Rules of Marriage Ch. 04

Thanks to thecelt.

From Rules of Marriage CH 3

I know what I want from my marriage. I want Sam back and I want our marriage back but with some big changes. I will be the one working to earn trust and respect from my husband, not the other way around! The lack of respect that I had for him is gone, replaced with a knowledge that I was the one that did not respect my marriage and myself. The ground rules are very simple and always were, even though I didn't recognize them: honor my husband and my children and put caring for them instead of myself first before anything else. Finally, do nothing that would dishonor my marriage. I dishonored it and I have a price to pay for that. I am ready to make payment if Sam will only allow me to.

The girls see Sam and run to meet him. He smiles at them, takes them into his arms and looks up to see me waiting.

Now we start CH 4

Sam just stares at me until I want to cry. The Girls turn and look at me.

"Mommy come here its Daddy."

I start walking to them. My heart has fallen between my feet. I don't know what to do. Sam obviously didn't want to see me now. The girls are trying to hug their daddy but Sam is just standing there not even noticing them.

I get angry. "Sam your daughter have been waiting all year just to see you. Cmon give em a hug."

I start to cry. I know I don't want to cry but I'm in agony here. Sam better at least treat his daughters with respect. I keep on walking but I can't see the walkway through my tears. I bump into the wall and start to fall. The girls have been looking at me. They yell, "Mommy, you alright. Don't fall. We come get you."

I lean against the wall. I suddenly no longer have the energy to walk the rest of the way to them. Suddenly the girls are standing around me. They are tugging me forward. They want me to meet their daddy. I scrunch up my face and rub my eyes with my free hand. I don't want Sam to see that I've been crying. I may not have much left but I can stand straight for my girls and myself.

While I have been communing with the wall, Sam has walked down to us and grabs me and holds me close.

"I will help mommy girls you walk to the baggage carousel and look for daddy's bags. Don't pick them up yet, but find them so Daddy doesn't have to look hard for them."

The girls run down the way to the baggage pick up. Sam stands me up and pushes me back against the wall.

"What are you doing here? If you feeling sick or something, why did you risk driving the girls to the airport?"

This made me angrier than I had been about his seeming ignorance of the girls.

"I'm not sick or something! Yeah I'm sad that you obviously don't want me in your life, but please don't take it out on the girls. When are you going to divorce me?"

"Whoa here, I'm not asking for a divorce. I still want you in my life. Why do you say that I don't want you and I want a divorce?"

"Well, your angry stare at me."

"Kirsten, I'm dead on my feet I've been awake for fifty hours straight and I'm about to collapse, but I wouldn't have come home just to get a divorce. I could have done that without coming home at all. I do want to work out with you to see if we can stay married and live with each other."

This so shocked me that I started to hug and molest Sam right in the walkway.

"Look Kirsten I said I wanted to work this out, not go on a second honeymoon. I think I want to be with you and the girls but we still have some unresolved issues here. I don't know if I should stay with you. I don't want to get your hopes up if we cant work it out but."

"Sam, I need you. If I can only have for a few more days that is still better than never having you at all. Lets find the girls before they drag your bag through the Hartfield looking for both of us."

We picked his bags up. The girls waited with him while I got the car out of the lot and drove to the pickup area. My feelings were in a jumble. I didn't know whether to be happy sad or settle somewhere in the middle.

We drove home. We put the girls to bed. Sam was exhausted. He showered and went to bed in the master bedroom. I wanted so much to lie beside him and cuddle, but I was afraid to disturb him. I sat there in the bedroom chair just looking at him. Sam turned his head and spoke, "Kirsten, come to bed please I have slept alone for along time now. I'd like to see if I could get used to sleeping with somebody again."

I wasn't too happy to be called a somebody, but I had truly missed all that cuddling. I crawled in bed beside him, and tried to lie very still. Sam pulled me over and held me till he fell asleep.

The next morning we had breakfast, and then the girls went outside to play.

"Kirsten, now that we have some privacy we need to discuss where we are and where we are going."

"Well what do want to discuss first."

"Have you found out why you were unfaithful to me?"

"You don't start with the easy ones do you. Please listen to all of this before you make comments. My Psychologist and I worked out that I didn't respect you."

"You think."

"You need to let me finish if there is any hope."

"OK I will listen to all of it before making any more judgments."

"Well as I was saying, We worked out that I did not respect you because you were not working in the same area as I worked in and that you weren't making as much money as I was, I want you to know that is not how I feel any longer but that is how I felt then."

"Why did you sleep with them?"

"They were hard working successful people who worked in my career and made successful money. I was into respecting that at the time."

"What makes you think that things will be better this time?"

"A. I have changed what I respect. I know that it was much better for the girls and I to have you at home always able to care for us in an emergency and doing what satisfied you.

B. I will work for the rest of my days to care for you and the girls and I will never again put my wants ahead of the family's needs."

"What should I do if you fail again?"

I really sweated this one, but I knew that only the truth would serve here. A hard truth would be better than a sweet lie.

"Sam if I stray again you would need to take the children and leave because none of my treatments have cured me of my willfulness, but I know that I need to expect the same from you. I know that isn't fair given that I have strayed but any affairs on your part would be just as hard on the family no matter who strays."

"Kirsten, if you hadn't included the last statement, I would have thought you were lying. Let try until we fail."

I jumped over to him and started hugging and kissing Sam.

Ten years later.

Sam and I are in the emergency room. One of our daughters has had a serious automobile accident. I don't know how I could ever get through these emergencies without Sam to help me and hold me. Sam is my rock. He gave me quite a scare last year when the doctors thought he had prostate cancer. I begged him to lose the prostate not his life. Fortunately for me, he didn't lose either.