Queen of Pain

"La tristesse durera toujours . . . The sadness will last forever."

It was the last words the red-haired madman uttered upon his death. He would not let me take his pain - instead he chose to hold it close and let it consume him. I still remember the day he gave me the paper tied with a string and said 'keep this object carefully'. When he left I opened up the package and found most of his earlobe inside. I knew that Paul had left Arles and Vincent was steadily declining. Waking up from a dead faint I realized it was not from the shock of his gift, but of my inability to free this man from his demons. I was not his paramour though he imagined it to be true. Vincent did not know how to love and I had not the capacity for such emotion. I had failed so miserably with this mortal.

I had persuaded many a saint and martyr to let the end be freeing, convincing them that their God sent me to them. I absorbed the misery of the mortals, collecting little by way of a fee. I chose instead, to barter for a day of their life. Wars and disease made things easier for me. They grew smart however, finding their own ways to extinguish their pain and soon my temples were abandoned and left to decay. No prayers would reach my ears. It became overwhelming. So much pain in this world, but none to be offered to me.

I was forgotten, until you came and summoned me again.

Alex woke up with a start, gasping for breath. The woman had appeared to her again in her dream. The air in the room felt icy cold, but Alex was covered with a sheen of sweat. She began to shake and sob. Pulling the throw around her, she reached for her coffee only to find it had turned cold - a thin crust of ice lay over the top. Her bones began to ache from deep inside. Wearily she moved from the couch, trying to loosen her stiff joints. She walked over to where the thermostat hung on the wall. The temperature in the room was still at 72 degrees.

"This can't be right." She tapped the thermostat with her nail, but nothing changed. Gingerly, walking toward the bedroom, her feet feeling as though she were walking on needles, she rummaged through her drawer to find a pair of socks. With trembling hands she pulled them on to her feet and climbed under the covers of her bed. She noticed the air in her bedroom was warmer than that of her living room.

As her body temperature started to rise, she thought again of the dream. What could the woman have meant by saying she had summoned her? Summoned her how? Why? This was getting stranger and stranger. Her mind was whirling with so many thoughts, that when the phone rang she cried out.

"Hello?"

"I can take it all away," said a woman's voice on the other end of the phone.

"Who are you?"

"You know who I am, Alex Crane. You summoned me and then brought me here."

"Where are you?"

"Close."

The line went dead and Alex sat holding the phone to her ear, the woman's voice echoing in her head.

~ ~ ~

The old man's hands trembled, as he shook the pain tablets into his palm and quickly popped them into his mouth. He took a long swallow of water to wash down the bitter taste. Wiping his chin with his sleeve, he turned to go back to his work. He knew his time was limited and he wanted to find out the meaning of the amulet.

"I can take it all away."

As he turned to face the dark haired woman, his watery eyes became glued to her icy blue ones. They stood, locked in this stare for a moment before he spoke.

"What do you want of me?"

"You have something that belongs to me, Joseph. I've come to ask for it back."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

The woman smiled sweetly at him, and moved slowly towards him. He was unable to move. She stroked his silver temples and let her hands travel down his chin over his chest, stopping at his stomach.

Instantly the man felt no more pain.

"You see, Joseph, I can take it all away. I can stop the pain inside you that is eating away at your belly and make it all better."

She could see the look of relief spreading across the old man's face. He almost looked younger, she thought before she took her hand away. The old man gasped in pain and doubled over dropping to the floor. Scooping him up in her arms she led him to a small couch. She put him down and then sat next to him, pulling him close to her, his head resting against her chest. Stroking his hair and gently patting his back she hushed him to relax.

"Sweet Joseph, just tell me where it is and I will leave you alone with your wretched pain if that is your wish."

"If you are going to kill me then just get it over with."

"Kill you?" She laughed, "I'm not here to kill you, silly man. I'm not the Angel of Death. I was once, as you are now. It is not in my power to cure you. I just take your pain away in exchange for one day of your life and whatever else you choose to give me. The choice is yours Joseph. It's of your own free will that you give to me."

The old man thought for a moment. He was growing tired of the pain and he knew he was not going to live many more days.

