Relentless Ch. 01 Pt. 01bydrdirty8©
As he stood in the doorway, Neil contemplated, with fixed awe, the words that had just been shouted at him from across the room.
"Oh, please," he stammered, almost unsure of himself. "I'm not that guy! I'm not. I'm not the guy that girls fall for. You're wrong, and you know it!"
"Then why am I so fucking in love with you," Maria returned.
"You think you're in love with me! Nobody's ever loved me! Nobody! I'm not... that guy!"
"Whatever," Maria retorted in pain. "You are that guy! You are to me, and you are to other women. Believe me, I've seen it! The way they look at you when you walk by, the way they talk about you. You think that just because you've been hurt, and you're afraid to give anything a try, and because you "think" you're ugly, nobody could want you... when the truth is that your pain doesn't give you the excuse to cause others to go through the same thing and that you're not even remotely ugly! Do you have any idea what women really think of you or how incredibly sweet, funny, smart, and unbelievably incredible you are, at least when you're not such a colossal asshole?"
"Why are you doing this to me? Seriously," Neil asked, with a sigh of disbelief.
"Doing what to you... telling you how amazing you are and how fucking pathetic it is that you can't see the good in yourself?"
Neil began to feel flustered, but not with embarrassment, flustered with anger, looking at the woman that he had so strongly desired for months but had seemed to shun him. After breathing heavily through his nose, Neil finally replied, "Then why the fuck did you treat me like you did? Why did you ask me to help you move and help you with a project for your English class and even ask me over to your apartment to hang out and later ask me out on a date but then completely ignore me?"
"BECAUSE EVERY TIME I TRY TO GET NEAR YOU, I NEARLY CONVULSE! I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU WITHOUT MELTING! I THINK HOW LUCKY I AM THAT I MET SUCH A GREAT GUY, A GUY THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD, MAKES ME LAUGH, MAKES ME EXCITED, YET WITHOUT EVEN TRYING OR MEANING TO, MAKES ME FEEL LESS ME. I'M SO CONFUSED EVERY TIME I'M AROUND YOU! YOU'RE SO FUCKING SMART THAT I CAN'T STAND IT. YOU'RE A CONSTANT REMINDER OF WHAT I'M NOT! I CAN'T HELP BUT WANT YOU SO BAD IT HURTS, ALL THE WHILE, FEELING INCREDIBLY STUPID!" Maria now began to exhibit the same level of anger as Neil, sighing, breathing through her nose, even pursing her face as if she were ready to attack.
All Neil could find the strength to do was shake his head slowly back and forth. He tried to find words, but none came. He felt barely able to process all of the new information. For so long, it seemed, he had wondered what he did wrong that made this woman treat him with contempt. Deep down, he had suspected some of these things that Maria now told him. It was all so much to take in, as if an entire new world had been opened up to him, a world that he feared more than welcomed.
Neil knew before he spoke that what he was about to say was not the best that he could conceive, but it was all that he had. "Hey. I didn't ask for any of this. I helped you out to be nice. When you said 'thanks, handsome,' after I looked up that info for you for your project, I thought, 'bullshit!' When you kept leading me on, I wrote you off, just... like you... wrote me off!"
"First of all, I meant it when I called you handsome. Second, don't think for once fucking second that I meant to do any of that to you! I was so confused and at the same time reeling because it hadn't been long since my husband of almost a decade had left for a new job in another state and ended our marriage. Then, in a blink, this amazing guy comes into my life, and I'm like 'Whoa! What do I do?' It was so overwhelming that I almost shut completely down."
This all seemed to be way too much to take. Neill could not process this information, as if it created some kind of block for every emotion he really wanted to display.
"And just what the fuck do you want me to do about it," he asked incredulously.
"I don't know... maybe give it all a chance, just try it."
"Yeah, sure," was all Neil could find to say. "and you prove that you want me with every one of your stupid little mind games you play."
Angry, upset, downtrodden, Maria jumped from her seat, and storming out, let out a deep sigh of disgust, followed by a simple, "Whatever!"