Sex Ed Ch. 05

Sorry this one took so long. I was quite busy with work and the real world. This is the fifth chapter, the other four are relatively short if you haven't read them. This one picks up where Chapter 4 left off. I also welcome any criticism or comments, thanks to those who have already taken that liberty, I really appreciate it and I have tried to applied them in this chapter. This is not the final chapter, I still have one more in me I think. Enjoy.

H

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When I got home after watching Kenzie's lewd yet incredibly sexy display, I masturbated to the point where my clitoris was numb. In the aftermath, I laid there thinking about what I had gotten myself into. I was clearly overpowered by my lust for Kenzie. So much so I never stopped her advances, in fact they were very much welcomed. She had become the main object of my fantasies and I began imagining different places where I'd gladly take her and ravish her from head to toe.

I imagined myself back in the classroom with her sprawled out on top of my desk on her back. I climb on top of her and our bodies mold together perfectly, my larger breasts resting perfectly on top of her smaller ones. The smooth and flawless skin of hers rubbing against me, creating that friction that I yearned for every time I thought of her. My tongue needed to claim her as my own, invade every orifice of hers that I could with the slippery wet muscle. I wanted to envelope myself in the velvet pink folds of her sweet center, and drink from the fountain of her juices.

But in the back of my mind, the moral dilemma, kept interrupting my fantastical sexual episodes with Kenzie. I was a new professor, naïve, and not used to having the little voice in my head tell me "no". In my sexual history, never once did I face a challenge such as this one. Nothing was off-limits because I was never bound by a contract. Now, I was seriously regretting signing that stupid piece of paper. I was really thinking and acting like a hedonist driven by lust and desire.

I started thinking that I had brought this upon myself. Showing an interest in Kenzie from the beginning in offering to tutor her, which was something that many teachers and professors had done for me in school. It was never intended to be anything sexual, perhaps it was received in that way. I needed to know why; why Kenzie took it as a green light to seduce me. I had come up with several reasons on my own while I thought about it through the night and into the early morning hours the next day.

Kenzie reminded me a lot of myself when I was a student. I wasn't motivated and hated going to class. I didn't do well and rejected anyone who offered help because I didn't really care. As I'd said, I never thought about my future during school, I didn't want to and it wasn't something I worried about. I never had a lifelong dream of becoming a teacher and changing lives.

It took only one professor to pique my interest in Sexology. She was a short, stocky Jewish woman from Brooklyn, NY. Rough attitude and even rougher exterior. To anyone else, she was intimidating, but I was completely infatuated with her, though not in a sexual way. She befriended me, we had several chats and often counseled me with my own relationships and escapades as well. She was the perfect mentor. I absolutely adored her and when I started doing research, part of me wanted to make her proud.

When I decided to teach, I imagined myself becoming the woman I admired so much. Brilliant and blunt, but honest and caring, too. My mentor had a mouth on her that would shock anybody, and she often did. I loved it. She was the strongest female figure in my life, and I still consider her to be.

I told myself to call her in the morning, she would know what to do.

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The next day, fear crippled me. I was dreading having to face my class again, having to face Kenzie again. Something made me feel like she was going to keep messing with my head until I gave in. Little did she know, I'm stubborn as a mule when it comes to temptations. Hedonist or not, I wasn't going to risk my career over a student, no matter how desirable I found her.

I came up with a marvelous plan. I brainstormed a class project to assign to my students. Small groups, and today I would give it to them and let them begin working on it. This would surely make things difficult for Kenzie, that is, if she was planning on a repeat performance. I patted myself on the back. I could definitely control my lust if the object of my lust isn't standing right in front of me. I had to avoid her as much as I could, then maybe with time it'll all blow over. Or, she'll give up. I still had time before class so I decided to ring my mentor. She was out of the office, which I expected, so I left a voicemail for her and told her that I needed help. Hopefully, I could hold out until I heard her advice. She always had the best advice.

In class, everyone groaned when I announced the project they had to do, but thankfully they cooperated and began working together in the small groups I had arranged prior to class. Kenzie was absent and I was a little sad that my good plan inspired by her went to waste. Still, it gave me a chance to do work and other things.

