Selfish

He never should have been with her. As I see it he was always mine. I just had to show him. It took a little bit of time... okay, it took a LOT of time. But it was worth it. He needed me to show him how to be loved right and she wasn't the one to do it.

Well, let me start from what I guess is the beginning. The day I met him; Michael. This wonderful and talented man walked into my bookstore on a September day and changed my view of men forever. God he's so gorgeous and I can say this because I had never even been interested in a black man before him and I was sure that I didn't want anyone else after him. I remember standing behind the counter talking to Shelia when he came in, all 5 foot 10 of him. I was speechless...which probably explains why he walked in and out without me saying a word to him. I just saw the general direction he walked in.

"Where you staring hard enough, Katie?" Sheila asked me as he walked out.

"Obviously," I started, "I wasn't staring hard enough. He didn't even stop to look at me."

"Maybe he did and you were staring too hard to notice."

"Maybe you're right. So now let's just hope that Mr. Maybe walks back in here so I can command his attention."

"Good luck with that."

Hell I didn't need luck for this, I just needed an opportunity; and as I've heard before, if opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. My door was a change of wardrobe, at least temporarily. Gone were the faded

jeans and graphic tees I wore day to day. Those were replaced by fancy slacks, blouses and tight tops. Sneakers were converted to heels and my standard loose bun was transformed into my naturally flowing dark brown tresses. I even started wearing contacts again to replace my glasses. Customers, male and female, flocked to me on a daily basis. I think I was a fucking supermodel...for a week, which is about the amount of time that lasted. One, because I still hadn't seen him again up to that point and got discouraged and two, because that's all the fancy clothes I had and there wasn't a reason for me start rotating the same outfits week after week for some guy who may or may not show up. On the 8th day I was back to the jeans, sneakers, bun and glasses and lo and freaking behold he showed up, walked right past me and onto the magazine rack isle! Oh it was on.

I crouched down behind the counter and pulled my hair out and in lieu of a brush, gave myself a once over with my hand in a compact mirror. By the time I stood back up he was headed towards the door without talking to me again!

"Long time no see stranger!" I impulsively yelled out to him.

"Who, me?" he replied in his sexy voice.

"Yeah, you. I can't have my customers coming in here just every once in a while. I get worried." Wow I was putting on a show. Truth be told I noticed a few regulars here and there and even made a little small talk with them. But in four years there at Bookworm this was the first person who really grabbed my attention.

"Well, it would help if you could tell me when my magazines are in. Maybe I could talk more with you and have a reason to show up frequently." Then he smiled...he was flirting with me! This was too perfect.

"You know I don't often just give out store information to strangers."

"I'm Michael. Does that make me less strange?"

I had to smile back. "Only slightly."

"Thanks...Katie," he said, looking at my nametag, which I'm sure was a little difficult since I'm all of 5' 1" on a good day. It didn't make it hard for me to stare into his dark brown eyes though. God they were gorgeous.

Over the next few days he came by to see if his new magazines were out and to chit chat... which was TOTALLY okay with me. Turns out that he was waiting on issues of a few men's magazines as he's a model scout and some of his clients end up in print a lot. This month he anticipated two clients in Lowrider and one in Maxim. At first I felt a little self conscience around him because he dealt with nothing but beautiful models all the time who were in the magazines of the place I worked, more prominently displayed than myself. Come to find out that he's actually been jaded to the point where he likes 'plain' girls such as myself. He even liked my glasses and told me he didn't want to see me with them off. That's when I realized he was mine... until Georgia happened.

Truth be told, things were going so well with us talking at work I never actually gave him my phone number or even got his. Then one day he pops up, tells me he's headed down for a photo shoot there and doesn't come back for 3 days! I missed him so much that I had to tell him how I felt when he got back. Problem is, like many men who travel, they end up picking something ugly up during their stay. Some bring back bad souvenirs, others bring home viruses...Michael came back with Liz....and paraded her through my store! He even introduced me to her like we had never met.

