Revenge?

When I got home, it was business as usual. She asked about my round. I told her that I played like crap. Any real golfer never plays well, right? We went through the motions, which I now understood we had been going through for a couple of years. For my part, I could think of little else aside from checking my monitoring devices.

I finally got my chance on Sunday afternoon when Lisa went to the mall...or maybe she "went to the mall." At this point, I really didn't care. Yes...it was getting harder and harder to wait for the evidence rather than just confront her. Let's face it. What was going to happen when I did...especially with just suspicions? Exactly. She would either deny it or she would simply tell me I was correct and that she wasn't sorry or interested in trying to make amends. Neither of those were a good option, in my opinion. At least if I could get some proof, I could have some righteous indignation. Hey....small victories sometimes.

Well, it was as bad as my worst mental images, I'm afraid. I didn't know the guy and frankly didn't care. Right, right...I know. I'm supposed to want to punch him out, but he didn't know me and didn't owe me anything. Lisa, on the other hand, did. Nothing much, of course...just some little thing about forsaking all others and some respect.

Two things really hurt me about what I saw and heard. First, the guy's cock was big. Mine is just average at best, but I had never known Lisa had any problem with it. I guess I was naïve to believe all that drivel those well-meaning women will say from time-to-time, "It's not the size that counts; it's how you use it." Yeah...right. Or so it now seemed. Additionally, Lisa was really aggressive with talking dirty to him: "Yeah, that big cock feels so incredible in my little pussy," "God, no one has ever made me feel like you do!" "Your cock is so big!" "Fuck me, baby," "Make me your bitch!" etc, etc, etc.......

I can only compare the feeling that I had right at that moment to the time a long time ago that I lost my job and was completely blindsided by it, but this was 10 times worse. Like...the very life had been sucked out of me. I'll admit it. I sat down at my desk and cried like a baby...for a very long time. What was I going to do?

One thing was for sure. I had to get away until I could collect my thoughts. I couldn't face Lisa and for sure couldn't pretend everything was ok with us. Damn...how did I even know she had an interest in things being ok with us? I guess that thought even crossing my mind was arrogant. If she didn't care enough about me to be faithful to me, why would I think she cared enough about me to stay together?

----------------------------

Lisa:

My time with Bill had been nice that afternoon. To be honest, the excitement was starting to wear off a little, but Scott's smaller cock didn't really do much for me anymore now that I had become used to Bill's huge one. Even so, I was really looking forward to a nice relaxing evening with Scott including dinner and maybe some cuddling. I don't know why at the time, but Scott seemed to be in an off mood recently.

He usually got home from golf at around 7 and I began to wonder where he was when he still wasn't back by 8. He hadn't left a message, so I called him, but it went straight to voice mail. That was strange because he seldom had his phone turned off.

Not knowing what else to try, I went upstairs and noticed a lot of Scott's things missing from the top of his dresser. I checked the bathroom and again, noticed a lot of his toiletry items missing. Growing concerned, I checked his closet and found a lot of his clothes gone.

Now I was panicking. It was just then that I noticed his wedding ring sitting on my dresser looking very lonely and quiet, yet speaking volumes.

How could he possibly know? Now that I thought about it, it never even occurred to me that he might find out or what might happen if he did. I know that seems too hard to believe, but it's true. Or...maybe more likely, I had long since quit thinking about such things or feeling guilty about what I was doing.

I thought back to how it started with Bill. He was also married, but took a lot of interest in me and it was so flattering. Scott never gave me a reason to feel the need to find attention elsewhere, but still...having someone new and different show interest and be attracted to me was so incredible!

When he finally managed to get me into bed, I have to admit it was beyond anything I had previously experienced. I had always been very satisfied with Scott's cock, but as I previously mentioned, Bill's was SO much bigger. Over the past couple of years, I have to admit that I have lost interest in sex with Scott as a result of what I was getting with Bill. That is also something that is just now occurring to me.

I left Scott a number of voice mails, but it was pretty clear he had no intention of returning my calls. I had no way of knowing where he was or what he was doing. Would he divorce me? If so, did I really care?