Sitting at my desk in the classroom my mind continued to run in circles around the Kenzie-thing.Why me? Why her? What if we're caught?

"Hey Dr. L, how much is this project gonna be worth?" A male voice was snapped me out of my inner monologue. It was Ryan, a senior and very bright, but also your typical frat boy.

"I haven't decided, yet. Certainly not as much as the end of the year project, though." I was hoping this answer would be good enough. I was enjoying the privacy.

"Okay. Can we have a class discussion instead of doing this?"

"Oh Ryan, are you saying my project is boring?" I was feigning being hurt and insulted. Ryan was a nice kid and always had something to say. He was very opinionated but always managed to be polite and never pushy. I could also tell he had a bit of a crush on Kenzie. From her noisy entrance on the first day of class, Ryan would occasionally steal glances at Kenzie but would almost instantly resume to his note-taking. I wasn't sure if Kenzie ever noticed, but I sure did, and it annoyed the hell out of me.

Was I jealous? Jealous of what? I don't know much about the personal lives of my students so I wouldn't know if Kenzie and Ryan even were even acquaintances. Outside of the classroom, I don't stray elsewhere on the campus except for the faculty dining room and my office.

"I would NEVER, Dr. L," Ryan joked with everyone, he was that type of student who brought a comedic element to the classroom. "I just thought we could have a discussion and our groups can meet up some time outside of class instead."

"Well, is that how everyone else feels?" I glanced over the room and saw the majority of heads nodding in agreement. "Looks like majority rules. Alright Ryan, what would you like to discuss?"

"Actually, I was hoping we could talk about you, Dr. L. The first day you mention you were a lesbian and we've talked about the theories behind homosexuality already. Would you mind sharing your coming out story with us?"

I was taken aback slightly by his request. I never imagined myself sharing personal details of my sex life with my students. I often used my experiences to highlight a topic but I always removed myself from the story.

"Uhh, I don't know Ryan, that's quite personal..." Really, I was just avoiding the question. I didn't feel like sharing, I didn't even feel like talking. But the faces looking back at me were painful to resist as they implored me to share. I sighed very heavily, "Oh okay, but just the same rules apply to me as they do to you. Nothing will leave this room, got it?"

In unison, Ryan and the rest of the class agreed, "Got it!" Then they proceed to put all of their books away and rearranged their seats as if they were about to watch a movie. All that was missing were a few buckets of popcorn. I felt a pang of nervousness in my gut, which is a rare occurrence. I am rarely very shy in front of a small group of people, but perhaps the personal nature of my discourse was putting me on edge.

"Well, let's see. I think I have always known I was different from the other girls. As early as 3rd grade, I had crushes on girls in my classes. I even cut my hair short one time to make myself look like a boy, hoping that would make the girls like me." The class giggled at that.

"What? It worked! They all thought I was a cute new boy, until they finally recognized me. I never liked boys in the same that I liked girls, but I didn't realize until much later that there was a name for it. My parents found out, I never did the official coming out thing like many other do. First, my mother found a letter I wrote to my crush at the time, I had this plan to woo her with lots of gifts and love notes from her "secret admirer". But my mother had found the notes and gifts in my bedroom when she was cleaning it one day. When I got home from school that day, she sat me down and told me to listen very carefully.

"You don't know what you're doing," she said, "you're going to lose all of your friends and this girl will never like you back. There are consequences to every action" she said. I was devastated. Not only had she found out my secret, but her words hurt me too. I didn't understand how my liking someone could cause all of those things to happen. So, I ended up throwing out all of the notes and gifts because I was afraid I'd lose my friends and people would hate me."

"Dr. L," Ryan interrupted, "You shouldn't have listened to your mother, I had a plan like that and mine worked. The girl was putty in my hands." The rest of the class scoffed and the girl next to him, Randi, hit him on the shoulder for interrupting. "OW! That hurt, Ran!"