"I have a question first, if I may ask?"

"Of course you may ask, I'm not a djinn, I don't grant wishes. You may ask what you like."

He pushed himself up to be able to look into her face.

"The amulet, what does it mean? Is it a map?"

"Yes, Joseph it is a map of the world - the place over which I reign."

"But there is an extra piece. A lost continent?"

"Lost to you and all of your kind. It is not a place that you can see. It is the portal to the astral plane, neither heaven nor hell, yet both, if you believe it to be. Your Heaven is made of what you want and need. And what is negative to you, is your Hell, so to speak."

Joseph nodded, rose from the couch and went to his small safe, spinning the lock and opening the door. He took out a box and placed it on the table before the woman. Lifting the lid on the box, he produced the amulet that lay upon a velvet pad and holding it up, presented it to the woman.

"I can't tell you what an experience it has been to have been allowed to hold such a treasure. The craftsmanship is like no other I have ever seen."

"It was not made by human hands . . . I can tell you that much."

"The cost must be phenomenal. From what I can tell, it is priceless."

"The cost is too high, Joseph." She turned her back towards him and asked: "Would you mind?"

He lifted the amulet up and over her head, letting it drop gently against her chest.

"Thank you, Joseph. You have taken good care of it for me. I will make your last day most pleasurable, I promise. No more pain."

As the old man bent down and kissed her hand, a small tear showed in the corner of his eye.

"Thank you for letting me hold on to such a treasure, Dear Lady. If I may ask, can you let tomorrow be that day?"

~ ~ ~

The woman adjusted the tie around her collar as she glanced at her reflection in the glass of the coffee shop window. The clothes she had 'borrowed' from the old man were a good fit. She liked the baggy trousers and the long dark overcoat, but the shoes were too big. No matter, she didn't plan on wearing them much longer.

She pushed open the door to the coffee shop and smiled when she heard the tinkle of the bell announcing her arrival. It reminded her of the worshippers coming into her temples shaking tiny silver bells and chanting her name.

She approached the counter. Looking at the menu board, she was confused by its many items, sizes and flavours. Where is the coffee? she thought to herself.

"Can I help you?" the young man behind the counter asked. He looked tired after serving a rush of people by himself. His co-worker had called off and he had to take care of the early morning traffic alone.

"I would like to purchase something, but I'm not sure of what. Perhaps you can assist me in my selection?"

"It's all up there on the board, Lady. Just tell me what you're in the mood for."

She sensed that he was exasperated and probably not in the mood to translate to some foreigner. He thought she sounded like someone from some old vampire movie. Just another freak in this city finding me, he thought to himself. She was kind of hot looking though, but what was with the clothes? Probably some kind of executive from the Transylvania blood bank, he chuckled to himself.

"I desire something hot and sweet, possibly with some spices."

"How about a chai latte? Tall, large or grande?"

She stared at him for a moment and then told him just enough for a taste and to warm her bones. As he stared back into her cold blue eyes he didn't pay attention to what he was doing and poured hot milk onto his hand.

"Fucking Christ Almighty!" he yelled, pulling his hand back and waving it near him. He blew on it, trying to cool it down.

"You've burned yourself, let me look at it." The woman took his hand and placed her other hand on top of his. Her hands were cold and as soon as she touched him, his pain went away.

"Better now?"

He shook his head 'yes' and went back to making her drink. "If you would like to sit down, I'll bring this over to you."

She smiled at the young man and chose a seat near the window so she could watch as the people went past. A few moments later he brought her drink, served with whipped cream and a scone on a plate.

"I don't know how you did that, or what you did, but this is on me. Thank you."

She smiled and nodded at him, watching him as he flexed his fingers and walked back to the counter muttering about having no blisters or red marks.

Dipping her finger into the swirl of whipped cream she scooped up some and tasted it. She frowned. It was not what she had expected, but it was tolerable. Using her spoon, she stirred the rest into her drink and took a sip. She found the drink to be delightful, savouring the spices she remembered from her stays in India and the Orient. She nibbled a small portion of the scone, before putting it down on the plate. It reminded her of the days when she ate the bread that symbolized the sins of others.

