Revenge of the Poon Tang

(This story appeared on my computer. I have NO IDEA where it originated but if I catch her blue fingernails on my computer I will shove something beside a snowball up her excretion chute. – Silky)

The beautiful Poon Tang paced in the woods, striding effortlessly with her marvelous long legs. She was concerned about the Silkeon, the dwarf maroon creature she had to constantly protect.

In order to reproduce, a Poon Tang needed seed from an Egroeg, mixed and activated by the enzymes of a Silkeon, and then inserted into her breeding pouch. If only it were that easy! The Egroeg did his part, he would provide seed to a door knob if it held still and had an orifice to gore.

The Silkeon was a different story. These creatures were the embodiment of frazzled. Constantly moving from one place to another, usually with its reddish fur sticking in twelve directions at once, usually with food remains stuck on it somewhere, and almost always with poor fashion sense, the Silkeon changed its mind more often than its under ware.

Whenever the Egroeg's seed sacks were not completely, like totally empty, the Silkeon started trying to suck some out of him. His poor horn was raw from the times the Silkeon, uninvited, tried to stick its midget pouch over his horn, like it would ever fit.

When the stupid Silkeon managed by accident to obtain a seed sample in the right pouch, it frequently forgot and swallowed the seed along with some disgusting almost raw meat with globs of fat dripping from it.

At other times, the stupid Silkeon would rub pouches with the unknowing Poon Tang, and the snowball would be lost because the Silkeon inserted it into her upper pouch, which ruined it.

This also ignores the fact that the glorious Poon Tang does not wish to be a grubby breeder of dungees, and has better things to do. But does the Silkeon care? Ha, No!

It stupidly continues to collect snowballs which might come from any Egroeg, even a dwarf and deformed one, as everyone knows Silkeons will suck seed from any Egroeg they meet, even ugly ones.

With these habits, it is no surprise to see a Silkeon dripping seed from both pouches and excretions chute, from dozens and dozens of Egroegs, like the whole football team, with no idea who they came from or when it got them because it cannot ever focus on anything.

The Poon Tang was especially worried because the foolish Silkeon had been to mallspace, where it would wander sniffing at paw covers like all day if allowed, and in its lack of sense had run very fast by a Smokey.

Smokeys can not tolerate speed and will attack any creature that runs too fast. Which the Silkeon always does. So it had been caught, and forced to go to the Smokey's cave, where unspeakable things might happen to it, especially with its limited brains.

The tang listened with her graceful ears alert for the noisy sounds of the Silkeons return; it always made sounds, running into things, dropping things, or simply opening its pouch and belching out noxious drivel, usually focused only on its own fur, paws, pouches, or very fat for a dwarf excretion chute. In fact, the Silkeon was not only dumb but generally very fat. It was proud of its grossly oversized feeding mounds but they were only more fat.

The sound of a door slamming, a purse being slung into whatever object was nearby, and the stomp, stomp, stomp of a Silkeon let the tang know it had returned to the mountain.

As soon as it came in sight, its feeding chute, amazingly not stuffed with food, opened and it began to screech, "Ican'tbe lievethey gav eme com mun ityse rvice. Idid n'tDO anyt hing. TheAtt or neyh adonth esebea utiful pu rplep umps. Haveyou hadlunch? I'mSta rving. May beweco uldgoon ca mpusan dscope outboys. Orgoto mallspace an dlook atsho es. I'veread myass ign ment. Wh at'sonTVto night? IsEgroeg here?"

The wise Tang knew she had to stop the Silkeon or it would never get to the point. She mimicked the blather. "com mun ityse rvice?"

The Silkeon seemed to follow this, as it wailed and gnashed its big ugly fangs. Its general behavior was of a creature forced to do more than it could bear. "Sa turd ay! Iha ve to pick up gar ba ge! I can' twear or ange! Iha veRedHa ir!"

The Tang giggled to herself. She could sleep late!