Seducing a Brainy Chick

So, let's say you've got your eye on someone. She's pretty, she's funny, and most of all, she's smart. Sounds good, right? The only problem is, you don't stand a chance. Perhaps you lack social skills, or maybe you just don't think you are all that interesting. But fear not, because I'm here to offer you advice learned over a lifetime. Most of it earned the hard way, through trial and error. I don't promise to make you the next Don Juan or Giacomo Casanova, but after reading this you should have all the tools you need. The rest is up to you, and the Fates.

Why a Smart Chick

I suppose the first question we should address before going any further is 'why do you want a smart chick?' After all, there are no shortage of vapid, brainless bimbos out there who will put out for almost anything that moves. Well, I can hardly presume to speak for you, but in my experience, that gets old very fast. I would much rather have an intelligent, mature woman with whom I can discuss culture, news and politics than some random piece of ass. Brainy girls also tend to be surprisingly adventurous when it comes to sex as well. And, last but not least, girls always look hot with glasses.

What Smart Chicks are Looking For

This is another pertinent issue which needs to be addressed. Unfortunately, there is no straight forward answer to this one, because it will vary from woman to woman. Some women are looking for a stable, long-term relationship. Others are just looking for a casual fuck, or a piece of eye candy they can take to the theatre, gallery openings or lectures. Fortunately, what gets their attention is usually pretty consistent -- intelligence, intelligence, intelligence! I can't stress it enough. Smart chicks are going to go for smart guys! They want someone who can hold a conversation and follow their interests, and with a little work, that might be YOU!

So, with that in mind, here is some advice.

1. Know the Terrain

Heraclitus of Ephesus said 'Γνώθι Σεαυτόν' -- 'Know Thyself!' However, in this case, knowing the woman you want to seduce is equally important. Now, I don't mean stalking here. In fact, that is probably the last thing you want to do, and will probably (quite rightly) drive women away from you. But, before you make your move, you should probably know at least something about the woman you want to seduce -- what does she read, where is she from, what is her career... These are all pertinent things to know, and you should try to remember everything she tells you when you start flirting.

2. Art & Culture -- Things You Should Know

This is where the first step comes into play. Learn as much as you can about culture! The best way to do this is to experience it for yourself -- go out there and read, visit museums and libraries and art galleries, see plays and concerts, frequent night clubs and theatres, surf the internet! Try and build up as broad a base as possible, but at the same time, you want to familiarize yourself with her interests. But don't limit yourself to that. It's important to know what she likes, yes, but it is equally important to show her you can think for yourself, and to that end, you should have a very broad base of knowledge.

Now that you've built up some familiarity with fine culture, you should be able to hold your own end in an intelligent conversation, going out to lunch at a fancy restaurant, or taking her to see a play or concert. Remember, no knowledge is useless. If you become an expert on some esoteric field such as Byzantine hagiography, Japanese Noh theatre, or 20th century Polish literature, then you have a potential topic to pique her curiosity. Good for you!

Just one little caveat... The internet is a great resource for finding out information. But, never, ever try to describe something she is interested in using terms that you found through Wikipedia or Amazon.com. She knows the stuff, and odds are she has read those reviews... she may have even written them. You'll just wind up looking like a boorish idiot or a creepy stalker and she'll avoid you from then on. Much better to just read it, watch it or listen to it yourself and form your own opinion!

3. First Impressions

You only get one first impression, so make it count. Now, if you know her from some place -- maybe she goes to school with you or is a co-worker -- then you already have an easy in. It's best to try showing you are intelligent, well-spoken and hard working before you make your move, but it's not necessary. For someone you don't already know, striking up a conversation can be a little harder. Maybe you want to score with the barista? Try making some small talk when she's taking your order, maybe even try to be a regular customer. What about a woman on the train? Make a comment about the author of the book she is reading.

These are relatively arbitrary suggestions, but the main point is that unless you are completely lacking in social graces, you should be able to think of some way of striking up a conversation without coming off as a stalker or serial rapist. Just remember, you want to make a good first impression. Don't sound too artificial or prepared. Try and be casual. Also, if you have the luxury of planning your meeting in advance, try and look your best. Fix your hair, wear deodorant and nice clothing. That sort of thing. Like I said, this sounds pretty basic, but it still bears going over anyway.

4. Dress to Impress, Dress for Success

Whether it's right or wrong, we live in a society that judges people by the way they look, and in this case, you are going to want to look your best. Now, the last thing the world needs is another bleach-blonde metrosexual yuppie running around trying to be trendy. What you want to do is dress nicely, to show your independence and (hopefully) power. Don't dress like the masses; try and stand out. This does not mean go to an office meeting dressed as a clown, but try and look sharp, unique and better than everyone else around you. After all, you want to be noticed, you want to stand out.

Worth mentioning here, depending on your age and background, you may or may not be able to get away with some things. Younger people, as a general rule, can stand out much more with trendy youth styles, but older men are going to look... well, pretty sad or pathetic. Women are not turned on by mid-life crises. Ethnic and religious wear can get you some mileage, but it depends on various things too. In the end, tailor your needs to the woman you want to impress (pun intended) and try and look your best whenever she is around. But try not to make it too obvious either.

