Saving Grace

Eventually, she switched off the TV and the lights, and took up the monitor on her way to the bedroom. It was after eleven, and while the Jessica Chan of three years before would have considered such a time to be the beginning of a night, the new Jessica was different.

The air was cool as it washed over her naked body when she emerged from the bathroom. Teeth brushed and hair down, Jessica slid beneath the covers of her four-poster oak bed, briefly thinking how ridiculous it was that she slept alone upon such a large mattress. She checked the monitor one last time, then snuggled herself around a large body pillow beneath the covers, enjoying, at the least, that simple comfort. The insistent approach of sleep was close at hand when she closed her eyes.

Faintly, through the monitor, came the creaking sound of a door being opened. "Come on, baby," echoed the familiar voice of Casey.

"Right behind you."

A coquettish giggle. "Ooo. I like the sound of that."

Jessica perked in her sleep, though her eyes remained closed. She listened peripherally to impassioned kissing, imagining the scene once more. Her fantasy image of Vic had him clothed in a dark silk shirt and tailored slacks, a glittering watch around his wrist and leather loafers on his feet. She imagined him with deep blue eyes. Maybe a small gold cross on a chain around his neck, which would sway enticingly during sex.

More crackling of leather beneath skin. Jessica eventually realized that Casey had gotten on her knees on her couch, and she imagined the young woman naked, back arched, gripping the back of the sofa as she pushed her hips out. Vic knelt behind her, licking her sex to get her ready, then stood, naked as well -- with the body of a god, Jessica was certain -- and pushed his cock inside her.

Jessica listened in amazement for over an hour, rolling onto her back and allowing fingers to dance madly between her thighs as Vic drew out one orgasm after another from the young and eager Casey. She wailed like a banshee with each tumultuous sexual explosion. Jessica figured the couple switched positions two or three times, but her impression was that Casey liked it from behind.

Finally, Vic announced his orgasm, accompanied by a gasp from Casey and the tell-tale snapping of a latex condom. Listening to the woman's giggling squeals as her body was undoubtedly pelted with dollops of spurting semen, Jessica convulsed in her own orgasm, imagining herself in Casey's place. She could almost feel the warm, heavy drops of fluid falling onto her back and buttocks, dripping slowly down her outer thighs.

Licking her fingers, listening to the ghostly voices of lovers who lay sated and cuddling, Jessica returned to the land of slumber, the heady cloud of her own pleasure mitigated by the knowledge that she was still alone.

*****

She pulled the silver SUV into a spot before the apartment complex' clubhouse, adjacent to which lay the mailboxes for the community. Jerking her key free of the ignition, and giving little Grace a smile and tickle to the infant's chin, Jessica stepped quickly from her car and marched toward the row of mailboxes. She hated leaving her daughter for even such a brief time, considering all the urban horror stories she had heard about carjackings and infants being tossed out the windows of stolen cars. But, within the community in which she lived, and being just a minute or so . . . .

She turned the key, opened the box. Two bills and a letter with the addresses hand-written. Jessica sighed inwardly upon reading her former lover's return address on the latter. Part of her hoped she would never hear from him again.

"Asshole," she muttered aloud.

"You too, huh?"

Jessica frowned, looking up from her mail. A pretty young blonde girl in a striped halter and boy shorts stood a few feet away, retrieving her own daily dose of bad news from her own mailbox. Before Jessica could respond, the girl continued.

"Guys can be pieces of shit sometimes, can't they?"

Jessica worked her jaw, regarding the letter in her hand. "Sometimes. But you can't say it's not our fault for getting involved with them."

The girl laughed. "True that," she said. "Like, why do we fall for the bad boy type to begin with?"

Jessica finally turned to face the younger woman. She wore an expression that was both parental and sympathetic. "A couple hundred psychologists have already tried to figure that out," she said. "They didn't have an answer, either."

The blonde rolled her eyes. "So we're screwed?"

Jessica rolled her shoulders. "If we're lucky. And then, if we're not."

The girl laughed loudly. "No shit, right?"

Jessica laughed as well. Feeling a moment's worth of good faith, she offered her hand. "I'm Jessica. Building seven."

"Really?" the girl asked, gracing her fingers over Jessica's own. "I live in building eight, right next door. My name's Casey."

A tiny knot twisted in Jessica's gut as she realized she was speaking with the lucky recipient of the one and only Vic's amorous attentions. Still, she managed to maintain her friendly smile. "Nice to meet you."

