Reflections

Graham and I kept things secret between us. I told him I didn't love him and I didn't want him. He accepted, although continued to touchy feely whenever we were alone and I collected a special bonus each month in my pay cheque, just for being there. I felt like a slut, but who cares? Nobody knew but us, and it put fashionable clothes on my back while it lasted.

*****

Dalkis stirred, his weird hand reached out and touched my arm. Once I would try to move away, but now I knew it was affectionate and in a way I liked it. It comforted me. Made me feel wanted.

My eyes grew heavy with ensuing sleep and I snuggled up to my creature companion, just like you would a favourite pet you were getting accustomed to, only this pet was intelligent with real humane emotions. I learned to adapt and he respected. That was the way I wanted it to stay.

"Shower with me Karen?" Dalkis asked. I was thinking of jumping in first as usual, after my usual ablutions of peeing, brushing my teeth and whatever I needed to do. Sharing a shower was one step closer to making love, I thought. "Please do this for both of us."

I looked at him, cuddled up to him and tried to use my charm. "Dalkis, I don't like sharing my shower. I hope you don't mind."

"But I do. This whole thing is not happening the way it is supposed to. The Masters are not pleased."

I looked up to him and felt sick inside. The masters have spoken. "Oh Dalkis, I need more time."

*****

"You have had plenty of time. Your connections to me should be ready now. It is time. You are ovulating and the results will be maximised. And if I may say…I need you so badly. I am dreaming about us at night."

"You are? Dreaming?"

"Yes. I wake up wanting you. I can detect your scent very strong too. You dream too."

"Really?" I pulled away from him very slowly. "Very observant Dalkis. I am very impressed." I was lost for an explanation as to why I did not want to go there and a reply to his comments. I forced a smile and pointed a finger at his chest. "I really need to go first. A few things I need to do by myself."

"Then if that is so, then let it be."

I scurried quickly into the bathroom and did what I had to do. I was glad he accepted, but now it was only going to be a matter of time before I had to yield to him. And thinking about it more I don't think I had much choice but to do it. My life was suddenly closer to an end if all failed. I would get pregnant for god knows how long…nine months? Longer? Maybe less? And then, afterwards? What would happen to my child? To me? To all of us?

*****

Oh my, it was so amazing! I lay down on our bed face down with my butt in the air as Dalkis entered me. His rhythm was smooth, intense and he knew exactly how to use his fingers as well as his cock. I had yielded eventually and I submitted through both frustration and fear. But then as we began to make love I felt easy, calm and totally submissive. Was it something I drank in my simulated coffee? At the time I didn't care because he was making me feel good. He felt so good. I was climaxing and riding every beautiful moment of it, lost in my own time and universe. He was slow at cumming and it seemed to go on forever and ever. That was until he eventually did cum. The usual mutual screams and moans followed swiftly by the collapse of him beside me on the bed. I remained; clutching my pillow as he stroked my back with is fingers.

"Thankyou Karen. That was so wonderful. Did you enjoy it?"

"Oh yes. You certainly know a few tricks. Do you guys learn from the Kama Sutra or some other galactic sex manual?" Silence followed as I could almost feel his mind thinking. I lay hugging the pillow and wanted to sleep. I felt content and tired after such an intense orgasm. And oh wow, it was the best mind busting experience I had ever had so far.

"What is this Kama Sutra?" He asked. I realised my mistake. It meant I had to explain things and I was not ready for that. I breathed out, spluttering into my pillow. "You must explain to me because I don't understand. Is it something that you people on your world use to mate?"

"You might say that, yes."

"You are tired. This is a good sign that you have been receptive. Pregnancy may be inevitable. Thankyou so much Karen. I enjoyed that very much." He lay, snuggling up to my back and holding my breast tenderly in his hand. The mission complete? Or maybe just one of many occasions to follow until it eventually happened? Whatever. I was here with Dalkis and life's fate was dealing the cards in this game we were in. I submitted and afterall, it wasn't that bad so far.

