Save a Mountain Ox, Ride Megan Fox

"Wanna get high?" Olivia asks out of the blue, pulling a baggie of unmistakable white powder from her bra.

Megan wants to get high. She really, really wants to get high, and the only thing stopping her is that it's coke and not weed. But she's the biggest cunt in Hollywood (again!) because she didn't let Seth Rogen kiss her, and everyone hated Transformers 2 more than expected (which she shouldn't take personally, but they had giant robots! Where'd they go wrong!?), and it'sOlivia Wilde. If Olivia asked her to eat live scorpions, Megan would ask if she was allowed to chew.

"Alright," she says, grinning and nodding her head, which she's really good at. It's a stupid thing to be good at, but it makes Olivia get this look in her eyes. The 'fuck yeah!' is contagious.

Someone else gets in the elevator and does the whole "don't I know you from that movie with the giant robots?" thing, completely bypassing the girl from the show with the doctors, who is right over his shoulder, almost hopping from foot to foot, popping her eyebrows, adjusting the baggie in her cleavage...

Megan signs his arm and he thankfully goes away with a promise not to wash it, then they're on Olivia's floor and in Olivia's room and Olivia's coke is on the coffee table in front of them. Megan is sitting next to Olivia Wilde, and their bare legs touch when they move because both of them put together only take up one of the gargantuan seat cushions. Megan is in a minidress, black because it's short enough that buying it in red would make it slutty, and Olivia is wearing a blouse and a skirt thatof courseshe makes look classier than Megan's four thousand dollar dress. Megan would hate her if she didn't look so good.

"I've never done coke before," Megan says, because she can't think of anything else to say with Olivia's thigh brushing up against hers.

"It's easy. Haven't you ever seen Scarface?"

Long story, but Megan has actually only seen the original. She doesn't mention this.

"Could you go first?" she begs, because Olivia doing anything is sexy, and if the coke kills her like all the after-school specials say it probably will, she wants her last memory to be Olivia snorting coke like a sexy, sexy bitch.

Olivia scoops a little pile of coke up on one of the fingers that Megan has wanted inside her for months, raises it to her sensual little mouth, and rubs it over her gums nice and sl-o-o-o-o-w. Megan's pretty sure that Olivia cansmellher arousal like Hugh Jackman, then Olivia shudders and goes "Fuck! This stuff always makes me horny. I once had an orgasm from snorting coke."

Megan hasn't even had time to blink before her mouth goes "I want some." For once, she's really glad her mouth is barely on speaking terms with her mind, because Olivia has the world's cutest giggle and it's directed at Megan as she scoops another finger of blow out of the bag and moves it up to Megan's full lips. Only Megan's gotten all excited, like Olivia makes her, so she jolts forward and sucks on Olivia's finger up to the knuckle.

Olivia's mouth makes a little 'o' of surprise and Megan is half-sure she's gonna get kicked out of the Cool Cocaine Hollywood Club and only be able to get jobs being killed in slasher movies, but then those wonderful eyebrows go down and Olivia's finger is still in Megan's mouth.

"Excited, aren't you?"

Megan nods, still sucking away on that finger. The tips of her fingers are tingling along with her toenails and her nipples are ridiculously hard and she's so wet she wants to bottle it, sell it on eBay, and never have to work again in her life. Olivia was right. It's like Viagra for her clit. Which is rubbing against her panties like a sexy little nun or something, spanking her for being so naughty.

"Can I take my panties off?" she asks around Olivia's finger, which still must have a few grains of clit-Viagra or why would Megan still be sucking on it?

"Uh-huh. And don't worry about the finger. It feels good."

Megan nods. She tries to do a good job sucking on Olivia's finger as she takes her panties out from under her minidress. Olivia steals them from her, lays them out on the coffee table, and lays a line of coke across them. With one last grin at Megan, Olivia snorts it. Megan sees Olivia's vertebra standing out from her back as the drugs hit her, bending her nearly in half, then letting her unspool back and back and back until she was laying against the back of the couch with her arms spread wide and her legs open.

Megan's lips are numb, so it's only when Olivia takes her finger out that she remembers how to talk. "That was... that was really hot."

"Yeah, baby. You wanna try?"

Megan can only nod.