"So what's your bad news?"

Jessica made a sound, glancing to Jason's letter. She waved it briefly. "Deadbeat dad. You?"

Casey flashed her own correspondence. "Ex-boyfriend. Trying to win me back. Loser."

Jessica couldn't help herself. "You got someone better?" she asked.

Casey's eyes darkened for a moment before they dipped. "You ever meet Mr. Right?"

"If I did, I wouldn't be a single mother."

Casey lolled her head back and forth. "True," she muttered, then took a deep breath while radiating a lovestruck smile. "Well, I think I have. This guy's fucking amazing. He brought roses on the first date, took me someplace nice, and didn't even try anything. 'Course, that just made me want to jump him on the second date."

Jessica laughed. "Maybe that's what he wanted."

"Maybe," Casey agreed. "Whatever. It worked. He's not like most guys. He opens doors for me and everything. And he's got a cool job. He's the whole package, you know?"

Jessica allowed herself to smile. "Sounds like you found The One."

The blonde grinned and winked. "Could be," she said. "Well, it was nice to meet you. Gotta go."

Jessica watched the buoyant girl prance away, the warmth draining from her face. She looked back to the letter in her hand, while simultaneously anticipating yet another pathetic evening of cable television and perhaps another round of aural voyeurism. The jealous pang she felt regarding Casey's happiness only made matters worse.

Resignedly, she bowed her head and made her way back to the car.

*****

"My Dear Jessica,

I wish I could really explain myself to you and why I can't be there the way I probably should be. But it's not easy for me. I've got so much going on with grad school and work. I never thought I'd have to worry about being a father too.

I really want to be part of Grace's life. She's so important to me. I hope that eventually I can be active in her life, but like I said, I've got so much going on. It wouldn't be fair to her, or to you. I'd just end up hurting all of us. Plus, to be honest, I have a girlfriend now. She's very important to me too. I think I'm going to ask her to marry me.

As bad as I feel about all this, at least it's not like you're hurting for money. You can take care of Grace a lot better than I ever could. That's good. I figure she needs her mother a lot more than her father anyway. Still, I want to be involved in her life. Well, you know, as much as I can be. I hope you understand that if Julie and I get married and have a family, I have to think of them first and--"

Jessica crumpled the letter in her hand without reading the rest of it. With a sour taste in her mouth and the beginnings of yet another tension headache forming above her eyes, she cast the letter into the trash before joining her daughter on the floor before the TV. She sang along with Jack's Big Music Show, laughing and grinning the way a good parent would whenever her child made the effort to mimic what she heard.

"Even if it's just you and me, sweetheart," she said as she cradled her daughter in her arms. "You're gonna be the happiest baby ever."

*****

"Ma! Ma! MA!"

Jessica shot up from bed, her daughter's tortured screams tearing through the monitor on her bedside table acting like a dagger of anguish stabbing through her skull. Although befuddled from sleep, she jerked open the bedroom door, stumbling past the kitchen and through the living room before reaching Grace's door. Shoving it open, she found her precious little girl sitting up, pale little face glowing and glistening with tears. Jessica raced to the side of the pen and scooped her baby up, holding her close. The shuddering of Grace's fear vibrated between them.

"It's okay, baby, mommy's here. Mommy's here."

"M-ma . . . ."

Jessica held the trembling baby against her, squeezing her eyes against her own tears. The scene was one that had been occurring far too frequently in recent days. Whatever the source of Grace's onset of nightmares, Jessica prayed it would pass. Not for her own sanity, but for her daughter's.

As she rocked back and forth, feeling her heartbeat slow to normal, Jessica clutched baby Grace against her bosom, whispering reassuringly in the infant's ear, stroking and patting her back. Finally, she felt Grace sag, little hands sliding down along her arms. Grace was asleep once more, reassured of safety by her mother's presence. Carefully, Jessica set the baby back in the pen, covered her with the fleece blanket once more.

"I'll always be here, baby," Jessica whispered as she retreated toward the door. "Mommy's always gonna take care of you."

*****

Even just a few days before Halloween, the afternoons were still warm enough in the Southwest to enjoy getting a little sun by the pool. The water may have been too chilly, but Jessica had no intention of taking a swim. Especially since she had to keep an eye on baby Grace.