I woke first and watched that simulated sunset yet again. I could not believe that hours before an alien had fucked me. How many people on dear old earth can boast such a thing? Although I felt so strange, it was also kind of awe-inspiring re-living those moments. We actually did it. I was like a child on Christmas morning opening surprise presents, filled with excitement at what I had un-wrapped. I felt really good and satiated, nothing like it ever happened to me before.

Dalkis woke as I jumped on him. I pinned his shoulders down with my hands and straddled his flaccid cock, resting it against my hairy pubic mound. "We did it!" I shouted. He looked at me, a surprised look turning into a smile.

"Yes we did. And I love you Karen."

I looked at him again, the glee leaving me as fast as it took over. Those words he used were not exactly what I expected him to say with such feeling. I did not feel love. I felt a sense of achievement in actually doing it and enjoying what it brought to all of my senses. It was the best sex I had ever had from anyone so far. It was the sex I dreamed of in my wettest of wet dreams and disgusting fantasies. But I didn't love him. He was simply just Dalkis, my guardian in all of this. It could have been anyone really. I derived a fulfilling pleasure simply from sex and that is all I wanted to tell him.

*****

Chapter Six

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Dalkis handed me the data block. Resembling a palm top, he told me that it would help me keep track of what I perceived as "my time." However, time meant something else to him and his masters. He explained how they could manipulate it and use it. I was not a techy, but soon I began to understand what he was saying…

"I have made notes on it for you in your time concept whilst you were settling down." He said. He explained how the machine worked and I was familiar with it instantly, having used a computer. "I knew that you would not be interested in using it as soon as you came out of stasis." How wrong he was. For the past one hundred and twenty one days I had counted the simulated sunsets, and tried to memorise certain things that had happened on whatever day, without much success. I appreciated his efforts, and wished he had given me the data block sooner.

"You said, manipulate time? How?" I was curious to know what he meant. Time travel?

"Remember, I told you about your stasis?" I nodded, showing my deep interest. "Seven years it took to study your body perfectly. The machines had you and did their tests in that time. But the day we both met, I had only waited a few days since you were captured. The Masters had compressed time so much that seven years of your life had gone in just those few days of waiting." It took a while for me to absorb what he was saying, but I visualised it all in my imagination.

"So time speeded up for me while I was asleep? And I aged seven years?"

"Your body lived seven years, yes. Those tests required the next seven years into the future for this mission to work. Once the tests were completed, time was reversed instantly and you was returned to my time again."

"Does that mean I have aged seven years?" I quickly looked through the mirror on my dresser and checked my facial features. I didn't look older. My skin looked just as it had always been. Dalkis began to laugh at me. "What? This isn't funny. Yet, I don't see any signs of aging." He grabbed my shoulders and made me face him again.

"You have not aged those seven years, atleast not yet. The Masters machines had returned you to re-live those years again. Does that make sense to you Karen?" At first it didn't. After a few seconds I grasped what he had explained and realised how amazing that was. One could live a life and then be returned to a certain age in the past, to re-live it again, differently, and as many times over as it was possible.

Dalkis smiled as he saw my reaction. "Wait, that is…" His hand brushed my cheek gently, and I looked back at him. "I am living those seven years again?"

"Indeed. And your body is doing the same things as it did in those other seven years already lived in. That is how we know everything about you. Just a few minor changes that have not affected the mission so far."

"Do you know what this means? People can live forever. They can live many lives over and over…" Suddenly, I realised once more where I was. These captors were alien and nothing like this would ever be known to my kind back on earth. Well, atleast not in my present time…or maybe ever at all.

"I think it is time to tell you something about the Masters." Dalkis's expression turned serious. "You already associate with them back on earth. Unfortunately, you don't know them as well as you think. You have gods and heavenly beings that most of your cultures worship. These are the Masters. They have always been around, even on your homeworld…

"The Masters have always experimented on and tested your humankind. You are one of their creations as much as I am. Only I am a special creation. I am adapted to try to improve your species. They aim to improve humankind further and further. Genetic science is not exactly as your scientists think it is. The Masters unbeknown to your kind make evolutionary changes possible, and have done for millions of your years. Complicated so it is Karen, they have had many failures as much as there were great successes."

