Sarah and Ben Ch. 05bycurious2c©
Where to start. I had left my cheating spouse and moved to another state. My employer had gone overboard to keep me. I got a good office and was kept busy. I would work then go to my apartment. My co-workers took to calling me the hermit.
Thinking back on the past was what I did every night while at home. At work I was busy enough that I didn't dwell on the past and what Sarah had done to us. Home was another story. I didn't drink or do drugs, so the pain seemed to stay right there. No matter where I was I missed her, and hated her. I was torn up inside. Angry, hurt, and lonely.
I had asked myself many times over why, why had she done what she had done? Why throw it all away? Why the other men? I had lots of questions. No answers. The females at the office soon learned that while I seemed to be available I wasn't. They quit being quite so 'friendly' after a couple of months.
The guys would try to get me to go out with them, but since their fun was bars and women, I declined. I just went home to work out, eat dinner, go to bed. I would get little sleep over the night, tossing and turning all night. I will say that my body was in the best shape it had ever been in now. Rock hard everywhere, and even gaining size in the arms and chest.
Part of my workout routine was to run each night. One night as I got home, I saw June standing there in my front yard. We talked for a bit. She seemed to know what I had been going through. I thought at first that she was there to hit on me. I soon found out that she was there for Sarah.
Well sort of anyway. Sarah didn't know that June had come to see me on her behalf. We talked into the night and then when I went to bed, June was in my bed and I was on the couch. I was a bit surprised when June didn't come out during the night and try to get it on with me. I realized then that she was being genuine in her hopes to get us back together.
The upshot of the whole thing was I decided to go back home and see if it was possible to patch things up with Sarah. It was either patch it up or cut and run. I was tired of living the way I had been and just wanted to be happy again.
When I showed up at home, the house was clean. Sarah had been staying with June, so I dumped my stuff and then went over to June's house. Sarah looked terrible. She was thinner and had a lost, lonely look about her that hurt me deeply.
I still felt some anger towards her cheating and the things she had done, but I also felt that my love for her was still there too. I was confused. I wanted to hate her for fucking around on me but I just couldn't bring myself to do that.
On the other hand I wanted to take her in my arms and hold her. I wanted to kiss her and just love her like days of old. I felt my heart going out to her, as she stood there unbelieving that I was there in front of her.
"Ben? Is that you? You look different, bigger."
"Oh, I have been sort of working out after work the last few months."
"Well, uh...so...how has work been?"
"Sarah, I came here to talk to you about us, not about work."
"Us? You came here to talk about us? Is there still an us Ben?"
"I don't know Sarah. I want there to be, but there is the matter of the pain and hurt between us now. I am not sure that I can ever forgive you for what you did. I trusted you with all. I...I...loved you with all my heart...and you..."
"I destroyed that by fucking around on you Ben. I should have never gone to work, I should have been honest with you from the start and I wasn't. I became a slut. A cheating slut that didn't care for anything but the next fuck. I am so sorry Ben. So sorry."
Needless to say, the conversation went on that way for hours. I went home alone that night not sure of my future at all. Sarah stayed with June. June had stayed out the house for our talk and didn't come home until after I had left.
That night as I tossed and turned, I kept thinking back to how Sarah had looked so happy while fucking all those men. How she had been into the fucking and sucking. She had really loved it all. No acting, she had loved it.
The next day, before I went over to June's I went to the club. I talked to Bob. Our conversation was stiff and cold at first, but soon we got over the issues at hand and actually talked about Sarah. I found that Bob had a thing for Sarah and had she been the least bit interested he would have moved on her in a serious fashion. As it was she had gone the other way and he had not pressed her.
"You are a lucky man Ben."
"Lucky? Yeah right, so lucky my wife went and fucked half the town for money. I am soooo lucky."
"No really, you are lucky. She may have loved getting fucked by all those men, but she truly loves you. Only you. Those other men were just...well...cocks for her to use and enjoy. You are her one true love."
"Tell me again how much she loves me Bob. She fucked around on me. She was nothing but a whore. That isn't how a wife should show her love for a husband."
"Ben...After you left she quit everything except the dancing. She did three parties for me out of obligation and that was it. She does love you."
"Yeah, ok, suppose I believe you and accept that she loves me. If I can't trust her ever again, how am I supposed to love her as much as I once did?"
