Screwing My Ex

(F/F, oral, anal, exhibitionism, violence, irrational behavior, bad cooking)

DISCLAIMER: In case the codes above are Greek to you, this is a sex story with lots of good ol' down home sex scenes. If this doesn't interest you, stop reading. If this does interest you, get some popcorn and a drink, put it aside for later, grab your partner or whatever you use when you don't have a partner, and get ready to have some fun.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Even though I use a mental condition as a story device in this tale, I do not think people should be judged by such things and readers should not assume that those who struggle with mental imbalances or social disorders would act in this manner.

It was half past ten in the morning on an early November day, and I had a surprise appointment to keep. I strode down Thirty Second Street in New York City with a purposeful stride in my gait. My clothes were chosen carefully – the dark jacket with a fur collar that Amber had always thought was so sexy and the knee length black boots with two-inch heels. She picked out both items when we went shopping once, telling me that she would always be turned on when I wore them. It was something I counted on for today.

As I walked some people occasionally looked or even leered at me. I was used to stares, mostly because people felt a six-foot tall Asian woman was some kind of oddity, but today part of it was the outfit. I felt a little rush, thinking if they only knew what was underneath this coat. Unfortunately, and all too soon, that rush was taken over by nerves. There was a part of me that knew this whole thing was insane, that I was not thinking clearly, and that if I turned around right now, headed home and took my pills, the pain and anger I was feeling might subside sooner than I thought.

But as I mentioned this was only a very small part of me thinking rationally. The rest was pure temper, a white-hot fire of rage that was saying something along the lines of,

"FUCKING ROTTEN CUNT BITCH WHORE I'M GOING TO KILL THAT STUPID WENCH AND STUFF HER INTO A TOOTHPASTE TUBE AND SQUEEZE HER OUT SLOWLYONTO A BED OF HOT COALS AND WATCH HER WRITHE IN AGONY WHILE I LAUGH!"

Okay, so I tend to get slightly eloquent when I'm angry, probably because I've had plenty of practice. My temper is legendary among my family and friends, and some have joked that my name, Blossom, has more to do with anger rather than botany. I've been seeing psychologists ever since high school, all of them trying to help me control my rage and occasional fits of depression with varying degrees of success. Most have used medication, and at first that seemed like a great cure. But whenever I forget to take my pills the feelings come back ten times stronger than before, mixing with negative memories that fuel my rage even further, and sometimes it all leads me to do things I regret. I haven't taken my pills for several days now, and even in my current state I could tell this was shaping up to be one of those times.

"I heard you stabbed a girl once."

Amber was looking at me sitting on a toilet. We were in a lesbian club called The Litter Box, and I had just run away from a table full of friends, taking refuge in the bathroom and forgetting to close the stall door because I was so upset. Seeing her face made me realize how the dim club lighting hid her beauty. Amber stood there waiting for a response, and even though she had an easygoing air about her, I felt the weight of her stare.

"It was a long time ago," I said. "Back in high school."

The left corner of Amber's mouth came up in a half smile. "I was in high school once. Don't recall stabbing anyone."

Most stall doors are cheap shit and only stay in two positions – locked or open.

I threw the stall door so hard that it actually stuck shut. My eyes struggled to hold back the tears that came with the memories that had been dredged up. I could hear Amber's footsteps as they came up to the door.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Talking always helped me, at least with my psychiatrist. I opened the door. Amber stood there with a concerned look on her face.

"You know," I started, "my mom always said, "What goes around comes around." It was like her credo. Whenever someone did something fucked up, I could just count three seconds and mouth it right along with her 'cause she was that predictable with it." I shook my head. "I'm still waiting to see it really happen."

The story started when I was in high school and a new girl had come to town. She was a beautiful redhead named Heather Pollard, and the moment I saw her I fell in love. Every time I passed her in the hall I felt a rush of excitement, and when I had a class with her I spent all my time stealing glances and daydreaming of being in a relationship with her. It was the kind of thing you did at fifteen when you knew in the back of your mind it would never happen, but you kept hoping and dreaming.