"Let her finish, dickhead." Ran fired back. Randi was very sassy. She had reddish-brown hair styled in a pixie cut, a very cute face with hazel eyes. She was curvy in all of the right places and taller than me, about 5'10. She kept the boys in line if they ever acted immature or disrespectful in class.

I couldn't help but laugh, it released some of my nerves that were still gathered in the pit of my stomach. "Well, Ryan I'm fairly glad I didn't go through with it. Later on, that girl became very mean in high school and a bit of a bully. I'm sure she would've told everyone that I was her secret admirer and that would've made my life a living hell. Anyways, it was my mother who changed my attitude towards my feelings about women. She urged me to start dating boys, which I did because you know, mothers know best. I hated it, but I went through with it to help ease the tension in my house.

"That was until I went to soccer camp one summer at a big university before my sophomore year of high school. I went as part of my high school's soccer team, most of the other girls managed to get rooms together but I was the only one with my own room. Lucky me. I met this girl, Dana, she was your typical Midwestern beauty. Short, light brown hair with pink streaks. We had so much in common, music, clothes, etc. I really started to like her, and she became a very close friend. We'd stay up late and share stories and I felt comfortable enough with her and admitted my feelings that I liked girls. She wasn't put off at all, in fact she opened up to me with her fantasies that she occasionally had about women."

"Ooooh, Dr. L, did you tap that??" Ryan blurted out.

"RYAN! What a jerk!" Randi punched him in the arm again with more force.

"No, Ryan, I didn't "tap that" as you put it. We remained in contact and I eventually saved up enough allowance money to go visit her over winter vacation. It was so much fun being with her and I sort of fell for her after awhile. One night, we went out to a party at her friend's house. There was plenty of alcohol and I got very drunk, so did she. One of her guy friends was putting the moves on me and I was too drunk to really notice. Suddenly, he grabbed me and pulled me in for a kiss. He was very strong and I couldn't push him off of me and my inebriated state definitely didn't help. Dana came to my rescue and berated her friend for taking advantage of me. She called us a cab and we went back to her house.

"Once we got to her house, we both fumbled around taking off our clothes and putting on our pajamas, I'm sure it was quite the sight seeing two drunk girls try to balance long enough to get undressed. We went to bed and snuggled, just like we always did. Then Dana got real close, resting her head on my shoulder and she kissed my cheek. It tickled so I was giggling, then she kissed me again, that time closer towards the corner of my mouth. And well, long story short, she was the first girl I kissed, and we kissed for a very long time up until both of us passed out from the amount of alcohol we had drank.

"The next morning she confessed her feelings to me. She told me she had a crush on me, and I was gushing with joy! Ah, teenage love. We tried to make it work even though we lived so far away from each other. It didn't, needless to say, now she's married and she still is my best friend. But she really solidified the fact that I was a gay woman. We still chat and reminisce occasionally, when both of us aren't too busy."

"Wow, Dr. L, that's such a cute story. Do you ever wonder what would've happened if you both managed to stay together? Or if you lived closer to each other?" Randi asked.

"Hmmm, that's a good question, Randi. I've never thought about it. All I know is that she did love me very much and we enjoyed our time together. But now she's very happily married and I'm pleased with how things worked out."

"Bet her hubby loves the fact she was a lez..." Ryan said loud enough for me to hear, but it was directed at the other guys in the class.

"Ryan! Why are you such a tit?" Randi was beet red and looked like she was ready to strangle the poor boy.

"Chill out, Ran, I was only joking! Dr. L, you know I was joking, right?"

"Of course I do, Ryan. But your mouth is going to get you into trouble one of these days." I was teasing him, but Randi seriously did look like she was ready to let loose and use Ryan's body as a punching bag. I glanced over at the clock and realized that I had blabbed for long enough. "Okay guys, sorry I'm letting you out late, have a good weekend and I'll see you next week. Oh, and don't forget about your class projects!" Another collection of groans followed my last statement. Everyone gathered their things and made their way for the door.

I had to admit it was nice to share a personal story with my students, and the overall pleasant reaction from them was reassuring. I always prefer to be open and honest with my sexuality, and granted on the first day I made it known to the class. However, I still avoided talking about it too much especially when we studied the chapter on homosexuality. I never wanted the "lesbian" label to define me, surely it's part of who I am so I don't negate it, but instead I desired my teaching ability and knowledge of the subject to be center stage.

