Revenge of the Nerd Ch. 14byrpsuch©
I was very mellow as I headed for the Schuylkill Expressway. We weren't doing anything special. We were just heading back to campus together. I was thinking about some of the things we might do together at school.
Jeff was quietly enjoying the journey as well. Wasn't he? I couldn't tell from the look on his face. He looked like he might be distracted. Was I just thinking too much?
I needed to get a little perspective here. Despite all the supposedly fabulous men I had dated, I had never really had a boyfriend.
Shocking, isn't it?
What was the value in having a boyfriend? I could get a quality date whenever I wanted, to do whatever I wanted, wherever I wanted. I could have as little or as much sex as I wanted, and whatever kind I wanted. I could have complete control over any situation.
A boyfriend would feel entitled to make demands on my time, on my attention, to have some say in the relationship. What did I need that for when I could get everything I wanted at no cost?
Maybe this wasn't love and forever after; maybe it was just infatuation. Perhaps I had just been caught up in the moment. It was a most excellent moment to be sure, but a moment nonetheless.
I loved being with Jeff, but I could do that whenever I wanted without having to make any kind of commitment.
Well, maybe I couldn't. I would ask him for a specific time and he wasn't always available. That had never happened to me before. Was this the flip side of guys wanting a girl because she made herself unavailable?
No way. Jeff was too open and honest to play a game like that. He was also too inexperienced according to Sunny. He probably didn't even know there was such a game.
I wasn't sure how I felt about him because I was in uncharted territory. I wanted to get closer to him, but at the same time it was a little scary.
I also didn't know how to approach him. He might respond to my being honest and straightforward, though I had no experience acting like that with anyone but him.
I should have thought about this before I drove over to get him.
Was this extended silence the awkward silence of two people who can't think of anything to say to each other, growing more oppressive with each tick of the clock? Or was it the timeless, comfortable silence of two people enjoying just being together?
If I came on too strong, that would drive most guys away. Not from me, but from most girls. But then I remembered what Jen had said. She thought she was falling in love with him and he had convinced her she wasn't. As long as I didn't pursue him like a stalker, he would not completely reject me.
"I had such a good time Saturday night," I said. "I don't think I've ever enjoyed myself more."
I am no stranger to the diplomacy of social intercourse and, even better, this time it was true.
"Me too. I think that's the first time I've ever felt at all comfortable at a party with people I didn't know," he said.
"It wasn't just the party. I've been to lots of those before. I had a really good time being there with you," I said.
I glanced and he was smiling broadly. I guess it had been a most excellent moment for him as well.
He kept smiling but he didn't say anything. Let's see if we can get this moving in a productive direction.
"You know, Jeff, after my initial awkwardness, I've really enjoyed all the time we've spent together."
True enough, although the awkwardness was more like a huge chip on my shoulder. I can spin with the best of them.
Two fucking syllables? Help me out here, dude.
"I'm looking forward to spending more time with you back at school."
It made me long for the days of two syllables.
Yeah he knew I wanted to spend more time with him or yeah he wanted to spend it with me too?
Maybe Sunny was wrong. Maybe he was actually brilliant in social situations. Give me enough to satisfy me without committing to anything. Let me try it a different way.
"Finals are coming up soon. I hope I'll have the time to see you."
"We can study together. I can help you out."
Way to step up, big boy.
"That would be nice."
Now that the important stuff was out of the way I could just relax and enjoy the conversation.
It ranged all over the place but he was often drawn back to politics, especially as it could be understood in the context of history. He not only had a reason for all of his positions, he had a historical parallel. And passion. I could imagine him on the debate team, eviscerating his opponents with gusto.
He helped me out on something that had piqued my curiosity: Sandy's reverence for me.
"You came over to pick up a paper from me back in high school. Sandy saw you and you were like a movie star to her, so gorgeous, so glamorous. She imbued you with all the positive attributes we tend to associate with beautiful people. Also, she never heard about the incident."
"Thanks for keeping that from her," I said.
The drive was way too short. I pulled up to my place first, rather than dropping him off at his dorm.
"Would you like to come in and help me unpack?"
"You only brought one bag. Why do you need help?"
Nope, he was not socially brilliant.
"Would you like to come in and help me unpack?"
But he was educable.