"I don't think she will ever cheat on you again Ben. She has been through hell for the last few months. She misses you more than you realize. I think she can be trusted now for sure. She has seen what she did to you and your payback with Candy was very painful to her. I think she has learned her lesson."
"Yeah? Well I trusted her implicitly before then she did what she did to us. I don't see how this makes any difference. She got caught and feels bad. What if I hadn't caught her in her cheating? Would she still have been doing it?"
The upshot of our talk was that I understood her a bit more than before. Bob had nothing to gain and quite a bit to lose. He was as honest as I cold have expected given the situation. I still had deep reservations about 'us', but I was willing to try to put us back together.
I talked to Sarah and we went to a counselor. He was a bit stunned at our initial story, but soon was caught up and on a level that was useful to us. Sarah came home and we spent the first night together since this all started. Alone we were stiff and almost cold.
I worked on being less stiff and tried to hug her often. After a few weeks we were talking more and actually laughing once in a while. Sex was not happening. We slept together but separate. No sex of any kind.
Whenever I went to work I found that I was dwelling on what she was doing at home alone. If she was home alone. I soon found that I was calling her at odd hours during the day and checking up on her. This soon became a serious problem.
Nothing was said about my calls until our next trip to the counselor. There he got it out of us. I found that I was going to have to let go of this over-riding need to check on her all the time. I realized that if I felt I had to check up on her like I was then there was little hope for 'us' in the future.
To make matters worse, Sarah continued to dance at the club. I was extremely upset over this turn of events and we had strong words over it more than once. I soon found myself going to the club just to keep an eye on her. One night it all came to a head.
Sarah was dancing and one of the customers started to get real grab-assed with her. Before the bouncers could act I was all over him. I ended up getting tossed in jail for the night for assault. I had hit the guy quite a few times before the bouncers hauled me out and into the waiting cops arms.
Sarah didn't show up until the next morning to bail me out. Angry, I wouldn't talk to her at all. On the drive home she was crying. At home I went into the bedroom and started to pack. I was done with her and everything.
"What are you doing Ben?"
"Please don't leave me Ben. I need you. I love you."
"No. You don't need me nor do you love me. You love stripping for strangers. You get off on them touching you. You want them over me. After all we have been through I would have thought you would know better. I thought you would quit that 'job' and go back to the way we were. Since you won't...I am gone."
"I quit last night Ben. After the cops took you away, I quit."
"You should have quit the day I came back Sarah. Not last night. You say you love me but you kept the job that took you away from me. Up until you saw how much it was affecting me. Then you quit? You should have quit weeks ago. Where is the love in that?"
"I just dance Ben...that's all. Nothing more."
"Sarah, I saw the look in your eyes as the clown grabbed you. You loved his touch. You wanted more. If I hadn't been there I think you would have met him somewhere and fucked him and his friends too. It's not just a dance for you. You want more and I can't compete with that. I don't think we are going to make it. You want more than I am willing to give."
She stepped up to me trying to hug me. I held her off, gently but firmly. Her tears cut me to the bone. I was wavering between wanting to believe her and not. Between wanting to take her in my arms and pushing her away.
"You need to decide Sarah them or me. You have only the one choice. Until you decide, I can't live with you. I can't be near you. It is all up to you, it always has been. You need to make the right choice and then live with the consequences of that choice."
"Ben. I want you. I need you. Please give me one more chance. Please Ben?"
"Make your choice Sarah. I can't settle for second best. You need to decide what you want. Then, you can never go back. Once this choice of yours is made...that is it. Can you understand what I am saying to you? I can't be a second in your life. I have to be first."
I left and went to a hotel. June stopped by and talked to me. She was worried about Sarah. I was too, but I knew that Sarah had to make the decision about what she wanted first. It was out of my hands. I didn't want to lose her, but she was not thinking right at all. She still wanted her cake and to eat it too.
June asked me how I was holding up. Did I need anything to help 'tide me over' so to speak. I declined her offer, then found out she had meant to get me a girl, not be the girl. I felt kind of bad afterwards since I had misread her intent.
I wasn't sure of anything anymore. My mind was mixed up and I was going crazy. I couldn't understand why Sarah, who had wanted me back so bad, refused to quit her stripping job when I came back. It didn't look like she wanted me. I t looked like for what ever reason she was trying to hurt me more by keeping her job. It didn't make any sense.