Not that it would end up being my choice, but I'd better figure out what I wanted. If I wanted Scott, I had to figure out how to get him to have an interest in keeping me. Scott wasn't the yelling and screaming type, but this may put that to the test.

I finally went to bed about the time it was getting light outside. I don't know if I slept or not. I know that entire weekend was nothing more than a nightmare in which I felt like I had a lead ball in my stomach. Bill tried to call me a couple of times, but I ignored his calls.

I went back to work on Monday, but slept-walked through my responsibilities...Tuesday, too, for that matter. Finally, on Wednesday evening, Scott called.

"Scott....I guess you found out. I'm so sorry. So very sorry. I didn't want you to find out this way. Hell, I don't even know how you found out."

"Well, I guess we've established one thing. You're not even sorry you did it. You're just sorry you got caught."

"That's not what I mean, Scott."

"I would argue that that's exactly what you meant!

"Tell me about why you did this, what was missing in our relationship, and why I wasn't able to satisfy you in the bedroom, Lisa. Then, we may have something more to discuss....assuming you have any interest in any discussions. Would you rather just get a divorce?"

"No! I mean...I can't honestly say I can give you a good answer for any of those questions right now except for one. I definitely don't want a divorce!"

"Well, call me when...and only when you can answer those questions. Then, we may be able to figure out whether there is still an us and what to do about it."

"Ok, Scott. I will....and... thank you. For being willing to talk, I mean."

Scott, as I had mentioned wasn't normally a "fly-off-the-handle" kind of guy, but I was still very surprised by how well he was taking this. It sounded like there still may be a chance for us. The discussion, of course, proved that I was woefully unprepared to answer the hard questions to which he was entitled to answers.

I decided to call in sick the next day so that I wouldn't be distracted by work issues and take time to think through these things. My feelings were in a muddle. I was feeling very guilty, of course. For some reason, however....and I really hate to admit this....I was feeling sorry for myself for having been caught and for the potential of losing Bill. Trust me when I say I know that won't get me any sympathy with anyone, but since I've been caught, I may as well be honest.

I sat at the kitchen table with a notepad (I don't know why, but it seemed a good idea to have one at the time) and a cup of coffee. I thought through the questions Scott posed to me. I guess it must have been hours because I drank most of a pot of coffee and then smelled something burning that turned out to be the little bit left in the bottom of the pot burnt to the point that I would likely have to throw the pot, itself out.

At the end of the day, I had to count on Scott's love and forgiveness. The truth was that this happened simply because I enjoyed the attention of someone else. I loved and enjoyed Scott's attention and love, but I was....."used to it". Though he lacked nothing in the sex department, the reality was that sex with him wasn't what it used to be for me. Having experienced, and in fact gotten used to, Bill's much bigger cock has ruined me for Scott's smallish one.

I cried once again when I thought about that. Scott didn't deserve that reality.

I continued to think through what to say to Scott over the next day at work and through the weekend. I knew if I didn't call soon, there would be no point in calling at all, but if I didn't have good answers, was there any point anyway?

Sunday afternoon, I finally called. I got Scott's voice mail and left him a message indicating that I wanted to talk when he was willing. He called me back about an hour and a half later.

"Hi, Lisa."

"Scott. Thanks for calling me back."

"So you're ready to talk?"

"I don't like some of my answers, but I'm as ready as I think I'll ever be."

"How about lunch tomorrow, then? Go through a drive through and get what you want, then meet me at the park."

"Ok, Scott. What time?"

"12:30. Near the pond."

"See you then."

He had already hung up.

As I tried to sleep that night, I wrestled with what I'd tell Scott. I had to admit that I wanted to have my cake and eat it, too. If Bill were single, would I feel differently? Probably, I had to admit. The sex with him was just so much better, though; it was getting less exciting recently. I'd have to figure out why and do something about it, assuming I got the chance. By the time I fell asleep, I had a plan. It was a risky plan, to be sure, but at least it was something and I guess that was better than nothing.

