulating just below the right collar bone. Feeling braver with Lena in the room with her, she reached over to the woman's neck and felt for a pulse. There was nothing.

"Maybe you should sit down, no?"

"No Lena, I'm fine." Alex checked the woman's pupils with her penlight. No reaction. "Damn"

"Dr. Crane…"

Alex put her cheek against the woman's mouth and nose. She felt nothing - no sign of breathing. ". . . doesn't make sense."

"Dr. Crane!" Lena shouted. "Alex, what are you doing? She's dead woman!"

Alex spun around, facing her bewildered colleague.

"She looked at me, Lena. She took a breath and she was looking at me!"

"Alex, that is not possible. You found her in an ice cave. It was sealed for many, many years, you know that. No one could survive that, you of all people know!"

Alex stared into Lena's eyes for a moment and realized she must think she's crazy. Lena put her arms around Alex's waist and pushed her toward the doorway.

"Let's have coffee and warm up and then you explain to me what is going on with you."

They went into Alex's office where Lena poured them both a cup of coffee and sat down at a small table. Lena reached into her lab coat and pulled out her cigarettes, lighting two and passing one to Alex. They both sat silent for a few moments. Alex felt Lena's eyes studying her as she watched the smoke rise from her cigarette.

Lena pushed her chair back, balancing it on two legs and ran her hand through her auburn hair. She blew a stream of smoke in the air and started to speak.

"Where I grew up, religion and folklore mix together. In early times when the church split between the Roman and the Orthodox Christians, the lore split as well. Romans believed an incorrupt body was that of a saint. The Orthodox thought it was that of a vampire. I wonder what is lying in that room."

"There is a part of me, the big part, and the logical part that says it's just a corpse."

"And the smaller part?"

"The smaller part says it's something more. But that does not make sense to me. Not at all."

Alex took a sip of her coffee, relishing its warmth. "You're going to think I'm crazy, but I had a dream about her. I was back in the cave and Sam was there. It was when we first exposed the body. I looked down and Sam was lying there. Then I could hear the walls cracking and when I looked again it was the woman and she had a grip on my hand. She just stared at me and I couldn't break away. And then she sat up and spoke to me. Lena, it felt so real. . . Her breath was so cold."

"What did she say?"

"She said, 'I can take it all away'." She shivered visibly.

"I've been hearing someone say that over and over to me. At first, I thought it was Sam, but it can't be her. I feel like I'm going crazy."

"You not crazy, Alex. You tired and overworked."

Lena sat forward and sipped her coffee. "This whole project has been stressful and crazy. The accident made it worse."

She looked at Alex and touched her hand to the dark haired woman's.

"You not give yourself enough time, Alex. You went right back to work as soon as you got out of hospital. You not allow yourself time to mourn her death."

"Her death was something I needed to put behind me. It's hard enough working on this without her."

She reached over to ash her cigarette, when she noticed the bruises on her wrist. Lines like those left by someone's fingers striped her wrist below her watch.

"Oh my God Lena . . . look at this!" She showed the red-haired girl her arm.

"I see. Very nice watch. Is it new?"

"No! Look at the marks; she gave them to me last night . . . in my sleep."

Lena was still staring at her, when she rushed out of the office and down the hallway. Alex needed to see the body again. She could hear the sound of Lena's footsteps following as she ran.

Alex turned the handle on the door and pulled it open quickly. She didn't grab a jacket, not wanting to wait. The heat from the quick release of the door opening, created a temporary fog in the freezing room. She waved her arms in front of her, making her way to the table. Lena had hold of the back of her sweater with trembling hands. As the air in the room began to clear they saw that the table where the body lay was now empty, the sheet lying on the floor beside it.

"Where did she go?" asked Lena as she picked up the sheet and looked under the table.

"Call security!" Alex yelled, as she ran out the door.

Lena dropped the sheet and ran after Alex. "And tell them what? Have you seen thousand year old woman walk by naked?"

"Just come with me then." Alex said out of breath.

They turned a corner and bumped into one of the newer lab assistants.

"Dr. Crane, did you forget something?"

"No, why?"

"Because I just saw you leave and I thought you were gone for the day," he said as he sipped his can of Coke.

"What? Where? Where did I go?" she asked hurriedly.

He looked at her oddly and pointed toward the hallway that leads to the main entrance. Alex and Lena ran down the hallway and out the steel doors, making their way to the glass entrance doors. Lena went over to the guard at the front desk.

"Bob, you see naked woman?"

"Are you making me an offer?" the guard smiled.

"What she means is," Alex said, rolling her eyes "did you see a woman that looked like me go past here just now?"

"Dr. Crane. I thought you left for the day." The guard looked confused.

"Do I look like I have left?!"

"Well I did think it was odd for you to leave in just your lab coat, on such a cold night."

"Fuck!" yelled Alex as she put her hands to her head. "Bob, do you tape the entrance ways on camera?"

"Yeah, we tape the whole lab. Lemme check."

He went to the control for the cameras and pulling up the monitor for the main entrance, he rewound the tape until he found a woman in a lab coat leaving the building. From the back she could easily pass for Dr. Crane with her dark hair and similar build. Just before she pushed the door open, the woman turned and looked up at the camera giving it a quick grin before going outside.

"It's her Lena. Do you think I'm crazy?"

"No, now I think I am crazy."

The security team searched the perimeter of the grounds as well as the surrounding woods. There was no sign of the woman. Alex remembered she had left her lab coat and name badge outside the room on a hanger. The woman must have put it on when she left. She told the head of security to keep this matter quiet until she could find out what was going on. She didn't need this to get out to the press or to anyone else who might have interests in the project. Most of all she didn't want her investor to find out, for fear that she would be taken off the project.

Somewhere outside in the night was a dead woman who was now posing as Alex. Lena drove her back to her home, even though she, herself, was still visibly shaken.

"Do you want to come in for a drink, Lena?"

The girl just shook her head 'no' and pulled away from the house after Alex got out of the car.

Throwing her keys on the kitchen table, Alex decided she needed coffee and plenty of it. She didn't want to sleep tonight. She couldn't sleep tonight. Her mind was reeling. So many questions to ask and try to answer and none of it made sense. She changed from her work clothes into her old favourite sweat pants and oversized tee shirt. Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she made her way to the couch and sat down in front of a coffee table over laden with papers and photos. She began sifting through her notes, examining photos taken on site. Perhaps she would find a clue here somewhere.

Reaching into her briefcase, she pulled out the file on the parchment. The scroll itself was written on human skin and the writing seemed to have been done with some instrument that made scratches no larger than what a needle dragged across the surface would have made. It was written in many languages and so tiny, that copies were made and blown up to a size that was legible. Alex pulled out the section that was written in Latin, it being the easiest language for her to start with.