As I gathered my things, I reflected on the parts that I had omitted from the story. Like I felt it unnecessary to tell them about my other girlfriends throughout college and beyond. My first girlfriend in college was a feisty one. She was fairly light-skinned for a black girl and had beautiful long dark hair. She had beautiful pouty lips and an ass you could bounce a quarter off of. She had a temper, though, and as our relationship progressed we eventually moved in together over the summer because we both decided to take summer classes for extra credit.

I was working at the time and she remained at home. I was so in love with her and when she was in a good mood, she was very loving and caring. However, she was also very demanding. I ended up having to pay for all the food we ate and the rent as well. It was very straining on the minimum wage salary I had. In order to cover all of the expenses I took on more hours at my job, which was a really shitty mall job. I was exhausted day in and day out working double shifts and having schoolwork on top of it. Our sex life suffered. Our relationship suffered as well.

One night we went out for Pride weekend with her gay best friend and another girl. We walked into town where the lights were bright and clubs were pumping, it was a brisk evening and I was very cold in just a blue halter dress with strappy heels. The other girl linked my arm with hers and we walked together because she was just as cold as I was wearing only a fitted t-shirt and jean shorts. My girlfriend and her friend were several feet behind us catching up since they hadn't seen each other in a long time.

The night was fun even though I remained sober for most of it. The opposite was true for my girlfriend as she drank way more than she could handle, mainly because her friend kept buying more and she flirted enough with strangers to have them buy her drinks. I was never a jealous person and so was the case that night. She flirted, she liked the attention, and I was enjoying my time with the brown-haired beauty who accompanied us for the evening. There was no flirting going on! I can assure you that I behaved, but it was nice not to be the third wheel as was often the case when my girlfriend and her best friend reunited.

However, my girlfriend believed otherwise and she got very upset with me once we returned home. We argued and there was lots of shouting and most of it was directed at me. I tried to calm her down because her accusations of flirting with the other girl were ridiculous. That night changed everything. She overpowered me and began a full-fledged assault. She punched and scratched and kicked me until she lost her breath. We slept in separate beds that night. The next morning she begged me for forgiveness.

And so the pattern developed, and it gradually got worse the beatings. At the end of the summer, I was battered and bruised and not just on the outside. I was emotionally numb, exhausted from work and the relationship I was in. I knew that I had to get out before more damage was done and I had given up on love completely.

I decided to do a study abroad program, to get as far away from her as I could. I went to Spain, learned Spanish, and met a Spanish beauty who essentially healed me. She was very petite, didn't speak a word of English, and had the darkest eyes I had ever seen on a person. I felt like they bore into my soul each time I looked at her. It was a short-lived love affair, but I was grateful to her for giving me hope. She taught me many things about sex that I wasn't aware of with my minimal experience at the time. She was incredibly talented and she was in tune with every part of her body, and she taught me how to be the same. She was able to give me an earth-shattering orgasm just by covering each square inch of my skin with light touches. The sensation was similar to the slow burn you start to develop inside of your muscles when you exercise. Only this burn was coming from my hot center as each moment she paused to kiss a spot on my body, a vibration rocked my entire core. She was so passionate about love and making love. I left Spain feeling like a brand new woman.

When I returned to the United States I had a new outlook on life and relationships. I vowed to never get into anything serious until after I graduated college, which I kept that vow. However, I did build a reputation for being a player, and perhaps I did my own fair share of hurting other people. I can't take back what I've done, but the only goal I had at the time was to never be a victim again.

Obviously, that didn't work out either. There I was, a sexual assault victim, looking back at all the other times I had been victimized by men and women. I knew that I had an infatuation with Kenzie, an obsession, as each time I thought of her, lust would cloud my vision. But she seemed so much in control, so aware of her effect on me. Was I just another conquest? Was I her target as she lined up her crosshairs slowly and steadily? When would she pull the trigger? And what would happen afterwards if she succeeded?