Maybe it was Machiavellian of me, but I wore Scott's favorite dress the next day, a blue dress that showed just a hint of the roundness of my breasts and a skirt that showed the bottom part of my thighs. I know Scott has always loved my legs. Would you believe, I also wore sexy underwear? I know, I know, but hey...why were we in this position in the first place? I think I have proven that I don't always exactly think all that clearly. At the time, I figured it couldn't hurt.

Scott looked cold when he sat down beside me at 12:40. He was a few minutes late, but what could I say about it? I waited a minute and finally he spoke.

"Well?"

Nothing like being made to feel comfortable with a tough discussion, right? I know, I know. I deserved it.

"Scott...I don't know where to begin. First of all, you've been the best husband any woman could hope for. I guess that makes all this even worse. I truly can't think of anything you've done or not done that caused this. I still don't know how you found out and I guess that doesn't matter, but I never wanted to hurt you.

"Having said that, I have to admit that the sex with Bill has been good for me. I don't want you to be hurt by that, but it's the truth. It was incredible with you at first and very good for a long time. It's just better with Bill. To be honest, his cock is quite a bit bigger than yours.

"None of that is any excuse, obviously. I know I don't want to divorce you. I truly do love you, though it may be hard to believe after having heard what I just told you. I love everything about our life together. I really don't mind our sex life, either. It just doesn't excite or fulfill me the way I'm fulfilled by the rest of our relationship.

"I understand you are likely not to want to do this, but would you consider us staying together, but allowing me to continue my relationship with Bill?"

My stomach was in knots as I waited what seemed like forever. What a stupid selfish woman I was for asking this! Finally, Scott responded.

"I have to admit I'm surprised. I'd have thought you'd tell me you wanted a divorce if that's how you feel about our sex life.

"If I consider this, how can I be convinced you truly do love me?"

I was stunned. I don't know what I expected, but this certainly was not it. I was fully prepared to hear that he would divorce me outright. I thought that there may also be a very remote chance he'd forgive me eventually after insisting that Bill couldn't be part of the equation. Never in a million years did I expect this, though. I finally responded, though I was completely unprepared to formulate anything very articulate.

"I probably can't give you a good answer for that, other than to say that, if you'll give me the chance, you'll definitely feel loved and cherished."

"I hardly feel loved and cherished now, Lisa, but then you probably don't care, do you?"

Though that comment was fully deserved, it felt like Scott had punched me in the face and stomach at the same time as hard as he possibly could and knocked me to the floor. The tears came immediately and it was some time before I could respond. Just for the record, Scott would absolutely never lay a hand on me in anger. He's way too much of a man to do that.

"I don't know what to say, Scott. I'll give Bill up if you tell me I have to. I assume you know his name. I still don't even know how you found out and I guess it doesn't matter. I'm sure things with him will eventually fizzle out anyway."

"Ok...the fact that you're willing to give him up if I make you is enough for me for the time being. I won't make you do that, though."

This was getting more and more surprising by the minute. My heart jumped, but I was afraid to get too excited. I was mostly happy that Scott was apparently going to consider us staying together, but to be able to continue my relationship with Bill? That was more than I had hoped for even though I obviously came to this discussion asking for that very thing.

"Here is what is going to happen. You can accept it, or we can divorce, ok?"

"Anything, Scott. I promise you won't regret this!"

"Make sure that I don't.

"First off...I won't share you physically. I guess I really haven't been sharing you all that much anyway, but I will NOT put my cock where another man's cock has been. For the time you choose to continue to see him, I'll be moving downstairs. We keep meaning to finish the basement anyway, so I'll just make it a bedroom and bathroom down there.

"Basically, we'll live as roommates until you decide you're through with him. You're welcome to have him over, of course, but do NOT flaunt yourselves in my face, or it's all over for us.

"Does that work for you?"

The surprises just kept coming. I was overwhelmed with happiness, but sad at the same time. What was the point in staying married if Scott was going to move out of the bedroom? Maybe he would eventually change his mind about that. I had to hope.

"Of course, you have every right to place whatever requirements on it you want, Scott. I'm just so grateful you're staying with me at all. I hope eventually, you'll decide you want to have a closer relationship, again."