She thought it amusing, pushing the stroller along the polished and stained wooden planks that surrounded the apartment complex' Olympic-sized pool, how men ogled her in her black bikini, yet shied away from approaching her because of the baby's presence. She could see the way they made comments amongst themselves, then shook their heads forlornly. As if saying, "Damn she's hot. Too bad she's got a kid, or I'd be all over that."

In a way, Jessica was thankful for the mitigating presence of her daughter. Grace was like a brilliant, glowing, flashing "stop" sign that kept lecherous men at bay. Better than any cold look for discouraging unwanted attention. Still, a powerful part of Jessica's libido wouldn't have minded the attentions of some of the toned young studs that lingered by the pool in loose trunks, their six-pack abs proudly displayed.

Alas, she thought wistfully, making sure the shade on the stroller covered her sleeping child. She lathered up with tanning oil and wiped her hands before reclining back on one of the lounges with a dogeared copy of a Laurel K. Hamilton novel. Jessica wasn't so much interested in vampire fiction, but she enjoyed the sexual aspects.

Gently rocking the stroller with her foot, peripherally listening to some of the kids playing in the water, Jessica didn't notice at first the approach of the woman beside her until she heard her name called.

"Hey, Jessica. Mind of I sit by you?"

Jessica glanced up with a slight start, looking through the dark haze of her sunglasses at the lithe blonde in the tiny blue bikini. Casey dropped her towel on the lounge beside Jessica's. Her lightly-tanned skin glistened already with a film of coconut-scented oil. "Sure," Jessica said with a smile.

"Safety in numbers," The younger woman said with a conspiratorial nod which indicated the various young men about the pool.

Jessica grinned and laughed softly. "I'll protect you."

Casey laughed as well, kicking off her flip-flops and easing back onto the lounge. She sipped from a bottle of Aquafina. "Your baby's adorable," she commented. "How old is she?"

"Fifteen months," Jessica stated proudly.

The young blonde bit her lip longingly, staring into the stroller. "Sometimes I think I wanna have a baby so bad," she said. "But I'm not even out of college. 'Course, half my friends got knocked up in high school. It's almost like it's expected nowadays."

Jessica shrugged. "Well, I can't say I'm the best authority on precaution," she said with a meaningful look. "Grace wasn't exactly planned. But I wouldn't give her up for the world."

Casey smiled broadly. "See, that's the difference. Most of my friends who've got kids, they act like it's this big drain on their social life. All they do is bitch about how much fun they're not having."

Jessica inhaled deeply. "Yeah, it's a big change, but really, when it comes down to it, nothing's more incredible than watching a tiny little person growing up. It changes everything, and yeah, it's not always roses, but it really is worth it."

"Is her dad around?" Casey asked casually, then recanted with an apologetic look. "Oh, shit. That's right. Deadbeat."

Jessica shrugged sagely. "Like I said, she wasn't planned, and it was obviously too much to expect her father to step up. Guess some of it's my fault for fooling around with a guy too young for me."

The blonde frowned with a funny smile stretching her lips. "What's too young for you? I thought you were, like, my age."

Jessica laughed. "Let's just say I'm getting dangerously close to thirty."

"No way! I totally thought you were, like, maybe a year or two older than me!"

"Hopefully I can keep that up for another decade."

"Wow. Hey, good for you. Seriously."

Jessica blushed. "Thanks," she said, shifting with a bit of discomfort. She had never taken flattery well, even when it was honest. "So, um, how's your Mr. Right?"

Casey grinned, pale blue eyes flashing. "Mmm. Gets better every day. Fuck, I think I'm in love. I never thought any guy would make me feel the way Vic does."

No kidding, Jessica thought, reflecting on the evening before, when she had once more played the part of the clairaudial voyeur. He had you screaming for almost an hour last night. "That's his name?" she asked innocently. "Vic?"

"Yeah, that's him," Casey said dreamily. "Vic. Vic Pisano. God! Can you even imagine a sexier name?"

Jessica chuckled. "Oh, you got it bad, girl," she remarked.

Casey laughed, biting her lip, undoubtedly reminiscing about her lover. "Yeah, I guess I do. Never felt this way about any guy I ever dated. But Vic's really different. He's older than me, and way more mature than anyone I've ever been with."

"That definitely helps," Jessica agreed.

"So, what about you? You got a guy?"

Jessica's smile evaporated. "Guess you could say I'm still waiting."

Casey looked uncomfortable. "Damn. Almost makes me feel guilty for being happy."