Then it really happened. Heather slipped me a note one day as we were leaving class. It said she had heard rumors about my sexuality and hoped they were true because she was very interested. No words could adequately describe the soar of excitement, the rushing of the blood, the lightheadedness, the feeling that I could jump over a building or run ten miles without losing steam. Bullets would have bounced off of me that afternoon. Following instructions in the note, I met Heather later that day behind a local building and we made out for a while. After that she told me her parents were going out of town for the weekend and I could stay over her place Friday night. Nothing felt real on my walk home that day. What was only a dream had quickly become reality.

When we talked on the phone Heather told me she'd had a girlfriend back home but they broke up after she left. I told her that I'd never been with anyone except myself, but apparently I'm very good because my body was always satisfied. She laughed, which sounded like musical notes to my ears, and said she couldn't wait to show me how much better it is with someone else. When I got to her place that Friday we went to her room and made out for a little while, then she asked me to strip. Heather wanted to watch me masturbate and see how good I was, so she planted herself in a chair in front of the bed. I stood and took off my clothes without ceremony and spread myself on the bed. This all felt crazy, so I sat there for a moment and soaked in the excitement, sitting naked on another girl's bed while she admired my body, about to perform a sexual act with an audience.

With a feather light touch I started running my fingers around my breasts, letting goose bumps raise up at the sensation. I took each nipple between my thumbs and forefingers and gave a squeeze, followed by some caressing and then another pinch. Heather smiled and that sent a wave of electricity through me. My breath started to catch occasionally, and I felt a familiar tingle start to grow south of my belly button. I moved my hands away from my breasts and sent them roaming all over my body – up and down along my sides, down my crotch and over my mound, up and down my upper legs, and over my tummy until I was back up to my breasts. While I did this I sighed and moaned at the sensation, occasionally adding in the same sound I make whenever anything caramel touches my lips.

Heather was enthralled at what I was doing. This meant the time I'd spent sitting in the library reading sex education books and surfing the Internet for lewd stories instead of doing schoolwork had been a proper redirection of my efforts. I'd have to pat myself on the back when my hands weren't so busy. Right now they were teasing my pubic hairs as I spread my legs open, for the first time displaying my most private areas to another human being who didn't have the letters 'MD' after their name.

I slid my fingers along my folds, which were already moist from the full body massage, and used my fingertips to tease the sensitive flesh. Maybe it was the excitement of the moment, or maybe it was the comfort I felt at meeting another lesbian, but I automatically said the words I usually say as soon as my hands touch my pussy. "Hello, lover."

Heather giggled and I was suddenly aware of what I had uttered. But the smile on her face was warm and that put me at ease. Bringing one hand back up to my face as the other continued to play with my pussy, I made a show of licking the honey off of my fingertips, basically over dramatizing in the way a fifteen year-old who was doing something to impress another person would. But seeing Heather's jaw drop made me feel like I was doing it just right.

A moan came from deep within me as I slid a finger inside of myself. I could tell Heather was getting excited because she bit her lip as her legs bounced up and down and her face had a look of bottled excitement, like a ten-year-old kid on Christmas Eve. I started moving my finger in and out slowly, making a big show of it by planting my feet on the bed, leaning on my shoulders and bringing my hips up so she could see the action clearly.

"That's so cool," she said.

The words made me soar. Ever since Heather talked about the sexual experiences she'd had with her girlfriend, I started worrying that my inexperience might hurt my chances to be with her. That's why impressing Heather became so important, and once it was accomplished I wanted to reap the reward for my efforts. Lowering my hips down to the bed, I looked at her and asked, "You want to join me?"

With a wide smile she said, "I want to see you finish yourself off. After that, I'll show you what I can do."

That spurned me on to finish quickly. I lay back, brought my fingers up to my clit and began to tease it, getting to several highs before I finally felt the big one coming. Something about Heather watching me made it so much more exciting, her eyes looking at my body like she was surveying a scrumptious desert. Our pupils met every now and then, and a wicked smile crossed her face. My climax racked my body like an earthquake, and for a moment I thought I heard something actually hit the floor.

