Santa, All I Want For Xmas is a Job

Tell me, if you can't help me with a job, then I want to know one thing. Seriously, I really need to know this because it's been driving me crazy for years. Please tell me, I can take it anymore.

"What did Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, and Kim Kardashian write in their letters to you for you to give them everything they asked for, when all I want is a job and you can't even give me that? Please tell me what they wrote, so that I can write that, too. Did they promise you sex? C'mon, be honest."

Why, Santa? Why them and not me? Are you kidding me? I'm so better looking and such a better person than all of them. Paris Hilton has little boobs and a big honking nose. Britney Spears is a slut. Miley Cyrus looks like a guy and you'd never go down her chimney, if you ever saw Kim Kardashian without her makeup. Eww.

"Ho, ho, oh, Hell no!"

What did I do to deserve unemployment? I haven't been bad. I've been good, really good and if you'd only give me a chance, I'd show you how good or bad I can be, big boy.

That Lindsay Lohan had it all, too, until she was naughty, instead of nice. She must have done something really bad to piss you off enough for you to throw her ass in the slammer. I'm sorry if I disrespected you, Santa. I really don't want to upset you in the way that Lindsay Lohan must have done, but all I want for Christmas is a job. Can you do that for me, Santa? Please? Can you give me a job, so that I can get my life back? Pretty please? I promise to be good, I mean, bad.

All I want for Christmas is a full-time job, one with benefits.

Sincerely yours,

Susan Harris

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Dear Susan,

Sorry, but my hands are tied. The jobs have been disappearing overseas for years, first Japan and Taiwan, then Mexico and countries that even I never knew existed, such as Sri Lanka and Bangladesh, and now everything, including most of the toys that I give out to children, is made in China.

Ask me for something else, please, other than a job. Anything and I promise that I'll give you exactly what you want for Christmas. I just can't give you employment, that is, unless you want to live in China or Fargo, North Dakota. Compared to the North Pole, Fargo is not that cold.

So, anyway, uhm, just wondering, what you're thinking. If I don't come across with a job, but give you whatever it is you want, is a blowjob still on the table or is that out of the question?

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I understand about you not being able to give me a job. I get it. I really do and I'm okay with that now that I know not to expect a job this Christmas. Yet, since you cannot give me a full-time job and since I've been a good girl all year long, how about giving me a winning lottery ticket for the big jackpot, instead? That would make a swell Christmas gift, Santa, and would make me not think about working at a job, ever again.

If you give me a winning lottery ticket for the big jackpot prize, I'll give you a blowjob that will curl your whiskers. Further, you can cum in my mouth and I'll swallow. Okay?

Merry Christmas, Santa.

Sincerely yours,

Susan Harris