Olivia pulls her skirt up until Megan can see the wiry hairs poking out from the crotch of her panties, then she flashes her gams and makes a neat little line of coke from her inner thigh to her knee. "Start here," Olivia says, fingers dancing at her kneecap. The fingers sweep over the coke to run through that wiry hair. "Finish here."

It's a lot of coke, but Olivia is a lot of woman, and Megan wants to taste her, devour her, drag her back to L.A. and keep her in a little house with a waterbed where they can double-team Amanda Seyfried.

Megan snorts what she can and licks up the rest, her firm breasts sliding over Olivia's leg. The coke sends volcanic heat coursing through her, like a fire djinn or something is lapping at her cunt. It has her seeing double, but that's two Olivia Wildes, so who cares? With the coke racing through her like Indiana Jones' mine-cart in the Temple of Doom, Megan pulls down Olivia's panties and lets her tongue join the party.

"Foxy," Olivia cries, and it's either a nickname or a statement of fact, but either way Megan wants to her it again.

Megan knows she's pretty great, she could've had sex with Angelina Jolie that one time, but on coke it's like she's Ron Jeremy with a vagina. Olivia's screaming and pulling her hair and trying to mount her like a jockey. Pretty soon Megan's on her back, on the floor, Olivia's really pretty legs pinning her arms down as she shoves her pussy in Megan's face and yells things like "Who's number one on the Maxim Hot 100? Who's number one!?" and Megan doesn't know if she's supposed to go "You are!" or keep licking pussy, so she says "You are!" as articulately as possible with Olivia's clit in her mouth.

Olivia? Knows how to fucking party.

Apparently she gets the gist of Megan's cunnilanguage, because she says "Damn right!" and sucks a finger clean of more coke and climaxes and pets Megan's hair and says "I wanna put you in a little house with a hot tub where we can double-team Jennifer Morrison." Then, a bit shakily, she slides off Megan and sags against the couch. "Now I need a hit."

Megan, eager to please, gets the baggie for Olivia.

"No. Take the dress off, eh hon?"

Megan takes her dress off. It's all sweaty anyway.

"Now pour some on your tummy." Olivia grins widely, like even she's impressed by that idea. "Yeah."

Megan lays down, making Olivia really tall, and pours the baggie out on her stomach. Olivia tuts when Megan uses too much, making her body look like a dessert sweetened with powdered sugar, but the way her eyes hungrily run over that body make it clear she doesn't mind all that bad.

"Take off your shirt... please... Miss Wilde," Megan says. She doesn't want to jinx this, doesn't want to say anything that might cancel the cocaine sex party for two, but she really needs to see Olivia Wilde's breasts before Olivia Wilde comes to her senses and stops fucking the girl from Transformers.

"I think, under the circumstances, you can call me Olivia." She peels off her shirt to expose ripe full breasts unjustly imprisoned in a filmy bra, a smooth tan stomach that Megan just wants to rub her face against, and a cute little belly button that sticks in Megan's consciousness for some reason. "Megan," Olivia adds pointedly.

Megan finds it a little hard to breathe as Olivia gets down on all fours, lowering her mouth to Megan's flesh like Dracula's daughter taking a willing victim. At first she just kisses Megan's stomach, slow and strangely romantic, lifting her head after each one so she can gaze lustfully into Megan's eyes as she licks her lips clean and rides the buzz. Then she dips her tongue into Megan's navel and licks her way up to Megan's sternum, between her breasts, then loopily kisses the skin over Megan's heart.

There's an orgasmic sensation Megan eventually recognizes as Olivia's fingers taking a pinch of coke off her stomach, but only when Olivia sprinkles them on Megan's nipple. If it isn't hard before, it is now. Oliviadevoursthe nipple, coke and all, sucking and kissing and licking all at once, and when the buzz hits her she starts in with the teeth and Megan iswhinnying, she didn't even know she couldmakethat sound, but she wants to make it some more.

So she sprinkles some coke on her other nipple and Olivia takes the hint. Whatever secret Kama Sutra technique she's using, it's twice as good the second time around.

When she goes back down for another hit, Olivia is all snorting and sucking, strip-mining Megan's skin of every precious crystal. Megan clamps down on the moan that shoots up straight from her cunt, and it turns into something perversely close to a growl. What Olivia is doing is almost as good as cunnilingus. Almost.