I've known Liz for years though. Even though I've got a good 3 years on her, in a way she's been my rival. In my senior year in high school her freshman ass came through starting problems. Let's just say dicks were like keys to her and everyone got to fiddle with the lock. Within months she ran through the men of the school fucking teams, boyfriends (including mine), teachers, you name it. I didn't even care that she did that. I cared that she just seemed to not give a fuck about all the lives she tore up in the process. I wasn't so devastated when Chris decided to be an idiot and fuck her because I knew we wouldn't last anyway. But when a couple of teachers got fired and some best friends of mine got burned, I was done. Now the one person I wanted was with her...but I was a little too selfish to let him go.

I let him know about her history but it didn't faze him at all. He wasn't in love but he thought she was a great girl so he wasn't trying to be taken in with what I had to say. It was so frustrating dealing with it because I had really just gotten into him and now it was like he was being taken away from me. I knew what would happen in the end though, I for the time being I let it go, playing the best-girl-friend-on-the side-hiding-her-emotions role, waiting for her sham relationship to fizzle.

We still talked everyday in the store (he found a reason to come in daily...me) on the days I was there and when I wasn't we finally exchanged numbers so calling him up was never an issue. We discussed everything under the sun; his marriage plans (he wants to!), why he hates dogs, music, my Syrian background, how he got started as a scout...pretty much everything I'm sure he never discussed with his tramp. He never even talked much about her really, but she did take up enough of his time to irritate me. There were times we would be on the phone and he would answer her calls and never come back. Other times he just didn't answer because he was sleeping in her bed or vice versa. But again, that didn't upset me as much as when the bitch hung up on me.

Michael and I were on the phone late one night and apparently she got pissy because her man was more interested in talking to me than her. She grabbed his phone that he pays for and hung up on me! I was done being nice and accepting of her at that point. For a couple of months I just let this perfect man tumble around with this heifer, wasting my time in the process. He never should have been with her. As I see it he was always mine. I just had to show him.

"So Michael."

"Yes Katie."

"What is it that she does for you? I mean, why are you with her?"

"She's a good person-"

"That's cute that you think that, Michael, but there are a lot of good people in the world and you aren't with them. What makes her better than anyone else?"

"..."

"Because here's what I see...all you seem to be doing is fucking her. I know this because all you do is talk to me when you aren't. That means that there's nothing being said between you two from what I can tell. Hell, you could be fucking someone like me and be better off. You don't even have anything in common with her except for the fact that she's a model and you're a scout."

"Ah, I get it now."

"You do?"

"This isn't about what makes her better than anyone else. You want me to tell you how she's better than you."

"Not exactly."

"Oh no?"

"No. Reason being is because she's NOT better than me, period."

"Where are you going with this?"

"Why aren't you with me?"

"Because she had the balls to ask first." And that was the answer. I felt like the second commenter on a blog. I couldn't believe that shouting out 'first' actually mattered this time. What about being the best? I was the best! And he would see that soon. Sooner than I expected. About four days after that conversation he comes to my door late at night, banging like he's a cop. I wasn't really expecting company so I was just lounging around in only a football jersey eating a bowl of Ramen noodles and watching Love, Actually for the 100th time. I answered it and immediately he barged in, clothes torn and tattered and looking a little roughed up.

"Oh my God baby," I said, shocked, "did you just get into-"

"I can't believe this shit!" He yelled to no one in particular, pacing my living room floor.

"What happened?" I yelled back it him.

"Liz happened," he told me.

"Well I'm sure you didn't fight her to end up like this."

"No, but I did get into it with her goons. Fucking idiots."

"What?"

He finally started to calm down, pacing within a smaller radius. "She had been acting really funny recently. Bitching me out on the phone over dumb shit, starting fights in front of her friends, just a lot of shit. She hasn't even been wanting to have sex as much and I was wondering why. I get there today and come to find out that she's fucking everybody she knows! And didn't bother to tell me a thing. Not a

fucking thing."

"I knew it," I said, whispering to myself.