"That's probably entirely up to you and how you make me feel, Lisa."

Scott moved back in the next day and immediately called a contractor to work on the basement. Our two other bedrooms had already been made into an office and workout room. I tried to get him to sleep in "our" bedroom at least until the basement was finished, but he would have none of it. I tried to get him to let me take the couch, but he would have none of that, either. That obviously really made me feel guilty (like I needed to feel more guilty), but then, maybe that was the point.

I gave it a few days and then called Bill back.

"What took you so long to call, baby? Why didn't you answer my calls?"

"He knows, Bill."

"What? How does he know?"

"Does it matter? He knows and he was very hurt as you can understand."

"Yes, I guess so. So is it over?"

"You would assume so, but no. He's fine with us continuing to see one another."

"Are you serious?! What a fucking wimp! I love it!"

"Bill, let me make one thing perfectly clear. Scott is not a wimp and the next time you call him that will be the last time you see or talk to me, do you understand?" (No doubt you're very impressed with me for that and I'm now gaining your support.)

"Ok, baby, ok. Calm down."

"I just want to make that very clear up front.

"Anyway...he's fine with us seeing one another, but while we are, he and I will essentially be living as roommates. He's moving out of the bedroom and making a room for himself downstairs."

"Well, what do you care? You still get to stay married and we can see one another, too!"

"You're right, but I'm still wondering why. And...frankly...I'm wondering why bother calling it a marriage?"

We made arrangements to meet the following day during lunch, but at a local motel rather than at our house. For some reason, I didn't want to come here, yet. Interesting. I had permission now, but I wanted to be courteous about it...at least at first. My mind continued to churn. Why was Scott reacting this way? It wasn't perfect, but it was still too good to be true.

Scott and I would see one another in passing in the evenings and he was pleasant...even friendly, but I could have been a male drinking buddy. There was no intimacy at all, physical or otherwise. I made attempts to have more....personal (not sexual)...discussions with him, but he politely changed the subject. I was definitely starting to feel that part of me was missing.

I met Bill the next day and the sex was just ok. I really can't pretend otherwise. I wish I could explain it or change it, but I couldn't. It was like all the excitement was gone now that Scott knew. Was it just the deception that made it exciting before or was it starting to become clear that I needed love as well as lust and the lust by itself just wasn't working for me anymore now that I didn't feel like I had love.

As I continued to think, it continued to very gradually become clear to me that I had what I thought I wanted. Now that I had it, though, it wasn't at all what I had expected that it would be. Have you heard of a parent that shuts their kid in a closet and makes them smoke several cigarettes when they catch them smoking? I almost felt like that's what was happening to me in some ways. That just couldn't be how Scott was thinking about it... or could it? That would be a very elaborate form of revenge. I wondered why he didn't seem to need revenge, but maybe he was getting the ultimate revenge?

On the way home, I stopped by the bank...I don't even remember why anymore, but I thought I'd ask for a print-out while I was there just to make sure my math was correct in the check book and was stunned to find my balance seriously depleted. I checked our meager savings account, too, and found that half of that balance was gone. I asked about it and was told that Scott and withdrawn half the balance of each a few days back. Now I was beginning to reel. I guess I was seeing just how serious all this was. I had to talk to Scott about it when I got home.

"Scott...can we talk?" I asked as soon as I came through the front door and saw him sitting on the couch watching his favorite college basketball team. He had a puppet of a bird with a big red head and yellow beak with the letters KU on its blue body on his hand. He was sitting forward alternately concentrating and yelling at the TV. I wonder what's so particularly bad about the "F_____g Tigers" more so than any other team, anyway? I'd have thought it was adorable if I wasn't so upset about us.

He eventually became vaguely aware that I was there and paused the game. Don't we just love DVR?

"What can I do for you, Lisa?"

"Scott, why did you take half our money out of our checking and savings accounts?"

"Well, I figured unless and until we ever have a real marriage again, it didn't make sense to share financial matters. Don't worry. There is a check for half of the mortgage and utilities on the end table."