Her mind wandered back to when she used to be one of them. Many a day had passed, with her sitting at the edge of the woods, watching the others in the village. She would see young girls and their mothers doing chores together or shopping the market stalls. Her own mother had been accused of being a witch and drowned in the nearby lake. Zosia, the dark haired gypsy girl was now an orphan and given the job of sin eater. She would have no more days of walking in the woods with her mother, learning of the herbs that would heal the sick or learning the call of the animals. Her days were spent gathering food or begging from the strangers that travelled through the village. She had no friends or family - most were afraid to speak to her directly. No one held her in their arms and hugged her like her mother used to when it stormed outside. No one would ever again tell her they loved her. She let her heart grow cold to the outside world.

As she began to think about the one she did love from afar, a blur past the window caught her attention. She lifted her cup and smiled, as she saw the panicked face of Alex Crane race by. A wicked pleasure rose inside her as she noticed the good doctor clutching her lab coat in her hand. Alex had found the body of the old man, but not the amulet. The woman's long fingers stroked the stones on the amulet hanging around her neck.

~ ~ ~

Alex rushed into her office and grabbed quickly at her ringing phone.

"Dr. Crane's office," she managed to speak as well as she could, still breathless from her run to the laboratory.

"You should relax Alexandra, this rushing about will surely do you no good."

"Who is this?"

"Dear girl, must you always ask the question you already know the answer to?"

"Where are you? And don't tell me you're close."

"Then I shall tell you I am nearby. I am behind you, Alexandra. Can't you feel me?"

Alex felt a cold breeze against her ear and the weight of a body pressing against her back. She turned around quickly to find no one there.

"What do you want from me?"

The sensation of cold fingers tracing a path down her back made her shiver, as did the chilly breath in her ear.

"I should ask that question of you, Alexandra. You summoned me."

"How did I summon you? I don't understand."

"Think back to the day on the mountain. Think back to the moment the ice gave way."

"No! I won't go back there again."

"Are you still blaming yourself, Alexandra? Would it help you to know she passed over without any pain?"

Alex hesitated for a moment. "Where are you? I want to see you."

"Then come and find me Alexandra. I am going home."

Before Alex could ask another question, the line went dead.

~ ~ ~

It took two weeks for her to figure out where the woman may have gone to. Alex and Lena were on a plane to Hungary, where they would start their search in Miskolc and then move towards Tokaj. It was the second time Alex had viewed the Carpathian Mountains from high above. For Lena, it was home. She pointed out where they would be heading, knowing the dread that was on both of their minds. They landed in Budapest and then took a flight to Nyiregyhaza where they would stay the night, before driving to Tokaj.

Alex had tried to rest on the plane, but found her mind wandering too much to give her any peace. She felt like she was chasing a ghost. Having Lena with her made her feel a little more grounded. Feeling bone-weary she decided a soak in a hot tub would help her sleep better. Lena had already changed clothes and crashed on her bed and in minutes, was blissfully asleep.

Twisting her long hair up and clipping it to her head, Alex removed her clothes and after testing the water with her toes, slipped into the bath. The steamy water began to soothe her and she decided to let herself open up and think back to that last day she spent on the mountain.

They had quickly secured as much of the site as possible. The main objective was the retrieval of the body. The ice was becoming unstable in the cave and time was of the essence. The sound of ice splintering was painful to the ear and the sharp corners leading out of the tunnel where the cave lay hampered their efforts. Several times the litter became wedged and had to be carefully chipped free. The Sherpas were starting their decent with what equipment could be taken and the body was being wrapped in more blankets. They would move to a lower encampment for the evening.

Alex had tucked the amulet into an inside jacket pocket and placed the scroll in a box inside her knapsack. She wanted to keep these objects close to her. Sam and two other assistants and a Sherpa were still inside the cave when it started to give way. Alex could still hear the sound of the ice and snow falling around them. The Sherpa and one of the assistants made it out quickly. Sam and the other assistant, a young man whose expertise was in geology, were coming out of the last turn of the tunnel, 15 yards from the opening. His foot became wedged in a clump of ice and rock. Sam turned back to help him, when she was hit by a large rock from the ceiling of the entrance, knocking her to the ground.