And suddenly I realized something did hit the floor. A sound coming from the closet, followed by voices. My eyes went to the slightly open door and then to Heather. Her smile turned into a laugh, and I could feel in my gut that something was very wrong here. Before I could say anything the closet door flew open and two guys from school, Jimmy Bower and Pete Trallos, came barreling out. Pete was holding a video camera and walked straight up to the bed with it. I remember screaming, somehow grabbing most of my clothes, and running away.

The rest of the weekend was spent in my room crying. My parents kept asking me what was wrong, but the situation wasn't exactly something I could talk to them about. Heather had totally humiliated me. I kept wondering why she did it, and what kind of person could do such a thing. Bouts of depression took turns with fits of rage, and I broke more than a few things in my room. My dad ended up calling my psychiatrist at home. After two hours she managed to calm me down, but nothing could take away the sting of what had happened. I thought it was the worst thing I'd ever experienced. How wrong I was.

Monday and Tuesday I faked sickness to avoid school, not wanting to face Heather and those two boys. But when I finally went in on Wednesday I saw Heather in the hallway, hanging out with Pete and his group. She spotted me down the hall, waved and called out, "Hello, lover!"

I could hear the group break out in laughter as I ran away. I made it to homeroom and thought I was safe.

"Hello, lover."

The words sent a shock wave down my spine, especially when I realized it wasn't Heather, Pete or Jimmy. There were giggles around the room. Looking around to see who said it, I suddenly realized most everyone was staring at me. I took out a book and buried my face in it, trying not to cry or scream or run, wishing it would all just go away.

Later, a friend told me the video of my masturbation session had been posted on the Internet, and Pete and Heather, who were now an item, told everyone where to find it. Blind rage took over, and I don't really remember getting the knife. According to the police report I stole it from the cafeteria kitchen.

I do remember stabbing Heather, that moment is vividly clear in my mind. As I walked up to her in the hallway, she smiled and said, "Hello, lover," again. I replied, "Goodbye bitch!" and plunged the blade into her shoulder.

"I was sentenced to juvie for a few months," I told Amber. By this time we had made our way to a coffee shop. "They took pity on me because I told them I had planned to stab her in the shoulder."

"Told them," Amber said, and then she was silent for a few moments, her eyes staring straight into mine. In a soft, shallow voice she said, "You weren't aiming for her shoulder, were you?"

I looked away. This was one of those moments I wished you could erase those parts of your past you didn't like, somehow starting over fresh, without all the mistakes you made before. "No," I said, as my voice broke slightly. "I was aiming for her heart. Blind luck, she moved at the last moment."

Suddenly I realized I had arrived at my destination. Va Vem was an exclusive clothing store on Thirty-Second that sold trendy styles to rich yuppies. I took a deep breath. Did I really need to do this? Four months since it had happened and the pain had just begun to fade. Why reopen the wound? This was a plan I had come up with the night before while drunk, and finally stopping to think about it, I realized that what I was about to do was incredibly stupid. But then I noticed what the mannequin was wearing – an outfit for a grown woman that included a plaid skirt and vest, made to look like a schoolgirl's outfit. Who's to say what's stupid?

I reached into my jacket pocket and touched the cold steel object in there. Feeling it gave me a sense of power. It made risking jail time seem worth it.

"Fuck it," I said to the mannequin like it could hear me, and walked in the door.

The whole place was done in bright white walls and hardwood floors, and as Amber had told me so many times it was devoid of customers at this early hour. Down a walkway flanked by tables and cubbyhole stands filled with clothes was a checkout counter, and behind that counter stood Amber, folding up some sweaters. I looked at her straight auburn hair that I had washed so many times in the shower, her thin, willowy arms that had embraced my body, and the full lips that caused a stir deep inside me every time I saw them. When she looked up and saw me standing halfway between her and the door, I could see the almond colored eyes that I'd stared into until I was in a trance. Amber's face started to take on a look of shock, then froze midway when she saw what I was wearing. I think her brain was having a panic attack while her eyes were saying, "Yum."

