Rob's Saga Ch. 01

The second session was more bullshit from Audrey as she listed the issues she had while I listened and shook my head. I dropped my dirty clothes on the floor. I left the toilet seat up. I never called when I was going to be a little late in coming home. I got up Saturday morning and cut the grass even though I knew she liked to sleep in on the weekends and the mower motor would wake her up. She was willing to watch football with me, but I would never watch Oprah with her and on and on and on. She made herself look like an absolute doofus.

He asked for my list and I told him that I didn't have one. I told him I was perfectly happy with my marriage right up to the day that she and DJ ambushed me in our living room. Actually, I didn't say it quite that way. What I said was:

"Until the whore cheated on me and tried to steal my money."

"I explained all that honey."

"And I don't believe a word of it."

Then the councilor said that the next session would be a one on one with Audrey followed by a one on one with me after which he would decide whether or not we needed to go any farther. After Audrey had gone I asked him what good it would do to have the one on ones when he had to already know that I wouldn't get back together with Audrey at the point of a gun.

"I have to do it because the judge ordered it. If it were Judge Harriman or Judge Spiegel I could go back after one session and tell them there was no hope and say that further sessions would be a waste of time. Your judge and three or four others insist on a minimum of four sessions. Be thankful your judge isn't Whitman. He has been known to specify eight or ten sessions. And before you ask, no. I won't let you not show and say that you did. If your wife or her attorney somehow found out I would be toast. The best I can do for you is to schedule your one on one for a Monday night and we can watch Monday Night Football on the TV in my office. And that is just what we did.

On my way home from watching the game it suddenly occurred to me that I was being stupid. Audrey didn't want a divorce so by God I wouldn't give her one. We were in a no fault state so she would end up with half of our assets. She couldn't touch the house because it had been left to me by my parents and I had never added her name to the title or the mortgage, but she would get half of the cash, household furnishings, one of the vehicles and part of my pension and 401k when I retired and probably some alimony since I made more than she did at her part time morning job. No divorce, no divorce settlement. Audrey was thinking no divorce meant she would move back in, but that would be a cold day in hell.

I called Audrey as soon as I got home and told her that after having my session with Henry I decided to drop the divorce.

"When can I come home?"

"When hell freezes over. I'm dropping the divorce because I'm not going to waste any more of my time fighting with you over it, but I still don't want anything to do with your lying, cheating ass" and I hung up on her. That wouldn't be the end of it and I knew it, but it would take her a while to figure out what to do next and -- more importantly -- come up with the money to do anything about it. The next morning I called my attorney and told him to do what needed to be done to stop the divorce proceedings.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Back on the home front I was still doing everything I could to avoid being alone with Barb and Bev. They were tempting as hell and I had been without long enough that I occasionally had some impure thoughts where they were concerned, but thank God my big head was still in charge.

To be continued...

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My ending to this story is already written and I will post it thirty days after the first part is posted. I believe that I have given plenty to work with and it will be interesting to see what others can come up with.

JPB October 19, 2009