The sound of the young man's screams could be heard in the momentary pause of the cave in. Alex and a Sherpa ran back to the entrance way to look for them. Alex went to help Sam, while the Sherpa went over to the young man. The young man screamed in pain as the Sherpa had to twist his foot violently to free it from where it was trapped. Pulling him out quickly, the man's boot was still stuck in the rock, but his foot was free.

Pulling Sam up to her feet, Alex put one arm under the semiconscious woman and pulled Sam's other arm around her neck. She dragged her towards the opening, while around them, the roof of the cave collapsed completely. The impact sent the four of them flying in a wave of ice, snow and rock. Alex and Sam were thrown several yards away, sliding over a rock face before landing against an embankment.

Even being enclosed in the hot water of the bath, Alex could still feel the biting cold of the mountain. She slid down lower into the tub, until the water touched the bottom of her chin. 'I need to remember' she told herself.

Opening her eyes, she could see swirls of snow falling down on her. She brushed her face with her gloved hand and tried to sit up. The pain felt like a hot knife stabbing her thigh and then running down her leg. She turned on her side and saw Sam lying face down in the snow, her eyes closed like she was asleep. Alex reached for her hand and closed her own around it, feeling Sam's hand grip hers weakly.

"Don't let go," Alex cried out weakly. "I have you. Stay with me, Sam."

Alex lifted her head and looked down, to see the front of her jacket and pants torn open. A streak of crimson led out from Sam's body marking where she had been dragged across the ground. Again, Alex felt the intensity of the pain shoot through her body and she felt herself grow hot.

"Make it go away," she cried, "Please make it stop."

She rolled back on her side and felt the amulet stabbing into her side. The pain was making her feel nauseous. The feeling of someone close by came over her. She had assumed it was one of the team.

"I can take it all away." It had been the woman's voice. "All you need to do is ask."

She rolled onto her back and found herself looking into the face of a dark-haired, bright eyed woman. Alex thought she looked familiar.

"Take care of Sam first," she whispered to the woman, before the fuzzy blackness took over.

Three weeks later, she would wake up in a hospital, to learn that Sam had died and she herself had come close to the same fate.

Alex sat up and began to splash water over her face, rubbing her hands over her face and hair, trying to wash away the memory. Towelling off her face, she laid back in the tub, her arms gripping the sides. Did she really summon the woman? Was the amulet the key?

She pushed herself up and stepped out. Quickly towelling herself off, she wrapped a robe around her and went out to Lena. It took a few shakes before Lena sleepily acknowledged Alex.

"Lena, when they found me on the ice, who was there?"

Lena sat up and rubbed her eyes. "What you mean? What ice?"

"On the mountain. After the cave collapsed. Who was there? Who found us?"

Lena yawned and tried to regain her thoughts. She remembered herself being scared and worried when she heard of the missing team members.

"André went with George and two Sherpas. No one else was there, just you, Sam, Peter and the Sherpa. "

"There wasn't any other woman there? A dark - haired woman?"

"No, just you and Sam were found. No one would go out in that climate without head covering. They would freeze."

"I saw her, Lena. She was there on the mountain with us."

Lena looked at Alex - thoroughly confused. She was too tired to make sense of this.

"She told me over the phone to think back to that day, so I did. I remember, Lena. I remember seeing her leaning next to me. Her hair was being whipped by the wind and her eyes . . . her eyes were so clear and bright. She told me she could take it all away and all I had to do was ask. "

Lena nodded her head, though she wasn't sure why. Alex sat on the bed next to her and tried again.

"I had the amulet, in my inside jacket pocket. I wanted to be sure it was safe, so I kept it with me. The amulet must have been what woke her. That, and my injuries. I remember being in so much pain and wanting it to go away. Don't you see, it makes sense now! I summoned her!"

Lena made the sign of the cross over herself and then kissed the crucifix she wore on a chain around her neck.