I listened intently to what he was saying. I had to believe it, because I had nothing else to believe in anymore. I could be dead soon. This life I now have, expired completely and that of my future child if things went wrong. Somehow, I felt proud to be where I was. I was part of some great mission and for the first time in my life, I felt important.

"There had to be a time in all of this you needed to learn the truth. That moment was now." Dalkis held my hand tightly. "I love you Karen and it was I who chose you as the sample. Please tell me how you feel about me. The truth as you see and feel it right now?"

He was forcing me to do this. But his sincerity won me over, as usual. I gave myself a few minutes to think so that I didn't make a mess of things. He deserved to know.

"Dalkis, I do not feel the same as you do. Love is something I have to experience yet. And this to me is not it. I am not even certain what I'm supposed to feel. But, I know deep inside that this isn't it…

"Sex with you is amazing. I have learned to enjoy it for pleasure rather than devotion. I have accepted there is nothing else I can do. I am a prisoner. I am alive and I have yearnings and cravings that need to be satisfied. I am happy to share it with you, despite my fears at the beginning."

"Then you are just a friend?"

"If you like, yes. And you are someone I can trust. But then, there is nobody else to turn to, but you and myself. I have learned to understand what this is all about and so realised my own fate in all of this. I could have fought back and refused by starving myself, and then I knew if I did that you and the masters would have forced me to stay alive somehow. Resistance is futile, and less interesting I suppose." I smiled at him, showing my own sincerity.

"I accept what you say Karen. I am conditioned for these events. My next sample may be different."

He stood and walked away has his words played in my mind. "Wow! Hold on a moment…" He stopped and turned to me. "Next sample? You said, next sample? What do you mean?"

"Simple. I must have lived this mission many times over, and more to come. There are others. You will not be the only one. The experiment will be repeated many times until a birth is successful from my mating. I will father a new generation of humankind, as my brothers will. And my sisters likewise from the sperm taken from many males on earth and other human worlds."

Things began to turn less acceptable suddenly. I felt proud before. But now I thought about what he had told me. I was a sample and nothing else. If "I" failed then others would be available? My self-importance was shattered in an instance and it hurt.

"Do you remember others?" I asked.

"No. The Masters have not given me the privilege. Each time the memory of the missions have been removed from my mind. Only the Masters can experience multiple lives. I like you will never ever remember a thing about us. I dream that I was or will be successful in love. I am a romantic. Those thoughts are my own genetic capabilities. Something I will pass on if the Masters approve of the outcome. And for now, because I have fallen in love with you in this time, I hope your future child with me is one of those chosen for earth."

"What will happen to me Dalkis if I become pregnant?"

"I will tell you when the time comes. No doubt you will find out soon enough."

"Will you stay with me?"

"No. My task would have been completed."

"Then why are you so concerned?"

"I wanted so much while making love to you, to have you feel the same way as I do. But, that doesn't matter. I am happy to know that you are my friend." I had known Dalkis long enough now. I could see that he meant it. But he wasn't the Dalkis I knew anymore. I felt deceived by his friendship. I had learned during those one hundred and twenty one days to trust him as a human being, although he was something else besides.

"I wish you would have told me these things sooner."

"I also wish that I could have told you Karen."

*****

The days that followed I made use of the data block, writing down every thought I had in my head. And Dalkis's affections continued as normal. He didn't seem to realise how much I was upset. My affection for him was slowly waning. Once again he became my keeper and nothing else. But despite that he also seemed to realise and accept that sex was something I did not want anymore. He would sit beside me, close and watch me write. Then, one sunset I finally asked…

"What does it feel like being you?" He understood my question clearly.

"I remember the times before each mission and then whatever mission I live, such as this one. Others I am unaware of. I know I was asked to choose a mate and I chose you. I saw you and knew right away that you were the one. As time passed I learned to adore you. Love you. And I know that it will end soon. Before my heart is broken, they will send me back. That is it. To me I have already lost something I love and so make the most of my time with you."

"Don't you ever wonder what will happen to me or your child?"