"Hey, Olivia, I hear you're really good at eating pussy," Megan says, figuring flattery will get her everywhere, or at least get Olivia Wilde between her legs. "Show me?"

"Later," Olivia says distractedly as her tongue makes preschool art class patterns over Megan's stomach muscles.

"Please?" Megan begs, eyelashes fluttering.

Olivia laughs and the next thing Megan knows, there are three fingers, inside her for miles, fucking her for days, making her come forever.

But too soon Olivia is pulling away, leaving Megan's stomach as slick as a highway after the rain, and her pussy wide open and just as wet. Megan lies there, panting like she's just run a marathon, only able to look up at Olivia after she's sure the fingers won't come back.

"I don't think I came," she says,j'accuse.

"Give me a minute," Olivia replies, supporting herself on an endtable. Her panties are hanging crooked off her hips, barely covering the heated pink lips that Megan wants to kiss more than anything, and her bra stubbornly refuses to evaporate like Megan wants more than almost anything. "I don't think I've ever had blow this good. I think you'll, like, the secret ingredient to super-coke."

"Olivia,orgasms!"

"Uh-huh, uh-huh, I see where you're coming from." Olivia staggers away. "Keep your shirt off."

Megan lays there, hands covering her crotch in a parody of modesty. She'd masturbate if she wasn't half-sure the effort would shake her apart. She feels like a firecracker, a really big, expensive firecracker with a fuse that's burned down to a nub and now stubbornly refuses to blow. She needs Olivia to light her up again, to bring back the heat and make her explode.

The sound of feet slapping against the hardwood floor is the only thing that keeps Megan from humping the futon (which looks like it would like it, the skanky bitch). Olivia returns. Proving that God loves Megan Fox and wants her to be happy, Olivia's underwear has disappeared. In fact, she'd be doing full frontal if it wasn't for the strap-on dildo dangling down to her thigh.

Megan's eyes widen at the sight of the thick black latex. She can count the number of guys she's gone all the way with on one hand, so long as she happens to be holding a screwdriver or something, and none of them had been packing that much. "I'm going to need some more coke if that's going inside me."

"You like it?" Olivia asks, doing a little ballerina twirl and then a teasing little tug on her strap-on. "Usually I just use it on myself. Bet you're glad I packed the harness."

"I'm..." Megan searches for a more appropriate word than 'glad', "psyched!"

Olivia saunters over to her, the straps of the leather harness biting into her flesh hard enough to give Megan a bondage fetish. "You want it?" she asks, waving the dildo above Megan.

Megan nods frantically, working her way up Olivia's legs until she can nuzzle the strap-on, rub it in her hands. It feels just heavy and long and thick enough. Olivia steps away, making Megan sag down to her knees in dismay. With an impish smile, Olivia picks up the baggie and lays a line of coke down the dildo.

"You ever given a blowjob before?" Olivia asks with the same breathy self-satisfaction as before.

"Actually," Megan bites her lip anxiously, "no."

"Well, okay. I'm really just interested in the visual."

"Whoa, you're a perv," Megan says as she digs her hands into the swell of Olivia's well-formed ass. The strap-on's in front of her, not so imposing when she imagines Olivia using it on herself. She wonders if it still tastes like Olivia. Maybe she didn't clean it. Megan's torn between finding the thought arousing and unhygienic.

"Suck it," Olivia whispers, her voice somehow getting even sultrier.

The coke's lying on top of the strap-on, so Megan first licks the underside, looking up into Olivia's eyes the whole time. It tastes like back in high school, when she'd worn retainers, except for the coke which tastes the flavor of fire. She licks the sides next, up the left and down the right, and Olivia actuallywhimpers. Finally, Megan pulls back in front of the strap-on, parts her lips, and lets its head probe into her mouth.

"Oh, Megan... fuck, if only you knew how hot this looked." Olivia looks around frantically as Megan continues to ease the strap-on into her mouth. She sees her cell phone lying on an endtable; quickly snatches it up and takes a picture of Megan sucking her latex cock. She's going to get it fucking framed.

Megan keeps going. It's easier than it looks. She remembers the romance novel she'd read with a flashlight under her sheets as a girl and how the Scottish lord had told his servant girl how to suck on his fifteen inches of manhood. That, combined with the porno she watched while she smoked weed, gives her a pretty good idea of how to deep-throat Olivia's strap-on. She's aware of Olivia snapping pictures like she was Bigfoot, but as long as she gets a copy, that's just fine.

