Remember Me

"You mean you don't want the house with the white picket fence, the faithful dog and the station wagon?" I teased. "Oh my God, you're one of those bra burning women aren't you?"

"I would never waste a good bra in a fire to prove I'm a woman of conviction. I never really got that whole thing. I mean I understand women wanting to feel more liberated but are we really defined by our breasts alone? I would assume our shackles of imprisonment would be lower and in the form of a chastity belt. We should be burning our panties instead. It is after all a sexual revolution."

"You may be on to something there. You should put it in a painting." I sipped my wine and looked at her. "You are very sure of who you are and what you want, aren't you?"

She leaned back against the couch and thought for a moment. "I'm not really sure who I am., I doubt many people do. But I do know I feel limited in what I can or can't do. When I was a child I didn't want to grow up to be a mother or a nurse or a teacher. I wanted to be a pirate and sail the seas plundering riches. When I got a little older I read a book on DaVinci and began to explore the world of art. That made sense to me. It gave me a chance to explore myself and I saw the world in a new light. I became a voracious reader gathering as much information as I could about the world."

"And what did you learn?"

"That I have limitations. I guess I'm a mere mortal after all."

"I think we all have limitations it's just finding what is within us to push past the boundaries. I learned that when I decided to take on running the gallery alone." I finished my wine and set down the glass next to her untouched one. "You, however, are braver than I. You are unprompted and know what you want."

"I think you mean I'm impatient and headstrong. I like to seize the moment." Then she leaned over placing her hand behind my head and pulled me in for a kiss. I was taken aback and almost resisted but her lips were so soft and warm that I found myself giving into her advances.

When we finally broke off the kiss I looked into her eyes. "I think I'm going to have to learn more about seizing the moment."

I had taken a few lovers before then, men and women, but Mary Jo was different. She was giving and passionate. I would often find little notes around my apartment or in my jacket pocket and purse. Around every corner was a surprise when I was with her. Flowers would be delivered to the gallery; cards and letters would be waiting in my mailbox when I got home from work. Candlelit dinners, picnics in the country and slow dances in the living room were common faire for us.

I spent time with her at her home meeting family and watching her paint while I read to her. We had times where we argued over small things or current events or art. I got used to the times when her depression would come over her and she would become secluded. I hated watching her go through these times, trying new doctors and new medications. She struggled with her inner demons and I learned how to deal with these episodes even though it was painful to be apart from her.

I tried to get her to move in with me but she needed to be with her family. We accepted our relationship was not the norm and people, especially family, would not understand. Things were different back then, we both came from Old World families with Old World thoughts and values. It was assumed we were just best friends.

I found out a few years ago when my mother was dying that she knew about Mary Jo and me. I would stay with her in the afternoons to take care of her while my father and siblings ran the restaurant. I'll never forget the conversation we had one day:

"I knew what was going on. I didn't understand it but I knew, a mother always knows." She said.

"I'm sorry Mama. I should have told you but I didn't want you to be disappointed in me."

"Bambina, you are my joy and to see a love so deep is all a mother wants for her child but you know you could never have married her."

"I know Mama because she was a woman."

"No you silly girl...because she wasn't Italian." She laughed and took my hand. "I am not to say what is wrong or right in this world, only the Father in Heaven (she pointed to the ceiling) can say that but I do know that 'un amore potente' a powerful love, (She pressed my hand over her heart) that is special no matter what."

I ferreted through the box some more and found the last Valentine card from her. She had made it herself and wrote the verse inside as well. That last Valentine's Day we spent together was the most memorable of all.

She left instructions for me to take off early from work and to dress for a formal dinner. I was to be ready by 6, no later. The butterflies in my stomach were in rare form I was so excited. I wrapped her gift; a silver and lapis ring that she remarked about a few weeks ago while we were on a shopping spree.

At a quarter of six there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find her in tuxedo tails with a bottle of champagne and a dozen red roses.

"Happy Valentine's Day lover!" she shouted and came inside handing me the flowers and kissing my hand. "You look incredible."

I had chosen a simple black dress low cut in the front and back with just a strand of pearls. I labored over my hair pulling it up into a French twist and made sure my make up was flawless.

"Why, thank you." I blushed. "You look very handsome yourself. Let me put the flowers in water."

"I'll chill the champagne for later." She said as she lightly pinched my ass. "Did I mention that you look incredible?"

I found a vase and arranged the flowers taking one out to pin on her lapel. "Yes you did but I don't mind hearing it again." I found a pin and she held onto my waist as I pinned the flower to her chest. She started to kiss my neck. "If you don't stop I might stick you with this pin."

"I would gladly bleed for you, love." She whispered against my ear and then she kissed my mouth. Her tongue parted my lips searching for mine and then sucking it into her own mouth. I suddenly didn't care about dinner anymore. I was unhappy to have her break off the kiss but I knew there would be more tonight.

"I think we should go now." She smiled. I made her stand still a moment while I reached into my purse for a tissue and wiped the lipstick off of her mouth. "Now we can go." I winked. She helped me into my coat and we left.

Mary Jo had set things up to have dinner at my parent's ristorante. She told them since neither of us had a date for Valentine's Day she would play the part. My parents adored her and if she told them that the sky was green and the grass was blue they would believe her. The only person other than Lucia that knew about us was my sister Magda and Mags would never tell a soul. She even helped Mary Jo plan the evening.