"Yes. The Masters tell me to continue. Because there is nothing I can do. I live for now, this time only. I am trained to be this way. I can control my emotions it seems. I have no desire to live with you forever, knowing that it must end." I looked at him, feeling his gentle stubs against the skin on my back. I couldn't help think how much he was like a machine himself. A robot. Then I thought about my history lessons at high school. People living in dictatorships and the way they used to be controlled by their masters. The fiction by Orwell, 1984, sprung to mind. I read it once when I was a young teenager and it had impact on me. I remembered how I felt.

I looked at his smile; I could see his oppression seeping through. Dalkis was suffering inside, trying to be what the masters wanted him to be. His answers to me were standard, learned and practiced. I looked at him closely, holding his head in my hands. "Dalkis! Don't you ever want to escape this life?" I asked…

His eyelids flickered and his expression changed. He began to think. Then he hesitated to speak. "I…I …am not sure…" He seemed to be fighting back something, as if there was something pushing through in his deepest of thoughts.

"Tell me! Tell me! For Godsakes Dalkis, tell me what you really think!" I kissed his lips and then looked at him again. "You don't want this life do you? You said you loved me. And if that is true, then all that matters is you and I. Not the masters." He took deep breaths and looked around our prison domain, our homely synthetic cage.

"They can hear you. Please stop. You will ruin this mission."

"No Dalkis! I have nothing else to live for! Don't you understand that?"

He started to panic. He began to scamper away from me. I grabbed his leg and leapt onto him, holding him to the floor. "Don't do this. This is not the way it is supposed to be! Stop!" His eyes suddenly stared beyond me. I could sense he was having some kind of seizure, his body began to dance and I could feel every muscle tighten. I held his face again in my hands until he began spitting foam from his mouth. Then his eyes closed. Limp, lifeless. I eased myself from him and looked down. I called his name out, but there was no response. Not even a sign of breathing.

The wall opened up as I looked around and two figures grabbed me. A hand of somekind covered my eyes as I screamed out and struggled to break free. Then I felt a sharp pain momentarily in the base of my spine, followed by a calming unconsciousness.

I was in a dreamless sleep. Just like I was when I first arrived.

*****

Chapter Seven

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Opening my eyes, I instantly remembered what happened to me. There was a strip of green light scanning my naked body repeatedly. I looked around and could see only darkness. My arms and legs were held in place and I could feel the tightness holding me down. I tried to speak out but nothing happened. All I could do was think, watch and wait in fear. Then the whole place burst into bright blinding light. I took a gasp of air. When the light suddenly diminished I felt the ground beneath me, and saw the trees that surrounded me. The sky above was blue, cloudless and a chill made me shiver.

Sitting up, I was still naked. But now I was no longer in a prison, aboard a spaceship. This was a clearing in the middle of nowhere. Was I home? Was this earth? I held my arms around me, trying to cover my nakedness. I managed to stand on my feet, looking around me even more. I had the feeling I had been dumped. There were brown autumn leaves on the ground, a chill in the air and the sound of birds in the trees. Beyond that, peace, quiet and a feeling of solitude. I was convinced this was home and I felt instant relief about being there. No longer captive, no longer a sample for the masters of the universe or whatever they wanted to call themselves.

I gathered my thoughts and began to walk in any direction. The woods were dense and the twigs and thickets hurt as I treaded along. I had to just keep moving and hoping that I would find somewhere to get help. I seemed to have walked and walked for ages. I sat on a collapsed tree trunk and rested a while, checking those scratches and prickles on my legs and feet. I didn't care about my wounds. It was hypothermia that was becoming the biggest threat. I was atleast free and just desperate to find somewhere safe and warm. The dusk was advancing and that desperation increased. Being out in the woods alone and naked was not my idea of fun.

Looking around I decided to pick my next direction and moved on. The same vista, everywhere I looked. I screamed out in frustration and took a deep breath. I felt very thirsty now. I had mixed feelings about all this. I asked myself, why here? Then I thought back about all those other abductees who claimed to have been dumped in similar circumstances. Afterall, I was one of them now, wasn't I?