Revisiting My Past

"It would be fun doing it once in a while, but I sure as hell wouldn't want to do this for a living, maybe part-time, but not full-time."

I don't think Kelly heard a single word I was saying, she walked back and forth with a glass of wine in her hand all the while keeping my glass filled.

"Damn I'm keyed up, and I know just how to use all this excess energy I've got," she announced, taking off her blouse and bra and throwing them on the couch next to me.

"Kelly, I told you that there wouldn't be anymore screwing—I've got a girlfriend."

"Just one more time? I'll even let you tie me up if you want."

"I just can't and besides, even if I did want to, I don't have any condoms with me."

"Steve, I'm on the damn pill." I'd forgotten about that, it was Angie who wasn't on the pill.

"I just can't."

"How about if I give you a blowjob and you work your wonders with that talented tongue of yours before you leave? Come on, if you don't, I'll never get any sleep tonight, I'm so horny." Against my better judgment I passed on the blowjob and gave her a little oral relief right there on the couch.

"Sure I can't give you something in return?" Kelly asked, enjoying what I was doing while lying there with her eyes closed. "You do this so well, and it sure as hell is not going to take long tonight," she said, at the same time rubbing her pussy on my face, and she was right. "Oh God," she screamed grabbing hold of a seat cushion as she pushed hard against my face. "Holy shit," she said releasing a final moan. "I needed that. You sure I can't do something for you?"

"No, that's quite all right, besides I need to get out of here because I've got a date tomorrow morning."

"Well, if you ever change your mind, you've got my number and know where to find me." I was going to grab some of the extra food but figured it would be better if I just left.

Kelly walked me to the door, making one more attempt before opening it. Finally, realizing the night was over and I was leaving, she opened the door, gave me a big kiss, and watched me walk out to my car. Then it all went to shit.

"Well, Steve, looks like she thanked you in a way only I'm supposed to," an angry Angie yelled out.

"Honey, what are you doing here?"

"Just checking on what my boyfriend is doing." Getting right in my face she said, "You want to explain that kiss I just witnessed?"

I was going to try and say something to subdue her when she suddenly sniffed me. I saw her jaw drop and her eyes get huge with realization.

"You miserable piece of shit," she screamed at me. She turned around and motioned to her friend Judy who was standing by her car. "The fucker cheated on me," she yelled to Judy.

"Angie," I said, trying to get her to stop. She continued walking away but flipped me the bird just before getting into Judy's car. My life had just crashed and burned. "Angie!" I yelled one more time before her car sped off. "Fuck, now what am I going to do?" The repercussions were just starting.

The next two weeks were tough. I begged and pleaded with Angie to talk with me, only she kept hanging up on my calls and wouldn't return a single e-mail. I was going to tell her I didn't screw Kelly on Saturday, but what was I going to say? I just went down on her because she needed a little relief. That would have gone over like a friggin lead balloon. Then I tried another approach.

"Judy, you just have to get her to talk to me," I begged her friend. "I made a huge mistake, but I really love her."

"Steve, what you did isn't something a man who is in love with someone else would do. She wanted in the worst way to believe you, but after what she saw and smelled, you cooked your own goose. That was too much of a betrayal for her. She is never, I repeat, never going to forgive you, of that much I'm certain." And Judy was right.

Kelly said that she was sorry, but I knew she wasn't. She just figured she'd won and let it go at that. I was now the envy of most guys with everyone saying how lucky I was to have a girlfriend like Kelly. She was nice and all, and the sex was outstanding, but it wasn't the same as it had been with Angie. Kelly was shallow and did things with me only because that's what a girlfriend does, not because she enjoyed doing them. After a while she stopped doing the things I liked. They were replaced with the things she liked, and I said nothing. I figured I deserved what I was getting and was now just going with the flow paying my penance.

The first cracks began less than five months into our relationship. I no longer had weekends with Kelly, now I had to share her with her friends. When I told her I didn't like her slow dancing with other guys, she pooh poohed me saying she always ended up the night in my arms. And when I started to rebel and didn't want to go to the clubs every weekend, she went without me.

