Rape Fantasy, Guilt ,& Shame

"Dear Lynn

Intelligent women don't - good girls never do - loving wives shouldn't -- and yet being all three of these I most certainly do. I've read some non-consent stories that have caused me to almost physically attack my husband to have my wicked way with him.

I request your next essay have to do with women's guilt and shame regarding rape/control fantasies. An intelligent woman understands the difference between a sexual fantasy and an adventure that she wants on her bucket list. Doesn't she?

GrumpyGamby"

Dear Grumpy

Of course she does. (That is her ego does.) The problem is that her id may not. Dr. Freud's theories went too far and modern psychiatric thought is correcting many of his excesses. However, there remain certain key elements of truth in Freud's psychoanalysis. And, the simple concept of ego, superego, and id remains useful; as does his notion that the failure of these three parts of ourselves to communicate properly can cause us difficulty.

Some time ago I saw a movie in which an imprisoned Paul Newman was being savagely beaten by prison guards as the warden looks on and says, "What we have here, is a failure to communicate!" One part of our personality can be savagely beaten by another part, if there is a failure to communicate.

Freud was quite correct that repression of feelings we do not wish to have, can make such failure to communicate far more likely. Repressing a desire into our subconscious does not make the desire go away -- it is still there. It may still cause fear or anger or arousal, but because it is repressed we do not understand why we are afraid or angry or aroused. In previous essays I have mentioned the panic or anger that can occur in the repressed homosexual or the repressed voyeur-cuckold, when the feeling that is repressed is brought too near the surface.

I believe that women's guilt and shame regarding rape/non-consent fantasies are quite analogous with the above examples, but involve arousal. As I noted in an earlier essay, rape fantasies are quite common and normal. And, they are on a continuum with, not distinct from, women's sexual desire fantasies. An intelligent woman understands enough about the natural selection of her DNA to understand why she is so strongly attracted to a powerful man. Her genes tell her that her children have a better chance of survival with a powerful man.

It is a fact, worldwide, that men prefer women with a broad ass. Why? A broad ass means a wide pelvic birth canal, which means safer birth for large headed babies (with big brains). A man may not know why he likes a woman with a nice ass -- but his DNA knows and makes him like it. Big brains, of course, make men more likely to be powerful and more attractive to women, whose chances of "getting lucky" are increased if they have a nice ass. And so Darwin goes. The fact that most folks have no understanding of these things does not keep them from operating to improve the species.

Think of the sixteen-year-old girl in a parked car with her seventeen-year-old boyfriend whose hand does what seventeen-year-old hands do. It feels good but then she hears her mother's voice in her head, "Nice girls don't let boys touch them there." Counselors sometimes call this the "parent tape" meaning it is a recording of the advice of parents, played in your head. It is, of course, the superego

Consider the following vignette about a woman with good communication between her ego, superego, and id:

Ego: Well, here we are again on this damn late shift busting our butt, understaffed, trying to get every patient taken care of, and that damn sink stops up and runs over. At least the plumber got here to fix it.

Superego: Don't forget about Mrs. Evans. She's gonna need her morphine shortly. You know it depresses her respiration. Should we call Dr. Jones about that?

Ego: I talked to him yesterday. He said her cancer couldn't be cured. It's better to control her pain even if it does depress her respiration.

Superego: I agree. But, not too much morphine. We still need to watch her closely. Her daughter should have another chance to talk to her before she goes.

Id: Jesus! Did you see that plumber?

Ego: What about him?

Id: His chest! Look at the hair on his chest. It's so thick and curly!

Superego: Stupid slut! Will you shut up and let us do our work.

Id: Think about how good that hair would feel rubbing against our tits.

Ego: Come on Id. Super is right. We've got work to do.

Id: Did you smell his sweat when he walked by? He smells like a real man.

Ego: I smelled the man-smell and I saw the chest hair and I like it as much as you do. But we've got work to do.

Id: Maybe later, then. We can sneak off with him when he finishes the sink. Walk over there and let him see our legs. He's under the sink and we're wearing a short skirt.

Superego: Will you shut the hell up? That's immoral!

Id: What does immoral mean?

Superego: You don't know anything about right and wrong. You horny bitch! Now look what you've done. You've got our pussy getting wet. Stop that!

Id: Getting our pussy wet is my job. I'm just doing my job.

Superego: Come on Ego! Will you take care of that horny bitch?

Ego: Look Id, let me explain something. Our loving hubby is a surgical resident busting his butt, working long hours for peanuts. Next year he'll be in practice and we won't have to work the late shift. We'll be having cocktails with the ladies at the club. Do you have even the remotest idea what would happen if our hubby caught us banging that plumber? Our collective ass would be grass! Forget about the hair on his chest! Forget about the man-smell! We just can't fuck him!

Superego: I'm ashamed of you! You're saying we'd do it if we could get away with it? For shame! We're not doing it because it's wrong!

Ego: Whatever you like. But we're not doing it.

Id: Okay, but can we just walk over there and sniff a little bit. He smells so damn good.

It is easy to see how this example illustrates good communication. Our nurse knows what her body is doing and knows how she is dealing with it and why. But, imagine what might happen if the feedback from her Id had been shut off -- repressed because it is so "naughty." The horny feeling would still be there. The wet pussy would still be there. She just wouldn't know why she was horny and wet and she would feel guilty and maybe angry at her guilt. We would have a "failure to communicate."

Men have a superego too and it operates much like ours. When out of control, it can lead to the "Burn-the-bitch" comments in response to loving wives who are unfaithful. We see this routinely on Literotica. It is amusing to taunt these guys -- to pull their chains, as many of you have seen me do.

But I think society has given women a much more powerful superego than it has given men -- and further, I think women more often repress the "naughty" thoughts of their ids, and feel guilty. It is much more healthy for a woman, understanding her biology, to say to herself something like, "It would really be fun to fuck that plumber but there's no way I can get away with it, so I'll just think about him tonight in bed." Such a woman is not troubled by rape/non-consent/arousal feelings.

Now there are some of you out there who would call that woman a slut, because you cannot imagine a healthy moral woman wanting to fuck. But that is because you don't understand what Id meant when she said, "I'm just doing my job." And, maybe for you, you don't realize that your id is doing her job, but you are repressing it.

We allow men so much more latitude. All of us know what our men folk are thinking when they watch a well-filled bikini walk by on the beach -- but we don't blame them for it, because we expect it. Why the hell should they blame us? We've got genes of our own driving us, just like they do. There are of course, very real, biological reasons that nature selects women who have stronger superegos, but I'll save that for another time.

One final point. There are many subtleties in the possible interactions of the ego, id, and superego. For example, with poor communication, a rape fantasy may allow a woman's ego to say to her superego, "Well, I didn't want to do it! Don't blame me! He forced me!" To which any woman with good inner communication will respond, "Yeah, baby, sure, we all understand."