5. The Language of Love

Agape! Hob! Amor! Szerelem! Eshgh! Cinta! No matter how you say it, knowing the right words can go a long way. Learning a second (or third, or fourth, etc) language is a very nice way to impress a chick. It can also be a convenient way to strike up a conversation. Certain languages are likely to get more mileage than others... The Romance languages like Italian, Spanish and French have long been considered 'languages of love,' while Greek and Latin hold a certain air of learning in the West (as does Hebrew for many Jews). Further flung languages like Arabic, Chinese, Persian, Hindi and Russian are sometimes labeled 'exotic' and have their own rich literary traditions to quote from.

Yes, I said quote from. You didn't think that 'culture' applied only to the Anglophone world, did you? Being familiar with the works of Rumi, Mickiewicz, Homer or Tagore goes a long way. Especially if you can actually read the original! More contemporary venues such as Bollywood, Iranian cinema, Mexican soap operas and Cantonese pop music are also useful. And, it's always fun to take a girl to an 'ethnic' restaurant and order in the native language. Any big city should have French, Italian, Chinese, Greek, Indian, Mexican, Ethiopian and dozens of other regional cuisines to sample, depending on your tastes. This applies to English language as well, so build up your vocabulary guys.

Special mention should be made for those who are seducing a woman who speaks the language in question. If you familiarize yourself with her language and culture, you are very likely to impress her. Even if you don't speak the language as well as she does (and, quite honestly, you probably won't develop fluency right away) it still is a meaningful gesture. Women tend to be very impressed when an outsider learns an ethnic language like Cantonese, Arabic, Yoruba, Gaelic, Yiddish or Vietnamese for their sake.

6. Less is More

Abraham Lincoln is quoted as having said, "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." Sound advice. Although you want to be noticed, you also want to be somewhat mysterious. It makes you seem wise and enigmatic. So don't just sit in corner nodding in agreement with whatever other people say, but at the same time, don't tell her everything about yourself. Listen to her, add some commentary and hope that she thinks you are much smarter than you actually are. This advice, incidentally, can be applied fairly well to other arenas too.

7. Always Have an Opinion

Just because you are mysterious does not mean that you are boring. In fact, if all goes right, everything you say should have more of an impact (or at least seem). It is important that you always, always, always have an opinion on issues. To do that, you should probably read a newspaper or listen to talk radio, but don't blindly parrot what other people have said. You should be able to always take a rational, meaningful side on an issue (meaning that you should be able to actually defend your position if called out), even if you don't actually care about it in real life.

Now, you need not always agree with her. In fact, sometimes disagreeing with someone can be a good way to strike up conversation and get their attention. But, at the same time, don't pick fights you know you can't win. Talking about abortion, for example, will not win you many friends if you take the 'wrong position' on the issue. These hot button issues are going to vary from crowd to crowd, so use your judgment. The only universals are really obvious ones. No intelligent woman is going to have much respect for someone who goes around supporting Nazi ideology and denying the Holocaust, for example.

8. Be Eccentric

Be eccentric. Be weird. Be kooky. A few peculiarities here and there will only add to your mystique. When I say this, of course, I mean small but distinctive things. Perhaps tell her you adhere to some small superstition, or have a preference for some rare food or drink. Maybe you sign your name in an odd way, have some sort of exotic pet, or wear a distinctive piece of clothing. These things are harmless, but they make you stand out (see above) and keep you in someone's mind. Now, when I say this, I mean eccentric. I don't mean insane or retarded. You are looking to be charming, artsy or even kitsch. You aren't looking to be creepy... Don't go around eating raw meat or dressing in a sailor suit. You want to fascinate her, not make her think you are a serial killer or escaped mental patient.

9. Cultivate Harmony

Many religions, especially the more Pantheistic ones, stress a sort of harmony with nature. For the more literal thinkers, it simply means don't be an asshole. Try to be compassionate to animals and polite to other people. You don't need to go so far as, say , stop eating meat, but don't be mean to animals. Or children for that matter. And, for that matter, it doesn't hurt to hold the door open for women or help old people cross the street. Donating to the appropriate charities can impress her too. You don't need to become a Bodhisattva, but just show her that chivalry isn't dead.

Speaking of spirituality, it can be good to have yourself grounded in something. Prayer, meditation and yoga can be good exercises to clear your mind. And if your woman is into certain esoteric beliefs, such as Theosophy or Jewish Kabbalah, then you have plenty of things to talk about.

10. Know the Lay of the Land

The final lesson here takes a page from Sun Tzu. You should always familiarize yourself with your surroundings. In this particular case, though, you are going to want to know good places to take that special lady. To this end, find all of the important museums, art galleries, book stores, libraries, restaurants, theatres, coffee houses, parks and other venues around you. As before, this should be an ongoing process, because you want to know when new exhibits, shows and movies are coming. Taking a woman to see her favorite performer or artist can score you some major points in her eyes, and its even better if she wouldn't have known about it without your diligence.

With these ten easy steps in mind, you should be able to impress any refined, cultured woman. Good luck, and if at first you don't succeed, well, c'est la vie. At least you tried. Smile and move on, because persistence can be... kind of creepy.