It was the third time I'd caught her in a lie that we had angry words. She'd told me she was going out with her girlfriends. I found out later she'd gone to dinner with some guy.

"Jesus Christ, Kelly, did you think I'd never find out? It's not like you went to an out of the way restaurant. My friend Kenny is one of the chefs at Antonio's. He called me when your asshole friend sent his meal back because it wasn't done to his liking."

"Steve, he's the new manager from work and I was just showing him around the town. It was a business dinner, that's all. I knew you wouldn't understand, so I didn't tell you"

"Making it okay to lie to me? Did he end up at your place at the end of the night?"

"Steve, I don't think I've given you any cause to ask such a question. But, in answer to your question, no, he did not. He dropped me off at my apartment and left. Satisfied?" I wasn't because I didn't believe her for a second.

Everything was hunky dory for the next eight or nine weeks. She tried her best to make it up to me. I was just beginning to trust her again when she announced that the marketing group, of which she was a part, was having a late meeting and even bringing in dinner. Like a fool I believed her.

"David, I'm bacheloring it tonight," I told my friend. "How about the two of us going out and have some fun?"

"You sure it's okay with Kelly? I know she keeps you on a pretty short leash."

"Not funny, David. She's in a meeting tonight, you're off for the evening, and tomorrow we're scheduled to go to a party at one of her friend's, so it's tonight or never." We went out.

We went to three clubs; the first two being our usual hangouts, but the third was a club that had recently opened up within the last couple of months. Like any new club it was packed and we literally had to wait almost half an hour for enough people to leave before we were allowed in. Inside it was dark and loud, with wall-to-wall people. We made our way up to the bar and after ten minutes we had a couple of Coronas in hand.

"Let's check out the rest of this place," David said, as we walked along the wall that was behind most of the people on the dance floor. It was David who first saw Kelly on the dance floor. "Steve, what time is Kelly supposed to get done with her meeting tonight?"

"Not a clue, but it'll probably be late because they're bringing in dinner for them."

"Well, looks like the meeting got over early." He pointed with his beer towards the dance floor.

I couldn't see her from where I was at so I moved next to him. Even in this dim light I could see it was Kelly. She was bumping and grinding with a tall dude who had three left feet, but hell, she was doing most of the moving anyway. Kelly was all smiles moving her ass against his leg. I waited until the song ended and the two of them had returned to their table.

"Steve, please don't do anything stupid," was David's only advice, but I chose not to acknowledge it or heed it. All I could see was red as I made my way through the crowd towards their table. Kelly was so absorbed in her new friend she never even saw me approach.

"I guess your meeting ended early, huh?" was the first thing out of my mouth. Her new buddy gave me a once over.

"Steve! We broke the meeting off early and decided to grab a bite and since I'd never been to this club we came here. This is Doug, the new manager from work, the one I told you about." Her eyes were as big as saucers, and her voice rose up an octave because she was talking so fast trying to explain what I was seeing.

"Doug, for the record, when you fuck her, take her from behind she really likes it that way no matter what she says," I said loud enough for everyone at the table to hear. "And if I were you, I'd wear a condom because you're likely to catch something if you don't, she's a real tramp, if you know what I mean." I smiled, took a sip of my beer and turned to walk away, I was done or should I say over-done.

"I'm not a whore," Kelly screamed at me. It was then I made the mistake of turning around to face her. She slapped me hard just as I turned, cutting my cheek with one of her stupid long ass fingernails. I wanted to deck her but held my temper. The club fell silent, patrons were not only watching us they were waiting for what Kelly or I would say or do next.

"I stand corrected, a whore charges, you just spread your legs and give it away for free." I wanted to give Doug another jab like if you slip her a ten spot she'll swallow, but what I wanted even more was to get the hell out of there in one piece.

Kelly and I did exchange a few more verbal jabs, including me calling her a slut, before I finally turned around and walked out the front door past the bouncer who had been intently watching us. David caught up with me outside the club. He said something about me being lucky to get out alive considering the size of the guy she was with, but I wasn't listening. We got into my car and just drove.

"Can I ask where we're going?" David finally inquired, since we were headed in the opposite direction from where we lived. Hearing his voice, I came out of my stupor when he followed up with, "earth to Steve."