We had a small table with candlelight and a bottle of wine waiting for us. My father pulled out my chair for me, and then pulling on the bottom of his jacket to straighten it played along as the perfect host.

"Buona sera. Welcome. I am Giancarlos the owner of this fine establishment. Tonight I have a special dish in honor of this 'giorno di amore'. A beautiful pasta and seafood dish, homemade angel hair pasta with seafood so fresh it pinched my wife." My father was so corny if not charming. He opened the wine and poured some for Mary Jo to sample.

She swirled the glass and sniffed before sipping and exclaiming "Excellente!" he then poured our glasses full and went off to get our appetizers and salads.

"How did you get them to go along with this?" I asked.

"I told them I was going to ask you to marry me." She grinned.

I felt the blood drain from my face. "You did not, did you?" She began to laugh and I knew then she was kidding. We talked and laughed over dinner while my family catered to us as if we were complete strangers that needed to be impressed. Over coffee and dessert I gave her the ring.

"Gia, you shouldn't have." She said as she unwrapped the box. "This is the ring I was looking at, oh Gia, my Gia. Ti amo" She kissed my hand and held it to her cheek. "You are my world."

"Ti amo my Zola. I knew how much you loved it and right then and there I knew I had to get it for you." I wiped a small tear off of her cheek with my thumb. "You have made me so happy."

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a long white box tied in a simple red ribbon and gave it to me to open. Inside was a gold chain with two interlocked hearts, in the center was a ruby.

"Do you like it?" she asked as I sat there with my mouth open.

"Like it? I love it. Please put it on me?"

She came around to my side of the table and hooked the necklace around my neck.

"Now it's even more beautiful." She said.

"I think I would like to go home now." I grinned.

"As you wish." She said holding out her arm for me.

We bid my parents good night and thanked them not leaving, of course, without my mother making sure we had dessert to take with us. Outside it had started to snow. The streets already had been blanketed in white illuminated by a few streetlights. Only a handful of people were out walking at that time.

"Oh no, they didn't say it was going to snow tonight." I groaned.

"Don't sound so down. Think of it as a gift just for us, a magical gift of pure love." She said as she spun around with her arms outstretched.

"A magical gift we have to trudge home through."

"Silly girl, who said we were going to walk home?" She grabbed me around the waist with one arm and held my hand with the other. "We are going to dance home. I'll lead."

She spun me around and we began to waltz down the middle of the snow-covered streets, her tuxedo tails flying in the air behind her as she sang "When I Dance with you, I get ideas" in her best Peggy Lee impression.

"Your eyes are always saying...the things you're never saying...I only hope they're saying...that you could love me too..." she sang. "For that's the whole idea, its true the lovely idea that..." and she dipped me." I'm falling in love with you." And then she kissed me so sweetly.

Max looked over at me as I sang the song softly to myself and then stretched his legs and jumped down from the couch.

"Hey cat, my singing is not that bad." I sighed. I picked up the last letter I received from her just after she was sent to a hospital in Arizona.

Gia my Love,

I'm here in the middle of the Arizona desert but my heart is there with you. They think they can help me but how does one fix a broken mind?

All the pills and therapy in the world can't tell me that it's wrong to be who I am and to love whom I love.

I know in my heart that there is only you...but we know now that it can never be.

Too many outside factors, too many barriers, too many people pulling me in all directions, make it impossible

I wish I could take you away somewhere far away where no one knows us and no one cares about us.

They talk of shocking my brain to make me 'normal'. What is normal by their definition? When is it not normal to love someone?

I know that you are the only person I can ever and will ever love...and when I die I will find you again and no one will obliterate the love we share, no one will tarnish it and defile it and reduce it to mere words. We are beyond that, joined by our souls forever.

I love you Gia.

Your Zola.

A few months later I was in the gallery when her niece Rosalie came in to see me. She told me that Mary Jo had passed away.

"I thought this is something you should hear in person." She started to say, "I know all about you and Aunt Mary Jo. She and I told each other everything. I know she would want me to tell you myself and not read it in a newspaper or letter." She began to cry.

I took her into my office where we sat on a small chaise and I hugged her to me.

"Its okay honey let it go."

"I'm sorry Gia, I just miss her so very much." She took out a tissue and wiped her eyes. "I wanted you to know that she didn't kill herself. She just gave up and willed it to happen. I know others may think that sounds strange but you knew her as well as I. Mary Jo was a fighter but the war was too much for her, not just in the family but inside her head. She suffered so much when she was down."

"I understand Rosalie. And I am so grateful that you came all this way to tell me yourself." I said through my tears, "I loved your aunt very, very much."

"I know you did, I could see it when you two were together." She reached into her purse and pulled out a small red velvet bag. "She left this for me but it belongs to you."

Inside the bag was the silver and Lapis ring I gave her that Valentine's Day. I put it away unable to ever look at it again. How stupid of me to try and bury her memory. I would never get over her being gone unless I faced that she was truly a part of me, the best part of me.

I went into my bedroom and pulled out the bottom drawer of my jewelry box. Tucked into the corner was the velvet bag. Opening the drawstring I let the ring fall into my hand. As I slipped it on my finger I could feel her energy and I felt complete.