The older woman shook her head with a disarming laugh. "Hey, don't feel sorry for me. My baby's way more important than any man. I figure, maybe I'll meet someone, maybe I won't. But it won't really matter either way as long as I can raise my daughter right."

Casey gave Jessica an inscrutable look. "You know, that's the coolest fuckin' thing I've ever heard."

Jessica rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses, but her smile remained. "Fountain of wisdom, that's me."

The blonde laughed. "Know what? I wish we'd met sooner. Specially since I'm moving out next week."

Jessica frowned. "Why are you moving out?"

Casey chewed her lip thoughtfully, looking uncomfortable. "Well, it's kind'a freaky. Like, freaky scary."

The furrow on Jessica's brow deepened. "What, you got a stalker or something?"

"No, nothing like that," the younger girl said, then sat up, swinging her legs to the polished wood planks below them. "Look, I don't wanna weird you out or anything."

Jessica suddenly glanced to her baby, asleep in blissful ignorance. She glanced back to Casey with alarm evident on her face. "Hey, if something's going on around here--"

"It's not a big deal," Casey insisted. "Well, not to you. It's just that . . . okay, I got this friend. She's a serious geek girl. Spends way too much time online. See, she found out that a girl got killed in my apartment a couple years ago. Two years ago on Halloween, to be exact."

Jessica's heart flipped in her chest and she sat bolt upright. "Jesus!" she exclaimed. "They ever find who did it?"

Casey squirmed, fidgeting with her hands. "Um . . . no. That's what kind'a freaks me out. Like, I don't think I'm in any real danger, but still . . . ever since I found out, I'm almost afraid to be alone in my own place. Good thing Vic's been staying over almost every night."

"No shit. I'd be afraid, too."

"It's a real shame, too," the blonde continued. "When I first checked out the apartment, it was perfect. Everything I wanted. Like, it felt like home. But now . . . I can't stay there anymore. I don't know if I believe in ghosts or anything, but ever since I found out, it's almost like I'm not the only one living there."

Jessica swallowed dryly. "Guess I can't really blame you for wanting to move out."

"Yeah," Casey said, then made the effort to brighten. "But, hey, I didn't wanna freak you out. Not like it happened in your building or anything."

Jessica nodded slowly. "Yeah. Right."

*****

"Oh! Look at you! You're scary!"

The young boy, maybe six or seven, grinned beneath the oversized goblin half-face mask he wore and expectantly held out the black nylon bag engraved with "Trick or Treat." Jessica dutifully dropped a couple of dum-dums into the bag, then smiled up at the boy's mother standing a few paces behind him on the landing.

"Say 'thank you,' Jeremy," the mother instructed.

The boy looked sheepish as he turned away. "Thank you," he muttered shyly. His mother rolled her eyes, then followed her son down the steps.

Jessica watched them depart. The sun was just setting, casting the sky in deep orange and crimson hues. A cool wind blew, carrying the scents of pumpkin pie and incense. Can't wait until I can take Grace trick-or-treating, she thought. She looked back, watching her daughter trying to dance in the cumbersome bunny costume while watching a DVD episode of The Wiggles. She laughed, fawning over the sight. Nothing could be cuter, she thought, than a clumsy baby in rabbit ears and a fuzzy cotton suit.

The sound of a car pulling into one of the spaces before her building brought Jessica's attention back outside. The doors of a champagne-colored Cadillac popped open, disgorging its passengers. Jessica groaned inwardly, yet with a smile, as a busty Elvira stepped from the passenger side, replete in a black gown with an NC-17 neckline that revealed the swell of her impressive breasts. The driver was an older woman who shared much of Kelly's Irish heritage, but was more conservatively dressed.

"Happy Halloween!" called Kelly as she advanced up the stairs toward Jessica's apartment.

Jessica laughed, meeting her best friend with a kiss on the cheek. "Wow. You look--"

"Like a complete slut," barked Kelly's mother from behind the busty redhead. "Since when did Halloween become an excuse to dress like a tramp?"

Kelly rolled her eyes, allowing her mother to pass into Jessica's apartment. "Times change, mom."

The older woman grumbled something under her breath, but her demeanor changed once she caught sight of baby Grace. "Ooo! Look at the cute bunny-girl!"

Grace squealed happily, jumping up and down before allowing Kelly's mother to pick her up. Jessica watched from the doorway, a relieved smile crossing her face. Beside her, Kelly settled a hand to Jessica's shoulder.