The blow seeps into her mouth and she swirls it around with her tongue, letting it blaze against her cheeks, the roof of her mouth, her gums, her throat, everywhere. It makes her feel like a sex goddess, like Jenna Jameson with a Ph D in Women's Studies, and Megan wonders if cocaine is some sort of aphrodisiac. She'll have to Google it later. After Olivia Wilde fucks the shit out of her.Yes!

"Okay, that's really hot,you'rereally hot, but if we don't start fucking soon, there's gonna be a mushroom cloud where my head used to be," Olivia whines.

Megan pulls away with an audible 'pop', savoring the cocaine on her lips. Good thing, too. She wasn't really sure she could deep-throat those last few inches. "It'd serve you right. Devil-woman."

"C'mon." Olivia pulls her up. "You want to fuck face to face or doggy style?"

"Why would I evernotwant to look at Olivia Wilde?"

"I told you, just call me Olivia. My full name makes me all self-conscious, like I'm getting called on at school."

"Oh, sorry." Megan grabs the strap-on, still warm from her saliva, which would be gross if Olivia 'Just Olivia' Wilde weren't wearing it. "Where's your bed?"

"Hell if I know. But the couch is right there." Olivia shoves her down on it and the next thing Megan knows, Olivia Wilde is on top of her. Megan has time to look into her eyes before Olivia guides the strap-on inside her.

Olivia feels the warm resistance of Megan's muscles, the lethargic surrender, the pleasure that builds up in Megan's entire body as Olivia eases inside her. Megan's lips are parted in complete surprise, which turns into a wide smile as Olivia goes deeper. Their bodies touch, first at the hips, then their nipples brush against each other, making the two women gasp at the same time. Their legs intertwine, their arms wrap around each others' bodies, their lips meet. They seem to meld together as the dildo sinks into Megan up to the hilt.

Then, Olivia starts to fuck her.

***

"You're! Really! Good! At! This!" Megan moans between thrusts. All the fucking has nearly shaken her off the couch and propping herself against the arm has only resulted in her slipping backward until now her upper body was hanging off the couch, upside-down.

"Thanks!" Olivia pants, pausing only to brace Megan's ass on the arm of the couch before she impales her again.

Even though it's impossible, to Megan the dildo seems to go deeper the more Olivia fucked. It feels like it's getting bigger inside her, although Megan knows intellectually that Olivia is just getting better at fucking her.

Megan doesn't even have the strength to wrap her legs around Olivia. She just lays there, bent backward over the couch, trying to distinguish her orgasm from the continuous pleasure Olivia's pumping into her.

When it comes, Megan didn't have any trouble identifying it. She faints dead away.

***

Megan wakes up to a pleasant but aching twinge between her legs, a big smile on her face, and a sound of heaving and panting that she's reasonably sure wasn't her. At least, she hopes it isn't. How embarrassing would it be to moan away on her morning-after with Olivia Wilde?

Only her face is stuck to a puddle of drool, the hardwood floor is under her, and Olivia is behind her, still driving herself into Megan like she's being paid to do it.

"How long was I out?"

"You were out?"

"God, you're like a sex machine fueled by cocaine!" Megan exclaims over her shoulder.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure the coke's worn off." And tellingly, Olivia has slowed down like a train rolling into a station, chugging to a stop.

Megan moans and drifted back down to the floor. She missed it. Olivia Wilde fucked her brains out and there's no way of knowing how much of it she'd been unconscious for. It's bad karma screwing with her, either for doing cocaine or not raising more of a fuss about those Amos and Andy transformers.

"Olivia, could you promise me you'll keep doing that?"

"That's a pretty easy promise to make."

"You're a pal," Megan groans as she sunk her forehead against the hardwood.

Then the dildo slides out of her. Liar! Megan hopes Olivia's next movie goes straight to DVD. And stars Steven Seagal.

Then she feels something hard, warm, and wet tease her anus.

"Are you trying to kill me!?" she demands, suddenly wide awake.

"It's the only way to be sure I stay on top of the Maxim Hot 100," Olivia teases.

Megan gets up on her hands and knees, presenting her ass to Olivia for the next round. Even if the coke has worn off, she's not missing this for the world. "You'll always be on top of the Maxim Hot 100 to me."