"And when I get there she's having some big ass party and right in front of me she's getting tagged teamed! I try to break it up and they jump me and kick me out of the place. This is my girlfriend!"

"I'm sorry, Michael but...she was not your girlfriend. She's community property. Also has been, always will be."

"Oh yeah, that's exactly what I wanted to hear from you right now! My girl of the last few months turns out to be the town bicycle and you want to crack jokes?! I expected better from you."

"But you couldn't have expected better from her could you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Michael, you knew she wasn't shit to begin with. Why did you even bother?"

"Why are you bothering me with all this guilt trip I told you so shit? I thought you were my friend?"

"I'M MORE THAN YOUR FRIEND!" I didn't know where that comment came from but it came out and it stopped everything that was going on. He sat there with a blank stare on his face and after looking into those adorable eyes of his for a moment I knew I had to be just what I told him; more than a friend. Without saying a word I stormed into my room to put on some pants, shoes and a different shirt and grabbed a towel for him.

"Give me the keys to your apartment. I'm going to get a change of clothes for you. You're staying here tonight."

"Look I app-"

I dug into his pants pocket and pulled out his keys. "That wasn't an option, Michael. I know you don't feel any danger or anything like that but I would feel more comfortable if you stayed here tonight. I think it would keep you away from trouble."

"You mean her, right?"

"I already said trouble. Take this towel and get in the shower. I'll be back in a little bit."

"Fine, thank you."

"I love you."

"What?"

Shit. I didn't think about that before I said it. "I'll be back," I replied and hurried out the door. I couldn't believe that I told him but it was the truth and he should hear it. I thought long and hard on the ride to his apartment; about what I should say to him, why he should be with me and why I feel I need him in my life. I got to his apartment and I could just see it everywhere. He needed a woman's touch to help him out a little. He wasn't messy but his house was "lived in." Cups here and there, fridge half empty and he was damn near out of all the toiletries in his bathroom. Even his closet was a little cluttered but... in a cute way. His had the best fashion sense I knew and for what he does he better! I really love that man. I gathered up a duffle bag full of clothes and made my way back out to his car. I got home and noticed that Michael wasn't in my immediate view and headed towards my room to drop off his bag. The only other possible place he could be was the bathroom, which I found peculiar because I had been gone about 45 minutes, so I walked in and found him lying down in a tub full of hot water and the room filled with steam.

"Did you know your shower is broken?" he said.

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yeah. It's the only reason I'm taking a bath."

"Well, I take more baths than showers so it's probably been like that for a while. Thanks for letting me-"

"Why did you tell me you love me?"

I rolled my eyes and started walking towards the shower. "That was a stupid question," I said nonchalantly.

"I don't think it was. You don't just tell somebody you're not in a relationship with that you love them and expect nothing of it."

"I didn't mean to say it to be honest with you but I don't regret it. I don't regret anything."

"So why did-"

"I do love you, Michael, but I didn't mean for it to come out when it did. You and I obviously have a connection..."

"Yeah, as friends, because you didn't want to make anything more of what we could have had when you had the chance."

"What? That's bullshit and you know it! I was putting in every bit of free time I had into you and you fucked that up but staying attached to the first slut who fucked you! I'm not that slut, Michael! I'm better than that! You're better than that and we both know it! That's why I've been waiting around for this bullshit to fade. I'm the one who talked to you, I'm the one who cared what happened and I'm the one that you came to on your own. You knew I loved you, Michael!"

He got a little peeved and stood up in the bath water, exposing himself. "How in the fuck could I have known?! You didn't say shit to me! You just let this go on like it were nothing instead of talking about it...this...whatever. How was I supposed to know?!"

That pissed me off. I couldn't believe that after all these months he was that blind! This was not the man I knew; that caring and sensitive person who know me like he knew himself. I stomped in his direction and pushed him back down, splashing water all over the tile in my bathroom.

"Look at me, Michael! Look at me!" I hopped into the tub with him, still fully clothed just to let him know how serious I was. That's when the tears started to fall. "How could you look me in my eyes and not see? I could you doubt the fact that I love you? The fact that you are in my house when that bitch played you and you are here with me? How could you deny that?"