"Sorry, David, I guess I'm not all here," I told him, turning my car around. "I knew it would eventually end up this way, it's just that in less than seven months I've majorly fucked up my life and have no one to blame but myself. What the hell was I thinking getting mixed up with a girl like Kelly?"

"Thinking with your dick comes to mind."

"Asshole!"

"Well, you asked. Now what are you going to do?"

"I suppose could wallow in self pity for a couple of weeks or get falling down drunk, but as you know that wouldn't take much. I think I'll just pack up what little she has at my place and suck it up. You wouldn't happen to want a size four scarlet piece of lingerie would you? I bought it for her a couple of weeks ago, but never gave it to her."

"It won't fit me, though my girl might like it. You did say scarlet and slutty, right?" He smiled.

She didn't have much at my place and within ten minutes it was packed and sitting by the front door. Did I expect her to rush home and beg me to take her back? Not likely. Doug was probably knee deep in her at this very moment, and frankly I didn't give a shit anymore. I guess deep inside you know when it's over, and in my case I'd known it for quite a while. This gave me that much needed final little push to end it for good. But, no matter how bad things are, endings are always a little sad. I called myself a dumb shit more than a few of times over the next couple of days, but all I heard was my voice echoing in my head.

Over the next few days I got a few calls and e-mails from Kelly. She tried to explain away what I'd seen but the only thing I wanted to know was when she was coming to pick up her shit.

"Steve, I'm sorry but it wasn't what you think," she said, still trying to convince me for the last time.

"Kelly, I don't care anymore. You can do what you want from now on, but it just won't be with me any longer."

"You sure? We could try again."

"You've got to be kidding me. Why on God's green earth would I put myself through this again? You're simply not worth it." She tried to kiss me goodbye but I turned my head so all she got was the cheek she had scratched. I felt better knowing she was gone but there was still a huge hole in my gut, and it wasn't from Kelly leaving.

"How's she doing, Judy?" I asked Angie's best friend a couple of months later. "I never even knew she had left the technical services department to take a field position."

"She took it a couple of months ago, if you're wondering. She got tired of hearing about you and your new squeeze, but I hear congratulations are in order. You finally got your head out of your ass and realized what she truly was, took you long enough."

"I knew it the week after Angie left. After a couple of weeks of calling and e-mailing without any replies from her, I knew I'd fucked up royally."

"You sure as hell did. For a smart man, you really were stupid."

"I know. You don't have to rub my nose it in, everyone has already given me their two cents worth. Well, when you see Angie, tell her I am very sorry I screwed up, it was nothing she did. And for what it's worth I didn't sleep with Kelly that night. We fooled around a little, but I didn't screw her."

"We fooled around a little, a little?" Judy mimicked me. "Steve, you're splitting hairs. Hell, you shouldn't have been doing anything with that slut. Angie was devastated. She trusted you until, well, you know when."

"Well, tell her I'm sorry anyway, and if possible I'd still like to be her friend."

"You sure don't know shit about women, do you Steve? She puts it all out there for you, you proceed to crush her heart, and now you want to be her friend? Jesus Christ, will you ever learn? Maybe if you crawled on your hands and knees and licked the bottom of her boots she might talk to you, but in your case words don't mean shit." Judy was on a tirade now. "Hell, if you'd caught her doing what you did, what would your reaction have been? Would you have forgiven her or tossed her ass to the curb?"

She was right. So my life went on.

Angie continued to get golden reviews from the customers in the field. I'd hoped to see her once in a while at a departmental meeting or the latest round of company functions but she never came. Even after all this time I had at least hoped to run into her somewhere around town, but never did.

I did suck it up one Friday night while wallowing in self-pity. I wrote her an e-mail, or more like a missive, telling her everything.

"I wasn't lying when I said I loved you that final night we were together. I only wish I'd had listened to you and had more of a backbone instead of being a weak son of a bitch. Maybe one day you'll find it in your heart to forgive me." I went on and on pleading my case and bemoaning my stupdiness. I knew it was whiney and sappy, but I was basically hoping against hope for some type of forgiveness. And just like I figured, my hopes were shattered again when no reply came.