All I knew was that I couldn't go on like this. This cycle had to be broken before one of us did something really stupid. I had sensed too that the counselor had kind of given up on us too. I don't think it was me, I think it was Sarah. She had some kind of hidden agenda on her mind and wouldn't be deviated from it.
Was she still pissed over my leaving her and taking up with Candy? I couldn't believe that. I had left Candy too. I had moved away and been gone for months. I should have just filed for the divorce and been done with it. Deep inside I still loved my wife. Even after all she had done. I just couldn't go on any more.
That night as I slept I had a dream. I was with Sarah and she was dancing for a room full of men. As she danced I realized that my hands were tied and I was powerless to stop her. Soon she was dancing naked in front of the men and they were grabbing and feeling her at every chance.
She danced over to one guy and went to her knees. She took his cock into her mouth and sucked him. She licked and sucked until he came. After him there were several others who got oral service from her. She smiled and looked like she loved it all.
After a while some of the other men got tired of waiting and stripped. They were soon taking her doggy fashion as she was sucking this well-hung black man. She worked on him for quite a while. While giving this guy his blowjob, she got fucked by four different men. She fucked them back as much as she could.
The guy she was blowing soon decided to fuck her too. He moved around and laid back. She moved up on him and started to plunge up and down on him as he played with her bouncing tits. He would roll her nipples around and then take one in his mouth as he pinched the other.
Another man stepped up behind them and started to play with her ass. Soon he had four fingers stroking in and out of her. Her moans began to get louder and louder. The guy playing with her ass moved up and worked his cock into her as the Blackman continued to fuck her. She was moaning and groaning constantly now.
This gangbang went on for hours and I was helpless to stop it or join in. I woke up and it was very early in the morning. I was wet with sweat. My heart was thudding and I felt weak. I had never had a dream like this before. It disturbed me.
That whole day I was out of step it seemed like. I could see that my co-workers could tell something was wrong with me and they were very cautious around me. I could hardly think straight by quitting time. I went to the hotel and crashed.
I woke up to a pounding on the door. I went and answered it. It was June and Sarah. As soon as Sarah got in the room June excused herself and told us she would be waiting downstairs.
"Ben, I have things to say to you. I want you to listen to me. I love you. I love you more than you think I do. I need you to understand that."
"You have had a funny way of showing it as of late Sarah."
"I know. I can't explain why I did the things I did other than to say that I am being treated for...well the doctor says I am a...nymphomaniac. He says that I have issues to deal with and I will need time to gain control of my life again. He has started me on some drugs to help me curb my...uh...needs."
"What? Are you serious? You really are a...you really suffer from...uh...you know...being a nymph?"
"Not a nymph Ben, I suffer from nymphomania. He had another forty-dollar word for it but he said it is more known as nymphomania. It is treatable in cases like mine. I am being treated for it."
"So, what you are saying is that none of this if your fault? That is going to be your excuse?"
"Ben...What I did was wrong. NO wife should ever cheat on her husband. I had a 'drive' to do what I did and at the time I didn't know why. I just knew that I had to...I had to...have...other men. It was wrong and I should have talked to you about it before acting on that drive. I know now why. I am being treated for it. My doctor says that with treatment and support, I will be ok and in control of my life again."
"Well, this puts a different light on things. I still have doubts though Sarah. What has been done in our past is a hard thing to live with. I am willing to work with you and try it one more time. I guess that I owe you one more chance, considering the circumstances."
"That makes me very happy Ben. I hope that we can work through this all. I have been such a terrible wife to you. Thank you. Thank you so much Ben. I love you."
So that is my story up to now. We are back together and things are going much better. Sarah still fights demons once in a while. Her drugs have taken some getting used to. We as of yet are not having sex. We are sleeping together though.
My dream? Well I wrote it off to things in our lives at the time. Sarah tries hard to please me in all ways. She has even offered herself to me on several occasions, but I just can't bring myself to participate that way yet. She understands my feelings and doesn't push, but the last time I almost accepted her offer.
While things are still a bit rocky in our lives, I think we have a small chance of making it as a couple yet. No, there will be no swinging or other partners anymore. Just the two of us. I hope anyway.