And then I saw it in his eyes...he finally saw it. He looked like he had been lost for so long and knew that he was found. He was speechless...so was I. I reached out and kissed him, he kissed back. Not only that, but he felt me... groped me... caressed me. Without the water I felt his heat. He needed me like I needed him and he was going to love me like I loved him. My job then was to show him how. I pulled my soaked shirt off and tossed it to the side. My bra followed suit and upon letting out my breasts, Michael began lick and nibble on them, right to left, taking his sweet time as the water splashed in his face. I couldn't do anything but moan as he joyfully sucked on my chest. He held me tightly as sat on his lap, causing me to get even more turned on by his hard dick poking me through my jeans. I wrestled briefly from his embrace in order to maneuver my pants off (which is VERY hard to do in a tub filled with water and two people inside) as well as my panties and sock, leaving all of it in the bottom of the tub, wanting to feel him more than I cared about where my shit was placed. Immediately he took advantage of me, pulling me close to him again, producing a wave behind us as he easily placed himself inside of me for the first time.

I've never been shot but I'm sure his dick mimicked that feeling. I felt burning but not in a bad way, just from that feeling of an unexpected entry. I froze for a moment, paralyzed by him, clenching him tightly before letting out a soft groan that made my body go limp. I almost laid motionless but he stopped that by moving himself up and down, making me grip his shoulders as I closed my eyes tightly, receiving all that he had to offer me. I kept whispering, "Michael...Michael...," over and over as he made love to me. No words were said by him though; strictly 'ooh's' and 'ahh's' as he continued to push inside of me. He began to get wilder over a short period of time, gravitating to harder grunts in comparison to my soft coo's and I loved every second of it. The sounds he made showed that he was making every effort to please me and the feel of his movements insured that I wasn't about leave. He bent my head towards his, looked me in the eyes for a moment and shed a tear as he pulled me closely for a tongue kiss. The electricity going through me at the time was evident as he made another move pushing his dick into me so far that I almost jumped out of the tub!

As I came down, he swiftly turned me around to fuck me from behind. Once again, he didn't bother talking or giving instructions, I just felt his hands grab me, the water slash and the next thing I knew I was facing the mirror to the sink in front of me, looking at Michaels chiseled body as he pierced my pussy, moving more water out of the bath. His hands felt marvelous as he ran his fingers down my spine while simultaneously pumping me slow. His touch was firm as his other hand pulled my body towards his by my waist, at the time I couldn't tell how big he was but I knew his size was driving me crazy. There were no more soft moans, just cries of ecstasy as he showed me the extent of what he wanted to give to me for so long.

This was exactly what I needed. My hands couldn't even hold on to the edge of the tub anymore, they fell to the other side a while ago. I caught myself coming hard after a few minutes, making me scream out his name again, echoing it through the large room. His only reply was that he could feel me tightening up around him and quickened his pace. My legs damn near couldn't take it, shaking non-stop under what was left of the water, tapping both ends of the porcelain. As I peaked I froze again, reaching back towards him with my right hand and latching onto his bicep. He then pumped his hardest strokes about a second and a half apart, making me yell out for him again, this time hearing his scream out as well.

I started to rescind from my sexual high and felt the need to relax and continue with him. I gathered enough strength to push back on him and make him fall again. He did as I had hoped, sitting back down in the water. I turned to look at him and only pointed my finger in his direction and he knew not to move. I turned on the hot water again, adjusting it for temperature, filling up the tub about 2/3 of the way before stopping it.

Slowly, I backed up to him again until I found my back to his chest. My right hand felt behind me in the water until I found his dick still waiting for me. I smiled and lowered myself onto him, gradually moving in circles once I reached his base. Again, the size took me by surprise but I needed to make love to him like he had never experienced before, so there was no more jumping on my part. I tilted my head back to him and kissed him delicately and he caressed my breasts while I moved between his legs.