A few weeks later I was sitting with David at one of our local hangouts when Judy snuck up behind me.

"Still sulking around or have you found another bimbo to keep your bed warm at night?" She took her jab at me while looking around as if waiting for someone to pop up.

"Nope, and not even looking. Can I buy you a drink?" She thought for a second, then sat down.

"Just a glass of white wine," she replied. I slipped David a ten spot and asked if he'd grab one for her. He shrugged and headed towards the bar.

"So, how are you doing? I haven't seen you in a while." I was trying to make casual conversation. "You're looking nice tonight, you still going with what's his name?"

"His name is Todd and no, we're not an item any longer. Like you, he couldn't keep it in his pants." After saying it and visually realizing how it affected me, she grabbed my hand. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. I am still a bit raw."

"That's all right, you didn't say anything that wasn't true. Besides, I've moved on and hopefully grown up."

David came back with her glass of wine and two more beers. "You owe me an additional five bucks."

"For one glass of wine?" I shot back.

"No, for the wine and another round for the two of us. Did you really think I'd go all the way up there without getting something for us?" He gave me that stupid smirk of his.

We did nothing but talk bullshit for the next couple of minutes before Judy cleared the air.

"You haven't asked about Angie? Don't you want to know how she's doing?"

"Yes and no. A while back I finally sent her e-mail and told her everything. I never heard back from her so I just assumed she still thought of me as the cheating bastard not worthy of a reply. She's probably got a new guy by now. If you see her around tell her I wish her the best, and I do mean it."

"Angie told me about it and she was touched. Still pissed, but touched by your honesty. And no, she isn't dating anyone steady at the moment. She moved back home with her parents and has been pretty busy of late. When I see her next time I'll give her your regards. But you've got to excuse me—I see my group waving at me. It's been nice chatting with you. I hope everything works out for you." With that she was gone.

David watched her walk away. "Nice piece of tail," he said admiringly. I took another look. Yeah she did have a nice booty. That's when I realized those kinds of thoughts was what got me into trouble the last time.

It was almost a full four weeks later, on a Friday night, when I saw Judy again. She was with three other girls and having a real blast. I was quietly sipping on my Corona watching them when I got up enough gumption to go up and ask her to dance. She was surprised, and although she gave me an odd look said, "Why the hell not."

It was nice. I hadn't done a whole hell of a lot of dancing lately and to coin a phrase, I danced like a stiff white boy, but I had fun anyway. That is until a guy she'd danced with earlier in the evening thought I was moving in on 'his' girl of the night.

"You've had your dance, now why don't you move on, the girl's with me tonight." He was tall and lanky with medium brown skin. He came prepared with his two similar looking buddies. I was betting all three were looking to score that night.

Judy confronted him. "Hey shithead, this here is my friend, and you sure as hell don't tell me what I can do and with whom I can dance." It got ugly after that.

Words were spoken on both sides. I did my best to stay between Judy and him. When he called her a ho and pushed her, I stepped in to stop it pushing him back away from her.

Damn, I hurt. Every pore of my body was screaming and asking how in the hell did I get myself in this situation? Three against one are not the greatest odds. Before the bouncers could get over to where we were, the three of them just about kicked the shit out of me. Like I said before, I wasn't a fighter and I proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt that night. Thankfully, nothing was broken—cracked—but not broken.

I was told I got sucker punched by one of them and when I went down they proceeded to kick the living crap out of me. My hands were swollen from trying to block the kicks, and I had footprints where none should have been. I don't know who drove me to the emergency room or how I got in. I only knew that I was sitting there alone without seeing a friendly face for the next six damn long hours.

"You realize a person could die in the time it took you guys to patch me up," I said sarcastically.

"Who did you want us to put you ahead of? The heart attack patient or the guy who came in with the gunshot wound?" The emergency room doctor berated me. That put everything in perspective. "You're going to be pretty sore for about a week and it's going to look a lot worse than it really is. In three weeks you won't even be able to tell you were in a barroom brawl." He smiled, I couldn't.