She said, "Blossom." It was less of a statement and more of a cover for "Oh shit."

"Hey baby," I said.

Amber slowly walked around the counter, and when she did I nearly lost it. Down below the hemline of her skirt, she wore two-inch sandals that showed off a silver anklet and toe ring combo that I'd given her. It was hard not to let anger show in my face.

She just stood there tight lipped. I realized she didn't know if I was going to punch her or take out a gun and start shooting or fall to my knees and beg for her back. I stayed silent, letting Amber's mind play through all the little scenarios of where this could go. It was mean, but she was the cause of that little sliver of my heart growing cold.

"What are...what do you want?"

I walked up to her, and as I did it was obvious she was trying not to back away. "You owe me."

"Owe you?" She tried to sound annoyed, but there was a nervous lilt to her voice that betrayed her guilt, and her fear.

I nodded. "Uh huh. You remember our little fantasy?"

She smirked. "Which one?" Less fear in her voice now.

I held out my hands, indicating the store. Amber's eyebrows raised and she started to look up. But then she realized what I meant and looked back at me with a mischievous grin and a wild look in her eyes. That look. I hadn't realized I'd missed it until that moment.

"Are you serious?" she asked.

To answer her question I opened the coat, revealing my naked body underneath. Amber's eyes went wide and her jaw fell open. She loved it when I let the exhibitionist side of me go wild, and I threw in a gold waist chain for good measure. One look told me I had her right where I wanted her.

In three quick strides she covered the distance between the two of us. One hand came to the back of my neck and pulled my face to hers, our lips brought together in a kiss fueled by momentary lust. Her other hand went to my breast, rubbing the soft flesh and pinching between her fingers the nipple already hard from the cool air. Our tongues violently mashed together and I once again relished in Amber's taste. A year's worth of memories flooded back into my conscious mind and I felt like I could get lost in any one of them. The real reason I was here was suddenly sacrificed to the desire to have her back.

I felt safe. I had someone to lean on again, someone who would catch me when I fell, be there when I needed, give when I lacked, help when I was helpless. You never seem to realize what kind of support you gain when you're in a committed, loving relationship. Not until it's suddenly gone without your consent. The numb feeling that comes over you when you suddenly realize your safety net is gone. Back outside without a jacket, the door closed and locked and you don't have a key to get back in. Nothing but miles of empty wasteland before you and you don't know which direction to head in...suddenly I understood what my psychiatrist was telling me about being too dependant on others.

But I wasn't the only one feeling safe. Amber panicked when she first saw me, fearing the worst kind of retribution. Now thinking my intention is fun, she's relaxed and getting into it. This is the false sense of security I wanted to create for her, because in order for me to get away with this I needed her to feel safe and secure. We broke the kiss and when I looked in Amber's eyes I fell in love with her again.

"Did you know hummingbirds are the only type of birds that can fly backwards?"

Amber had asked the question without looking away from the magazine. We were in this hotel in Philadelphia, my cousin was getting married and Amber and I went down a night early. There was a small round table and chair in front of a window offering a picturesque view of the city, and the bedside radio was set to a local college station that played techno music. After taking a shower I walked out of the bathroom naked, using the towel to try to get some water from my ear. Amber was lying on the bed wearing only a baby doll T-shirt. Her bare feet were crossed and her light brown patch of pubic hair was on display. Both looked inviting.

"Why would any bird want to?"

Amber shrugged. "To get out of a bad situation?"

I turned the chair so it faced the window and sat down. "But they can't see backwards. They could fly back into another bad situation."

"Like getting another bird's beak up it's butt."

I smiled. "Doesn't sound that bad to me."

Amber tossed the magazine aside, jumped off the bed and sat in my lap. "Me neither." She wrapped her arms around me and leaned down, we shared a passionate kiss followed by some lip sucking and finally some cuddling. She turned and we stared out the window at the metropolis beyond.

Amber chuckled. "How many people you think are having sex out there right now?"

"In the whole world?"

She shook her head. "Just where we can see."